Many of you, including me, have signed up for the upcoming webinar slated to take place December 17th at 6:00 PM EST. To give you a taste, here’s the first one. Since this one, Jamie has improved the audio, and the video isn’t small screen anymore. Due to another glitch, you have to move forward to timestamp 30:00 to go to the start of the event. To join, click on the link below. Be sure to think of a question to ask him!

In several previous posts, Erik has discussed ways that we can help mitigate the grief we feel after we lose someone dear in our life. Here, he shares how we can help them.

Me: What makes our deceased loved ones happy? What can we do to help them?

(Pause as Erik thinks a bit)

Erik: I got it! Live-Your-Own-Life.

Me: Okay.

Jamie: He’s saying it real slow like people are retarded.

Me: Erik!

Erik: That’s not why! I’m just trying to make a point, an important point. They’re not retarded. They’re my friends!

Me: Oh, okay. Good, we’ll let you off the hook then.

Erik and Jamie chuckle.

Me: I can be a little retarded sometimes, though. So, is that it, then? Is that the only thing we can do?

Erik: No, really. You live your own life. It’s great to include us in memories. I’m not saying they should totally make us disappear, but don’t forget to live life. Don’t live your human life based on our death or the memory of it. That’s horrible. It makes us sad. Like don’t buy cookies because it’s our favorite ones. That’s really nice, but let that be a memory for you. Don’t buy the cookies because you know we like those cookies; cuz I can get whatever fucking cookie I want any time I want. Buy the cookies you like.

Jamie and I laugh.

Me: Well, I’m sure that’s true, and you probably already have gorged on plenty of them. I wish we had the low calorie ones over here too.

(God, I’m really starving for homemade Tollhouse chocolate cookies now. Sigh.)

Erik: Yeah, I do eat ‘em all the time. That and ice cream!

Me: Lucky boy. Mint chocolate chip used to be your favorite.  So what about just sending love? Does that really help the energy of our deceased loved ones?

Erik: Okay, look. If we have a really rough passing—

Me: Um hm.

Erik: Okay. I was just speaking in general, across the board what makes us happy. If y’all are happy, we’re happy. Period.

Me: Yeah.

Erik: But if there’s a traumatic passing or a hardship right before the passing or right after, then love and attention—like in a prayer or an intent, a statement, a shout out—yeah, we absorb that and that helps us transition.

Me: Oh yeah. I can imagine.

Erik had both of these: a difficult like and a violent, traumatic death. Looking back, I was so consumed by grief that I did’t send him any of this: no prayer, no intent, no love. How I regret that now.

Videos like this make me miss him so much, but it also makes me realize that there were good times. It’s funny how we humans focus on the tragic more than the happy. Why do we let ourselves suffer so much?