Erik on Grieving, Part Two

Wow, I sure did get a lot of positive feedback about the Chaga mushroom tea. A lot of you want to know the products I bought. Here they are: 

Salem Botanical Chaga Tea (cup a day)

Mushroom Science Chaga capsules (two a day)

Maine Chaga Face and Body Cream by My Berry Organics (morning and night)

I just ordered the extract version of the above and will apply that before I apply the cream. It received rave reviews from customers. I hear it’s great for skin cancers and other dermatological conditions. No substitute for your healthcare provider’s advice, though! 

Enjoy the final part on Erik’s series about grief.

Me: I had that same problem where I had to go through that day when I, you know, found out you shot yourself; I had to run upstairs to see you. I had this compulsion to talk about it and go through the details. You don’t want to go through those details with anybody! That’s tough. That’s a tough one to lay on somebody—going through all of the emotions, the pain, the sights, the sounds, the smells.

After all, they’re very graphic and disturbing.

Erik: If you feel your friends are not in that place where you can do that, then you need to find a therapist or you need to find a grievers’ group where you can get it outside of you. You can’t keep these things inside. They get bigger and heavier, and they do change the energetic quality in your body. That’s why it makes it difficult for us to communicate while we’re grieving or while we’re below par.

Me: That was my next question. So many people get signs or feel the presence of the spirit [of the deceased loved one] but for some reason, those in deep grief don’t, and those are the people who need it the most.

Jamie (laughing): He goes, (in a suspicious, inquiring tone) “Or are they?”

Jamie: He goes like this. (She puts the tip of her index finger to the corner of her mouth, Dr. Evil style.)

Erik: Those who are in deep grief and are not coming out of it, they’re using a sabotage technique in a way. They’re proving to themselves that we’re really dead and that there are no options. By doing that, they stay in hard grief. They stay in hard denial that there can be an opportunity for new relationship with their loved one.

Me: Is there any, I don’t know, energetic reason why we don’t get, uh, for example, I didn’t get any signs from you, Erik, for a long time until my grief lifted a little bit. Is the energy too dense, or… Walk me though that.

Erik: When you are in hard grief, we can leave a thousand messages for you and you’ll never be able to pick up a single one of them. That’s just what it is. They don’t translate easily through that [dense] vibrational pattern. Sometimes we can get into your subconscious because when you’re asleep, your grief lightens and we can come into a dream. If you’re asleep and your grief is lighter, then obviously that’s something you can do in your conscious life.

Me: And realizing that, you know, we always say that we’ve “lost” somebody, but they’re really not “lost.” They just don’t have a body. They’re the same, right?

Erik: Yes. You didn’t lose anybody. Death is a transition, and—

Jamie: Oh, he’s going through a bunch of other words.

Erik: Losing someone needs to be taken out [of our vocabulary.] Nobody’s lost. I didn’t lose myself. In fact, I found myself even more. We don’t “deal” with grief. Grief isn’t some negative thing.

I beg to differ. But then Erik always insists that there is no positive and negative. Everything is just a beautiful lesson.

Erik: It’s a process that helps you shift gears into a new understanding and a new relationship. Some people take 30 minutes to go through it; some people take 30 years. Whatever works for you. Timing isn’t the issue. “Trying.” “Trying to understand.” I call bullshit on that one, too. “Trying” means your hitting the same way, the same topic again and again and again and again and again, and it’s not working. You could be doing something different. “doing” something different not “trying” something different. And if you feel like you’re listening to all of this and you’re trying these techniques and you’re getting mad at people because they’re giving you advice and all you can think is, “I’ve done that before and it didn’t work.” “I did that before and it didn’t work.” You’re mad at the world because it’s giving you opportunity but you’re saying, “There is no hope.” The responsibility is on you. It’s totally on you, and you gotta have a come to Jesus moment when you say—in an extremely honest moment—that you’re sabotaging yourself and keeping yourself in a grief process because you “lost” somebody. You did. Then you’ll start to recognize that it wasn’t your fault that they died. It was cancer. It was an accident. It was a suicide. It was something. You didn’t pull the trigger; you didn’t run them over with the car; you didn’t give them the cancer. You have to relinquish that you were responsible and that you were only a witness. You have to recognize that you loved that person so much, but you had no power to help them to live. That’s very difficult to get over sometimes. Then you have to recognize that they didn’t leave you 100%. There are still opportunities to stay engaged with them. You have to figure out what that looks like for you within your belief system, within your religious structure or spiritual structure. A lot of times, people can’t do that for themselves. They have to rely on a community. Then you have to reach out and look at it. But if you are stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck even though you’re doing everything that everybody says, you’ve got to point the finger at yourself and ask, “Why is this serving me so well?” “Why am I staying in this place?” “Why is this good for me?”

