Well, today is Erik’s birthday, always a bit of a somber day for my family and me. Sure, we know he’s still alive, but in another dimension, but we miss watching him open presents. We miss singing him “Happy Birthday” around a cake topped with candles. We miss the hugs and kisses afterwards. We miss the hugs and kisses everyday. Happy 26th, baby boy. I love you to the moon and back and infinity to the power of infinity. Enjoy today’s post. 

Me: Hi Heather.

Heather: Hi! What’s up!

Me: Doing great. How are you doing?

Heather: I’m doing great.

Me: How’s our boy? Is he there?

Heather: Yes, of course.

Me: Been pestering you for a while?

Heather (chuckling): I have a whole spirit team over here trying to help support me through this.

She waves her arm to the left.

Me: Oh good. Why? Are you nervous?

Heather: Yes! I’m super nervous!

Me (laughing): Don’t worry about it. Let’s just let Erik do his thing. Hi, Erik. How are you?

Erik: Hi Mom.

Me: What do you think about this, huh? What do you think about Heather?

Heather (laughing nervously): Oh god, no. I can’t. (To Erik) All right. What do you think about me?

Erik: You’re amazing!

Heather laughs.

Me: All right! Good! There we go.

Heather: That’s something nice! I was expecting him to say something mean like, “You smell.”

Me: He wouldn’t do that while you’re nervous.

Heather: No, he’s actually nervous as well. He was pacing. He’s still pacing, and he’s looking down. He’s like, “She’s talking to my mama.”

Me: He paces all the time.

Heather: Yes. Yes he does. Actually, it doesn’t make me nauseous or anything, so…

Me: He’s made me dizzy in the past. He used to go around and around our center kitchen island. Around and around, arms crossed, head down, thinking.

Heather giggles.

Me: What’s he wearing today?

Heather: Well, he’s got on a blue t-shirt. (To Erik) Are those black or are they just dark grey?

Erik: They’re black.

Heather: They’re baggy shorts with a lot of pockets on the side.

Me: Okay.

Heather (looking down): And he’s got on some Nikes. (To Erik) Fancy.

Me: Okay.

Heather: And his hair is all crazy. Of course, it’s always unruly and everywhere.

Me: Are you wearing a hat today, Erik?

Heather: No, he’s not wearing a hat today.

Me: All right. Well, I heard somebody trance channeling you. J.C. Ariel Ibarra. He said part of your consciousness is in Bella, my little dog. Can you talk about that?

Erik: Yeah, a little bit. It’s more of a –

Heather (to Erik): What’s that word?

Erik: I’m not constantly in Bella, but every once in a while to see what she’s seeing, especially when she’s up near you sitting on the couch or something.

Me: And that helps us feel your energy?

Erik: Yes. Yes.

Me: Aw, that’s nice.

Heather chokes up a little when repeating what Erik says next.

Erik: Anything to be closer to my mama.

Me: Aw, baby. I miss holding you.

Heather (tearing up): That’s so cute. I’m going to cry.

She fans her face.

Heather: I knew I was probably going to cry!

Me: Yeah. You miss me too, Erik, don’t you?

Erik: I do. I really do.

Me: Well we’re together a lot, so… It’s getting better. So look, dude! I’d like to talk to you about people who have lost power of some sort. There are all sorts of ways to lose power: physically, mentally like when we grow old and lose our minds like I am, even in a career, losing power and having to be demoted, etc. Can you talk about the spiritual aspects of that for us?

Erik: You never actually lose power. You’re making yourself feel like you’re losing power because you’ve lost some job or whatever. It’s really about you losing control. You can’t control everything, so you feel powerless. Maybe somebody’s pushing an idea on you like a religion, and you feel like, “Well, shit. Maybe I’m doing everything wrong. I’m not good at my job. Maybe I can’t do all this shit that people, you know, expect of me.” So you feel powerless, but it’s really all mental.

He points both index fingers at his head.

Erik: It’s all in your head.

Heather (fussing): Stop doing that!

She laughs.

Me: What’s he doing?

Heather: He keeps moving around too much and—

Me: Does it distract you?

Heather: Yes, it does. (To Erik) Stay on it!

Erik: It makes you feel like there’s something wrong inside your head, but your perspective changes everything. You’re not powerless in any way. So when you start to feel like that, try to think about why you feel like that. Where did that come from? Who told you that? Who’s making you feel like you can’t do shit correctly? Maybe you’re getting old and your body can’t do what it used to be able to do, but seriously, you can fucking go run 8 miles if you wanted to at 80 years old. There are people out there that do that shit all the time! It’s all in your head. You’ve just got to change that perspective. Like flipping a switch. “All right. I can go do yoga even though I’m 95 or overweight,” or “I can go get this job. I’m not powerless.”

Me: Are you saying we really do have control and then chose to lose that control?

Heather: He cuts you off.

Erik: We have control over how we react to things. We have control over the emotions we feel. No, you can’t control other people or some events that happen to you, but you can control how you react to that.

