First Channeling

Grasping for contact of any sort with a lost loved one is natural. Years before, I would have considered channeling through a medium a little wacky, great fodder for jokes, even. But when Erik died, things I once doubted became urgent lifelines for me to cling to in hope. However skeptical at first, when I spoke to Erik through world-renown psychic, Kim O’Neill, I felt it was truly he. His personality, his wit, his manner of speaking, it was all Erik. Furthermore, she conveyed details she could not possibly have known such as the fact that he suffered from bipolar disease since he was 10 or 11 or the fact that he killed himself while sitting in a chair at his desk in his bedroom.

One of the first assurances Erik expressed was that we, his parents, did everything we could to prevent it. He said he had contemplated suicide for many years, really and just wanted to make certain he did it in a way that would ensure his passing. In recent months, he even researched all sorts of suicide methods on the Internet. Although he thought about taking an overdose of pills, one of his biggest fears was that he would survive, but remain impaired for the rest of his life. In the end, Erik felt shooting himself in the head assured him the biggest guarantee for “success.” Next, he had to choose a moment when he felt sure we would not be in the house when the gun went off. That opportunity would occur on October 6 during the ill-fated attempt to treat my sister, Teri, my daughters, Annika and Michelle, and my grand baby, Arleen to lunch.

Naturally, I asked him the heart-wrenching “why” of it all, and here’s what he had to say: “First, guys, I want you to know that you shouldn’t blame yourself. Dad, you’re better about that than Mom, but Mom, do not blame yourself. It is because of you that I lived to be the age that I did. It had nothing to do with school; it had nothing to do with the family; it had nothing to do with my health; I got real depressed when I was about 10 or 11. That’s when the bipolar disorder started. It would haunt me, haunt me. And it was real unpredictable; it would come and go. The lows were so terrible that I knew I wasn’t going to live to an old age. I just needed to figure out how and when to do it without killing you both with grief.” I asked him if, once he decided to take his life, he was afraid of dying and he replied, “Oh no! I was afraid of living!”

I also asked him what death was like, and he replied with great exuberance, “Oh, Mom, it was great, it was awesome; aw, it was fantastic. When my soul popped out of the body, awww! I didn’t feel any pain. One second I was sitting in my chair, and the next second my soul was out of my body and I was like, ‘this is so fucking great!’ I felt no pain or discomfort. I could fly. I felt happy; I felt joyous; I felt warm; I felt secure. That happiness, that joy was overwhelming. And I was flying around and flying around, then I looked down at my body, and I’m like ‘Oh shit. Oh shit shit shit.’ I was surprised by all the blood! I was so surprised! I wasn’t even thinking about that. I was just thinking about relief. I wasn’t even thinking about what I was going to look like! I wasn’t thinking about the clean up.” Then laughing heartily to himself, Erik announced, “Cleanup on aisle six!” Kim was a little shocked by his irreverent humor, but I assured her that this was very typical of him. This was very “Erik.”

He goes on to say, “Right after my soul popped out of my body, I heard the gunshot, and at first, I was a little confused to see my own body sitting in the chair. I thought, ‘Wait, I’m here. Why is my body down there?’ But then I realized I was a soul. I was really worried about what would happen when you found me, Mom, so I went to Bestefar’s house in Norway right away. After a while of hanging with him, though, I started to feel real, real, real sorry for what you guys were gonna find. The person I was most worried about was Michelle, because of all the people in the family, she’s the most sensitive. She’s the most vulnerable to being fucked up by something like that.” With a chuckle he added, “But don’t tell her I said that. I don’t want her to be pissed off at me. Mom, I knew you were going to be crushed, but I thought you would be able to deal with it if you knew I was going to be so much happier in spirit and that I was going to be with you. I’m with you all the time, but I’m in spirit and I’m happy. So you have a son who is with you in spirit and I’m safe and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I figured you would be able to understand that and accept it. I’m still with you. I’m with you all the time.” (All of this repetition left me with the impression that Erik was nervous about my reaction. This is exactly how he would talk if he came home after curfew or brought home a bad grade.)

I will continue to share Erik’s description of his death and his first moments in the afterlife, but this has all exhausted me. I need to rest and lick my wounds.

