Me: Okay, so let’s go on. So, you probably haven’t created a life’s work yet since you only recently crossed over. I guess eventually you’ll get a line of work.
Amy (laughing hard): Do I have to?
Me: No, you don’t have to!
Jamie (laughing): That’s great!
Me: What insights did you gain once you crossed over, given your new perspective on life, the human experience, etc?
Amy: Isn’t THAT pretty deep!
Me: Yeah! Material for lots of songs in that.
Amy: Oh, yes! Maybe that was a blessing; I got taken so you wouldn’t have to listen to it.
Me: Oh, no! So, what insights did you have. You don’t have to name them all, but just toss out a few so that we may learn from you.
Amy: Life is strong. You don’t—
Jamie (choked up): Ohhhh! Wave of emotion!
Jamie clears her throat and collects herself.
Jamie: That was so sweet. Erik just reached out and touched her shoulder!
Me: Aw, Erik.
(Pause)
Jamie: She’s a little choked up.
Me: Aw, what is it, Amy?
Amy: Life has this unspoken strength, and when you’re someone like me, all you want to do is strip it down and tear it apart. But you do it not out of disrespect; you do it to try to understand.
Me: Yeah.
Amy: And then when I got to the core of it, I realized how fragile…
(Jamie is crying as she translates.)
Me: Yeah, and you’re talking about your addiction, right?
Amy: Yes. How fragile everything was, and yet I had essentially broken it. Even though you think that’s what your goal is, that’s what you’re going for, it’s not what you wanted to succeed in.
Me: Yeah. True.
(Pause)
Me: What were you here to learn and to teach?
Amy: I really hope that people gathered from my life in the public eye—I hope they learned how to say a big “Fuck you!”
Jamie (giggling): Erik loves that! Erik totally like bumped her hand. He got such a laugh out of that.
I laugh.
Me: That people should be okay marching to their own drum?
Amy (with enthusiasm): Yeah! YEAH! And no matter what people say, even if they can post it, blog it, take a photograph of it, it is really just their own opinion.
Me: Oh, yeah. And people have to find their own way, their path, what they want to be, who they want to have, what they want to do.
Amy: I think it’s really odd that the masses of people still want to think alike and look alike and be alike. What is this, Big Brother?
Me: Yes, sadly. I guess some find comfort not having to find their own way through a dark jungle where no paths have been blazed. They just want to follow a well-worn path. It’s all about fear.
Amy: Huh. I can see how people would really want that.
Me: So, what do you think you were here to learn?
Amy: How to be amazing without trying.
Jamie laughs.
Me: Oh, yeah.
Jamie: And she giggles a little, which triggers me to laugh. Her eyes light up, and she says, “I mean it.”
Amy: That’s what I was trying to learn.
Me: That’s a wonderful lesson. We should all learn that one.
Amy (laughing): That IS a great lesson.
Me: And did you learn that? Did you earn high marks for that?
Amy: Let’s just say I got a passing grade.
Me: Well, I think you’re amazing! I would have given you an A+!
Amy: Thank you.
Me: And you can keep learning how amazing you are from that side, too!
Amy: Uh huh. With time, if I pull my focus off the people I want to help and influence and start focusing on myself, then, yes.
Me: Do you have any regrets?
Amy: I do. I regret that I didn’t enjoy being sober.
Me: Yeah. Yeah. Anything else?
Amy: No, that’s my big one, because if I could have done that, then I could have grounded myself in relationships.
Me: Did you have trouble with addiction because—well of course you were trying to dissect life apart and understand it, but did you also miss Home? What was behind the addiction?
Amy: I needed to find more peace with my mother. You know I love her; I love my father. It’s hard to receive their love when you clearly understand they don’t know who you are.
Me: Oh, yeah.
Amy: So there was a broad river between us.
(Pause)