Me: Why do some people do that, though? In what way could it serve some people?

Erik: Well, if you stay in grief, traditionally our culture pities you. “I’m so sorry for you. Can I bring you a meal? Can I do this for you?” People show help and pity, and sometimes, to a griever, it feels very good. What if they’re healthy after this? All that might go away. Maybe they’re 80 years old and have lost their husband, and if they stop bringing by the meals and everything, then what do they have left? They’re at home, alone.

Me: TV dinners.

Erik: Yes, and that’s when you gotta say, “Wait a second. That’s not really the truth. I could invite them over for dinner. I could say, “I don’t like eating alone.” I could choose to go to a restaurant. I could choose to join a group of people who do dinners out.” There are so many opportunities, but we paint ourselves into a corner, and sometimes that’s where we feel we need to stay to get what we want. Get over it!

Jamie winces at his bluntness.

Me: Okay. Along the same lines, I know what it feels like to lose somebody to suicide, and I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. So I was wondering, how do you help somebody who’s suicidal?

(Long pause)

Jamie covers the lower part of her face with her hand, then pulls at an imaginary beard like a stuffy professor.

Jamie: He has his hand up on his face.

Erik: Good question, Mom. Good question.

Me: I try.

Yes, I do have my moments.

Erik: There are two types of suicidal people. There are the ones who shout out that they want to kill themselves. “Oh, I just wanna die. I wanna die. I don’t want to stay here.” Normally, the one who talks about it freely really isn’t interested in the actual act of suicide, but they do want whatever they’re into to be completely over. Gone. They’re really asking for help. Let’s say you put them on suicide watch. Yeah, I get that. That’s a protocol, but they really need help changing what’s in their life more than being watched so they don’t kill themselves. We need to help them reconnect to life again and [to figure out] what they want out of it, because if they keep talking about it, and they want to go but they’re not going to do the action, then there’s still something good in it for them. So let’s help them live and open up again. Then there are those who don’t ever talk about it. They don’t even mention that they’re sad. They don’t even mention that they want to go, and they leave. These are the quiet suicides where people had no idea that this was coming or that they were suffering or hurting. Because you don’t know, how can you help? You should treat everybody just the same. We’re all in the boat together, and asking people how they feel instead of what they think, that’s a life jacket right there in the middle of the ocean. We don’t give a lot of places to open up and talk about how we’re feeling. “How are you?” That’s really an emotional question, but in our culture, we’re trained to respond with—what is it, Mom?

I fumble on this one.

Erik: How are you?

Me: Yeah, what are you talking about?

Erik: “I’m fine.”

Me: Oh yeah. I see. Knee jerk reaction.

Erik: Yes. The knee jerk reaction. It’s not working for us. There is a lot of energy changing in the world today. The Earth’s energy is changing, and, with that, many people can’t connect to the new vibration. They can’t connect to this “Shift” if you want to call it that. So they’re just going to be checking out because [they feel like] they no longer fit. We just have to accept that this is okay. If we didn’t know they needed help and then they committed suicide, the first thing you should go to is not, “They didn’t trust me enough, or, “They didn’t rely on me enough as a mother, father, sister, best friend, family member, aunt, counselor, whoever,” but that they knew the best answer for them was this. It takes a lot of strength and a lot of guts to follow through.

I can’t imagine what it took for Erik to pull that trigger.

Erik: It’s not a weak man’s path. So we need to accept that since they’ve done this without our knowledge, it’s what they wanted. It’s not about us.

(Pause)

Jamie: He’s up again walking and talking.

Me: Okay. Is there anything you can tell parents who have, or anybody who’s lost a loved one—“lost!”—whose loved one has transitioned due to suicide? That’s so taboo. That’s a different kind of grief.