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Elisa Medhus

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  • Thank you so much for sharing your story and visits from Eric. On November 1, 2009, I lost my 29 year old son Barney to a drug overdose. He was found in his desk chair just like Eric was. Reading Eric’s description of leaving his body is how I imagine it was for Barney. I have just started reading your posts and am at this point also exhausted. I look forward to reading more as your words are expressing my exact feelings.

    • I am so sorry for your loss. If you want, I can ask Erik if Barney’s there with him and if so, how he is doing. Or you can contact Kim, the psychic medium I use, to talk to Barney directly. This really helped me find peace. In any case, we’re connected and we’re here for each other. If you need anything at all or if you just want to talk, email me and I’ll give you my home phone and cell phone numbers. Love and light, Elisa

      • mon

        I would love to contact Kim.
        How can I find her?

      • All you have to do is google “Kim O’Neill psychic.” I use Jamie Butler now and have done so for most of the blog.

  • It would be great if you would ask Erik how Barney is doing and if it is him who has been come through to me and who I have been talking to. I have a friend who is psychic and has done some readings with me. He was talking to my dad (who crossed over 27 years ago) and when he asked my dad where Barney was (my question to my dad), my dad said he was finishing…I wondered if that meant finishing crossing over…thanks for your contact info

    • We’ll do whatever it takes to help, Shelley.

  • michelle

    hi elisa,
    I am very sorry for your loss.
    I have been reading your blog and i just wanted to tell you that i find it very interesting.(please dont take that the wrong way). i have recently started going on ghost tours so i have been looking up things and i came across your website. i have had a few experiences with spirts i guess you would say and from what i have read of your experiences i have also heard people tell me the same sort of stories, especially with the dreams you have had.i really think your blog is a great idea and seems to help people who have lost someone.

  • Isha

    Hi-i like your blog. Its really hitting home for me. Ive lost a baby at weeks inutero, my only big brother to cancer and in Feb my Bff to pneumonia. I talk to Shelly alot and she talks back. We still joke with each other and have long conversations. I talk to Paul sometimes too but hes harder to reach and Corran is always around to comfort mama.

  • Keep reading sweetie and I think it will help. We’ve got your back. It sounds like you already have channeling talent.

  • Dawnfireauthor

    Dear Elisa,

    I really like your blog, and I deeply understand what you have been writing about. Not just because of personal experience, but I have been working with a really amazing angel medium for almost 3 years now, and I have experienced many such ‘talks’ with my deceased ones – or even those who are still on Earth.
    If you have time to spare, please check out my blog, and I would greatly appreciate your comments there.
    My blog is:

    God bless you,

  • Sheila Anderson

    I got here from Anita Moorjani’s page somehow? 25+ years ago I was an atheist and in a VERY dark time in my life, planning suicide, again. I’d come very close with an attempt at 17 but failed. One day I went to a library and Raymond Moody’s ‘Life After Life’ fell off the shelf in front of me. I devoured it and sobbed and cried and knew there was a God and that I had to stay here for my small children. I’ve read every book on NDE since. I have issues with the word ‘channeling’ for some reason? While reading your blog I decided it’s nothing more then ‘connecting’ with the other side. Thanks for sharing your story!

    • Been there Sheila. I was raised by two atheists. I didn’t believe in anything so my journey has been really rough since Erik died. I’m glad you’re here. We’ll get there together.

  • Courtni

    Hi Elisa,
    My name is Courtni and I am a 19 year old who has been feeling the same darkness and pain for living that Erik had felt since I was about 12 or 13. I’ve been reading your blogs and they’re really touching me.. I’ve contemplated suicide for the past three and a half years. Tried it quite a few times but I couldn’t bring myself to do it only because I was worried about hurting those nearest to me. I’m sorry you lost your son and I don’t mean this to disturb you in any way but I know exactly how he was feeling.. It’s hard to get through these things. You try and keep yourself happy, thinking of family, friends, pets, good memories.. Nothing seems to help. As I’m reading these posts and tears are streaming down my face I’m really thinking things through.. I just want you to know that this blog, your experience with your son, the things that Erik has said to you, it’s keeping me alive. Please let him know for me that he saved a life today. Thank you. God Bless you and your family. <3

    • Courtni, if you ever need me, I’ll give you my numbers. My email is Keep reading and commenting and I bet you anything Erik will come for a visit or a prank. He many have even nudged you here. Maybe he’s one of your guides, how knows. You sound like kindred spirits!

