Erik on Habits: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Before we go into Erik’s take on habits, good or bad, I want to share that last night’s show was one of the more amazing, profound and poignant ones we’ve ever had. Lot’s of crying, laughing, and jaw-dropping thanks to Erik and Veronica. Wow. Just wow. Please be sure you listen and share on all of your social media!

Another quick poll, please! This is to narrow down the final four cities for Fall’s Erik-Palooza to one!It takes only a few seconds. Please share on your social media, too!

One little story. I adore my next door neighbors, Stacy and Wade as well as their 5 year-old boy, Brooks. In fact, almost every week, I go to Brooks school to bring him lunch and chat with him. He loves it. I really believe children need a non-family mentor to get them through those middle school years. I want to be a good role model for him and impart pearls of wisdom that most old ladies collect over a lifetime of experiences. 

But I recently found out that our relationship with the family got off to a shaky start. About 3 weeks after they moved in, Rune and I called to ask them out to dinner. Last week, Stacy confessed that as they were walking over to our house, Wade said, “Well, let’s get this root canal over!” We had an amazing time! After dinner, they looked at each other and said, “Damn, they’re really cool!” and we’ve been besties ever since. We party together at their house or ours almost every weekend and they tell us they love us and vice versa. In fact, Stacy and Wade planned to move to a different city, but they said, “Now we can’t because we can’t live without you guys.” I guess the message here is, give people a chance, even if at first glance they seem kind of weird and kooky!

Okay, okay. No more stalling. Here’s the main event with the fantastic channeling of Denise Ramon!

Elisa:  Hi there!

Denise: Hi, how are you?

Elisa: Long time no see! No

Denise: I know (laughs)

Elisa: We just got through talking about decertification and now we’re going to talk about why do old habits die hard? Oh, my God! Why do we even develop habits and how can you help us learn to break them Erik? Who I love, I’m not going to forget to say that?

Erik: I love you Mom, more and more, I love Mom.

Denise: Why are habits hard to break?

Erik:  You’re creatures of habit.

Elisa: Why?

Denise: He’s showing me, we’re no different than some of the other creatures who are of habit. He’s showing me animals in the wild have habits on what they do, like what they do after they eat, where they like to lay down, how they like to lay down, how they like to face or something.

Elisa: Well, they probably don’t have bad habits like we do, like smoking and nail biting.

Erik: No, no.

Elisa: Eating our emotions.

Denise:  I know.

Erik:  You have these habits, when you say the bad habits like eating and drinking and smoking, pill taking or whatever, the commercials on TV have a big thing to do with it.

Denise:  And it’s funny he says this because today I said to someone, isn’t it weird how the commercials on TV get real loud?

Elisa:  I know.

Denise: And when I said it, I was like yeah, there’s a reason behind it.

Elisa: Yeah, they know you’re going to go in the kitchen and pour yourself a drink before you start cooking your meal and they want you to be able to hear that.

Erik:  There is stuff behind that! The commercials they way they’re designed it’s so you remember them and stuff. The way they make commercials, you know the they make the food look so delicious and they always advertise things where it’s you’ll have fun and you have friends and you have family, and really this plays in our thoughts.

Elisa:  Oh yeah.

Erik: And so, you have learned this and of course a lot of this stuff is generational, you learn from what you grew up with but you also learn from what you see and hear.

Denise: He is saying TV has a lot to do with it, the advertisement.

Elisa: Do they have subliminal messages?

Erik:  They do!

Elisa: That should be against the law! Go buy a candy bar.

Denise: Yeah or go buy a cake and celebrate or go buy this alcohol, they make it sound so fun but then they do in real small captions drink responsibly, or.

Elisa:  Ugh, yeah right.

Denise:  Erik is laughing because I remember when they used to have cigarette commercials on TV.

Elisa:  Oh yeah, I do too! Dancing packages of cigarettes.

Denise:  And they’d make those cigarettes real fancy, for women, they’d put flowers on them.

Elisa: Then you would have somebody say, “my doctor told me to start smoking to help my cough” (inaudible 3:53) before we got blood from lung cancer.

Denise: Yeah but it’s that.

Erik: It’s also too, there are things, the nail biting distracts you.

Elisa: Oh, how does it do that? It distracts us from.

Erik:  Your thoughts, your kind of like go in a zone because your so focused on getting that nail.

Elisa: And probably the same with hair pulling, Trichotillomania?

Erik:  Hair pulling,

Denise:  And I knew someone who did that.

Erik:  Hair pulling gives them something, because they’re really looking for that one hair to get, but they like the sensation.

Elisa: Oh, the sensation, yeah.

Erik:  Of the pulling, it gives them some kind of gratification.

Denise:  Something to do with that.

Elisa:  I think it releases endorphins, because Lukas used to, he still does actually, wants me to take his hair on his scalp and just pull it. he just loves that, it relaxes him, maybe it releases endorphins.

Erik:  That’s invigorating, and there are some types of massages that do that because it’s almost like it adjusts things, it’s just waking things up. It’s the blood flow, it helps the blood flow.

