A friend tipped me off to Felix Lee Lerma, a young psychic medium living in San Francisco who apparently is very well-regarded, conducting readings for a number of celebrities and other famous people. I had to wait four agonizingly long months for my appointment to finally arrive. I’ll break my hour long session into several posts.
You will notice that his style is a bit different from Kim’s, but his accuracy is as amazing. While you read this post, please keep in mind that the only information I gave him when I booked the appointment (other than my credit card and telephone number) was my married name. Why did I book him? First of all, any “face time” I can have with Erik helps soothe the deep wounds in my heart. Second, when searching for hope, second opinions that confirm the first ones are indeed comforting. Listen to the first ten minutes of the transcript, and tell me what you think. I’ll put his words in italics and mine in plain text.
Could you give me your full name including your middle name please.
You mean my birth name?
Yes, your birth name.
Elisa Ribelles. I don’t have a middle name.
And your date of birth please, Elisa
April 21, 1955
Okay. 4/21/1955. Okay, so the reason I ask you for your birthday is I do a little numerology before I start. Numbers help me look at the timing of things.
We can look at what things are coming up and what things have happened in the past. So 4/21/2010 is your next birthday. So we add up all the digits in your birth date, which equals 10, and then we add those digits up to make the number one. That gives us your personal year number. The number one is a “new beginning” year. This year is about starting anew, starting new things or getting back into the things you were into before. Okay?
I also have to acknowledge there’s an older lady here I feel like has a similar name to you. Are you named after someone?
I’m getting Elisa, Elisabeth.
Yes something like that. (I was named after my great aunt, Elisabeth. She was a very powerful judge in Spain.)
I feel like I’m supposed to acknowledge this lady; she’s a very powerful Catholic presence.
Okay. (In fact, her brother, my great uncle, was Vidal Barraquer, Cardinal of Spain!)
I’m supposed to acknowledge her, because she’s the one who’s going to help us today with the reading.
Okay. (Helps to know people of influence after all, I guess.)
So she’s going to help bring the people through to you. Who’s one of four kids, three surviving?
Well I have three siblings, only two are surviving. (My youngest sister, Denise, died after suffering from diabetes for many years.)
I feel like I have to acknowledge that you’re one of three in some capacity. It also could be that you are one and then there are three others.
This Elisabeth is also connecting me to another person in spirit. Now, Elisa, I have to tell you the feeling I have with…I don’t know who this is yet, but we’re going to talk about it. We’re going to bring this person through, because she wants to show me. Somebody left very suddenly.
There’s a sense of someone passing very suddenly; you understand that?
Uh huh. Right.
Is this your son?
Because she’s making me feel like he’s directly related to you, and there’s this feeling of someone leaving very quickly.
I’m asking her if she can show me. I do feel like there’s someone who wants to come through here. Um, okay I will. (by the tone in his voice, I can tell he’s promising to do or say something for a spirit.) Do you know why your son would be saying sorry to you? (Ah ha! He was promising to relay Erik’s apology.)
Well, yeah I…
Please don’t tell me any more. Just say “yes” or “no.” The best psychic mediums often ask you to not provide leading information. Short affirmations or denials work best.
He’s apologizing to you, which leads me to believe that he’s responsible or he’s somehow taking responsibility for what happened.
Do you understand that?
He says, “Please tell Mom I’m sorry, but I’m okay. I’m okay, Felix.” Okay I need him to be stronger. (Is Erik’s remorse weakening the signal so that Felix is having difficulty receiving him?) He’s putting something in my mouth. I don’t know what he’s trying to do, but let me ask him here. Was he under any influence, Elisa? Did he take something that would make him feel different?
Well, he was on bipolar medication.
Yes! Thank you. Because he’s saying he took something that affected his mind or that made him feel different than someone who is not on medication. Or he might be telling me that he had a disease which requires medication and that illness affected his mind. He’s talking about taking his own life. Did he cross himself over, Elisa?