Erik: Why, because it was their choice and not an accident?

Me: Yeah.

Erik: Or it was parent and child? I don’t know. You tell me.

Me: I’m just saying that the grief from having someone transition due to suicide is different. Suicide is such a taboo thing.

Erik: It’s extremely taboo because we look at it as, “That person really didn’t care for what they had in their life, and they just checked out. You obviously weren’t good enough for them. You didn’t teach them well enough, or they were ungrateful. They were broken.” That’s such bullshit.

(Pause)

Jamie (smiling): Say that again, Erik.

Erik: The end goal in life isn’t living to a ripe old age.

(Pause)

Jamie: Please say the other part again.

Erik: The end goal isn’t living to a ripe old age. The end goal is achieving everything that you desired to do. Some of us know what our natural out is, and suicide should be seen as a natural out. Words to whoever has handled the suicide whether it’s a parent, grandparent, another family member or even the best friend, the wife: Take great solace in knowing that in the quality of love for them, the kind of attention and love that you gave to them, they didn’t take that an translate it into the power to leave this world. That’s not the motivator. It’s not about you. Take great—

Jamie: Say that word again? (To me) It’s weird. When he gets deep, he’s not as loud as he normally is. His voice gets lower almost like a little bit of a mumble in a way.

Erik: Just take great solace in knowing that you got to be a part of their life and that they, the person that left, were able to know when their days were over. I don’t know what else to say because like everything else we talk about, Mom, [every case] is uniquely different.

Me: Yeah.

Erik: We can talk about suicide, but there are so many different reasons for why we come to the decision of suicide. Every single one of them is…

Jamie: He fades off.

Me: I think you’ve covered it very well. We can close there. Thank you, Erik. Thank you, Jamie. Very enlightening.

And sobering.

How Grief Works

How Grief Works

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About Author

Elisa Medhus


  • Patrick

    My entire baby boomer life, I’ve felt a need to answer truthfully & honestly when asked “how are you”. I’ve learned to return the serve onto that part of the court everybody prefers, and it always feels fake. Not answering isn’t permitted and answering anything other than sweet cream? Equally forbidden.

    Brazilians don’t even ask; the question IS the only acceptable answer. “You good?” “I’m fine.” Saying ANYTHING else means there’s been a personal disaster.

    If only we could do so many other things as well as we do denial.

    • Molly Rowan Leach

      Thank you so much for this. After Mike’s suicide, people would ask how I was expecting a certain reply. When I said I AM FUCKED UP AND IN PAIN they didn’t know how to deal with that. Being real with how things impact us was not something the generations of this short lived society dealt with well—but I have hope (and see) that it is changing…if not a bit more slowly than we would like.

      Just appreciating your earmark of Denial in this American culture. It is an intergenerational wound that can stop here and now…and only was brought to us by a bunch of damned profit seeking assholes wishing to quell the status quo while making billions off of us….ah the scent of placation and profit. Times are changing fast and the piper is here to play.

      Eradicating the question from the rote vocabulary forever …I hope we can find better ways of relating and feeling open, and not threatened–when the truth of feelings and depths of emotions come calling…because that is what makes life authentic, what makes us human and not some automaton culture.

      • Stephanie

        So here’s a question for you, Molly. I am curious. When you said you were fucked up and in pain, what were you looking for from others? What would you want them to say or do?

      • Molly Rowan Leach

        Listen. Not act like it didn’t happen and invalidate the experience. Pretty simple. Denial from others and their insensitivity compounded it for me. This was twenty years ago. I learned a lot from all of it, and still am. To be able to be present for someone in their grief is huge and I felt very isolated.

      • Stephanie

        Thank you.

