Vulnerability, Part One

God, we’re all over the map with this one. Try to stay keep up!

Me: Okay. Talk to me about vulnerability, Erik. What is its importance in relationship to connection, etc.?

Erik: That’s a great holiday topic right there.

Me: Oh, good. Ho, ho, ho!

Erik: Yeah, you should really just kind of save it and type it up for Christmas.

Me: Okay.

Of course I totally disobeyed his command.

Erik: The importance of vulnerability. It’s the same as the importance of eating, but it’s funny when we put it in those terms, because people get a little pissed. They think,” Really? Because it’s not that tangible. If I stop eating, I’ll die.” Well, people who choose not to be vulnerable die a little, too.

(Pregnant pause)

Jamie: He’s situating himself on the couch.

Me: Probably adjusting his package.

Jamie guffaws.

Me: You know you always used to do that, Erik.

Jamie sighs.

Jamie (to Erik): Don’t! I don’t want to know that, Erik! Nope. Switch topic.

Me: What? What’s he saying?

Jamie: Telling. Sharing too much.

Me: Huh?

Jamie: Sharing too much about a topic.

Me (fussing at him): What is it, Erik?

Erik: Just how it’s so big, it gets tangled in odd places, so I have to straighten it out.

Me: Well, that is true. I remember accidentally seeing him pee in the Bahamas, and I was pretty shocked.

Jamie (giggling): I don’t think you’re supposed to be saying that.

Me: Who, me?

Jamie (laughing hard, now): Yes!

Me: Oh, sorry. I’m a doctor, so this kind of stuff is natural to me. It’s just the body, you know. But he was always very proud of his junk.

Erik: Yes, I did not have to hide.

When will we ever get on track? I guess this was meant to test Jamie’s vulnerability.

Me: Okay. Go ahead. Talk to me.

Jamie (sighing): Importance of vulnerability.

Erik (laughing): Is to have a big dick.

Jamie and I chuckle. Enough already.

Erik: Nah, seriously. When you start to withhold, whether it’s information that you’re embarrassed about or it’s emotions that you wished you didn’t have or just don’t know how to comprehend, don’t know how to accept—or even this, Mom: If it’s an emotion that you’re going through but that you’re denying—you know how people do that. That’s an awesome American trait where people say, “No, you’re angry,” and they go, “No, I’m not angry. I’m just a little upset; I’m just disappointed. I’m fine.”

Jamie: He’s making very awful whiny, girlie voices.

Erik (teasing): Yeah, because you know it’s only the girls that lie.

Me: Yeah, right!

Jamie (to Erik): You’re so full of it.

Erik: Even those who are doing it subconsciously and not consciously kind of ruin a person’s energetic balance. Vulnerability is not the same as being honest. Truth, right?

Me: Okay.

Erik: Cuz you can say your truth in words, but then completely lock down your emotions. So, vulnerability is that emotional honesty. It’s knowing, without a doubt, you can share yourself 100% and nobody can damage or hurt you no matter what. (Pause) So, why is it important? Doesn’t everybody dream about being a superhero, you know, where you can just be you and never get hurt? Now, I don’t mean that you’ll never get into a car accident or somebody won’t throw a punch to your face. I’m not talking about that kind of hurt. I’m talking about, um, I’m talking about embarrassment. I’m talking about blackmail.

Jamie (laughing): Yeah, because blackmail is a part of everybody’s day?

Erik: Well, cuz people are embarrassed about how they react or how they feel and fear of judgment. Imagine having a life where you’re not worried about being judged! That’s what emotional vulnerability can do for you. So, when you lay it all out there, emotionally, you have to get used to how to handle it. It comes with other traits like, “Oh, —

Jamie (laughing): This is the one thing I like about Erik. He’ll talk to you, and then he’ll quickly pretend he’s somebody else to put the point on the topic.

I chuckle in acknowledgement.

Jamie: Like this. Like—


Jamie (to Erik): Oh, well start over, then. (pause) I didn’t screw you up! (pause) You shouldn’t listen to me, then! You should remember where you are!

I can’t help but laugh at this sibling like squabble.

Jamie (still needling Erik): Well, just pick up somewhere else!

Jamie: Aahhck! Oh, fine! He’s asking you what he was just saying.

Me: Ah oh.

Jamie: I know. I can’t remember either, that’s the funny thing. Let’s see. Comes with other lessons like responsibility? Lay it on the table? Or is your responsibility? What belongs to others? I can’t remember what he was telling me before we got off track, but then he was doing the funny voice like, “Oh, I didn’t know that I was responsible for that.” Like a dumb surfer dude voice.

Erik: Oh, yeah. But we often think that the way we behave is what’s going to create a reaction in someone else, and that’s when we get trained into being pleasers. We wanna keep the energy and the environment smooth. Well, smooth doesn’t necessarily equal good, so why the fuck do we have it memorized like that? Oh, I remember. Cuz we were taught that shit by our parents and by the schools. Thanks dudes. That’s changing, though. That’s changing with the new set of parents.

