Since my son passed I have gained so much from you Elisa and Erik in ways to survive and try to understand.

A year and two months later I’m still here, still trying to understand. I really wanted to slip away after him. There are a lot of reasons (people) not to leave. I’m not exactly sure what lead me to your book except I was previously an Amazon kindle book junkie. It was Erik and Billy Fingers that saved me, gave me hope and helped me know what I thought existed, heaven and afterlife was true.

I just really wanted to have any contact with my son. I prayed to dream about him. I prayed to remember a dream I might have of him. Since he was gone that was the only way I could have him. It didn’t happen. Every morning I woke up, it didn’t happen that night. Every morning I woke to two sadnesses; Ryan was dead and I didn’t even dream of him.

I sat outside and looked to the sky and clouds begging him with my soul to give me a sign. Every evening when dinner was over I sat outside on a bench searching, looking, hoping. Nothing.

I don’t remember exactly when in my grief, but it was early on and it seems like in a waking kind of sleep Erik “swept?” in with a bow. He was wearing a sweat shirt and jeans, or baggy pants. I couldn’t see his face, but I just knew it was Erik. He presented himself with a dramatic bow and represented the actor in the movie “Heaven Can Wait”. I really wanted to die, move on. I’m not so committed to it now, but yes I’m not so much of this world willingly.

Every time without fail whenever I call on Erik he sweeps in with a bow dressed as the guy in “Heaven Can Wait”. He gives me a dramatic bow every time. I wasn’t sure before, but I know now. It is a message for me but with Erik being his dramatic expressive self, heaven can wait.

My son has come to me a few times in waking sleep. I am in such deep gratitude for that. I know Erik has helped him. I still can hear my son say he loves me. And I do realize for me heaven can wait.