  • Stephanie

    I’m being real blabby here, but I’ve not really had a forum before to discuss this taboo subject of suicide. My 23-year-old son committed suicide with a gun, like Erik. Fortunately for me, he was not living at home, and I didn’t have to witness the physical scene like Dr. Medhus. I must admit, one of my primary emotional experiences for ever so long was guilt: that I had failed him. I didn’t even want people to know. It was all about me. And this was my first baby that I simply adored, the sweetest child you ever knew, the one that I would have done ANYTHING for. But he was so sensitive. I thought of him as the canary in the mine shaft. I actually was propelled by how school was not a fit for him–although he was very high on the IQ scales–to create a school for kids like him. I left my job and worked for many years, taking part-time work while supporting my family as a single mother, to create that school. Eventually it came together with some new laws that were passed (but the School District set out to kill it, like they did all the new charter schools that weren’t allowing them to control. That was quite an experience in corruption within the school administration). Anyway, my son–who was beyond the age to be served by that school–killed himself toward the end of that first year. I was getting ready for work when the policeman came to my door with the news. Here’s the really interesting part — well, one of the really interesting parts. First, he died on Good Friday (I was raised Catholic, although I left the church as soon as I could, but remain a student of Jesus, if you will) and an amazing number of significant events occurred on significant dates in my life–in fact, my life is a book of synchronicity. Anyway, my teen-age daughter was in a different town, some three hours away, staying with her father, so a friend drove me (through the mountains) to tell her personally. On the way back, it having gotten dark, I saw an orb appear in the sky above the mountains. It was this round light that just sort of grew and expanded and then it diminished and was gone. I asked my friend, but she didn’t see it. I wondered if it was the moon, somehow coming out from behind clouds like that, but there was no moon visible. As we continued, watching the sky, the same orb of light appeared, grew brighter–perfectly round–and then disappeared. We saw nothing after that, no moon, nothing. Only one of my sisters knew about my son’s demise, as I wasn’t ready to deal with the rest of my family; she had instructions not to tell anyone else until I was ready. Well, I think it was the next morning I called and told her she could inform the rest of the family. She called me back with a strange story. She had contacted someone at my mother’s house–one of my sisters, I think–who said, “Oh, we already know.” My first sister said, “who told you?” She was then given to know that the word had been passed around and everyone knew about “John’s” passing (I am using a pseudonom here because I don’t if his mother–still another sister–would want this to be related here.) My first sister said, “No, no, it wasn’t John, it was….” And she mentioned my son’s name. There was apparently a great deal of confusion before it was sorted out that both boys–cousins–had died the same day in separate incidents. When I was able to get more information, I realized that the time we had seen the two orbs while driving through the mountains was just shortly after the time of the cousin’s death. He had died in the same town where my daughter was staying. Later on (a couple years later) I ran into a psychic who informed me (on our first meeting) that I had a son who was “not on this plane”, and offered to connect us, which he then did through a series of meetings, providing me many corroborating details. He offered to do this (free of charge), he said, because he could tell that I was more open than most and that I was very attuned to “things others didn’t see.” This psychic told me that “it was written” that the two cousins would pass at the same time, and the cousin was with my son in the “afterlife”, and that my son kind of took care of him. (the cousin, once the golden boy, developed schizophrenia in young adulthood). My own theory is that the first place my son would have gone in spirit form would have been that town, along the river, where he spent so many happy hours fishing, and that the cousin, who was walking along the river road, saw him (being schizophrenic) and ran out into the road where my son was, getting hit by a car. I don’t know if this a sound explanation, or has any truth to it, and we never really got into it with the psychic, other than it “was meant to be”. Okay, the rest of this long story: so I was really apprehensive of being by myself, after the trip to inform my daughter, because I was afraid I would just be overwhelmed by the grief. It was like I had managed to get through the day to do what needed to be done, but now I had to face the music. I didn’t know how I would get through it. But when I laid down on my bed, waiting for it to come, all I felt was peace. I continued to feel this peace, and the negative emotions never came (the guilt came later). Later, through the psychic, my son told me that this was because he stayed with me for three days, until Easter, and without realizing it I felt his calming presence. Anyway, I’ve had other adventures related to this, but still continued to carry with me that sense of “taboo”, that it was my fault, that I wasn’t a good enough mother, etc. etc. Recently, my older mother died (natural death) and I was going through her papers with a sister, and we located some letters another sister (different from all the others here–hey, I had 8 of them) had written many years ago about her decision to kill herself (overdose). I was already cogitating on some of my old beliefs about suicide (inherited from society, family, etc.) and suddenly I had a new thought, clear as day, that has never left me: “Suicide is never a problem, it is always a solution.” It was like a shock to me. Suddenly I saw how it was true. It is only a problem for those who want to make it one. For the person contemplating suicide, it is a solution to the problems they are having. This is not to say that anyone needs to agree with that solution–it’s not THEIR problem, so how do they know what the solution is? As Byron Katie would say, there is My Business, Your Business, and God’s Business. Stay in your own. For my sister, for my son–for the college roommate who also shot herself–and for Erik as he describes it, it was their solution. Could it have been different if we intervened in some way? Well, of course, every interaction creates a different reaction. There’s tons of situations where people have problems, and they come to different solutions–someone has to file bankruptcy (which has its own set of taboos) because you hired someone else for the job, etc. etc. But it’s not your personal responsibility to manage their lives. Only your own.
    So there is another one of my long posts. I appreciate having the space to be able to get it out.