Me: That’s what one of my books was about. Raising Children Who Think for Themselves. It teaches parents how to raise kids who are self-directed, who don’t become approval seekers and who can make decisions based on their own sense of right and wrong instead of what will win them outside acceptance.

Erik: Everyone should read that book, Mom. Parents and authorities and even teachers, you know, are starting to ask, “What do you feel?” “What do you need?” And then it’s, “Well, Johnny doesn’t like that, but you need it; you like it, so that shouldn’t change who you are.” They’re teaching that it’s okay to have all of these differences in the same room, because they can actually embrace each other. Now, if you’re the first person to be vulnerable—

Jamie (to Erik, whispering): Oh my god, Erik. (pause) I’ll say it. I’ll say it.

Erik: If you’re the first person in the room to be vulnerable, that doesn’t make you the fag in the room.

Jamie (to Erik): Sorry. Maybe you want to change that. (pause) Because we don’t use that anymore! (pause) Oh my god, no! That is NOT an example! He goes, “Look what you’re doing. That’s an example, trying to please—“


Jamie (to Erik): No! That is NOT an example. You’re trying to reach certain readers. (pause) No, you can’t use “queer” either. It’s the same thing. (pause) Okay, fine. Retarded. Whatever.

Me: How about “pussy”?

Erik: Love it.

Jamie: Next. Let’s keep going. He loves it.

Erik: It doesn’t make you a pussy. Right. It doesn’t make you the stupid one, the weak one—

Jamie (to Erik): Oh my god. See? You can’t (pause) Thank you. (in an excited, high-pitched voice) THANK YOU!

Me: Huh?

Jamie: Oh, he just said fine, that he heard me. He would not use the word “fag” anymore. He agreed. 

Me: See? He can learn!

Jamie (to Erik): Look at that! It’s because you sat up and listened to your mom, man!

Me: There we go! I love you so much, Erik!

Erik (throwing noisy kisses): Muuaah!

Jamie: Plus he didn’t mean that as a derogatory term toward gays anyway. He’s not that way. 

Me: Of course he’s not. He’s never been prejudiced.

Erik: I know, I know. Let’s get moving. So, if you’re the first one in the room to open up, that doesn’t make you the pussy. That doesn’t make you the weaker one. Now, it will kind of set you aside. You will be different. But within the lesson, what you’re learning is that different is acceptable. Different is what is needed. All these differences—that’s like finally getting rid of racism. Vulnerability gets rid of racism.

Me: How nice.

Erik: Because, you know, your vulnerability doesn’t have to be pleasing. It doesn’t have to fit. You could be being yourself, being true, and that’s what’s needed to create harmony. It’s all that warped lying and crap and shit that’s out there—that’s what hurts so bad. 


If any of you haven’t voted in the 2013 Bloggies, please do so if you get something positive out of Channeling Erik. If you find the voting process too difficult for you, I’ll be happy to help. Just email your email address to me at Otherwise, here are the instructions. I’m very grateful for your efforts. This means a lot to me.

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About Author

Elisa Medhus

  • kami hendrix

    Topic Highlight : “I have a big dick.” I HAVE TOTALLY BOOKMARKED THIS CONVERSATION. I am half crying from laughing so hard. Call Kaiser Permanente. S.O.S

    • Sigh. He didn’t get it from me.

      • liz

        Hahahaha–this is great. Hey, Erik had a hard life; it’s the the not-so-little things that count, eh?! 😉

      • Simon

        but ghosts don’t need dicks, is it correct for me to use the word ghost? 🙂 Well let’s not say Eric is a Dick haha, you gotta love him 🙂

      • HAHA! Did you read his book? He said that’s the first thing he noticed about his new spirit body. No dick.

      • Simon

        I don’t know where I can get your book

      • Who’s? Erik’s and mine are on all the online bookstores and most of the brick and mortar ones.

      • Simon

        oh well I am on a now online buying hiatus because I was spending too much 😉 I will buy myself a copy when I am financially better off

    • Patrick De Haan

      At least he didn’t say “I am a big dick”. And fags are just cigarettes.

  • kami hendrix

    I’m also SUPER DUPER happy that I read this. I have problems with being vulnerable and Erik and my friends are helping me through that. I get really really paranoid about it 🙁

  • MikeHulse

    This is my Achilles heel. And I think more so for blokes. Showing vulnerability or emotions or sensitivity can make you look weak. Men are supposed to be the provider/protector. This just seems to fly in the face of that. You have to man up, stop behaving like a girl and get on with the job in hand.

    I’m being reminded of a scene in the film Predator (with Arnold Schwarznegger) a group of renegade macho types are flying into the forest. And in one scene Jesse Ventura is passing around chewing tobacco. Everyone refuses it. And he quips “bunch o’ slack jawed faggots around here, this stuff will make you into a god damned sexual tyrannosaurus – just like me”. That to me just epitomises the typical male.

