Long time blog member, JoAnn Nichols, has passed away. I’ve asked Erik to smooth her transition and show her the ropes. Please send prayers and love to her family and friends. 

The weather here has been stunning, perfect for our camping weekend in Austin with my six year-old grand daughter, Arleen. We only had one hiccup. Once we arrived (after a three hour drive,) we realized that we had forgotten her shoes so we had to drive quite a ways to reach the local Walmart to buy a new pair, (and driving was the last thing we freaking wanted to do.) Rune had to stay in the car with her while I shopped. Even knowing the infamous Walmart fashion standards, we couldn’t bring her in barefooted. The choices and sizes pretty much sucked, but I found a pair of size ones (the size my daughter said she wore) that were all sparkly and had some creature on it that looked like Hello Kitty’s evil twin. I can’t remember what she called it. Then I went back to the car only to discover that they were way too big. She looked like she was wearing banana boats. Or maybe I’ll describe her as a juvenile Sasquatch that had crossed from the Big Foot dimension into our earthly one. So, I headed back in and bought another pair. Simple silver slip-ons that were pretty sad looking. She LOVED the first pair, so we keep them anyway, knowing that she probably wouldn’t fit into them until she reached her mid-twenties. She was a good soldier, though and wore them home. Unfortunately, she liked the first pair so much that she shuffled all over the campgrounds, collecting shoefuls of rocks and tripping over them all throughout the weekend. When we got home, we discovered that she had taken off her old pair in the house and left them right next to her toy chest. I don’t know why I’m sharing every single detail of the experience. Maybe I have a subconscious nefarious desire to bore you to tears. Who knows?

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Okay, as promise, here is the second part of the terrorism series. I’m bracing myself for the blowback. Remember that what Erik says doesn’t apply just to terrorists; it applies to all human beings.

Me: Well, how do you deal with terrorists? They’re people in pain, so what do you do?

Erik: If you focus on one thing like that, sometimes it can interfere with being able to pull that emotion out of yourself. Keep it broad. Don’t focus on them. Just focus on the fact that violence is going on everywhere, not just with terrorists, and it’s a symptom of pain. You need to call that emotion out inside of yourself. Everybody has something they can relate to that reminds them of what love feels like. For you, Mom, it’s your kids.

Me: Right.

Erik: Think about us and that will connect you to the feeling and then visualize—or whatever works for you—it going out everywhere.

Me: Oh! Okay. I like that. So many people are getting killed, decapitated, set on fire, etc. What can we do to make things better, to stop this progression of violence?

Erik: Look, there’s all this stuff going on with the government, right? Whether they do it the right way or not. Remember there is no right or wrong, but I don’t want to get into that right now.

Me: Yeah.

Erik: They have to do their part. That’s what they’re there for, but as an individual what we can do is what I just said.

Me: Right, the love.

Erik: I’m not talking about that hippie, free love shit. I’m just talking about being kind to each other. You can do that with everybody that you meet.

Me: Right.

Erik: The best way to teach is through example. It’s not through dogma. It’s not about saying, “Don’t do this. Don’t do that.” It’s just being an example. You’ve done this yourself, Mom. Lots of times you’ve gone through the McDonald’s drive-thru or a store or something, and you could tell that the person was tense or pissy or whatever, and you’d smile and try to make them smile. You acted nice to them.

Me: Sure.

Erik: Kindness. That shit fucking works, and it doesn’t just stop with you. That person gets in a better mood so they don’t act pissy to everybody else. Then they spread it to someone else, and it goes on and on.

Me: That’s true. So, what does the government need to do? It’s a far stretch to imagine that the spreading of kindness or love or whatever will reach those who are violent and in pain. That would take forever. We’d have to blast the whole world with love, all of us.

Erik: The government can’t take that role because they’re more of an entity, an institution.

Me: So what can they do?

Erik: There’s diplomacy, and diplomacy isn’t just with other governments. It’s also with individuals. This may sound like I’m contradicting myself, but sometimes you do have to address the threat. You can’t go up to an angry bear and expect that bear to sit down and roast marshmallows with you. He’s probably going to eat your ass. So you have to take precautionary steps to protect yourself and others who might be around. Sometimes, sometimes that might require actions that anger the pacifists. So it’s a mix of things when it comes to the government.

Me: Mm.