    • M&M

      Thank you very much for sharing your beautiful story, Stephanie. Your strength and openness shines through. I am sorry for your tragedy but really love the way you look at it now, which I’m sure didn’t come easy.

      Your story with all the synchronicity is somewhat similar to when my sibling passed, but his wasn’t by suicide. None the less, it was a surprise as he was young, and there were several comforting signs that came up to a year afterwards. It gave us the feeling that there was some bigger force at work and that all was as it was supposed to be, which we found helpful. I have also experienced the amazing feelings of peace and ecstasy after a loved one/friend passed, it is the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced. But it does take letting go of the darkness and accepting the situation before that can come, at least in my experience. Not an easy thing to do.

      Thank you for sharing your story, wishing you all the best.

    • I think it’s natural for every mother to wonder if we failed the child we lost. After all, it’s our job to protect them. I’m at peace now knowing that there was nothing I could do to save Erik. He’s happier than he’s ever been and I bet your son is too. Maybe you should ask him if there was anything your could have done. I know he’ll set your mind at ease.

      • Stephanie

        Thank you for your reply. I hope you don’t mind if I take some time to address something you said. I am really not trying to hijack your website, I just came upon it after I had made some changes in my thinking about suicide, and being able to speak up may be confirmation of the new me. Previously, when I ran into someone who (with the best of intent) told me that (essentially) guilt is natural, I would have shrunk back into my corner like I’d touched a hot stove, for it wouldn’t resonate with me. But as Patrick and Molly above say, we all just pass around platitudes and pretend everything is fine because we don’t want to upset anyone ( who would then exclude us, won’t like us). . So I’ll make a little effort at honesty. (By the way, my professional experience is lawyering–I refuse to say I am a lawyer as if that were what the “I” is.) I have never seen anything natural about guilt, or failing another. If it were natural to feel this way, or think this way, I would embrace it, for I am all about natural. I have seen no evidence that animals feel guilt, although I have seen the evidence that they “grieve”, or act lost and confused when they lose a strong connection in their animal world. On the contrary, what I believe MY guilt was about–I can’t speak for anyone else–is that I had absorbed enough of societal judgments (in my world) to then judge myself by them (as I had been all along as a parent, anyway). If a child graduates at the top of his/her class, goes on to excel, we applaud the parents who did such a good job. If the child becomes a criminal, a drug addict, or a suicide, we castigate the parents. It is endemic to our language: Welfare mommies, Helicopter parents, Absent parents, etc. etc. And yet two children from the same home–approximately the same age–can emerge totally different. But judgment is not about logic. It is about projection of our own guilt. We envy the “good parents” whose children never gave them a moment’s worry, and we despise the “bad”, who should never have had children to begin with. So now everyone’s trying to be good through their children, so others won’t judge them harshly, which means they are absent from their own lives! They’re in their children’s! Most often these belief structures are deep and engrained, as this good parent/bad parent one is. It even extends to passing on evil things to our children through our DNA (now there’s guilt for you). So the way to undo this parental guilt, it seems to me, is not to jump on the societal bandwagon and suggest that it is natural, but that it is UNNATURAL. It is not what God (source, whatever) intended. It is manmade, a story overlaid the natural world, which just exists. It is neither good nor bad, it just IS. This manmade thought world is chock full of drama, judgment, hatred, wars, confusion, etc. etc. But it all starts with the very simplest of misunderstanding, what I might even call the trivializing of direct experience. I feel trivialized when someone tells me it is natural to feel guilty. That means my inner sense, which tells me it is NOT natural, is in conflict with societal norms, where it apparently IS natural. I am able to see through that chaining process now, but for us when we are young, vulnerable, wanting so much to believe, to be loved, the sense of separation begins with such very very well-intentioned generalizations. It is like the butterfly’s wings, that cause the hurricane on the other side of the world. I think we need to be very very careful what we tell others, no matter how we believe we want to help, for the road to hell is indeed paved with good intentions. So, Dr. Medhus, I am not dissing you in any way–I am merely pointing out how this statement really hit me, in an attempt to further push open the gates of understanding. I am not asking for agreement–I am merely setting free my own thoughts on the issue. I do thank you for thinking about me, and for your desire to be helpful to all of us.. .

