Before we start, I have and questions for you guys: Are any of you intellectual property lawyers? Just wondering. If so, can you shoot me an email? emedhus@gmail.com. Thanks!

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Me: You know how the Illuminati are supposed to be protecting us from realizing our full potential, because we can’t fully handle it in our current human state? One of the blog members isn’t sure how withholding the truth from humanity isn’t about controlling the masses for personal or group gain. This person goes on to suggest that withholding the truth from humanity keeps us down, controlling and limiting our true potential. It’s hard to accept anyone having power over us whether we’re ready or not. I guess, on the other hand, if we’re not ready to embrace our true potential our heads would explode or we’d spontaneously combust and burst into flames. It’s like handing a two year-old a loaded gun.

Erik (laughing): I think the Illuminati, Scientology, and Aliens all need to sit down and just have a cup of tea.

Me: Amen, brother.

(Pause)

Me: Is that all? Is that the extent of your wisdom? An illustrious trans-dimensional tea party, Erik? Really?

Erik (chuckling): These kinds of mysteries—

(Long pause)

Jamie: I’m arguing with him.

Jamie and I giggle.

Jamie: I should argue out loud, but to keep my demure… Um, he’s saying that humans don’t have all the information for a reason, and it’s not to keep us dumb; it’s not to keep us in place; it’s not to rob us from some kind of experience.

Me: And not to control us, right? Not to control us for their personal or group gain?

Erik: Correct, correct.

Me: Good.

Erik: Um, it’s like having a vegetable plant, and the plant is growing from seed for the first time. So it’s at first life. It already knows that it’s attracted to the sun and that it needs the water to survive. It’s making relationships with the weather. Then all of a sudden this person comes along and starts to tend to it, and the person knows that, “Oh, I need to fertilize it; I need to cut it in a certain way, and I know when to reap the harvest.” Now, the person is cutting back on the plant to make the plant better, to produce more, to be healthier, to feel better, and the person’s not just going to come in and take all the fruit before it’s ripe or take all the vegetables before it’s ripe. It makes no sense. The people that are caring for us, the beings, the God Source are all going to let us grow to reach a certain –

Jamie burst out laughing at what Erik says. I hate having to be the last in line for these translations!

Erik (with solemn importance): LEVEL OF FRUITATION.      

Me (laughing): I didn’t even know that was a word!

Erik: Now it is.

And according to spell check, it isn’t, but they have their own dictionary in the afterlife, and Daniel Webster is no doubt updating it all the time.

Erik: You see my point! I just didn’t know how else to explain it.

I actually think it’s a perfect analogy, because I feel like a vegetable most days. And, yes, sometimes I act a little fruity.

Erik: You know, there are things, um, this plant doesn’t know of as it’s growing, and here’s this external being that’s not making an emotional or spiritual connection or a oneness but is coming in and taking control without the plant asking. But the person’s intention is full of integrity and utmost respect and love. That’s how some of the systems in place are caring for us.

Me: So, instead of “Don’t shoot the messenger,” “Don’t shoot the gardener.”

Erik: Yes. But yet, people just like to live in fucking fear. It just burns—

Jamie howls with laughter.

Me: Chaps your ass, does it, Erik?

Jamie (trying to compose herself): Yes. In other words, it burns his asshole.

Me: Hm. I think “chaps my ass” might be a little more palatable, Erik.

Jamie: Yeah, maybe you should delete what he said and replace it with that one.

Me: Nope. I never edit things.

Jamie (still laughing): Oh, god! Erik, I’m not saying it.

(Pause)

Jamie (embarrassed): The fiery door to Hell is his asshole is what he’s saying.

Me: That’s Erik, all right.

Jamie: He leans over on one hip and he goes, “You wanna see it?”

Me: No, we don’t. I’ve seen it too many times when I checked you for pinworms and changed your diapers, Erik.

Erik: And I’m sure it was the most perfect asshole you’ve ever seen.

Me: Wait, am I to understand that you’re a perfect asshole, Erik?

Jamie wails in laughter.

Jamie (to Erik): You set yourself up for that one!

Me: You did. You set yourself up for it.

Erik: Ah, there’s nowhere to go from that one. That was good.

Me: I know. I know. So, anything else on the Illuminati?

Erik: No, we’ll just leave it there. The vegetable plant.

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