Announcement: If you go to Patrick’s site, The Amendment (www.theamendment.net) then you’ll find all sorts of interesting interviews including those of controversial historic figures who shall remain nameless. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. (hint, hint)

Very often, I receive really, really long emails from readers. That’s no problem because most of the are interesting, but I’ve struggle with reading since Erik died. For some reason, I can’t track across a page well. I try, but my eyes go from words on one line then skip to words on another line. I can only get the gist of the text and probably miss a lot of the content. I also have had problems with timelines. If someone asks me when I saw so-and-so last, I wouldn’t be able to tell him or her if it was days, weeks or months ago. I can barely remember what happened before Erik’s death and what happened after it, and that’s pretty much how time is defined for me. PTSD causes all sorts of cognitive dysfunctions. Hopefully, my brain will slowly rewire itself. If you have PTSD for whatever reason, please share your experiences. What cognitive functions have been impaired? How long have you had this problem? Has it improved? If so, over what time period and to what degree. 

I think I posted this before, but again, my memory has really taken a hit since Erik’s death. I spend around 4 hours of a day answering emails, and I enjoy reading them. The problem is that I keep my replies very, very short because I just don’t have time to do otherwise. This also applies to answering both blog and Facebook comments directed toward me, Facebook private messages, Google chats, etc. It comes off as rude, but I want everyone to know that this doesn’t mean I don’t love you and take an interest in what you write. Sometimes I’ll add a smiley face so you don’t think I’m too much of a bitch.

Okay, enough rambling. I guess it’s time for the main event.

Robert: Erik makes me laugh sometimes!

Robert translates what Erik said.

Erik: So, dude, what’s the difference between being assertive and being an asshole?

Robert: I don’t know. What?

Erik: They both start with the word, “ass.”

Robert and I laugh.

Robert: Well assertive means confident.

Erik: Yeah, and that’s what I’m saying about it. Sometimes I don’t even like to use the word, “confident” or any other word that starts with “con”, because what’s the first three letters? C-O-N. Con. Think of the word, “Con.” It’s like you’re being taken. People have certain words that they associate with different meanings. They don’t pick up on the negativity, but when you think about it, when someone is being assertive, they’re usually going to be looked at by somebody in a negative way.

Me: Yeah, it’s almost like you’re wielding some kind of power over that person.

Erik: Yeah, and some people think that person’s being an asshole, but when you say you’re confident, that brings a different kind of meaning. What label you put on yourself may be looked at as a different label to the other person. That’s why I hate fucking labels. They’re just words. They don’t tell you jack shit about the intent or emotions behind them. They also open things up to judgment. I think the best word to use to remove judgmental labeling or whatever is “certainty.” When you’re confident, you are certain.

Me: Yeah, when you use the label, “assertive,” it’s like you’re sparring with the other person, but with the other word, “certainty,” it’s you, alone.

Robert: These are the kind of discussions that Erik and I have. Oh, and Erik tells me something else that’s important to bring up. (Laughing) The other thing he brought up, because I needed to laugh, I was lying on the floor doing some meditation to get ready for our session and refocus myself, and I was doing some of that chanting that we learned during the weekend in Austin.

Me: Oh, yeah.

Robert: So, I got to a point where Erik said, “Okay, dude. You don’t have to keep doing that anymore. Just be quiet,” and I was like, ‘Okay. Yeah,’ and then he said, “Just do what you do when you have sex. Just lie there.”

Robert and I howl in laughter.

Robert: I said, ‘Erik, you are just so wrong for that!’ I thought it was funny. He says some of the most inappropriate things, but I still think it’s funny.

Me: It’s hilarious!

Erik: Enough chitchat.

Robert: I guess he wants us to get to work!

We go on to interview Farrah Fawcett.