Lately, I’ve been wrestling with conflicted feelings. As I’ve shared Erik with the world more and more, I feel like I’m losing a subtle part of our mother-son connection. It’s as though he’s no longer “my Erik.” Instead, he’s this idealized version of himself. No pain, no flaws, no humanness. I can’t reach him out to him to make sure that he’s still real because it’s like there’s this vast abyss spanning us with no bridge in sight. Plus, my waning grief, which is in part due to this growing “distance,” is another loss of sorts. After his death, I lost the physical Erik, and my grief, which of course was so palpable and physical in its own right, seemed to be the only connection I had to him. I just don’t know how to return to that place where I felt he was all mine. That intimate relationship rather than the one that’s at arm’s length as it is now. That one-on-one. That Mama and son. I’m tired of being a member of the mosh pit watching Erik perform on his stage.  It’s so unsettling, sad even. I wish I had a backstage pass. 

Despite my “Missing Erik” days, I must soldier on. Erik wouldn’t have it any other way, especially when it comes to this subject.

Me: One person specifically asked me what all marijuana can help. For example, can it help with Parkinson’s?

Erik: Yes.

Me: Okay.

Erik: I would use the CBD oil for it, but things like insomnia, lack of –

(Long pause)

Jamie (confused): What? Hunger?

Me: Oh, anorexia. Sure.

Erik: Things like that, I would smoke it. It definitely has different properties, and it’s such a shame that so many people see it as for one thing like, “Let’s get high! Yay!” That’s such fucking bullshit.

Me: Yeah.

Erik: It drives me absolutely insane. There are so many distinct properties. If you’re all heady, bipolar, just a little wicked like with internal voices, then there is a marijuana you can smoke or eat that tells your brain, “Dude, chill out!” But your body doesn’t feel anything. Then there’s a kind where when your body is suffering like you have arthritis, physical pains, you have a cancer in your body, that you can eat or smoke that tells your body, “SSShhwoop. You don’t need that pain or whatever in your body anymore. We’re going to dampen it so that the receptors in your brain aren’t firing off every 100^th of a second, and your brain can get a rest and start getting a grasp on what pain really is and to heal beyond it. Then, there are the CBDs for when you’re having some cellular bullshit like cancer, a tumor, like epilepsy. You can take a certain type of those oils, and it blocks that shit from happening.

Me: Mm hm.

Erik: There are three properties right there, and I’m not even touching the surface.

Me: Gosh, I’m almost wonder what it doesn’t help. So, bipolar disease, for sure. Depression?

Erik: Oh, hell yeah. People think that if you’re depressed that you shouldn’t get high because you’ll get more depressed. Oh my god. Have you ever seen someone get high? They’re laughing their balls off, getting silly.

Can’t say I have.

Erik: When you’re depressed, you’re in a hole. I’ll give you that image. You’re down in a hole, and the light is really far above you, and you can’t just fucking climb out of it. So, your perceptions are really narrowed. It takes a lot to be depressed. These lower vibrational ailments and things like that, it takes a lot for you to be that way. It takes a lot to have pain. So when you get high, it tells you that the hole that you’re in is no longer 20 feet deep. It’s only three feet deep or five feet deep, and you can pull yourself out of it.

Me: Can it help channeling since it, wait, does it raise your vibrations?

Erik: It does. Some kinds raise it more than others, though. I won’t say, across the board, Mom, that any one you grab is going to make you a better person. There are some that specifically make your head numb and overly focused, and there are some that just totally rip apart your boundaries, the visions inside your head, the way your define yourself. Take down those walls, and you’re like, “Ha ha. I can skip down the street at 56th, and it doesn’t matter.”

Me: Well, we don’t have to go through which kind, but I just want to know if there’s some form that helps people channel.

Erik: To bring in spirits?

Me: Yeah.

(Pause)

Erik: Yyyees.

Jamie (to Erik): Why are you thinking so hard? What are you doing?

(Pause as Jamie listens to his response)

Jamie (giggling): Well then talk about it!

I chuckle.

Jamie (laughing hard): He just stretched out his leg and tried to kick me!

Me: Oh no!

Jamie (to Erik): That’s so human of you! That’s funny. He’s got really long legs.

Me: Yes.

Erik: Yes, but it would be the kind that would give you a head high and that would knock out boundaries. What I would seek to do, because I’m always going to tell you that you, as a purist, are always going to be your best tool, you with three glasses of wine, or you with marijuana or you with Ayahuasca is you on a crutch.

Me: Right.

Erik: So, you, as a purist, best tool. So, if you’re using a crutch, even if it’s a pendulum or a dowsing rod, the Ouija board, automatic writing, that technique is a crutch. It’s a way for you to learn how to stand on your own and learn how to use your own tools kind of like bicycle training wheels. The more you use them, the more you’re going to see how you’re getting the answer beforehand; you’re getting the premonition before it’s happening and you’re like, “Oh!” So, then you’re just going through the motions of using the crutch, but you’re getting the premonitions and the knowledge and the information without it. I would use it as a growing tool. I wouldn’t use marijuana as the absolute, “This is the only way I can channel” because if you are believing that, you’re surrendering your own power.

