Humans are complex beings. They are a tapestry of emotions that interweave with one another to create the fabric that is Us. The emotions that are birthed by struggle are engaged in an intricate dance that defines the human experience. This poem illustrates that moving ballet.

Uncertainty is the root of fear

Distrust is the root of uncertainty

Scarcity is the root of distrust

Hostility is the root of scarcity

Sorrow is the root of hostility

Attachment is the root of sorrow

Fear is the root of attachment

Chaos is the root of all

Harmony is the equal opposite of chaos

UNCERTAINTY

Life holds a lot of insecurity and doubt, two things with which I don’t do well. Perhaps because of the unpredictable nature of my childhood, I need to know what lurks around the corner at every waking moment. Am I making the right decision? Am I on the right path? Will this day bring me pleasure or pain? Life is a wild mustang, and I need a tight hold on its reins, but sometimes I can’t even find those reins. Sometimes I feel like I’m riding bareback galloping with abandon through a forest of low hanging branches. Fear and its cousin, dread, wash over me at those moments, moments that seem more frequent than they should.

Me: Erik, in this life flow you talk about, you say that uncertainty is the root of fear. Can you explain? There have been many times when I’ve been uncertain about my choices or my future, and that’s often made me feel so afraid. Like while you were going through your dark periods of depression, I didn’t know whether you were going to kill yourself or not. At one point, I was so scared that not a day went by that I didn’t think about that with dread.

Erik: I know, Mom. I’m sorry I put you through that hell. I guess I was in my own Hell. First, we need to talk about what fear is. Fear is the absence of love and acceptance. When there’s an absence of love and acceptance, there can only be uncertainty because there’s an unknown, a mystery.

Me: What does uncertainty have to do with the absence of love and acceptance?

Erik: You’re blind to what you can’t love and accept. It’s not even in your reality, so it’s a mystery.

Me: I don’t understand.

Erik: Mom, if you’re staring something in the face, and you can’t love it, and you can’t accept it, it’s not going away. It’s still going to stare back. What do you think you’re going to go through? What emotional pit are you going to fall into?

Me (chuckling): I’d think, ‘Why is that creepy stalker staring at me? What’s it there for?’

Erik: What does it need, or what do I need to give it, or how can I get rid of it? All questions and no answers. I’m talking about a person, a situation, an experience, whatever you’re up against that you think of as an unknown that you’re not sure about, and you don’t have full control over. This creates uncertainty. “I do not know how to receive, direct or react to this scary mystery. What do I do?”

Me: So you ‘re uncertain because you don’t have the answers to resolve your fear.

Erik: Yes, and when you’re certain about what direction to take, the fear will automatically disappear.

Me: What are some of the things that make people uncertain?

Erik: Like I said before, our whole fucking world has been teaching everyone how to choose and how to behave, and if you feel like you’re not hitting the mark, then you’re not “right.” There’s something “wrong” with you. The thing you need to do if you feel that uncertainty is reflect on the emotions surrounding whatever you’re uncertain about. That’s a healthy way to deal with it. When you explore why you have doubt, you’ll see that uncertainty is your lack of a sense of control and not knowing what the outcome is going to be. There’s this fear that what happens is nothing like you wanted or expected, and it won’t fit who you want to be. That’s scary, but, again, you can get uncertainty to empower you.

Me: Instead of making us fearful?

Erik: Yeah. It can motivate you to look at how you feel. When you have that feeling of uncertainty, look at it as this opportunity, a weakness that strengthens you. When you’re uncertain, realize that it’s mostly driven by logic. It’s about being confused logically, which messes up how you feel. I would first find out more details. Go back to the situation, and ask more. It’s okay to say or think, “I don’t get it. I want to get it. I’m patient. I’m here. Explain it again,” instead of crumbling and going, “Oh, I must be fucking stupid because I don’t get this shit. I’m just going to have to pretend I get it, and now I’m not sure. It’s all going to blow up in my face.” So be patient with yourself; contemplate why you feel the way you do, and then logically figure out how you’re going to move forward. Once you have all that and if you’re still uncertain about what the mystery outcome is going to be, look at why you are afraid of it. What could be the worst that could happen? This is changing your projected fear to be more of a risk management situation. If you can assess your fear from a risk management perspective, you can see possible outcomes, and you can make plans for how to handle each. So “I already collected the information, and I’m still uncertain. Now I’m going to ask, ‘What am I afraid of?’ Then I’ll find all of the things I’m afraid of in all of these possible outcomes in the situation, and I’m going to figure out what I’m going to do in each case.”

Me: Okay.

Erik: Then you’re prepared. You have some control over the fear. You’re in the driver’s seat. After you’ve done all of this, step back and ask yourself if you’re still uncertain. When you go through all of these steps, you broaden your focus to notice other opportunities, and you ask yourself why you don’t take enough risks or what your true fears are. Maybe you’re afraid of success, not failure. Maybe you’re afraid of being vulnerable with a lover, not dealing with commitment issues. I’m just saying that by really examining the feelings you have at the root of your uncertainty, you can discover yourself.

Me: So it’s pretty much about that big motto you stress over and over, “Feel first; think second.”

Erik: Yup, and when you resolve your uncertainty, the mystery is replaced by awareness.

Me: You’re aware of the lesson.

Erik: Right. In some spiritual circles it’s called “being present” or “being in the Now.” Ultimately it’s recognizing that we, by nature, are empowered. You can’t be empowered unless you’re aware of your power.