      • I do understand how you feel when you talk about parents with high achieving kids. I felt my heart sink every time a parent said something like, “My kid just got accepted to Cornell” or “My kid has a perfect grade point average” because Erik would never be that kind of achiever. It made me feel like a failure. It made me feel embarrassed. But my biggest fault was letting society determine what is really important in life. Erik’s success was his ability to love. In fact, his gravestone says, “He loved deeply and was deeply loved.” What greater success is there than that.

      • Stephanie

        Thank you for hearing and responding. Yes! Letting society determine what is really important in life, instead of our hearts, is where we go astray. And excuse me for being so picky about words people say, but I’m kind of a “word nerd”, I absolutely love how words are so evocative of essential reality, if we REALLY look at them. I’m extremely literal about words, and when people say, “You know what I mean,” I have to say, no, I don’t. What DO you mean, when your words say something different? You have expressed it beautifully here. Thank you.

    • Patrick

      Great story to read, thank you for telling it, Stephanie. Great for me, I write about information I get (I rarely do it for individuals) and reading this was interesting because the story unfolded three to four lines ahead of itself as I did. As soon as I saw the word “orb”, the whole thing did a super visual fast forward.
      You’re a good writer, too.

      • Stephanie

        Gosh! That’s so cool to hear. You must be very talented and a good listener.

  • lsm

    Thank you Erik.

  • Mummy Sue

    Hi to all readers. This is my first post to channelingerik and I’m so excited. I’ll start with a brief introduction and how I ended up writing on this forum. I live in the UK and a friend of mine from my meditation group suggested I go onto this wonderful website. I’ve only been aware of this website since last Thursday and already I’m totally hooked!! It is the only place where honesty is allowed – go Erik – tell it how it is! I, like Erica, also lost my beautiful, amazing and wonderful young son to suicide just over 2 years ago (he was 19 and had just finished his first year at university but never came home). We, like many, were in total shock about what had happened as there really were no clues to why he took his own life. We still don’t really know why. To cut a very long story very short, I turned to a very special medium who helped me contact my son. She allowed him to ‘say it as it is’ too and I just knew it was him – cheeky but sincere. When I read (hear) Erik bantering with his mum, it is just like me and my son. Phew, what a relief! I’m not going mad – they really do say it as it is in the ‘afterlife’. Thank you Erik for being so truthful and realistic and for helping us here on Earth to understand your world better. Grief is what you make it – it is painful like nothing else – but I am slowly learning that there is possibly another way to approach it. Embrace it – ‘warts and all’ as they say (well in the UK anyway!). I can’t change it but I can learn from it. I can be true to it – cry when I need or want to yet be happy and enjoy my life without carrying the guilt. So you see, this forum has kind of set me free by allowing me to embrace grief – it is what it is – nothing more, nothing less! Thank you Erica and Erik ( and the fab mediums). I really can’t wait to read more on the forum tomorrow – I’m totally hooked!

    • Stephanie

      Thanks for sharing. It’s so nice (well…odd to say that) to know there are many of us who lost children this way and who also found some ‘afterlife’ confirmation. It’s nice to be able to talk about it among those who don’t roll their eyes and you imagine them thinking, “Oh, yeah, a grieving mother will believe anything.” Actually, I totally scared some people away when I talked about it. My sister, who lost her only son the same day as mine, is so closed off I didn’t even dare mention it to her. I think she would be terribly offended that my son reported hanging around with his cousin in the spirit world. Ironically, their graves are also side by side–we each independently picked the cemetery overlooking the ocean Anyway, thank you for letting others share your story.

