Remembering Why I’m Here

A few weeks ago, a blog member wanted to say that, although she enjoyed my posts immensely, she had not forgotten the tremendous tragedy that had brought me to this point. I so appreciated that comment, because long gone are those earlier entries about grief and loss as we have moved into the uncharted territory of the nonphysical world and the human experience. But not a day goes by that I don’t think about my boy. In the morning when I open my eyes and in the night when I close them. I forger that it’s only been a little over three years.

I know those days are gone when I used to read him bedtime stories and tuck him in at night, fuss at him to do his homework or finish his chores or brush his cheek with a kiss and tell him to be careful as he leaves with his friends to go to a party. Yes, I know he’s alive in another dimension, and he’s happier than he’s ever been. Our relationship is as happy as it’s every been. But I share this for a reason that is not as selfish as at first it may seem, because I speak for everyone who’s lost a child—everyone who’s lost someone they love. It still hurts, because no matter how thin that gossamer veil is, it’s still too goddam thick. But take heart in knowing that at least we know they’re there. They’re alive. They’re happy. And we’ll be together, because we’re eternal beings. You can’t argue with forever, baby.

Thank you for remembering what got me here.

(Arggh. It won’t let me use Verdana or any other font. Just italics vs. plain font.)

On another subject, I’d like to announce a wonderful opportunity for those living in and around Texas. If not, I think the DVD of this documentary will be available soon:


The Path Beyond the Physical 

The Path Austin

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About Author

Elisa Medhus


  • Dawn Pinke Anderson

    Beautiful Elisa! Thank you!

  • Jen

    I’ve been here for a few months, maybe half a year, and I recently started from the very beginning of the blog and began working my way back to more recent posts. I’m still just awestruck by your personal journey. I can’t tell you how many times I just cry reading about all you’ve gone through, and all Erik has done to obtain forgiveness from you and himself, how he healed himself, how he grows, and how he became an insightful guide to others.

    I’m actually going to start meditating soon (If I can figure out how. It’s not all just sitting quiet with some good music, is it?) and trying to raise my vibrational energy — or whatever. I’m terrible at this already. It’s gunna take a while, I can tell.

    Anyway — I didn’t want to tell you this until I knew for sure. I have no idea if this is legitimate or not, and I know Erik preaches there are no coincidences… I few weeks ago, I decided to chill out in bed and practice drawing on my iPad Mini. I decided to practice male portraits because I am horrible at drawing people (I prefer animals by far). Well, it was all going fine. I was working on proportions, shading, etc. I noticed I started picking rather outlandish colors. It’s not unusual for me to be colorful, but the colors weren’t even coordinated or realistic. I didn’t think too much of it until I said to myself in my head, “[scoff] You’re making me look like the Joker.”

    I paused because, well… Why on earth would something like that come into my head? Why would I say that to myself? I looked at the drawing and realized it looked a lot like Erik. I was in denial for a moment, and then I became really self-conscious and it became harder to draw. I actually felt him (Well, I think I did. Really not wanting to jump to conclusions here.) watching me over my right shoulder as I drew and making little comments about how he should look, like his nose, how he should be smiling, and everything. Then he went quiet and just watched, or maybe I shut him out because I was nervous. He left shortly after. Just kinda tapered out.

    It has -really- bothered me for weeks now, so I figured I should just get it out and in the open. I think I want to do a complete digital portrait of Erik, maybe the one of him and Arleen (I think that’s what he wants. I tried picking out pictures with him.), but I want to meditate on it first. Of course, if this is all okay with you. I always feel weird doing portraits of/for people without their permission.

    Wow, I feel a lot better getting all that out. Maybe I should have e-mailed this.

    • As, Jen, Erik is a gift to us, but so are all of the blog members including you. Clearly Erik has commissioned you to draw his portrait. Maybe he knows you’re the one who’ll make him look more handsome than he is. Promise you’ll send me a copy? Love you !

      • Jen

        I will absolutely! I also forgot to add one thing. I think he remarked that he chose the colors he did in the original portrait because the colors matched how he felt over there, with blues and pinks and purples that practically glow. I’ll try to consult with Erik more about the portrait. I feel so much better after telling you this.

