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Here is the transcript but please let the YouTube play for a while.
Elisa: Hello again, Erik. I still love you.
Erik: Love you too.
Elisa: Jennifer love you too. And we just got through talking about the possible deleterious and positive effects of the 5G network coming around the corner. But now we’re going to talk about something totally different. And that is the entitled rich, you know, in the news, at least two mothers who pretty much bribed college officials or into getting their kids accepted into the university. Like really, I mean, is that really fair to people that were, that should’ve gotten in, in their place, that didn’t spend money and fake sat scores and fake, you know, have water polo or whatever, pictures made up of, I don’t know. So tell me, just in general, Erik, what’s your thinking about that?
Erik: So there’s actually different reasons that people behave this way, that sometimes people really just are like feeling entitled, like, well, I just deserve this because of who I am. Like, so, you know, if I can, get this done, why wouldn’t I? But that actually, sometimes it comes from a self esteem problem. So that people who have this feeling they need the approval of others, whether it be their own accomplishments or their children in this case, they need others to think, oh wow, that’s so great. That’s so wonderful. They’re so happy. It’s like, a house of cards. It’s a house of cards. It’s an illusion that they need, that they cling to, that they cling to and in this instance, and you know, this happens in life. One of the, one of the biggest tragedies here is that the children were prevented from learning lessons that they needed to learn.
Elisa: Yeah, that’s too bad.
Erik: By their parents.
Elisa: Yeah. That’s a shame.
Erik: (inaudible) and that happens.
Elisa: Uh-Oh, frozen. I mean, you’re pretty much telling your kid you don’t have faith in them, they suck and I’m going to help your ass, you know.
Erik: Yes, yes. And you know, or yeah, that you can do this. Or if you don’t want to go to college, then you can do something else. That it’s not, life doesn’t have to look a specific way. You know, you go to high school, you go to college, you get, it doesn’t have to be that way and a lot of people aren’t that way, but if you don’t let your kids be individuals, you’re really hurting them and one of these instances in particular, one was a self esteem issue and the other one was more of a just like, well why can’t I just do this? I mean, you know,
Elisa: Which one was which? I can’t remember. I’m looking it up.
Jennifer: Lori Loughlin.
Elisa: Yeah, Lori, okay.
Erik: That is a self esteem issue.
Speaker 1: Needing the approval of everybody else, needing the praise of everybody else.
Jennifer: And I cannot remember the other woman’s name.
Elisa: Felicity Huffman.
Erik: Yes, but in this situation, that was more of a, well, if I can get an edge up, why would I, we have the money. It wasn’t really about, oh, I have to look a certain way and things have to look a certain way. It was whatever guilt, innocence, whatever there. In this instance she really didn’t think she was doing anything that wrong. She just felt like, well, people do this all the time. This happens all the time. So if I don’t do it, somebody else is going to do it in anyways. So why not?
Elisa: Does she feel like your kid could not get in on her own?
Jennifer: Well, like the SAT scores wouldn’t have been, I believe that was the essay. The one I’m talking about and focus on is the essay she paid to have the SAT scores.
Elisa: Packed or something.
Jennifer: Manipulated. But yes, no, and quite frankly the child would not have done that well on the SAT’s. But you know, if you don’t allow your kids to try and fail and you know.
Elisa: Yeah.
Jennifer: Yes.
Elisa: The biggest lessons come from failure, not from success.
Erik: It does not do people any justice if you prevent them from learning lessons. And that’s what was going on here.
Elisa: Do you think that Felicity Huffman, for example, she felt entitled because of her fame?
Erik: Yes. Well, yes.
Elisa: Like she’s special?
Erik: Yes. Yep. Yes, absolutely. She’s well known. She had the money. And again, in that instance, she felt like other people were doing this all the time and it was just part of how it kind of worked, you know, like a backdoor deal. Like nobody really talks about it. But it happens all the time.
Elisa: Yeah, and that’s understandable, A person says, well I’m famous so I deserve more than everybody else. Well what’s behind them mentality.
Erik: It’s the money. It’s the money. I have people love me, people adore me and I have the money to do what I want to do.
Elisa: And so people adore me. So, they’ll be okay with trying to get a leg up from my kid.
Erik: Yes.
Elisa: That’s just disgusting. How are they feeling now?
Erik: Well, scared.
Elisa: Yeah.
Erik: Scared in both of these situations, neither one of them felt like they were really doing something wrong when they were doing it.
Elisa: Now do they?
Erik: No.
Jennifer: The SAT that one? Yes. But with Lori Loughlin there’s still a denial here.
Elisa: Okay. Cause she’s not as, you know, she’s not as remorseful. Not remorseful at all.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Elisa: I don’t know the case too well, but I think Felicity made a statement of remorse, a public statement of remorse, but I don’t think, what’s her other face? How the kids doing?
Jennifer: Okay. Well.
Elisa: I mean, do they know, the kids knew what was going on?