  • ross

    my girlfriend took her own life by taking an overdose of prescription medication on january 16th, its the hardest thing ive ever had to go through, i pray to her every day to show me that she is around. sometimes i just want to pass on so i can be with her again. I really wanna beleive in this , i hope that these posts are true. i have thought about seeing a medium, but i cant really trust them if they want to charge a person in pain 200 dollars for a half hour phone call.

  • Everyone has their own path to believing. As a hardcore skeptic, it took me a long, long time and a lot of science to get there. I can’t tell you that you have to believe but I can ask you to keep an open mind like I did. Please consider reading the archives bit by bit. They may give you the faith and at least some hope. All I can tell you is your girlfriend isn’t gone. She’s just lost her body like a suit of clothes.

  • ross

    your stories do bring me comfort, but selfishly i want my girlfriend who passed to come through to me the way you get it with erik. What would you recommend i try to do? This is so hard it hurts my heart. I would like to learn how to channel with her by myself.
    Thanks elisa for what you do on here, it really means alot

    • Hey Ross. I really would recommend you sign up for the small group channeling call that Jamie and Erik do. The next one is 2/7 but it may be full. I don’t know. You can talk to her directly and ask her how you can communicate to her and ask her other questions too as well as tell her all the things you wanted to say but didn’t get a chance to. I only record the sessions so you can have a permanent mp3. It’s not expensive. Also, in the forums, there are instructions on how to learn how to channel somewhere by blog member, Jason. You can also go to his website. It’s on my links list. It’s pretty easy. I know you can do it. XOXO

  • Joselyn Villanueva Williams

    Hi Elisa first off I just wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what your going through. I just recently watching your YouTube with you ,Erik and Jamie I started watching this because I recently lost my father on March 2,2015. It was sudden I don’t know exactly what caused his death and sometimes it pops in my mind and I have so many thoughts but my heart is grieving so much as I was so close to my father. I never experience so much heartache in my life,sometimes I put that smiley face for my children and husband but deep down my heart I’m in pain my tears starts falling. I feel lost and alone , I know my husband and children are here with me but my father was my best friend ,it even hurts me to type this out as I’m tearing. I wish I can find out if he is okay,is he happy,is he with me at times,and the thing that tramuatize me is what happen to my father??
    I love going to this site everyday,reading the blogs watching the videos over again it just bring some type of comfort. You and Erik are amazing people ,much love to you both.

    • I’m sorry for your loss as well. It’s hard to lose them in the physical, even if we know they’re still around and happy. You should talk to your father in one of Jamie’s small group channeling calls. They’re so powerful. Go to

      • Joselyn Villanueva Williams

        Thank you so much for replying Elisa. I was so glad to hear from you. I might have to wait a while to see if Jamie can contact my father. Is only been 3 weeks he had passed away and been grieving very hard. But I said to myself I will give my father some time, oh how I miss him so much. Yes you are so right about how is hard to lose them in physical because I miss everything about my father from hearing his voice,smiling,laughing,making jokes especially the hugs n kisses.
        Elisa when are you going to have new video/interview with Jamie and your son, I’m waiting for updates as to how Erik is doing? You are so blessed to be able to communicate with Erik. I admire your ongoing strength and I wish I have that to continue with my life. Please say hello to Erik for me and I am glad he is happy. Much much love to you Elisa and family.

      • Wow, that is recent. I usually have video interviews with Jamie every 2-3 weeks and 2-3 videos come from that. As for asking Erik about your dad, you can talk to him yourself if you get on one of Jamie’s small group channeling calls. 🙂 She only takes 6-9 people depending on the type of call. Always ask Erik to join in and help.

      • Joselyn Villanueva Williams

        Elisa I’ve got a lot of catching up to do on this websites but I was wondering do you still do the “Ask Erik”? I wish that you are still doing the “Ask Erik” if not will you and Erik do it again?