      • 🙂

    • Patrick De Haan

      Like Elisa said, the veil usually seems too goddamned thick (apologies and thanks to God for blasphemy and being such a good adjective) BUT in this case Jen, you just described “channeling.”

      • Jen

        This is great! I’m not surprised he contacted me while I was drawing because I’m practically meditating when I am. Maybe I’m one of those psychic artists? I’m so excited! Going to explore this more.

      • jasonatshapeofacloud

        Yes, as Patrick and Elisa mention….same here. You were channeling him. As I was reading your post he popped in and nodded yes. He’s quite present with all those who look for him and participate here. I see it happen time and time again. The only thing that halted your movement was your doubt moved your focus from a detached inward look, to a misdirected outward look. Just like connecting to your muse, or creative center, treat your intention to connect to him as a unquestioned default of fact, regardless of how it feels. He’ll hear you if your intention is right. Go to that zone, and let it happen and don’t let worry mess with it. Just record, draw, write, hear, or see what is what is, and let the rest go for another time. Make sense? Take note of any skin sensations that happen as you do this.It can be another clue that youve made a connection. Over time, it will feel comfortable.

    • Brandi

      Jen, that’s so cool! I’m so excited for you that you’re trying this out. It’s amazing. The confidence will come the more you work on it. I hope we all get to see your work. 🙂

    • George

      If i may pop in too with my “expert” opinion, meditation isn’t like some magic that happens, we all do it frequently every day – it means taking yourself from the intense to the carefree state of your mind. And ofcourse that helps a lot as it allows you to think outside the box 🙂

      • Jen

        Yes, it does! I have “spiritual ADHD” and specifically scheduled daily meditation sessions have been helping me leash and unleash my thoughts with some amount of control. It is a huge work in progress, though.

  • Dina

    Thank you Elisa, your words and mission to bring our loved ones close to us is what keeps me same most days. I lost my son Christopher Micheal Thomas to the same fate as your son six months ago and yes there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him and give him all the positive love I can sent out. I know he is alive and doing much better in his spirit body, but yes I miss the earthly body that you could hug and kiss. I wish Texas wasn’t so far away I would love to attend the presentation. Its ironic that its in Austin Texas, thats were my son lived…
    Hugs to you Elisa and Erik:-)

  • Brandi

    Elisa, I hope you know how much we all love you. I’m still new to this journey as well, having only discovered the blog in January and going back through from the beginning. Sometimes it seems like you’re still in the same place I’m reading, but I know you can’t be. I’m so grateful for this community you’ve brought together. I no longer feel alone and I hope you know that you’re not alone either.

    • Oh I’m not alone. I know that. I couldn’t have gotten through this without you guys. I too felt so alone before.

  • Jason!! You’re here!!

  • Stanley

    Hi Elisa. I do admit sometimes I forget the horrible path Erik and your family took to get here. Erik is always on my mind. And I say goodnight to him every night, just as I do say to my guardian angels as well. And it’s amazing how a horrible event such as suicide, can go on to help so many people in such a short time. And bring together so many like people. Before the Channeling Erik blog, I had yet to meet anyone else who had similar gifts as me. And because of those new friends, I have made leaps and bounds, though feels so slow at times. And I owe this all to Erik and Elisa, for they made all this possible. I can’t thank you enough. And at the same time, I agree that as thin as the viel might be, it’s still too thick. While I am still happy to have contact with my friends Pam, Sandra and DJ who passed away, it’s just not the same. Talking remains a challenge but is getting better. But what I miss most, and as Elisa expanded on, is the physical. Touching, hugging and the sort. What I found helps with my own grief is to know my friends are not poof gone. That one day when my time too comes to cross over to spirit, I will be able to be with them again. And that helps dull the pain a bit. So I will stop here by saying Erik and Elisa, you have my deepest thanks for making Channeling Erik possible and all it has done. It’s had a huge positive impact on my life that I will never forget. **hug**

  • texasmom74

    Elisa, I’ve recently watched some of the YouTube videos & I even commented to myself how your voice seems happy. Doesn’t mean he’s forgotten but it sure gives me hope regarding death of our loved ones!