      • Mummy Sue

        Hi Stephanie, this is also the first forum for me too. If only we could say what we really wanted to in the so called ‘real world’. We are not ‘freaks’ because we lost our child but people do behave strangely once that they know you have – and god forbid certainly don’t mention the word ‘suicide’ or ‘afterlife’ – we are normal mums just trying to cope with our situation. it is comforting to be able to share things openly and truthfully with other like minded people without having to explain ourselves in so much detail – we just get it! Hope to follow your comments again soon (it is now 3.20am in the UK so off to bed now – see, just a normal mum who can’t sleep and needs someone else who gets it to chat too!) x

      • Stephanie

        : )

    • I’m so glad you’re part of our family now!

  • Molly Rowan Leach

    I was hit so hard by the grief of my beloved Michael’s suicide that I certainly had “heaviness”. But that did not prevent after-death connection and very clear communications, for over a year after his passage on a very daily basis, and then for years thereafter sporadically. So I just want to be supportive of anyone who is feeling that their grief is preventing them from contacts–it’s unique for each of us–and not tied to your process of grief. Please feel it all, and don’t judge yourself either way. I believe that having personal contact in whatever way that means to an individual of knowing without doubt that we live beyond this life…is one of the greatest gifts that frees us…but I also hope people don’t judge themselves if they don’t receive this sort of experience…often when it might be most needed. It is truly a mystery how this all works, and in many ways it seems there is a very love based, truth based reason for all of it, no matter whether we like it or not.

    • Stephanie

      Well said.

  • C Berg

    The Swedish culture is different in that they seldom ask others “How are you?” or “How’s it going?”. Swedes have of course had to confront American’s asking this question of them and understand it is a type of greeting.

    Swedes think asking such a question deserves a logical, sincere answer. “How are you?” The typical answer one gets from a Swede is along the lines of “I am exactly as I deserve”.

    • Stephanie

      Love it.

  • Sandra

    Hi Everyone, my son passed away on July 2nd of this year. Reason unknown, although my gut tells me accidental overdose or intentional. I am reeling and rolling in grief and cannot seem to find my way. Although we had gone through 7 years of instability, David was stable for the last 6 weeks of his life and then he turned 25 on June 28th and on July 1st, I could feel so deeply that something was wrong. I love hims so much. David is such an amazing child no matter what he went through. David has visited my daughter 4 times since he passed in dreams and I know he is ok and happy. I so want to see him and communicate with him and have a relationship with him just like Elisa and Erik. I read my son and the afterlife and it offered me so much comfort. Thank you for sharing. That’s all for now.

    • Mummy Sue

      Hi Sandra, there really is no pain like it, is there. It is the most sickliest and deadliest roller-coaster you will every have to ride on. And you don’t always have the option to get off!! You are amongst friends here who will accept where ever you are in your personal grief and support you along the way. Being given a way to communicate with our ‘lost’ child is so comforting but don’t force it. You may not see, hear or even smell them around you but you might just have a sense of ‘knowing’ that they are there. Trust in this for the moment and get comfort from this first. Things change all the time – it can depend on us and our emotion or the circumstances we find ourselves in. Just go with it. After all, you gave birth to your child so the connection will always be there. It may just not present itself the way you were expecting or wanted it to. I also needed to feel connected to my son and communicate with him. I managed to find a fantastic medium here in the UK who, I would say, saved me from going under. She allowed me to have some truthful and honest time with my son which I found so much comfort in and it did change my pathway from that moment. However, I had to be ready to take on board what I was about to hear and feel. It was very emotional and exhausting but so worth it. Now, I just know when he is around and what he want to say to me. Sometimes I ‘loose’ him but he returns. Like Erik he likes to ‘say it as it is’ and even play little amusing jokes – you have been warned! So Sandra, be at peace with yourself (easier said than done I know) and be patient and I truly believe you will get your wish to communicate with your son again.

