Surprise! I didn’t leave town today after all. It’s been changed to this coming Monday and I’ll be returning on Wednesday. Then I’ll post again on Thursday. On Friday, I’m leaving for Norway for Spring Break. I intend to post, but we’re staying high up in the mountains well above the tree line so it depends on the reliability of the Internet.  

Below is an interview with one of my favorite Saturday Night Live stars. I loved his Anal Retentive Chef skit the most. 

Me: Erik, I’ll let you choose the next one. Let’s stick with the funny people though. Phil Hartman or Richard Jeni. Or we can do Danny Devito.

Jamie: No, Danny Devito’s still alive.

Me: I don’t think so.

Jamie: Yeah, because I just took the kids to see The Lorax.

Me: Oops.

Jamie: He’s gone; I don’t know what’s he’s doing.

Me: M’kay. Why did I think Danny Devito was dead?

Jamie (Laughing): I don’t know!

Me: Well, I do have Billy Graham hovering on my list too. I don’t think he’s dead yet, is he?

Jamie: I don’t think so. I’m not picking him up either.

Me: Well, he’s almost 100 years old I think. Great guy. He’s done so much for humanity. I guess I’ll keep him in hover mode anyway.

Jamie: Oh, um, Erik’s here.

Me: Who’d ya bring, Buddy?

Jamie: This is Phil?

Erik: Yeah.

Me: Ah, Mr. Hartman! The Anal Retentive Chef. Loved that skit on SNL! You did so many great routines on SNL. I loved them all!

Jamie: He did Saturday Night Live? I never watch too much TV.

Me: Yes, he did. Hello Mr. Hartman. How are you?

Jamie: He’s doing good. That’s weird. That’s weird; I can recognize his voice more than I can his face. I don’t really recognize him.

Me: Ah, he was great. Well, we’re going to breeze through these pretty quickly since we’re at the end of the session, if you don’t mind, Phil. It doesn’t mean we don’t love you though.

Phil (laughing): Oh, I see how important I am. I just get squeezed it!

Jamie laughs hard at his response.

Me: No, no. We can always have Part Two. Phil Hartman, The Sequel, okay? Maybe this will just have to be the prequel.

Phil: I can see that in lights. I like that!

Me: Yes! Okay, what was your spiritual mission in your life as Phil Hartman?

Phil: Hm. To be a funny asshole.

Me: Aw. Well, you got part of that right—being funny. No, for real.

Phil: Thank you. I think you’re escaping the asshole part because you didn’t know me personally.

Me: Oh, no. That can’t possibly be true. You couldn’t have been!

Phil: I had a really hard time with intimacy. I was an alcoholic; I loved to use drugs; I just had difficulty staying consistent with intimacy and that’s what I would label being an asshole.

Me: Aw. So, what was your spiritual mission, then? It wasn’t to be a funny asshole, was it?

(Pause)

Jamie: I’m sorry. He was talking over you. What were you asking?

I repeat the question.

Phil: It would be more of a personal mission, not a public one like my career. My mission was to come to Earth and to just be open—be strong and be open. Be myself and be open. Love myself and be open.

Me: What were you here to learn? That?

Phil: Yeah. It definitely for me goes hand in hand with what my mission was. And if you were about to ask me if I achieved that, I’d have to put down on paper—

Jamie: He taps on the table.

Phil: Put it down! No. Still learning.

Me: Aw. Well, there can always be do-overs. That’s the beauty of it.

Phil: Yeah. I would like that.

Me: Were you here to teach anything?

Phil: How to be a funny asshole.

Jamie giggles.

Me: Aw.

Jamie: He’s cutting his eyes at Erik. Erik’s sitting up on the countertop.

Me: No, for real. Was that what you were here to teach?

Phil: I really don’t think I can claim to teach anything. I was just trying so desperately to focus on exactly who I was; I don’t think I had a role as being a teacher.

Me: Yeah, yeah. I understand. What new insights did you have after your death?

Jamie (chuckling): He does this thing where he throws his head back and he rolls his eyes and he says, “Oh my god, I’m fucking dead!” like he can’t believe it.

Me: Aw.

Jamie (to Phil): Wait, did you commit suicide?

(The details surrounding his death can’t be divulged out of respect for the Phil Hartman and his family)

Me: Okay, so the first insight you had was,”Oh my god I’m dead.” Anything else?

Phil: You say that so nonchalantly! I really appreciate that about you.

Me: Well.

Phil: Just the way you said it was like a smooth operator.

Me: I see death differently now than I did before Erik died.

Phil: It was a relief that I didn’t have to do the struggling anymore. I struggled, but I didn’t let the people see it.

Me: Yeah.

Phil: And that’s a good actor.

Me: Yes. Can you share a life that most influenced your life as Phil Hartman?

(Long pause as Jamie listens.)

Jamie: Uh, he’s talking about being a radio voice around mid 1900s. This is in New York City.

Phil: I remember in the 1920s through the Depression coming up with skits. I was already an old man.

(Long pause)

Jamie (to Phil): Yeah, can you—

(Pause)

Jamie: I’m trying to get him on track.

Phil: It related because of this safety net and distance you had when you do radio as compared to when you do TV or stage work. I really appreciated that distance, but I really wanted to see—could I do this in a very vulnerable way? Could I do this in a very vulnerable way? I think having a touch of that stardom—that did encourage me to land this last life I had, and I know it encouraged the life of living New York.

Me: Okay. Are you incarnated here now?

Phil (chuckling): No, but I am waiting for the aliens to come back to Earth so that I can come.

Me: All right!

Jamie laughs hard.

Me: You wouldn’t want to miss that, huh?

Phil: I want to be on the alien’s side!

Jamie and I laugh hard.

Me: All right. Any messages or advice for humanity?

Jamie: Phew.

Me: Where do you start?

Phil: I think that if we address the darker side that helps people see the light better, the quickest way to know yourself is to know your demons. So I would say to everyone: Take the time. Get to know your demons and gremlins.

Me: Mm. takes a lot of courage.

Phil: Yeah. It does take courage. And if you’re having trouble doing it, let someone help you.

Me: Yeah. The people with the most demons are usually the ones who have the most difficulty asking for help.

Phil: You know what’s nice is the telephone. It’s much like the radio. You can be in your own little secure haven, talk your heart out and not feel like you’re being watched or judged.

Me: That’s true.

Phil: So, I’d encourage people to use telephone therapy.

Me: Yep. Talk nicely to a telemarketer instead of being so mean to them. They need love too. Okay. Well, Erik, do you have any questions for Mr. Hartman?

Erik: No.

Me: Okay. Well, thank you so much, Mr. Hartman. Mr. Funny Man. Everyone misses you and you’re wonderful talent.

Phil: Thanks for letting me be your filler.

Me: Aw. You know every Tuesday night it’s open mike.

Phil (laughing): I’ll come by.

Me: Okay. Bye.

Phil waves goodbye.

Jamie: He gives Erik kind of a hand slap. They slap hands then point fingers at each other.