Monogamy

Kickboxing has been exhausting lately, and I found out why. I ordered annual lab work for my husband and I and my thyroid hormone is low. Very low. I don’t know how I was doing what I was doing. That might also explain why I’ve been a little bit in a funk, having trouble forcing myself out of bed. Of course part of that is due to the family problems I’ve been suffering, but it’s good to know that there’s something I can do to feel better. It also explains why I’ve been cold lately and why my hair has been falling out. I’m falling apart! Oh well. The years march on. 

So many of you want me to interview Carrie Fisher and her mother, Debbie Reynolds, who died a day later. My list of almost 400 is closed, but the outpouring of requests is so intense that I’m considering it. Other than the usual questions, do you have anything else you’d like me to ask both of them. If so, email them to me at emedhus@gmail.com. 

Don’t forget about Erik’s Hour of Enlightenment radio show TONIGHT at 5:00 PM PT/7:00 PM CT/8:00 PM ET. No more than 15 minutes before the top of the hour, call 619-639-4606 to ask Erik your question. There are three ways to listen: Listen on the phone line, click on the “Listen” icon on the right sidebar of the blog or click on this link: http://goo.gl/aFHTzJ We’re going to continue to discuss ways to communicate with our loved ones. 

Now enjoy today’s Best of Erik! It’s short but sweet.

Me: Here’s one from the same blog member: “I believe that conscious monogamy, meaning monogamy that happens naturally and is not forced, is the most enlightened sort of relationship, because I believe that most who embark on polyamory”—I don’t know what that is—”will be just as ego-driven as those who might try to force monogamy.

Jamie: Erik says he gets it. I’m like you. I got so lost.

Erik: First of all, I’d like to point out how opinionated this man is.

(God, I’m so sorry whoever you are. Feel free to give Erik a swift kick in the ass when you cross over, but you’ll have to stand in line behind me.)

Erik: He kind of made an assumption that didn’t quite fit. He’s gotta remember than everybody is so different. But if we’re talking in general, yes, forced monogamy by contract, by marriage definitely sucks. When he’s saying conscious monogamy where you get into a relationship and there’s an ease of commitment such as, “I want to be absorbed into this and I don’t want to reach out anywhere else.” There is such a beauty in it. That’s what the definition is of coming in with vulnerability. That’s what it gives. That is what conscious monogamy can give. Look at polyamory—having many relationships—

(My cat, Ringo is meowing in the background)

Erik: Hey, kitty.

(Pause)

Jamie: Erik is talking on and on to the kitty. It’s so funny.

(Pause)

Jamie: Oh, he stopped talking to the cat, and the cat stopped!

(Pause_

Jamie: Okay, that’s weird!

Me: What?

Jamie: When Erik stopped talking to the cat, I don’t hear the cat. Did he go into the other room?

Me: I don’t know, but I don’t hear him either.

Jamie: That was super funny on my end, because he was saying stuff about going out and getting drunk, and the cat would meow when Erik would stop talking. So, I told Erik to stop talking to the cat to see if he quits, and the cat quit meowing. That was, it was weird.

Me: Yeah, Ringo is the most vocal cat I’ve ever seen. Or heard, I guess.

(I think Ringo suspects something as I’m transcribing this, because he’s uncharacteristically all over my computer and me. I can hardly type. Thank god for spell check.)

Jamie: Erik’s looking at me like, “That’s so old news.”

Erik: Now, to say that someone has many relationships at once cannot have that same connection—now that’s just bullshit. That’s why I said the dude needs to rethink his question.

Me: Okay.

Erik: He’s trying to figure out where HE stands. So, there ARE people who can have many relationships at once and value them all in honestly and vulnerability. And it’s not an ego thing. It’s a community thing. It can actually be extremely balanced. There are not many of them. That’s why we’d like to assume that anybody who tries to do it is fucked, and our laws say that it isn’t cool to do that—that it’s wrong. And most of our religions say, “What? We’d like to control you and make you male/female partner only and one at a time.” So, that’s cutting down on a lot.

Me: Yes, it is.

Erik: Neither one is right nor wrong. It is what it is. It is how it is done that we need to look at. You have to come with that –

Jamie: He’s loving the word, “vulnerability.” He’s saying it again.

Erik: You have to come in with that vulnerability, and you have to resonate—does it work for you?

Me: Interesting.

Erik (laughing hard): Look at me, “The love doctor!”

Me: I know! The love guru!

All three of us laugh.

Jamie: I love that movie. He’s showing me, uh, he’s got a t-shirt on. It is, I don’t know. It’s dark. It’s either navy blue or black, and then on it he changed the lettering. It has kind of like tattoo art. Tattoo handwriting—“The love doctor.”

Me: Erik!

Erik: It’s awesome. I’m going to wear it around for a little while.

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Elisa Medhus


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  • Marianne

    Most religions actually encourage polygamy. By polygamy I mean 1 man and multiple wives AND concubines. Most religions don’t even have a problem with men to have polygamous union with little girls. So I don’t see how religion can come in way of polygamous marriages. The REAL problem is when women and children suffer because of it.

    • Wow, I had know idea! I learn so much from you guys!

    • Georgia95Luciana Todesco

      My take on polygamy is that it benefits the men. The women get a dud deal. It’s another way of maintaining male dominance and keeping women submissive.

  • Lorri

    It seems like even if you were one of those rare people who could value many relationships equally, you still wouldn’t have much time to nurture them all. I think one person is hard enough!

  • Georgia95Luciana Todesco

    I would love to hear an interview with Debbie and Carrie. I don’t know about other parents who’ve lost children, but I thought Debbie was SO lucky to go just after her daughter. Initially I thought, ‘oh, at least Debbie doesn’t have to spend too much time apart from her daughter. She’s 84 after all’. Then when she died I thought how lucky she is. Her last words were ,’I want to be with Carrie’.

Channeling Erik®