It’s been a while since I channeled Erik through psychic medium, Kim O’Neill, so I had collected several questions over that period of time. Naturally, I missed him deeply, so my first words were: ‘Erik, hi Sweetie, I love you.’ Kim giggles and mimics Erik as though he’s rolling his eyes at my sappiness, which was quite typical for him. He says, “Hi Mooommmmm,” in mock exasperation. “You’ve been talking to me all morning asking me to speak to Kim. Hi Mooommm. I’m here.” Kim laughs and says “He wants to tell you you’re micromanaging.” “I love you too, Mom. I’ve been flipping between you and Pappa and Kristina and Michelle and Annika and Lukas and I’ve been spending time with Denise. I feel exhausted. I’ve been trying to give everybody equal time.“ Kim asks him, “Usually you talk a mile a minute. You seem really tired today. What’s going on?” Funny, his answer failed to surprise me. “I’ve been partying a lot, so I’m really tired.” Kim asks, “Who are you partying with?” Here, Erik interrupts her question to share some confidential information that I can’t publish. I had been curious about my maternal grandparents who both passed in the early 80s so I asked him, ‘Are Nana and Pa Pa there with you, Erik?’ “I’ve seen ‘em,” he replies. “We’ve visited, but they spend most of their time playing with Arley. Nana has cooked for me. I’ve been spending pretty much all my time with you guys.” ‘Are you still spending time with Allie and Jordan?’ I ask.  As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, these are two of his friends who preceded him in death. “Mom, you’re asking for messages about everyone else, but when you were talking to me today you wanted messages for you. I’ll talk about Allie and Jordan later. I’m happy to, but I want to give you messages first then I’ll come back to them. “You’re the best Mom anyone could ever have.” Erik chuckles and says, “Mom, we’ve talked more back and forth in the last 3 weeks than in the last couple of years, haven’t we?” Kim shares that he finds that fact amusing. “I’m sorry for causing you trauma, and I was hoping you would understand and that you would forgive me. I think you already have but it’s going to take me a little while to forgive myself for putting you all through this trauma for my selfish needs. I feel so much happier now. It wasn’t about you guys. I just needed to regroup. I was so confused about who I was, where I was going, what I wanted, and I felt depressed and I felt like I had nothing to look forward to. I want you to know how much I love you and how I treasure all the time we’ve spent together. I’m talking about lately. I like to talk to you when you’re driving. I’ve come to you a couple of times while you’re sleeping, in the form of dreams. I’m going to keep doing that.” “How come I can’t feel you, Erik? I want to feel your presence. I want some hugs,,” I plead. “You are capable of receiving that, but I’m not capable of extending that energy yet. I’m working on that. I’ve been working, working, working really hard. I wanted that to be your Christmas present, but it’s gonna take a little while longer. Maybe Mother’s Day. I have to work on extending my electrical energy so that you can not only see me and hear me but you can feel me. It’s definitely possible and I’m working on that right now. Oh well, there goes my surprise!” He laughs. I’m so desperate for any form of regular contact with my son so I ask him, ‘How can I best perceive you now before you’re able to do that, Erik?’ “You’re already an excellent channeler,” he insists. “The more you speak to me, the more I get a chance to practice extending my electrical energy to you. Whenever you and I talk back and forth I try really really hard to extend my energy to you. Remember before when I use to puff out my chest so I would look like, you know, so I would look bigger? You remember Mom when I used to do that when I was little? That’s sort of what I’m doing now but with energy.” ‘Can you tell me about the therapy you get there?’ I ask. “Yes, I still have therapy. I have this really cute therapist. I’m spending time with her while you guys are sleeping and nights when I’m not going to come to you in dreams. She’s pretty much given me the seal of approval that I’m healed.” Kim interjects in mock sarcasm, “Well, Erik what took you so long?” and he answers her, “Yeah, I know! Everybody’s been kinda surprised over here that I did what I did and then I didn’t have that much to heal. I really didn’t have that much to heal.” My next question is a very abstract one. ‘Erik, was your suicide part of a plan to help you understand loss? I understand your depression was mostly a result of the serious losses you experienced in your past lives. Was suicide part of the plan so you could see the effect your loss has on other people, so that you could watch us grieve while on the other side you have the understanding that there is no true loss because we’re all immortal? Did that help make light of loss for you?’ Kim interjects before Erik can respond, “Oh you’ve gotta write a book, Elisa. That’s just from me, the peanut gallery, not from Erik.” Erik replies, “You mean was it always my destiny? No. No. But, have I grown and learned and evolved because of this? Have I put that issue of loss to bed? Yeah, definitely yes.” With a sigh of relief I tell him, ‘Good because I just don’t want you to have keep coming back over and over to go through the same thing.’ “No, absolutely not. I never will go through all of this again. I’ve let go of loss. The depression was like a secondary issue for me. It was mostly confusion and the sense of loss and the sense of hopelessness and now that’s all gone. All that healing has been done from past lifetimes. I figure I have one more lifetime to go, that’s it, one more.” I brace myself for the next question: ‘Okay. Erik I want you to be really, really honest because I really need to know this. What could I have done differently? This is part of my evolving so I really need to know, Erik. You can’t pull any punches with me here. Everybody’s flawed and needs to evolve, and of course I’m one of those people too.’ Kim says “Elisa that’s one of the bravest questions I’ve ever heard, because having spoken with Erik several times now, he has got to be one of the most irreverent, candid, forthright spirits I’ve ever spoken with in 22 years.” Now I was REALLY nervous, but I answer her, ‘Well good, I want to know the hard cruel truth because otherwise I’ll never grow as a soul.’ Erik responds, “Nothing, nothing, because Mom I really wasn’t listening to you. Once I got to be about 16, I wanted to make my own choices, I wanted to make my own decisions. I would really get aggravated with you or Pappa if you gently tried to push me or suggest. I wanted to build my own independence. You were so understanding. I remained on the earthly plane for as long as I did because of you. You were always either turning the other cheek or you were being understanding and that made this earthly journey so much easier for me and is making it easier for everybody else. “I should have listened. And when I was upset about something I should have talked to you. My therapist puts it this way: I should have opened up a dialogue with you about what was bothering me. I know you would have listened to me very calmly, very rationally. You wouldn’t have been like a regular mom like jumping up and down freaking out. You know, like ‘You won’t! You won’t! You dut dut dut dut…’ “I know that you were really calm, centered, somebody who would listen. Mom, you’re a great listener. I want to suggest to the other kids that they talk to you more because you’re such a good listener, and because you’re not only a mom, you’re a friend. I should have come and talked to you. If I had done that on a regular basis, I think I would have still been there. I was so touched by his answer, it was hard to go on, but, choking back my tears, I ask, ‘Erik, right before I left the house 10-15 minutes before you killed yourself, I fussed at you about returning my iPhone to me and picking up the Pit Bike that you took to a friend’s house without our permission. Was that the last straw that made you pull the trigger?’ He laughs and says, “No! God no! You told me to do stuff all the time, Mom. I didn’t always listen. This you know! You’d tell me to do something, and I wouldn’t do it! When you were talking to me I have this shut off valve and I just shut you off.” (He shrugs) “I was there, but I just turned you off. I got really good at doing that. It meant nothing to me, nothing whatsoever. Was I upset or traumatized? Hell, no! I wasn’t even listening! The last thing I remember clearly about me and you was you said good night to me and gave me a kiss. That’s the last thing I hold dear between us on the earthly plane together.” He chuckles and continues: “When you went into MM or ‘mom mode,’ I had a switch and I would turn you off. I would be there, and I would look at you but nothing would get through.” (God, how I know that expression!) “Oh, tell Pappa I just got a boat!” I tell him I will then, wanting to cram in as many questions as I could in such a limited time, I ask my next question. ‘Erik, who are my guides?’ “You have 56 of them. They’re organizing together to help you write a book. They say you’re going to do all the channeling yourself.” Wow, 56 seems like a pretty high number, I think to myself. I guess I need all the help I can get! But channeling on my own? That hardly seems possible! Erik breaks my reverie to ask, “Hey Mom, you asked about Allie and Jordan? I’ve seen Allie and I’m kind of upset because we just had an argument. You know how I can’t stand people telling me what to do? Allie is doing that for some reason. I don’t understand. I don’t remember her being like this on the earthly plane. She’s gotten kind of bossy and I have a hard time being around her. She got mad at me, because I didn’t agree with everything she said so she kind of banished me from her universe, and I told her if she wants to talk again, she knows where to find me.” “As for Jordan, we hang out together” He chuckles at the pun, because Jordan committed suicide by hanging herself. This upsets Kim, and she admonishes him “Erik you have the most irreverent sense of humor!” She then directs her attention to me, saying, “I think he does that partly to tease me.” ‘Yes, he’s always been a big teaser!’ I assure her. “Oh my God!” Kim exclaims, still rattled by his Erik’s comment. Amused by the effect his remarks made on Kim, Erik continues, “Yeah, Jordan and I hang out together and we’re really close buds. She’s come to visit you guys too. Jordan has gotten really really close to Aunt Denise. I thought Michelle and I were partners in crime! Oh! Jordan and Denise! Holy shit! Then, Erik abruptly changes the subject, obviously bored with where it was going. I could feel the pent up excitement as he again announced with pride, “I just got a boat! I finally got my own place. It’s like a condo. It’s my bachelor pad.” ‘So you can create all this and have a life similar to the one of earth?’ I ask. “Yeah, we can have everything we have on Earth. We can go out for pizza, have relationships, get married, it’s just the same, but we can manifest everything so much faster plus we don’t have the issues we did on the earthly plane. We have our life’s work, we travel, we can have children. I have my bachelor pad. It’s at the beach. But by the beach there’s a loch or fjord where I take my boat. It looks like Scotland here. I love it!” Kim says he’s showing her his place and she starts giggling. She says, “It’s sort of what you’d expect for a bachelor. He has a leather couch and a big flat screen TV, an end table with a lamp, a bed, a lamp next to the couch. That’s it! It’s pretty sparse!” Kim asks him, “No table? Where do you eat?” “On the couch in front of the TV!” he replies as though this should be blatantly obvious. I ask if he’s met Tommy, the son of a dear family friend who died in an automobile accident a few years ago. Nonchalantly, Erik responds, “Yeah, he’s here, he’s here! And Mom, he likes to go by Tom now. He’s married. He has kids. He’s living the good life!” ‘Do you hang out with him?’ I ask. “Yeah, some, but not like I do with Jordan and Denise. Tom’s busy with his wife and kids and his business. But yeah, I’ve been over there for dinner. Tom’s really happy living a really full life. He knows what he has now he couldn’t have had on the earthly plane. The way he passed was his destiny.” ‘Okay. Erik, there is something else I’m wondering. How do I know it’s you I’m channeling and not me making this all up?’ I ask. “Mom, you’re really anal about that! I’ll come to you in dreams, and they’ll be really lucid so you’ll have total recall. And I’ll tell you in the dream when I’m talking to you like ‘Hey Mom, it’s me.’” I still long for some sort of confirmation so I ask him, ‘Can you give me proof that it’s you speaking through Kim?’ After a long pause, he replies, “Michelle’s gift card. That’s the best thing you can do. You’ve been wondering about that. Mom does that work? That’s all I can come up with now. Gift card for Michelle. And I’ll tell you it’s me. You know my energy. You know if you hear ‘Hello Mother, what a beautiful day it is today,’ you’ll know it’s not me!” That comforts me somewhat, because I do sometimes hear his voice in my head when I talk to him between our sessions with Kim. Until the next one, I intend to bend his ear, practice picking up on his energy and voice, and basically make an utter nuisance of myself. Although Erik and I spent a great deal of time communicating with one another while he was alive, I agree that we may be communicating even more now that he’s in spirit form. Poor guy will probably need earplugs and a cave to hide in, but I guess turnabout’s fair play, Erik! Love you, Darling.