Erik: No, no, no, no, not prior to. Now of course they do. You know, there is anger. There’s disappointment. There’s.
Elisa: Shame.
Erik: Yes, yes. It’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing.
Elisa: Yes. The kids that age. Are you kidding me? My kids are still embarrassed about me all the time In, Junior high said, Mom, can you drop us off like a couple of blocks? You know.
Erik: For the kids they are embarrassed and rightfully so it is an embarrassing situation. Everybody knows your business. But there is an opportunity for all of these children to learn and to grow from this. And this, you know, is a wonderful opportunity to kind of pick yourself up, dust yourself off, stand on your own two feet but whether or not that will happen is really the children’s free will.
Elisa: Yeah all right so, in the case of the self esteem one, Lori, whenever, if she wasn’t rich, but somebody offered it to her, she would probably still do it.
Erik: Yeah.
Elisa: But, but, but in the case of, the, I’m entitled, now if Felicity Huffman didn’t have two nickels to rub together. She probably wouldn’t, would she?
Erik: No, no, no. She wouldn’t have.
Elisa: Yeah, because yeah, she doesn’t have to protect your self esteem.
Erik: Yeah. There’s a lot less involved in that decision energetically speaking. There was a lot less involved in her decision to do it then there was in Lori Loughlin’s.
Elisa: Yeah. Oh I bet because self esteem, that’s it. That’s a sticky wicket. So the kids must have felt insulted by their parents. Like, why you think I’m stupid? I’m not good enough for you. You don’t approve of me. Oh Wow.
Jennifer: Yeah there is definitely that there is definitely some of that there, but it really feels more about the embarrassment and the getting caught of it. More so. That’s more of the issue about, hey, you got caught doing it then.
Elisa: Oh God.
Erik: you know, because at this point you’re raising your kids to, um, think that they’re going to get everything that they want or get things even if they don’t want them, you know.
Elisa: In this case, yeah exactly. So how’s the relationship now between the kid and the parent in each of these two cases?
Erik: Well, there’s a lot of anger. I mean, this is, this is something that could, could carry anger throughout, you know, throughout a lifetime if they don’t work on it.
Elisa: Oh Gosh. Yeah. Which one is the worst of the relationships the one was Felicity or the one with Lori?
Erik: No, Lori.
Elisa: Yeah.
Erik: There’s a lot there. There’s a lot of anger there. There’s a lot of resentment there. That’s going to be, that’s going to take a lot to, move beyond.
Elisa: Yeah. What is their.
Jennifer: Especially if there ends up being.
Elisa: Prison time. Yes. So how are the self esteem to these two people, these two kids now, how has it affected their self esteem significantly?
Jennifer: Okay. So it has the potential, it’s funny, this is, it depends on what they do.
Erik: This does have the potential to affect their self esteem long-term but that’s something that needs more time.
Elisa: Yeah.
Erik: Right now they’re still kind of in the anger and the, you know, messed up-ness of it.
Elisa: Yeah.
Erik: But yes, it does have the potential to years now, years from now be like, Oh, you know, my Mom never believed in me and you know, seek that validation elsewhere and that kind of thing but that’s going to take some time.
Elisa: So did the husbands, know I don’t even know if Lori was married, but did the partners know what was going on?
Erik: In both of these cases, the mothers were kind of the.
Elisa: Ring leaders.
Erik: Yes, yes but yeah, they knew.
Elisa: Oh gosh, so what should these mothers do to salvage the relationship with these children?
Erik: Look at themselves, look at their behavior, look at why they did what they did. What was the reason behind why they made that decision? Truly, truly ask themselves because it goes a lot deeper than, oh well, you know, you got to do everything you can to give your kids, you know, the best start and that’s, that’s a bunch of bullshit. This is, not about.
Elisa: That was probably a huge, justification I am an awesome mother because I am can to, um, ensure my kids’ success and happiness.
Erik: Yeah. Neither one of these decisions were made based on what was actually best for the children. There’s, more to it than that.
Elisa: Wow.
Jennifer: You know.
Elisa: I know which with Lori it was self esteem, right, but Felicity’s case, why did she do it?
Erik: It just, you really just didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. She thought this is kind of how it works. You’ve got to, you know, if you can get a leg up, leg up, if I don’t do it, somebody else is going to do it.
Elisa: If it wasn’t to help her child and why, what was for motivation?
Erik: Oh No. Well, you know, it was to help her child but again about looks.
Elisa: Status.
Erik: Status, Looks. Yeah. How other people think of me. Well, my friend’s kid got, you know, whatever on the SAT’s and you know, it’s all a facade. It’s all phony, faint.
Elisa: Bolster you. Yes. All right. So, is there anything else mothers can do, obviously maybe family therapy and you know, and things like that. But yeah, anything else?
Erik: Well, no, that’s a good start. Therapy, taking a good hard look at yourself, and you know, also look at the people around you, look at the people that you’re surrounding yourself with and if somebody, if you have friends.
Jennifer: And he like puts friends like this.