Erik: I can tell you what governments are going to do long term once we start to evolve out of this whole fighting thing. If you ever wondered why other species in the universe don’t contact us—noninterference. They think that we need to work our shit out for ourselves because if they throw themselves in the mix when we’re not ready for them and they try to mold us in the way that they think we should be because of an agenda, which is always based in fear, then you’re going to get shit in return. Put shit in, you get shit out.

I guess he means the government will eventually take a hands off approach to the Middle East, but I really don’t know. I should have asked for clarification, dammit.

Me: Exactly.

Erik: Throughout human history, there have been times when we had to go into conflict because of threats from other people or countries. Tribe against tribe.

Me: All right, so how can we help them feel like they’re not disempowered if that’s kind of the key thing? Maybe we can get the Imans to rally as a group to help and encourage a new way of thinking and acting.

Robert: Oh my god. Somebody [in spirit] is walking by with the cutest little puppy!

I chuckle.

Robert: It distracted me.

Erik: This is the thing that’s really cool about institutions whether they’re governments or religions or spirituality—because sometimes spirituality can become an institution in itself—if someone is drawn to an institution, it’s because on some level they want to be told. Sometimes they want to be taught. They need to learn through example so in those situations, whoever it is in that hierarchy of the institution, they have to get to the point where they’re ready to teach people and that includes the Imans. And if the people of the religion, whatever, really respect those individuals, then they start to teach those same things to other people. So it spreads. That teacher to student relationship is not about tolerance. It’s about acceptance.

Me: Yeah, I don’t like that word, “tolerance.”

Erik: Yeah because it’s like, “I don’t really accept you, but I’ll tolerate you.”

Me: It’s like you consider them inferior.

Erik: It’s condescending. “There’s some part of me that hates you, but I’ll put up with your ass.” Now if you can’t get beyond the hate, the next step would be to tolerate and eventually to accept. When you reach a level of tolerance, you’ll be able to talk to that person you don’t necessarily like. You develop a connection with them, and you see their point of view. You can begin to understand each other. It can be the door to understanding. That’s when you reach the level of acceptance.

Me: Well in the case of ISIS or terrorists in general, just really succinctly, how do you get them to feel like they have their power back? What are some steps?

I’ve been asking this same question, but Erik keeps getting off track.

Erik (giving the image of a big ball of yarn): It’s like a big ball of yarn. How do you try to get someone to succinctly, in one sentence, untangle it?

Me: That’s true.

Erik: You can tell them, “You pull this piece out first, and then you unravel it this way.” Then it becomes to complicated, and I don’t want to do complicated. I can make it simple by saying, ‘Have patience. Follow the thread and pull it through the next loop and the next loop and the next loop until the whole ball of yarn is untangled.

Me: I don’t understand. Who’s pulling the yarn? Are you saying we need to tell the terrorists to be patient and pull the—

Erik: No. No, no, no. That’s for you as an individual to unravel things bit by bit to know how to help terrorists.

That’s it. I’m never getting into knitting.

Erik: Mom, if you think about the question of how we can help the terrorist, sometimes for the one who’s disempowered it can look like you’re still taking their power away. You’re talking to them and trying to tell them something. They might take it as disrespectful.

Me: Of course, but how do we make them feel like they have their power back?

Argh!

Erik: It’s not as easy as saying, “You have to do this to the terrorists.” Human beings have to learn how to treat human beings as human beings. To know how to do that, you need to know what a human being needs. Right now, humans are still learning what it means to be human. That’s still part of the process. I can tell you from the spiritual perspective that it goes back to when you were a child. What did you need when you were a child? You needed food; you needed shelter; you needed love. Those are the three big ones. That needs to continue throughout your entire life. But if you’re talking about groups that are very violent, you can’t start with that. Every culture is different. You can’t necessarily provide that for them.

Me: Well give me some practical things that we, not as individuals, but what practical approaches can we take to help these terrorists feel like they have their power back?

What’s it going to take to get this through his thick little head? I’m getting irritable at this point.

Erik: Have you heard that phrase, “The only way out is through?”

Me: Mm hm.

Erik: Sometimes the only way out is around. If you were in a situation where you were face-to-face with a terrorist or anyone who’s violent, you can’t always go directly up to that person and express from your heart everything you know will help them because they still have so much shit going on in their own heart to embrace it. By going around, I mean sometimes you have to go to the people like their families or anyone who is open and has a connection to that person or group that’s so angry.

