Hey all,

I received this email this afternoon, and I need your advice and honest feedback. I don’t know why, but it took the wind out of my sails a bit. I tend to be more vulnerable and fragile on the weekends, because, during the week, I focus so heavily on the blog and work that it distracts me from my grief, which is still quite fresh. It’s only been a matter of months since Erik died, but it’s still very painful, especially during those off days when I have time to remember…  But I see these moments are crucial parts of the grieving process, so I don’t want to wish them away. I have to go through this.

In the email below, I will address some remarks in italics–thoughts and explanations you might need to come to your own conclusions. I have learned in my 55 years on this planet that every criticism has a kernel of truth. I need help finding that truth so that I can face it. The only reason I think there is some truth hidden away in this email is because it hurt me deeply. If there is no truth in it, why would it hurt?

I don’t want flattery or defense. I just need objectivity. Hard to come by that commodity when looking through the grey glasses of grief. I know you are all wise and brave and care enough about me to provide me with an honest assessment. Thank you!

The Email

Hi Elisa,

I read the Huff Post article several weeks ago and have followed your blog with interest.  I lost my beloved firstborn son a year ago.  He was older than Erik, but still in life’s prime.  I also channel him, as well as other guides and teachers.  It’s a work in progress for me, too, and I have so much to learn.

There’s nothing I would like to see more than a long-overdue public acceptance of this sort of thing, but, Elisa, I have some strong reservations about a couple of things where your work is concerned.

For one, I feel that you are still so very ambitious for your son.  I understand the difficulty in letting go of our ambitions for our children.  My initial reaction to my son’s passing is that it took all of my hopes and dreams for him away.  More importantly, at a human level, it took his. One thing I will say about my parenting style is I’ve always taught my children to do what they love and do it lovingly. Money or status should never be factors. Frankly, they can dig ditches for all I care as long as they do so with pride and love. I even wrote about this in my book “Raising Everyday Heroes,” to point out the dangers of our meritocratic society where external achievements are valued more than internal ones like loyalty, perseverance and compassion. Why would Linda assume I was “ambitious” for Erik? Because it’s very common, especially among parents who are high achievers like physicians, lawyers, etc. I probably would have taken one look at “Dr. Medhus” and assume the same thing.

I have no reservations about telling people he was and is my heart and soul and a very, very special person.  But please believe me when I say that your frequent references to Erik’s greatness come across as nothing short of deification.  This may turn a lot of people off, as it does me. This does concern me. In the Huffpo article, I made it clear that Erik is no Dalai Lama or mountaintop guru. He has plenty of flaws, just as I do. But that’s what gives his perspective its uniqueness. He’s just like us. He’s not Seth or Abraham or God, he’s just little ol’ Erik. But I do feel like many have elevated Erik to a quasi-deity status that is perhaps not realistic. From the beginning, I’ve wanted this blog to be a journey, first my journey through grief, a means to vent, and then a journey toward truth and purpose. This needs to be about the message rather than about me or Erik. The message is what’s important here, and it’s much bigger than Erik and me.

Also, I saw your responses on another site to some non-believers.  Your comebacks were uncharitable, to put it mildly.  Within a short time, your responses to them had been deleted.  You seemed to take their comments as a direct assault on your son, and whether deservedly or not, your replies to them came across as quite vicious and personal, not from a spiritual place. Now this is simply not true. In fact, I looked at the site again today and all of my comments are still there and are extremely civil. The harshest it got was simply telling those who called me desperate and pathetic that I felt their remarks were unkind and to remember that my grief is still raw and fresh. Perhaps someone else wrote nasty comments using my name, but I don’t see any. Given the tone of the email, I don’t think Linda would intentionally lie, so this puzzles me. None of my comments have been deleted. They’re all there.

This is not about us.  Or even about Erik.  There’s nothing to prove or disprove.  The spirit world is what it is and it doesn’t have to prove itself.  Neither do we have to spend the rest of our lives proving that we were good mothers, in spite of our sons’ premature deaths.  My son passed from an accidental prescription drug overdose.  He struggled with addiction, very successfully, for the most part, for most of his adult life.  It only took that one little brief relapse to leave a beautiful and supportive young widow now struggling to understand. I KNOW I was and am a wonderful mother and feel very confident about my abilities. My children all know how deeply and unconditionally I love them. I made that point, much to their annoyance, every day, several times a day. Am I perfect? Heck no, and I mention that in each of the three books I’ve published on parenting. I wrote them so that others can learn not only from my successes but also my mistakes. Unlike some physicians, I really don’t have much of an ego. I’m not saying I have a poor self-worth, quite the contrary. I learned long ago what my limits are flaws are and how detrimental an over-inflated ego is to raising children and doing good. Raising five children is a humbling experience and has tamed my ego considerably. Love will do that, I suppose. So I don’t have to prove myself or Erik to anyone. Now, I have felt the need to prove spiritual truths to myself and it has helped me to receive confirmation for spiritual phenomena from you, the readers. Remember, I started as a skeptic, so this has been a huge spiritual journey for me. Many of you are more evolved and enlightened than me and your wisdom has been a tremendous help. So the spirit world may be what it is, as Linda points out, but I needed to found out what “is” is! I needed to find out where my boy had gone and if he was alright.