Erik: If you have friends that wouldn’t like you anymore because your kid didn’t go to college, then.
Elisa: They’re not your friends.
Erik: What are you doing? Like, that doesn’t matter.
Jennifer: But I guess in that world, everything is based on what do you have, what are you, you know, what accomplishments have you reached? You don’t have to do, you don’t have to stay in that and you can still have wealth and you know, success without having the need to feed on others praise.
Elisa: And to compromise your integrity, I mean really is that what your integrity is worth? So yeah, I think you would lose friends. I wouldn’t want my friend to cheat their way, when my kids had to do it the real way. The hard way. The honest way.
Erik: Yes. This goes on all the time by the way, most colleges and major universities, stuff like this is happening.
Elisa: Wow.
Erik: It’s been going on for years and there’s going to be more of it coming out as we go on.
Elisa: Good, just like the me too movement.
Erik: Yeah. So if you’re thinking about doing something like this.
Elisa: Don’t man. Do not d0 it. So one more question. It’s like there’s a valuable lesson in this for the kids. What is it and what, can they do to turn this into something good? But so what, first of all, what’s the lesson?
Erik: Oh, okay. So there’s stuff to learn here. Lessons to learn here about independence, about strength, about overcoming, you know, overcoming issues and problems. You know, most of us get to deal with our issues and problems pretty quietly this is right out there in the public, so there is definitely on that if you overcome it and, use it to your advantage, use it to as a strength, um, to grow from. There’s, there’s all kinds of stuff that could be learned from here. Self worth but you know, lessons are funny because when we have, you know, something happen that’s seems like a negative thing that seems very challenging and difficult. There’s not just one lesson to learn from any of it. Just what do you choose to focus on? What do you choose to get out of it? Now, if you choose to get out of it that, you know, people are crappy and people are mean, well then you go.
Elisa: And my parents suck. Yeah, they embarrassed me.
Erik: Yeah, being a victim and you know, this kind of thing that is also a lesson. It’s not necessarily a positive,.
Elisa: No.
Erik: A positive one.
Elisa: Okay, so what should Felicity’s kid do? I mean, she could, these kids could do something for the public, to help the public in some way with this kind of deal. But you know, I’m not, but also, they could do something private to work within themselves. So what should, let’s say Felicity’s kid do with this lesson?
Erik: She should go on to college and graduate College and, find her strength, but for now, nobody should be doing anything about it. For now laying low is the best thing to do. Nobody does or says anything about it. We don’t discuss it. We don’t. So any lessons right now are internal personal lessons.
Elisa: They have to understand that flaws and failures can be stepping stones to success, nothing to be ashamed of it. So powerful. They’re teachable moments. So what’s the best thing that these kids could do in the long-term future?
Erik: Well.
Elisa: Aside of working on themselves, once that is done.
Erik: Disconnecting from an overbearing parents as best they can, go away to college, you go, you know, get your own life, get you doing your own things, create your own identity that’s not tied up in this and with the parents, it’s very, there’s a lot of control here as well, a lot of control issues. So getting out from, from that control is definitely one of the biggest things.
Elisa: Wow. Now Felicity really is a desperate housewife, Huh?
Jennifer: Yes.
Elisa: Is there anything these kids can do maybe decades down the line to help others in similar situation. I mean, I don’t know what to help.
Erik: Absolutely but they won’t. They could but they won’t.
Elisa: Okay, but what should they do, Erik?
Erik: Well.
Elisa: Write a book on tour, you know, motivational (inaudible) I don’t know.
Erik: Yes, but they won’t. What they’re going to do is they’re going to move forward from this and never look back on it.
Elisa: What a wasted opportunity.
Erik: Yeah but that is their path. That is what they’re going to choose to do. Somebody else might look at this and say, you know, I’m going to go and I’m going to tell my story to high school kids about this and that you can do, this is not the case in these situations.
Elisa: Yeah, that’d be great. There’s somebody out there who’s parents probably did this, you know, to sit and, you know, don’t let your parents do this. Have faith in yourself.
Erik: In these two situations that we’re talking about, these people are looking to move past this.
Elisa: Okay.
Erik: Close the door on it and be done with this.
Elisa: I don’t blame them, anything else Erik before we close?
Erik: Nope, I love you.
Elisa: I love you too. We’re going to go to go camping one last weekend before we go to Norway. I hope you’re going to go camping with us and to Norway with us.
Erik: Oh, absolutely. Wouldn’t miss it.
Elisa: We’re going to take an 18 month old with us.
Jennifer: Oh boy.
Elisa: I can imagine, which had five kids to Norway and always was one of them was a newborn, I swear. So that was fun.
Jennifer: Yeah.
Elisa: All right, you guys can get in touch with Jennifer. You guys need to book a session before she gets totally booked up for decades. Okay, seriously psychicmediumjenniferdoran.com. Love you, Jennifer.
Jennifer: Bye, I love you.
Elisa: Bye.
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