      • Sometimes I do Ask Erik questions as a prize for a contest, but since I pay for all sessions out of pocket, I simply couldn’t afford it anymore. It’s been costing an arm and a leg not only for them, but for all aspects of running the blog. Plus I refuse all forms of compensation. I get paid in pride and love, so I feel like the richest woman in the world.

      • Joselyn Villanueva Williams

        Awww,Elisa that is very sweet and generous of you to do that for others. You have a beautiful heart!
        Wouldn’t you suggest for me to wait for a while to contact my father though? Is only been 3 weeks,and plus I have to save money because I do want to do the grievers conference with Jamie so it might take a while. I was suppose to go finish college because I stop for a while considering that I only have one semester to get my degree,I had told my father I was going to finish n get my psychology degree n go into nursing /or a therapist but now I really have no hope,no faith into going back. Is like a piece of me was taken out of me and I don’t see any hope anymore. I know he would want me to finish ,but lately I been drained out and not myself. But I said to myself I have to do this someday….

      • Usually they’re ready right away, but you can wait. The wait for these calls is pretty long anyway.

  • Danna Vallejo Richardson

    So personal and profound. Thanks for sharing, I’m sure this will help all those who read it. You are really a super soul spirit Elisa and I can’t even begin to say how thankful I am to have found and connected with this blog and the book!

  • dorei oni

    Well Ive been looking at youtube videos of your story for three days straight. I’ve read from the very first story you posted on this blog bc Jami4 always says start fro the beginning. I’m addicted to your blog and the videos. I miscarried one 2,almost 3 years ago,at 4 weeks with my child Halo Stephalynn Banks,and just this August,2015,at 4:00 a.m. on the 14th with my child June evalynn Banks. I’m eighteen years old,I’ll be nineteen years old in January. I’ve been engaged to my 23 year old fiance (he’ll be23 in November2015 anyways) for 3 years. We live together. I have always been raised around the paranormal,but since I was 14 (when I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Disacociative Identity Disorder,Borderline Personality Disorder,ADHD,and moderate depression) I’ve tried off and on to close myself off (No success there) but when I came across your page I’ve willingly opened myself up(I close myself off at night so Erik doesn’t “visit” me,lol) Erik and I have very simular personalities. At 14 I began to diy my brunette(with a red tint) hair black with multi colored highlights) as well as dress in black “emo” clothing. I am this girly country girl raised in South Carolina and I just turned into this stranger. I felt this blackness or numbness for the longest time. I developed social anxiety and became overweight at 14,even leaving my house is hell(sorry for cursing) I no longer dress that way(everyday at least) but my bipolar and other deseases are getting a lot worse this year(Havent been on meds in a couple years)and now I need meds again. (I’m sorry that I’m rambling but I need to say this bc no one else understands) When I was14 I’d always cut or selfharmed and overdosed frequently. I was placed in and out of in patient and out patient mental wards for a year,or more,at one time being 9 times in 6 months(though I havent been in almost5years) Counceling,therapy,never worked. I have such bad anger and I’ ve been suicidal for a long time with over 20 attempts with all sorts of things. At 16 I began to smoke weed,about 3 months ago I started herowin (stopped when I got pregnant and havent started again,though I crave it,no I was never addicted.) I don’t know what to say,forgot my point in the first place,sorry. But basically I’m now only living bc I know it would tear my mom to pieces and I’d be my fiances second girl who killed herself. Erik has taught me a lot about the other side and it just seems more and more pleasant even though I know he doesnt encourage it. Living , I see no point in anymore,and I’m getting more and more anxious as time goes by to be on the other side,happy. My diseases are hell and I’m so voilent and voinence is NOT who I am. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not asking for your advice,I just needed someone to listen,sorry for taking up your time and sorry for venting.

  • Traci Leah Marsh

    Thank you for sharing, I couldn’t image having to hear that, and experience what you have experienced, but through that horrible ordeil, your helping so many people and god bless you for that!!

  • FrankCoopey0378

    Thank you for perhaps the most level headed thing I have read today. Thanks for the info, super helpful. Filling out forms is super easy with PDFfiller. Try it on your own here My Life Planning Workbook and you’ll make sure how it’s simple.

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