      • Sandra

        Hi Mummy Sue, Thank you for responding. I know David is around us, he has told quite a few. I feel him and i have had many many signs. However, the heart wants what the heart wants and I want to talk to him with all my heart. I also feel the strong need to find a fantastic medium to help me from gong under. I went to Jamie’s site. I signed up for a group session only because her individual sessions are so far away. Maybe someone could give me some reference for another medium in the meantime. I went to see a psychologist yesterday to help talk through my thoughts. They are invading my brain at the speed of light and I am on overload. I realize that David was my reason for the last 7 years and I cannot seem to find a reason to go on. I feel I will but today the reason is not there. The Dr. told me something very intersting. She said that parents who have had a child who has been ill for a very long time who get better; the parents also unravel once the child is better. That child was their reason. David was mine. Thanks for letting me share. XO

    • Stephanie

      Sandra, can I make a suggestion? This is only my way, and may not work for you, but you can give it a try if you will. Lie down on your bed, or sit in a chair, wherever you are comfortable when you are alone and have some time. Now, find the grief in your body. All emotion has a physical symptom, which can be as simple as a tightening of the chest. You have to pay careful attention. When you find it, LOOK at it–I mean feel it honestly–give it a color, a shape, keep focusing on it. We’re taught to look AWAY from our pain, cover it up with pills and busyness, but for me that was exactly wrong. While you are at it, LOVE the sensation you feel in your body. Love it with all your heart. You may find, as I did, that you can’t keep focusing on that spot of pain because it will start to shift–the colors, the shape may morph–and eventually it will disappear. In the meantime, you MAY (I do, don’t know about others) drift into another emotional space, one of peace and sometimes thoughts that have absolutely nothing to do with grief.

      • Sandra

        Hi Stephanie, Thank you for your suggestion. I may try. My find my comfort right now in reading and reading and reading and understanding spirit and the afterlife etc etc. I have always ‘heard’ voices tell me things before they happen even that David was going to die. I believe it is my time to start paying attention. I believe David will come to me when he feels I will be able to handle it without freaking out when he disappears again. All I know is that my love for him is so strong and so deep, that is all I know right now. xo

    • I’m so sorry for your pain. I hope you make your way through the archives because so many of the posts are very healing and also very fascinating. I’d also join the private Channeling Erik Facebook Group so you can be part of that loving, supportive community. We’re here for you.

      • Sandra

        Hi Elisa, Thank you for your kind words. I will look through the archives. As for facebook, I had deactivated my account when David starting doing reallly badly. I have not been able to get back on since. xo

  • MJ

    Erik’s work brings comfort to so many that are going through tuff times. I was wondering if anyone could answer this question: When does the incarnation of the soul end and will we have the family relationships in Heaven?

    • Patrick

      I will suggest one answer, but it’s only one. Many points-of-view are possible.

      The cycles of incarnation occur simultaneously, so they do not begin, do not end and do not line up in sequence they way we see life on Earth. In our true home of Heaven, each life or incarnation – I prefer the word journey or voyage through mankind on Earth – is part of a stack. See each life as a record in a jukebox, a book on a shelf or a file on a hard disk. They can be ordered any way we choose. If we can rearrange them, which one comes first? Last? So you see, when is there an end, if it can be the middle or beginning?

      Impressed into our calendar and illusion of time on Earth, it’s easy to see an “end” because we see time going forward continuously BUT after dying and returning home, that Earth time sequence no longer applies. So the concept of an ending or final chapter loses all meaning.

      You had, have and will always have the relationships of Heaven you choose. They do not precede, co-exist or follow incarnations of life on Earth; it only looks that way from this point-of-view. It’s all simultaneous. Just another branch of the same tree.

      • MJ

        If I understand you correctly we exist in heaven and on earth at the same time. So you and I and everyone else has a higher self. If that’s the case then do we pray to our higher self?
        Does a spirit like Eric than communicate with another parent from another lifetime? I don’t see how anyone can fully grasp this eternal concept of incarnation. Eric had said in one of his videos that he is and has already incarnated on earth again. So, how can he than be speaking to his mother?
        I believe that what Elisa and Jamie are saying is true, but it seems the more we go into the rabbit hole the stranger it gets.

      • We can pray to any of our incarnations and the True Self of which they are a part. We are living all of our incarnations at once and our True Self is where Erik is. If you read through the archives, you’ll get a lot more explanation.

      • So nice to see you part of the discussion again, Patrick. You have so much to add!

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