I can’t believe I left this one in draft mode! On my way to Arkansas to see my sister and brother-in-law. We’re going camping together at Table Rock and might make it to Branson, MO for a night of fun.

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OMG peeps, the filming of the documentary this weekend went so well! I was a little–no, very–nervous with all those lights shining on my face. Personally, I think that lighting highlights my wrinkles, so it might have to be reclassified as a horror flick, Oh well. And that big ass camera pointing at me. Scawy. (Yes, I meant to spell it that way. You fans of Tweety Bird will understand.) Another thing that made me nervous was that my segment is at the very end of the film behind greats like Depaak Chopra, Nasseem Haramein, and others. After the filming, they said they needed some footage to include during the narration while I’m not talking. For example, they had me pull a book out of the bookshelf and pretend I was reading it.(I chose a four-inch thick one on quantum physics to make me look smart and to prove that I can read more than those Tip and Spot Kindergarten readers.) Then they asked me to do something that is a part of my everyday life. I told them that scrubbing the baseboards would be typical, but they disagreed so I pretended to make coffee. Then I sauntered over to the breakfast table to fake-talk with my husband. I don’t remember what we talked about, but it was in no way intellectually stimulating. Next they wanted to film me watching TV. I asked them if they wanted me to sit in my usual way while watching so I sat sideways on the chair with my legs draped across one of the arms. As I was sitting there Bella and on of my cats jumped up into my lap and I started petting them. I can’t remember what else we did. I’m still a little shell shocked. Yesterday they flew to Atlanta to film Jamie and I was told that they’re going to film us Skyping. Damn I thought it was all over.

Rune and I became fast friends with the film producer and his assistant/editing chief, and we found out some coincidences, the most unusual being that the film producer actually interviewed Rune’s father in Norway not that long ago. Weird, eh? Enough of my blabbering. Let’s give Erik the floor.  

Me: But eventually, you want to feel like you belong to everything, to the world, to everybody around you. How do you make that leap?

Erik: You have to get the lesson of what a lack of belonging is teaching you. You belong wherever you are. No matter where you are and where you go in this world, if you keep struggling to find that sense of belonging, sometimes it’s about figuring out that you belong wherever you are. It’s about figuring out that you’ll be okay. You can fit in in your own unique way, and your unique way of expressing yourself will add to the collective consciousness. Just let your freak flag fly without worrying what the fuck other people think.

Me: So you start out finding something you can believe in, joining a community with similar beliefs, extrapolating that to feel like you belong wherever you are, but that’s external.

Erik: I was getting to that. Remember what we talked about, how when you’re kind to other people, you start getting that kindness back and realize that you had that all within yourself in the first place? That’s the internal part. It’s not just about joining some external community.

Me: Mm hm.

Erik: So the community can help to bolster you. And in that spirituality community, you might find people who are into model trains. If you like them too, you join that community. It can go on and on. Over time, when you belong to certain groups, your self-esteem gets better. In the case of model trains, you might feel so good about yourself that you become more creative in building model trains on your own. On the flipside, you might get to that place and start comparing how your trains look compared to the ones other people make and you start judging yourself. If that happens, it could make you feel bad about yourself so that that feeling of not belonging starts to come back. That’s an opportunity to learn that you shouldn’t compare. So you start seeking out people who do like your trains, and they give you the praise you need. You get that external support.

Me: So these people can drag you back into the collective.

Erik: Right, but you have to be open and not resist. Eventually, you won’t completely rely on external support. You’ll learn to self-praise and self-evaluate hopefully in an objective way.

Me: Okay,

Erik: It’s about needing it, not wanting it. Wanting is a fickle thing. It’s temporary. It’s like, “Well, I want that,” and then you get it and go, “Eh, I don’t want it anymore. I’m bored with it.” If you need something, you hold onto it, and once you get it, you’ll appreciate it. You’ll have something that helps you see that you’re already complete. So belonging to a community helps you see that you had everything you need within yourself all along.

Me: What I’m trying to understand is how to make that leap from, “Oh, I belong to the NRA, but I feel so isolated from the rest of the world” to “I belong in this world.” I guess I shouldn’t use the NRA as an example, given the politics of that group. Maybe I should use MADD or a book club.

Erik: I can’t give you one answer that fits everyone and every situation. I’ll give you an example. Say you’re in a book club and you feel okay in that place, but then you feel this sense of lacking. That comes from within yourself. Well, you have to be willing to open yourself up to new experiences outside of that group. Eventually, if you have enough of those experiences, you’ll be satisfied that you belong in this world. You’re not just limited to that book club or some other group.

Me: What do you mean?

Erik: You just have to be willing to be a part of other groups. You don’t always have to do that. Some people can belong to group A and realize, from that, that they belong everywhere.

Me: So, in a nutshell—

Erik: You think, “All right, let me find a community I belong to; let me find out how it feels, and let me translate that into an awareness that I belong in this world. It’s about reaching a level of awareness. If you’re really open emotionally, you’ll stop looking at what the group’s common bond or theme is about and start seeing beyond that. You’ll start seeing the things we all have in common—to feel nurtured and supported, to feel part of the community. It’s all based on emotion.

Me: And being kind to other people—

Erik: When you’re kind to others, it increases your connection with people which makes you feel connected to the world. Kindness is what everyone craves. It’s another aspect of love, and that’s what we all want. Love is what connects us all. It makes us feel that we belong.