Me: Oh, yeah.

Erik: You’re putting the power in the marijuana use and not yourself. I think that’s pretty stupid.

Me: What about things like Ayahuasca? I’ve heard that some people just blow their—I don’t know how to describe it or whether it does something to the chakras, blows down barriers, whatever, but they have these epiphanies that are supposed to be kind of long-lasting. So, they do it once, and all of a sudden they can channel spirits. Is that true?

Erik: Yes. The Ayahuasca does kind of leave more of a permanent—

(Pause)

Jamie (to Erik): Do you want to say it like that?

Erik: —permanent structural damage in the psyche.

Me: Oh, great.

Erik: It’s kind of like what an LSD trip does. Mushrooms, more of a natural product, doesn’t do it as strong, but it does knock down walls. Marijuana knocks down walls for you, but as soon as it’s out of your system and you’re 3 or 4 days away from it, you’re going to easily get back to where you were. With Ayahuasca or LSD, you’re 3 or 4 days out and you’re like, “I still can’t fucking shake that shit. What I saw totally shattered what I believe in.” So, you leave with an absolute change, even if it’s one percent or 30 percent or 50. Marijuana is more of a flexible, natural use where when you’re making a change, you believe it’s best for you or fits you.

Me: Okay. So, it seems like some form of marijuana works on just about every mental disorder. Obviously it works on many physical disorders, too, but even like schizophrenia? Sociopathic and narcissistic personality disorders? Borderline personality disorders?

Erik: Yes! Hell, yes. So, much better than some of the medication they’re giving them now!

Me: Social anxiety disorder? Dissociative identity disorder, you know, what used to be called multiple personality disorder? Does it help pretty much all of these mental disorders?

Erik: It does help, yes! It’s not the absolute solution for them, but it helps, and it will help like 25 to 60%. That’s no joke. That’s nothing to dismiss.

Me: Tics? Stuttering?

Erik: Done. Gone. Those are gone.

Me: Even Asperger’s?

Erik: Yes, but that’s not 100% gone.

Me: Oh no. No. Of course not. That’s really interesting. You know, I have a theory. A lot of people think marijuana is a “gateway drug,” but I think that’s a bunch of crap. I think some people who smoke it are self-medicating, so of course they’re going to find other things to self-medicate themselves with. It’s not like it causes people to have addictive behavior where they start to want to try heroin. People who choose one thing to ease their pain will choose others that give them some relief, too, and it also places people in certain groups that may include those who do use other drugs. Is that true?

I’m obviously not completely sure of my theory, however adamantly expressed.

Erik (leaning back): What? Are you talking about whether marijuana can break addictive behaviors?

Someone wasn’t paying attention. Maybe he was too busy passing the vaporizer to the dead dude next to him.

Me: No, I’m saying the media and others say that marijuana shouldn’t be legalized because it is the gateway drug that leads to other things.

Erik: Such bullshit.

Me (repeating myself for the poster boy for ADHD): I think that there’s just a part of the population of marijuana users that do so because they’re self-medicating. Maybe they’re in pain or suffer from anxiety, PTSD, whatever. Those are the people who have a higher propensity to seek other ways to soothe their pain.

Erik: Oh, yeah. Yeah, totally. It is not a gateway drug.

Me: Yeah. I didn’t think so. Does it help your chakras? Is that part of what it does?

Erik: Yeah, because it takes away your stress and anxiety so that your body can naturally function the way it wants. It can vibrate in the way that it desires without the head going, “I’m going to fuck with it all because I’m trying to control everything.  I’m an American!”

Not sure what that’s all about.

Jamie giggles.

Erik: Let’s look at alcohol. That shit? That’s the one that leads to other drugs.

Yeah. Pinot Noir to Cabernet to Merlot. Got it.

Erik: If we’re going to point fingers, in my position, the way I see it, I would point a finger at that.

Me: Okay. Anything else on MJ?

Erik: We could talk about it all day.

Me: I know. I’m sure we’ll talk about it again soon, knowing you!

Erik: I just want to point out about the alcohol. That’s the one that’s abusive, and it destroys the body. It can make you vomit; it can kill you, literally if you drink too much or get behind the car when you’re impaired. Tell me about a marijuana car crash, and I’ll say, “Oh, they were both going 20 miles per hour.”

Me: Yeah and on the way to Taco Bell.

Erik laughs.

************************

In case you didn’t see this on the Channeling Erik Facebook Group, here’s a very important announcement from Daniel!

****This is going to be my final post tonight regarding this subject****
I have just spoked with Elisa, and she has given me permission to put the merchandise back up under one condition, that I make it clear that Elisa is in no way making any profit from the sale of any of the items available. Elisa strongly believes in not making a profit from the loss of her son, but she also believes these items are a good idea because it makes us feel like we’re part of something bigger, a community, a family.