Because he’s saying he’s taking responsibility for his passing. Do you understand me?
Uh huh. Yes.
(Pause) Just asking him for more information. Do you know that he’s thought about this for a long time?
He was very unhappy.
Right, right. (Statements like this, although not new revelations, feel like burning hot daggers piercing my heart every time. One of the most difficult aspects of this tragedy is knowing the intensity of suffering my son endured so bravely and often so alone. How he could still be so kind and giving to others when he had so little to give himself? This is still a great and tragic mystery to me.)
He also wants you to know that you are not the reason, like you did not do anything wrong. He wants you to stop trying to, almost like you’re trying to blame yourself. He’s saying, “Mom, this has nothing to do with you.” Do you understand me?
Yes, I do.
Does he have a brother?
Because he’s acknowledging his brother. He wants me to say “hello” to his brother. It’s really significant.
Your son is in spirit. He’s home. He’s okay. I feel like he’s with an older gentleman who has also passed. Would this be his dad?
It feels like father or grandfather, an older male figure there that has a father energy and is taking care of him. Who’s the J-O name, please, Elisa? Jose´.
My father’s name is Jose´. (valuing his time and mine, I failed to disclose his full name: Jose´Antonio Augustin´Ramon´Ribelles-Barraquer. Whew!)
Okay, this older gentleman would be Jose´’s father, which would be your grandfather coming through. He’s acknowledging his son which, would be your father. I feel like even though your son did not know his great grandfather, I have to acknowledge that your son is with him. Your son is playing loud music for me. (Interesting, there’s no way Felix could know that my grandfather died long before Erik was born or his penchant for music.)
Okay, that sounds like him! (I laugh as I say this, remembering how Erik loved to crank up his music, whether through his guitar amp, his iPod, or the kick-ass system in his truck.)
He just keeps telling me, “Tell Mom I’m sorry. I love her very much, I’m sorry.”
Aw, yeah, I know. (I have a lump is my throat as I choke back my tears. This apology comes up with every session, regardless of the medium. Erik was always very good about apologizing those he hurt. It saddens me that even in the afterlife, he is cruelly bound by the oppressive chains of guilt.)
It’s really important that you know that he didn’t understand, like he wasn’t in the right mind; you know what I mean?
He wasn’t in the right state of mind, so it’s not like, I can’t say it’s his fault. I really feel like there was something different about him. It’s like, you know, it’s a disorder.
Oh yes, absolutely! It’s like a terminal disease, in many cases. No, I understand.
He’s says, “I had too much angst in my head. I had to go. I had to go.” Did he cut off his circulation and breathing?
Well, eventually I guess it did. (After all, this is the end result of any death.)
He’s showing me that something affected like the oxygen to his head. It happened very quickly.
Yes it did.
It’s a head trauma thing. He’s showing me his neck all the way to his head. It doesn’t feel very pretty to me.
Okay, yes that’s correct. (The horrible images of that moment I found his lifeless body taunt me like a spiteful fiend. I take a moment to shake them away.)
It’s just like a mess he made.
Yes, uh huh. (Please don’t make me relive that day, that horror.)
I feel like that’s what he’s apologizing for. It’s like “I stuck a gun to my head.” Did he take a gun to his head, Elisa?
Because that’s what he’s showing me.
I need to end on this note to catch my breath and wipe away my tears. Will I ever get over that day? Will I ever get over losing him? Will I ever recover from the knowledge that my poor little boy suffered so profoundly and for so long? Will I ever find contentment, despite the fact that sorrow and regret still continue to be his cruel and relentless companions in the afterlife? The short answer is “no.” A mother’s heart can never mend when her child’s heart still bleeds. I long to wrap my arms around him like I used to when he was younger, then “kiss and blow” the boo-boo for him. Unfortunately, no amount of kissing and blowing will fix his heart or mine.