I don’t know why I felt hell bent for leather to ask this question of Erik. Maybe one of you can help me figure that out.

Me: Now, I don’t know why I need to know this, but before you killed yourself, weren’t you a little bit afraid that there would be no afterlife? I mean, what did you think?

Erik: No.

Me: Did you think there was going to be one, or was it not important to you?

Erik: Unfortunately the latter. It wasn’t that important to me; I just had to get away from what I was in.

Me: Yeah.

Erik: Any option, Mom, was going to be better than what was going on in my head.

Me: But what did you think was going to happen after you pulled that trigger and killed yourself? Did you think it was just going to be oblivion, or—

Erik: No! No, I really just thought it would be peaceful; I really didn’t think it would be me, dead, not being able to do anything. It would just be quiet. I knew it would be quiet.

Me: Well, did you think your consciousness would survive?

Erik: I never really thought about it.

Me: Wow. Well, you’ve had contact with the afterlife with that near death experience you had from that overdose several months before your death, so maybe that was a determining factor in you being more comfortable with the idea of suicide.

Erik: It did make me more comfortable. I just knew it was going to be okay. It wasn’t scary or full of fear. It was just going to be okay.