    How the hell we get from that to showing vulnerability is beyond me.

    • Patrick De Haan

      Good channeling, Mike! Who ever knew a tyrannosaurus was sexual? Seriously, you’re right. We men get trained early on to prove virility to other men.
      Real virility is giving a good time, not just running one’s mouth about it.

      • Sexy rexy!

      • MikeHulse

        You are right Patrick and most men I know will take a lot of changing to bring themselves more in line with the divine. How many men though will assume that this means they have to be homosexual to achieve this.

        I only tend to be vulnerable when I’m with my family, outside of that am pretty much an Alpha Male. Although my career is shifting from IT work to Reiki healing and such like. So maybe there is hope for me.

  • Lisa Potter

    A willingness to be vulnerable can go much deeper than a conscience decision, it can relate to childhood abuse. In me it’s so hard wired, it’s really really frightening to feel vulnerable. I wish it was as easy as just deciding to go for it…. but I know he’s right.

  • Lorraine (LP)

    Elisa I am going to read your book; I am always looking for ways to help with this for my children. Thanks for sharing and though Erik was all over the place, lol, I still received a powerful message, thank you!

  • dollparts

    voted. <3

    Good article; applies to me, since I rarely open up or even talk. Hahah

  • Denise

    Erik, Say hi to John Holmes. I am assuming you “hang” together.

    • HAHA!!! Johnny has nothing on Erik!

      • kami hendrix

        OH REALLY? Lmfaooooo. Did he look like this when he came out of the womb? *warning – SUPER graphic*

    • Patrick De Haan

      You mean they’re not “hung” up?

      Joke time….(not Erik’s joke either)

      Three guys go to the top of The Empire State Building to prove who’s the longest. Stud #1 unzips and lets it drop. “Look” he says, with a shit eating grin, “65th floor!” Stud number 2 opens his fly and lets loose. “50th floor, motherfuckers, beat that!” They look for member #3 (pun intended) who’s on the other side of the building, dancing a jig. They give each other a WTF face and shimmy closer for a better look. “What choo doin’, man?” they both ask. #3 answers, “Dodging traffic”.

      (Apologies for the American male vernacular to those who might be offended, none intended.)

      • Bagga Wells

        oh, Patrick!!! You have me spitting my dinner across the room as I am howling!!!

    • MikeHulse

      At least it’s not John Wayne Bobbit style lol

  • Deb

    Wow! That hit a little too close to home)))))))) Great read!!!

  • Kami, you are TOO much! I know Erik LOVES it. And yes, I remember when Erik was born, everyone told me he was “well-endowed” and I had no idea what they were talking about. He was my first boy.

  • Patrick De Haan

    Name that baby Tripod.

  • Edie

    @ age 49, I,m still so afraid about what people may think of me. The thought of people talking negatively about me really bothers me. I do take everything Erik says to heart and practice, so I will work on it. Congratulations on the book. I’m so happy for you!

  • Rach

    Hi Elisa, one of my blog readers sent me your link and it’s opened my eyes and given me comfort. I lost my 20 month old son Hamish in October and I feel like I’m living with my heart ripped out of my chest. Thank you for being brave enough to blog this. Rach x (

  • Dusty

    Wow. Great post. Erik really pulls out all the stops to teach a concept. Does he have any thoughts on creating a safe environment for vulnerability to occur? Something about a community with ground rules perhaps? Or does he just let it all “hang” out?

  • Gwen

    Great post! ….. What comes to mind and this can be used as a affirmation….”What people think of of me is none of my business”….What a relief!!
    (What matters is what I think about me)


  • Allen

    In addition to a great message and something to make one think, it is refreshing to be reminded that humor is very prevelent on the other side. :0)
    I hope it’s only second to love as far as being universal.

  • MikeHulse

    Amazing what you can do with Photoshop these days. lol

  • LMAO! He’s probably just tell us to use a mantra like, “It’s none of your fucking business.”

  • Denise

    In the words of a great man,”I love you but it’s no concern of yours.”

  • Nehaa

    Its a wonderful idea of allowing vulnerability. We all keep shells to protect ourselves. Thanks for sharing this. Looking forward to Part II.

  • What powerful information. I find it very difficult to be vulnerable.

  • Nancy Antia

    Dear Elisa, I voted the day after you first asked us to do it. This blog is by far the most necessary one in the web. I hope we win!

    • You’re wonderful! I hope we win too. It’s OUR blog, Nancy!

      • Nancy Antia

        I know, Elisa. We will!

  • Nancy Antia

    Elisa, I’m becoming increasingly good at understanding slang words and expressions I have never seen in my life before as well as some others that certainly do not belong to our old “classroom English”. Back to classes! What’s not so funny is sometimes I don’t get the jokes 🙂 (I don’t get them in Spanish either so I don’t worry too much about it).

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