Sorry for the lack of an intro for this post, but I have 700 square feet of filthy grout and tile with my name on it. Have a great weekend, everyone!
Me: Hi, Robert. Hello, Erik.
Erik (waving his hand really fast): Hey, Mom.
Me: My baby boy.
Robert: He’s holding his arms out like this (he forms a circle with his arms as if he’s hugging someone.) and going muah, muah, muah. (Robert does a bunch of air kisses.)
Me: Aw. I miss you.
Erik: I miss you, too, Mom. I miss those hugs that I gave you.
Me (sadly but fondly): I know. You were such a great hugger. I’ll get mine when I go over there, a big one that will last a few centuries.
Robert chuckles.
Erik (laughing): That century that you’re hoping it will last will feel like it was when we hugged in real life.
Me: I know.
Erik: There’s no time, you know.
Me: I know, but I can create the illusion of it being an eternity.
Erik: That’s right. To infinity and beyond, right?
Me: Right! So, do you think you can bring in the Orlando shooter, Omar Mateen?
Robert: Yeah, he’s here. You know in our last session, I knew he was here because he was hanging around, and there’s another person who came with him who was one of the victims.
Me: Oh, okay.
Robert: This was Erik’s idea. I got chills when he brought it up because he said it’s important that we not just to show –
Me: One perspective.
Robert: Not just one perspective but to show how they act towards each other after they both passed away.
Me: Okay.
Robert: So, Omar is quiet. There’s a tension in his energy right now.
Me: Yeah.
I bet!
Omar: I’m projecting that to let you know how I was on the Earth. I was like a quiet storm. I had periods of darkness, then these moments of light. Even when I projected light, there was darkness. I just hated myself.
Me: Aw. That’s awful.
Robert: He was showing me earlier a birthmark on his torso area. I don’t know why he was showing me it. I don’t even know if anybody knows about that. And I think both of them got shot in the abdomen. I don’t know for sure, but the reason I say that is because I got a sharp pain in mine.
Me: That’s not good! Maybe you just need a little Metamucil.
Robert: No, no! Sometimes, when spirits—
Me: I’m kidding!
Robert: Sometimes when spirits come around, I’ll feel what they felt.
Me: That’s terrible!
Robert: It’ll pass in a second.
Me: Okay. So, Omar, thanks for coming. I guess my first question is the big W. Why? Why did you kill so many people?
Omar: Anger, rage, frustration, jealousy, loathing, feeling like I was on the outside and everyone else was on the inside. No one saw me, so I wanted to get their attention.
Me (sternly): Well, you did. What was the last thing that triggered your decision?
Omar: It was a series of events. I visited websites that fueled my anger.
Me: What kind of websites?
Omar: All different kinds, like—
Robert: Do you really want me to say that?
Omar: I would visit sites with torture on them. These kinds of things would feed into my anger, and I would watch things that would reinforce my feelings of hatred towards myself and other people. I thought if those other people didn’t exist, then maybe I wouldn’t feel the way I do. I was taught to hate myself.
Me: By whom?
Omar: First by my family, but they didn’t know that’s what they were doing. So I was watching videos, looking at pictures and other things, and this happened over several weeks. I thought about doing it before but not necessarily at that place. I thought about going to a park and doing it.
Me: Okay.
Robert: Like an amusement park or something.
Me: Oh, Disney World?
Robert: Maybe.
Me: Yeah.
Robert: He’s saying he got into an argument with someone. There was a guy—
Omar: I knocked the shit out of him. That’s when I kind of went off.
Me: Was that in the gay bar? I know he had visited the bar, you know, Pulse, earlier.
Omar: That was just to scope it out.
Me: Okay, but who was the guy that punched Omar out?
Omar: No, I punched HIM out.
Me: Oh. Who was this guy, a family member, a friend, a stranger?
Omar: It was somebody who was supposed to be my friend.
Me: Mm. What was the argument about?
Omar: We were arguing just to argue. I would just get in a mood to where I wanted to fuck somebody up. That’s just what was going on that day.
Me: What was the fight about, though?
Omar: He looked at me funny.
Me: Oh, okay.
Robert: This would fit with him being so angry. This is all him saying what he was like when he was alive. His energy feels different. It doesn’t feel hostile anymore.
Me: Of course not. It’s his Higher Self now. So why a gay nightclub?
Omar: My human self hated them.
Me: Why?
Omar: Because there were parts of me that made me think I was that way. I felt that way sometimes because I hated myself so much that there was this part of me—it’s like a psychological thing. If you try to love this part of you that you hate so much, my maleness, if there was another male that I was able to experience this intimacy with, then maybe I would love myself more.
Me: Oh, wow.
Robert: Sometimes he’ll get on something, and then he’ll all of a sudden move away from it. Then I feel like I’ve been left out in the middle of the street.
Me: “Where are you going!”
Robert (laughing): Yeah, and I feel like I’m lost!
Me: “Come back!”
We both laugh.
Me: No, I think it’s going great. So what was your sexual orientation then?
Omar: I was straight.
Me: Absolutely no, um, gayness? I don’t know. Is that even a noun?
Omar: I was not gay.
