Here’s another two-fer!

I am brand new here (Hi everyone!) but already I feel compelled to share what happened to me last night. To just give a tad bit of backstory, I have had a very hard life. I know what loss is, I know what pain is, I know what struggle is. Needless to say, everyone close to me calls me “strong”, the strongest woman they know. I am proud of myself for that but I am also very fragile, very sensitive. I have bipolar disorder ( I have heard you call it bipolar disease, Elise, in some of the videos I am watching on youtube, but that feels weird to me calling it that), borderline personality disorder and a few other inconvenient labels that make everyday life hard to endure.

I am also sensitive, intuitive and an empath, with other abilities strengthening daily. Although I enjoy being an empath, some of the feelings I receive are none too enjoyable. I have a lot of fear, of what, I am not sure, and even though I have dealt with many paranormal instances in my past (some of which I surely should have made me pee my pants) and shrugged off, I continue to be fearful of things that haven’t even happened! So last night, sitting in bed after three nights in a row of almost no sleep, I felt foolish but determined to talk to Erik…You know, to feel him out (empath lingo, ha ha ha). And before I could even start, I felt something touch my knee. The skin tingled, it goose bumped, all in the shape of a hand. It reacted! It did not scare me; didn’t even alarm me. I thought, oh there is Erik. But instantly, as my bipolar mind does, the doubt entered. Hey Jamie, you are stupid. Erik wouldn’t waste his time on you. It’s just wishful thinking…that kind of thing. (I completely relate and understand what he means by the voices in his head, and feeling separate and removed from things) But, I bolstered on, because I desperately need a connection with him because I am so detached from everyone, including myself, I cannot feel love. I can give it, I can “act” like I receive it just like everyone else, but I really, truly cannot feel it.

And knowing this, he touched my other leg and I started talking and then it hit me. A feeling of love, and though I tried to fight it, I started crying. Laughing and crying out loud, saying, “I feel like an idiot. I can’t believe I’m crying. This is absurd.” And the feeling grew stronger and I gave in to it and I cried some more. I knew it was him, at that time.

Today is a new day, and with it, my insecurities, and my bipolar mind is telling me all the time I’m making it up. But he has been with me so often in my thoughts, that I almost feel obsessed with him (which is rather unnerving) and I try NOT to think of him because I feel I would bother him in someway.
Yesterday I tried to register and entered an email and waited until about an hour ago for a reply so my registration would complete. I kept saying to Erik, “I need your help. I really want to be registered.. help me.” And ironically a thought kept entering my mind to try again but use a different email. I’ll admit. I am terribly stubborn. But after 3 nudges to try the other email, I did. And sure enough, it worked immediately. I laughed and thanked Erik and humbled, told him, “Well, I should have listened to you the first time.”

I’m so thankful for the feeling he gave me. Thinking about it makes my eyes fill with tears. I can’t wait to know what comes next!

Another story:

So Erik finally agreed to use the pendulum with me! My hand is STILL shaking from his energy. It’s so powerful. My whole body is shaking actually lol what I always wonder is what’s on his mind, if he’s happy, and if there’s anything he wants. I asked him if he was happy and I got a big “yes”. I asked if he was happy with the blog, and I got a big “yes.” Then I asked if there was anything he wanted, and he spelled out “TV SHOW” hahaha!

Erik’s birthday is tomorrow!