Before reading on, I want to announce that I’m going to be on the Royce Holleman Talknow Radio show on the 9th at 1:00 PM CT. I’ll make other announcements later. Here’s the LINK.

I was getting ready to take a shower late last night, and when I went to turn on the water, I saw a small brown spider on the wall. The spider couldn’t have been bigger than a quarter, but I freaked out. Spiders scare me to death! I just stared at it for the longest time with absolute horror on my face. Erik was there laughing at me. He said, “if you don’t want it there, smash it.” I said to him, “I can’t.” He asked me, “why not?” I was thinking of two scenarios in my head: 1) I’d try to smash it, but then it’d crawl onto my arm and bite me or 2) I’d try to smash it and fail, it’d drop somewhere, and then I won’t be able to find it. Erik continued to laugh at me. “It’s not going to crawl up your arm. Just grab something real quick and smash it!”

I was still frozen in fear, and tried to look for something big enough. Erik said, “it’s really not that big. You can use a fucking soap bottle to smash it.” I had to work up the courage to grab the soap bottle that was next to the spider. That took a good 2 or 3 minutes. Meanwhile, Erik was still laughing at me. Then the next 5 minutes went by as I tried to work up the courage to actually smash the spider. I’d run up to the wall with the soap bottle, but then chicken out and ran back over to Erik. Erik was getting impatient and said, “just smash it already! You could have had it finished by now!” “I can’t! I can’t smash it,” I said. “YES! Yes you can! Just fucking do it! It’s right there,” yelled Erik. I looked at him and said, “what if it shoots its web at me and crawls onto me and bites me?” Erik rolled his eyes. “Really? It can’t move that fast. It’s not gonna bite you.” I kept shaking my head. “I can’t.” “Yes you can! Just go get your boyfriend then,” he said. “No! It’s too late,” I said. Erik gave me a confused look. “What? How is it too late? It’s not like you’re undressed and are in the shower already. Just go out to the living room and go get your boyfriend.” “What if I leave to go get him, and the spider disappears,” I said. Erik looked up and said, “oh my God… Just fucking smash it! Or go get your boyfriend.”

I looked back at the spider and said, “I’m gonna do it.” I ran to it and finally smashed it, but it didn’t die and was still moving on the wall in the shower. I looked at Erik. “It didn’t die! It didn’t die! It’s mad now!” Erik laughed at me. “try again.” I shook my head. “I can’t. Not again man!” Erik was practically pushing me towards it at this point. “Just fucking smash it!” I ran to it again and smashed it. It fell somewhere, and I couldn’t find it. I was freaking out. Where was it? Where did it go? Erik laughed and said, “it’s underneath your razor.” I looked, and it was still moving a little bit. I practically screamed at Erik. “It’s alive still! It knows! It knows I tried to kill it! It’s gonna want revenge man! It’s gonna get its spider buddies.” Erik said with his arms crossed, “his spider buddies, huh?” “Yes! his spider buddies! And they’re gonna come together and come hunt me down to bite me dude! DUDE! It’s gonna happen,” I said. Erik couldn’t stop laughing at this point. “You’re so fucking cute. I love how you give insects personalities.” I said to him. “They have feelings too!” Erik nodded his head in agreement, and then said, “now go finish the job.”

My courage had run dry by this point from trying to attempt to smash it, so I said to Erik, “I’m just gonna go get my boyfriend.” Erik laughed real loud. “Now you go get him!” I called out to my boyfriend and he came into the bathroom. All I said was “spider” and pointed to the shower. He started to laugh at me and made fun of me for not being able to smash the spider. Great… Now I have two boys giving me a hard time about this. My boyfriend finished the job and left the bathroom still laughing. Erik said, “are you gonna be okay now? Can you take your shower?” I was still looking in the shower to see if there were anymore spiders. “Yeah. I’ll be okay.” Erik said, “okay good. I’m gonna go now so you can take your shower… You’re too funny, girl.”