  • Tiggg

    So true Elisa, not having that physical contact is heart wrenching at times. The ache so horrible that we want to close our eyes and wake up with them on the other side. Times when we position ourselves in the fetal position and feel that nothing will ever take this pain and emptiness away.

    Thanks to time and people like you and Erik who share so much of yourselves with us and help us work on our broken hearts. Thanks 🙂 and I don’t think any of us ever forget that awful tragedy that brought you to this blog. xo

  • I needed this today Elisa on one of my lowest days since Hamish died. I’ve never forgotten that you are grieving mum first, as I am. Today, that’s all I could be. Tomorrow is a new day. x

    • This is what this post is about. For you. For everyone who grieves. As much as we’ve learned that our loved ones are there and happy, it still hurts.

      • So eloquently put, Tigg. And the point is that this is a community, not only to gain information and spiritual insight, but to gain emotional support of every kind, especially grief.

  • Matt

    Thanks for all you and Erik do, you’ve both helped me grow.

  • I’m happy mostly during these sessions because it’s like he’s in the room talking to me. Still, there are days… But don’t worry, because those days get better and better and better. I promise! The little moments of joy peek out. Then they become more frequent and more frequent until you slip into that joy as though it’s a pair of your most comfortable bedtime slippers. Plus knowing that our loved ones are really alive and that we can communicate with them and that we will eventually be with them is wonderful.

  • Edie

    Much love to you Elisa. I hope you are having a relaxing weekend.

  • You too, Edie!

  • Jen

    Really appreciate this reply, Jason. I visited a tarot card reader today to see what’s up. He remarked that I’m very intuitive, but I really over think things. He said if I just trust my first instinct, I could improve. If I don’t, things could end up with unsatisfactory results.

    I’m a professional worrier of everything from how people perceive me to being a perfectionist. Erik is aware of this, I think, and I believe he’s been prodding me with information. I can’t confirm any of this, though, which frustrates me. Like a vicious cycle.

    I’m working on it every day now!

    • you got ripped off!

    • Michelle Klammer Schrantz

      Oh my gosh, Jen! I just read your posts here and I’m stunned that YOU seem like a clone of me. Or maybe a twin, don’t want to steal your cool identity or anything 😉

      First of all, beside this point, I love your honesty and cool self-observation about feeling for Erik. And second, it’s weird reading what you wrote, I’d think I was reading something I posted. I know that’s odd, in and of itself. Not to creep you out — I’m not a blog stalker — but I’ve been reading Elisa’s beautiful (and heartbreaking) story here on this blog and I’ve become so intrigued with the perspective that Erik brings to my life. Everything has changed for me. Like you, I’m an artist (yet I have always been a portrait maker) and I’m quite intuitive but I over-think (and doubt) just about everything. I’m a crazy perfectionist too and Erik has been giving me little messages daily to become a fan of ME — to accept myself.

      Thanks for sharing what you experience when Erik visited you while you were drawing. I think I JUST got the message that I need to do more drawing. Which I already knew, but you just validated for me. 🙂 ;0)x

      btw, I see people out and about in my day that LOOK like Erik, for example, someone walking up ahead of me in a parking lot that has his hair and what I’d imagine his physique to have been when he was here in the physical. …so, bizarre and yet fun to experience

      • Jen

        Yep, that’s happened a lot to me and a multitude of other CE readers too! You’ll “see” him everywhere. And yeah, he has validated a few times that it IS him in a weird illusion way that they can do. Crazy!

        So cool to meet another artist on this journey, and so likeminded! If you ever get around to doing an Erik portrait (and you should; he’s so fun to draw), you have to let Elisa know so we can all see it. 🙂

        I’m still working on the fan of “me” part. Maybe that will always be a work in progress, so don’t feel so inclined to rush on that part. It will take time.

        Thanks for the awesome comment, twin! Really made my morning.

  • Terri Moreno Gelbaum

    Elisa,you are so dear to us. It’s so hard to hear you’re unhappy even for a moment. Thank you for reminding us of the blessings in our lives. Love you muchly.

  • Simon

    I understand

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