The message will either find its mark with people eventually or it won’t.  There’s nothing wrong with taking the time to let this ripen a bit.  We all have a lot to learn about life after death, and Erik and many other souls have much to teach.  You achieved what you’ve achieved in your life through a great deal of study and effort.  I’m sure you expect nothing less from your children.  But, Elisa, I come away from your blog feeling that you’re demanding more and more miracles from Erik before he can even recharge.  It comes across as, “Come on, Erik, you’re not churning it out fast enough!  I have my book, my radio show, my tv show to think about!  Let’s get this on the road!  Oh, and if you can help a few people by checking out their loved ones, that would be really great, too.” I would like to ask Erik if he wants to continue this. As you see from the channeling transcripts, he’s taken the lead, recommending a book, a movie, a TV show. I’ve been the passive and reluctant spectator dreading such onerous projects when I still struggle with decision like “paper or plastic” and “live or die.”  I can recall Erik saying (through Kim) “Chop, chop, Mom,” because he knows I’m procrastinating. So if anything, Erik is pushing his worn out old mom to “churn it out faster.” I wonder if Linda has really read every entry. It seems she has not, but I hope she does. Plus, with projects like those, I run the risk of being tossed into the limelight, which I do not want. Once that happens, it all becomes about Erik and me rather than the message and the help it’s meant to deliver to those in need.

I think you have a tremendous desire to help people, and as many as you can as fast as you can.  You’re in a service profession, after all.  You’ve spent your life helping people, and the room just kept filling up with more and more patients.  So I get it that you’re accustomed to that and I also get it that that’s just Elisa.  And as you and those you’re trying to reach now have witnessed, there’s an incredible hunger and need for this sort of thing.  But I’m sure you learned early that before you could take care of the patient, you had to take care of yourself.  You were as ambitious for your patients as you were for yourself in your drive to achieve.  And maybe you’re not as personally ambitious for yourself or Erik as it would seem.  Maybe your efforts are almost totally altruistic.  But that’s not what comes across.  And if you’re going to advance the “cause,” I think you have to take the time to grow as you go.  You’re here for your own spirituality and you have to take care of that first.  You want to do more than run a messenger shuttle for others, although that’s a noble endeavor, too.  The point is, this blog is for my spirituality. It IS how I take care of myself. Perhaps that is a bit selfish, but I have to do what I have to do to want to go on. I don’t care if I’m just the secretary in this. Someone has to do that, after all. And as I’ve said, healing others heals me. It really does. Many of my years of medical practice involved pure charity on my part. Those years were and are the best. To me, Medicine is a calling, not a career. Although is has been uplifting to know how many people have been helped by the blog, I can say that it comes at a price. Four different people have confided in me that had it not been for the blog, they had planned to take their own lives too. So it’s very difficult to turn anyone away. I just can’t do it. I can’t deal with another loss. I don’t know why Linda says it doesn’t come across as altruism. Am I missing something?  Except for the fact that it helps with my own healing too…I supposed there is some selfishness in that. Plus, I’ve used this, at Erik’s request, as a venue for him to find a purpose and feel fulfilled, to pay a karmic debt and progress as a soul. He may be dead, but I am still his parent. A parent’s main job is to help their child find their purpose, to find personal fulfillment and to be a decent and compassionate and loving human being.

It was disheartening and somewhat surprising to see the degree to which you were vilified in the comments to your Huff Post article on their site.  It’s a given that most people are going to be derisive and cynical about this and the metaphysical in general.  But I think — and this is just my opinion — that much of it was and is in response to the ego that spoke louder than the words.  I remember thinking when I read it — and when I read your blog — that you’re still wearing the bumper sticker that says, “My kid sold your honor student all of the answers to the tests!”  I know that’s not the way you want to come across. Linda may be projecting a bit here, but again, I think that’s a natural response, given that I’m a physician. Most physicians and those in “high achievement” careers have been pushed into it by their own parents who wanted to hold their children up as trophies giving proof of their own success. I’m sure Linda came to that conclusion for those reasons. I probably would have come to that conclusion myself. Yet she didn’t have all the information and it’s a bit dangerous to communicate based on assumptions rather than intimate knowledge of that person as a human being. We’re all different and should not be stereotyped.

I wish you the very best and don’t intend for this to be a negative communication, not at all.  I wholeheartedly endorse what you’re doing.  You’re an incredibly brave person to put yourself out there like that, as a very tall lightning rod, braver than me and most people.  I just hope you’ll consider my perceptions and also consider pacing yourself — please — as you and Erik continue your loving relationship with this wonderful new spiritual dimension that has such promise for us all.  I want it to be just as successful as you do. All in all, I believe Linda wrote this email with good intentions. Perhaps some was projected based on her own grief after losing her child, but it was very courageous of her to send me this. It can’t have been easy, and I believe she sent it with love in mind. She seems like a very enlightened person.

That said, the sting is still there so a truth must be somewhere in here hiding like a needle in a haystack. I know it will take courage on your part, but your honesty is important for my progress in this life. I love you all! Sorry about any typos. I’m just not up to editing right now.
All the best,
Linda