Argh again. I told him I don’t want to dwell on what we do as individuals.

Me: How do you get those people to accept it?

Erik: You can’t make anyone do anything.

Me: Well how can we help them accept it.

Erik: It’s about treating a person with respect and compassion—as a human being. It’s that whole golden rule shit: Do unto others.

Me: But how? How do we get to those people in the terrorist’s life? One thing I guess we could do is approach the women in their culture in some way, but how would you do it? You’re not going to carpet bomb them with leaflets.

Erik: You’re thinking from an institutional side.

Me: I need to! Each one of us can’t personally belly up to Uncle Ali Baba and convince him to talk his nephew to lay down his weapons and aggressive ways. How, as a country, do we make a peripheral approach, go around to the peripheral people in their lives?

Erik: The government is supposed to represent the individuals. Remember when there was a lot of fear about Muslims? Some of them started making YouTubes showing themselves like everyone else and expressing their love and respect for other cultures. That’s a great example of how people are being truthful and are treating everyone as human beings. That way, people can connect with that person, the one in the YouTube videos. That’s more like on an individual level—putting videos out there that show their support and respect for other people. That’s a great example to follow.

Me: Work with social media.

Erik: Right. With governments, once there’s already been distrust going on, diplomacy doesn’t work well like when a representative of that government comes into your space. It may work, but sometimes it won’t. Still, it’s about diplomacy which means if it’s to work, you have to get that trust back. Leaflets might be seen as a cowardly approach.

Me: Oh, okay. Right, because it’s not very direct. So one example would be for Muslim women here or wherever—everywhere in the world—to use social media like YouTube videos, whatever, to show the women in terrorist cultures the beauty of freedom and respect. Is that a good idea?

Erik: I wouldn’t say only women or only men. I would just say any individuals or groups to put it out there that all human beings deserve respect—male or female, Muslim or Christian—

Me: But the women of that society have no voice. To give them a voice would seem to be much more powerful.

Erik: When you do that, though, you have to consider that that culture may not be ready for women to do that.

Me: Oh yeah.

Erik: Then the ones with those values might resist, even some of the women who aren’t of that mindset you think the other Muslim women should share. They might be oppressed even more. And it’s almost like you’re pointing a finger at all the people who are oppressing those women. You can’t limit it to one segment of the population. It won’t be as powerful as if you cross all barriers of race, gender, religion, and culture.

Me: Let’s go back to the Imans. What if they used social media to “spread the word” so to speak?

Erik: That’s a good way, but they’re part of an institution. Institutions move slowly like a big ship, so that takes a little bit of time. You also have to deal with all that engrained dogma. You have to allow things to work through the whole system and that can take some time.

Me: Generations.

Erik: Think of our religion-based institutions. It’s taken thousands of years for them to get to the point.

Me: That’s true. One last question. What are we supposed to learn from all of this?

Erik: Again, it’s the process of learning what it means to be human, and in order to do that, you have to go through experiences that stir up the hornet’s nest. The only reason that nest has been stirred up is because something’s pissed them off and the reason they got pissed off is because what it was they needed as human beings was not being met. It’s not just limited to violence and aggression. Learning what it means to be human goes way beyond that.

Me: Oh yeah. Sure.

Erik: It can apply to all kinds of situations. Look at “industrialized” or “civilized” cultures. Think about the pervasive depression and anxiety that goes on in them. They have all their basic needs met but they’re still unhappy. You know why? It’s because something they need as a human being isn’t being provided. It’s all about connection. We don’t feel connected. All sorts of stuff keep us apart.

Me: Yeah, including those boundaries that define, “I have something that you don’t have,” “You have something that I don’t have.” That separates us. So I guess the basic thing is that, as human beings, we need to learn how to be empowered or better yet, to realize that we had the power all along, and then to help others find their power, too? Is that it?

Erik: That and connection. We need connection, and if we all have our power and don’t take power from others or relinquish our power to others, we build those connections. Those connections are just bridges that connect two people. It’s not about, “Hey, this is what I think or feel and I bet that would be good for you.” Build that bridge while still letting people be who they are.

Here’s a powerful, emotional video that proves that love has the power to heal. We can’t leave it in the corner to collect dust. Every day tell at least one person you love them. Watch this until the end or it won’t drive the point home.