Me: Like when you start to lose your mind and don’t have the cognitive sharpness that you used to have when you were younger—

Erik: Yes.

Me: You can’t really do anything about that, I guess. Right?

Erik: It depends on what you’re talking about. If you’re talking about somebody who legitimately has a [brain] illness like Alzheimer’s or bipolar disease, no, it’s a different story. Right now, I’m talking about those who don’t really have any type of mental illness.

Heather (smiling): He’s jumbling his words. He said both: “mental illness” and “something wrong with them.”

Me (chuckling): Okay. So what other kind of power loss do you want to talk about?

Erik: Losing power over yourself.

Me: Yeah. Okay. We can do that. What does that look like?

Heather: He’s showing me an image of a girl who’s crouched in a corner in a ball, and she’s paying attention to, not the positives about her, or seeing—

(Pause)

Heather (complaining): Why are you using me as an example?

Me: To put you on the spot. What else?

Heather (laughing): I know! Oh man, I don’t want to talk about myself.

Erik: Like Heather. She feels like she’s not good enough; she’s not worthy; she pays attention to what other people around her tell her, and then she convinces herself that those are all true even though they’re not. In her mind, it’s better that she already accepts that than to try and fail.

Me: Oh yeah. Well, I think a lot of us are like that, Heather.

Erik: But that’s not true. Again, with perspective, the way that you react to things, you can go crawl in the corner, or you can get up and –

Heather (downright pissed): Stop using me as an example!

Me: Oh, Erik!

Heather laughs.

Erik: Or you can get up and put yourself out there like Heather is doing now. Don’t pay attention to what others are telling you. Then you start—

(Pause)

Heather (responding to what she’s about to translate): Wow, that was good.

Erik: Thoughts have energy, too. So when you start thinking about all this negative shit about how you’re bad at your job or some shit, and it starts taking you over.

Heather: He’s showing me an image of this black cloud in your head, and then it’s slowly going all throughout your body, and then it starts to go around you, and that becomes your aura. (To Erik) Is that what that is? An aura? (Pause) No? Just energy? Okay. Now he’s showing me this little ball of light in your core, and it’s trying to break through, but it can’t.

Heather giggles.

Me: So how do we get it to break through? What can people like Heather, and many times me, do? What can we do, Erik, to get our power back?

Erik: Just stop thinking like that.

Heather: You make it sound so simple.

Me (sarcastically): Oh is that it?

Erik: Just fuck it.

Heather laughs.

Me: Put it in the fuck it bucket.

Erik: Yes.

Heather blushes ever so slightly at the string of F bombs.

Me: All right. Any other forms of loss of power? What about loss of power in a relationship like it’s very common for a woman to be a stay-at-home mom, and they don’t have much decision making power because the guy makes all the money. Guys tend to be more dominant anyway.

Heather: He’s switching it around.

Erik: What about the woman who’s the breadwinner and the guy who stays home?

Me: Okay.

Erik: That’s happening a lot now.

Me: Well that’s true.

(Long pause)

Heather (after an exasperated sigh): He and I are fighting now. Again, he’s using me as an example.

I groan.

Heather: Because I’m the breadwinner, and so my boyfriend feels powerless.

Erik: Again, it’s society, and it all comes down to what other’s told you that you perceive as your truth. That’s your reality. You feel that you need to be the person that’s in charge because that’s what a man should be doing. But that’s not the case. It doesn’t have to be that way! You don’t have to follow any of that. It’s all bullshit.

Heather (smiling): He’s starting to get mad, and he’s running his fingers through his hair.

Heather and I chuckle.

Erik: If people would just fucking let go and let be what is, then everything would be fine. You’d stop stressing about what you need to be doing. What you really need to be doing is what your heart tells you you need to be doing. People tell you what you should be doing—“You should be doing this; you should be doing that; you’re a man; you need to be doing that”—no. You don’t have to do jack shit. You don’t have to do a thing, and you don’t have to explain yourself to anybody—

Heather looks at Erik, laughs and seems puzzled.

Heather: He cut himself off and went, “Anyway…”

Heather and I laugh.

Heather: He’s not used to somebody cussing as much. He cusses a lot.

Me: You’re not used to what, Erik?

Erik: I’m not used to somebody not giggling when I cuss.

Me: Oh okay.

Heather: Because I just let it go. I cuss a lot, too. So, it’s “whatever.”

Me: Yeah. So you’ve met your match, Erik!

Heather (giving Erik a sassy look): Mm hm.

Me: What do you think about that?

Erik (running his fingers through his hair again): I’m nervous about it.

Heather laughs.

Me: Why?

Heather: Yeah, why?

Erik: I’m not really nervous. I’m just kind of bummed out because I can’t make people feel uncomfortable, get them to start giggling and give them a hard time.

Me: That’s true. Like he did with Jamie.

Heather: Yes.

Me: Jamie’s gotten used to it.

Heather: She does a really good job.

Enjoy my interview on the Path11 Podcast with wonderful hosts, Mike Habering and April Hanna. Click HERE to listen and click HERE to download the mp3.