Elisa: I know that to horses they do cribbing, which means they just (inaudible 5:36) on the wood of their stable and it’s very destructive but it’s because it releases endorphins and spicy, hot sauces apparently, Lukas told me, he’s just a font of information today, that really spicy food will also release endorphins, so people kind of get addicted to the rise in endorphins so, I bet a lot of these are, are they related to endorphin release?

Erik: Yes.

Denise:  Because he’s showing me with the hair, he’s showing me even though it helps with the blood flow, the circulation.

Erik:  That is also the endorphins being released and stuff like that.

Elisa:  What about the habit of eating when you’re unhappy? You know, on the Romcom’s you always see somebody, some lady had a break-up with her boyfriend and there she is with Hagen Daz.

Erik: That gives you comfort because of what you’re putting in your body and it’s in a sense releasing endorphins, not like you would think but it’s releasing chemicals.

Elisa:  Maybe dopamine?

Denise:  And you get this relax sensation.

Elisa: Okay.

Denise: And the sugar also has an affect on us, he’s showing me how it affects our body.

Erik: But for the majority of you, you have that aftermath thought of remorse, like I wish I wouldn’t have ate that, what’s wrong with me and blah, blah, blah and then it starts it up again. If you could eat that ice cream and just say, yeah, I know I’m eating this, and I know it’s not the best thing but I’m going to enjoy it and just be okay with it.

Elisa: That would be better, (inaudible 7:28)

Erik:  It would be, because then you don’t have all that other stuff that you’re bringing into that ice cream which is the guilt, the shame and the remorse and you’re eating that also. It’s what’s in it, the sweetness, the sugar, and you relate that to comfort.

Elisa:  Oh, okay.

Erik: And so, you go to what’s comforting. You know if they would show on TV, or if you were raised that you get your comfort from eating carrots of celery.

Elisa:  I knew you were going to say carrots.

Erik:  Then that’s what you would go to, but you don’t ever see that on TV or hear about that on commercials about when your sad go get carrots or cucumbers or celery or whatever.

Elisa:  It’s true. It probably don’t make enough money selling cucumbers and celery and carrots, but you know I was about to say, why is that humans have this predilection to develop bad habits and other animals don’t but then I thought there was something on TV where I don’t if it was some kind of bird, and they get addicted to this fruit or something, I might have it all wrong, but you’ll get the picture. That is get old and it develops this alcohol, it ferments basically, and they get addicted to that, to the alcohol basically.

Denise:  Yes.

Erik:  They do!

Elisa: So, there are certain things like that, but as a general rule why don’t animals pick up bad habits, actually captive parrots and things like that, they get so bored and unhappy in a tiny cage that they’ll pluck their feathers, that’s a habit but in the wild there’s not, they don’t have the tendency to do that. Why?

Denise: Erik is showing me because they just go with the flow of life.

Erik:  They don’t get all caught up in the what if I don’t have enough food tonight, what if I can’t feed my babies tonight, what if I don’t have a place to lay down, they just don’t get caught up in that, they just.

Elisa: Go with the flow.

Erik:  They just go with whatever, and if they’re restless or whatever.

Denise: He’s showing me how they chase each other or they run or they just take it out in other ways.

Erik:  They’re pretty highly evolved really.

Elisa:  Well they don’t seem to get bored, unless they’re in captivity of course.

Erik:  Correct.

Elisa: They don’t seem to get bored, they know how to entertain themselves, it seems like the deal with frustration a lot better than we do, you know.

Erik: Because they don’t have any walls. You put walls up.

Elisa: Hmmm. Interesting.

Erik: Figuratively and literally, you put walls up, they have no walls, they have no boundaries, they do know where their territory is because you know there’s always an alpha in the bunch, but once they know where that is then that’s it, and of course you know in nature there will be a fight sometimes and that’s just how it is, but then they go their ways or they don’t, one doesn’t make it or whatever, but that’s nature. You don’t every see 7 or 8 of them fighting like we do in a bar, they just go with the flow, they don’t worry about it.

Denise: And when he’s saying that he’s showing me how the tree showed me one time how they don’t worry about breaking, they just go with the flow of the wind, they go back and forth, they’re not worried about “oh, I’m going to break this time” or they just go with the flow, there’s no concern with that.

Erik: That’s how a lot of the animals are, like you said the ones that aren’t in captivity, now the ones that are like dogs, you leave them in the house when they’re a puppy, they don’t have (inaudible 11:56), they’re going to tear up the couch  or tear up your shoes or whatever because they look to get the energy out and they do it the only way they know how.

Elisa:  Because there are walls, we put up so they can’t go outside and play.

Denise: Mmmhmm and for us if we would know that these things are triggers for us, that happiness, that sadness or whatever, if we would go out and do things that are good for us, then we wouldn’t go into the eating the ice cream every time or eating double cheeseburgers or whatever it may be.

Elisa:  Yeah, do fun stuff, not ugh, I’ve got to go to the gym because I’ve got that 5 extra pounds to lose but you know Hey, I think I’ll take a Zumba class or whatever.

Denise:  Yeah.

Erik: And you can do that stuff at home, you don’t even have to go anywhere but for some reason we feel like it takes more effort to do that then it does to eat that big cheeseburger and really it takes more effort because not only do you have to go get it or prepare it but then your body has to work so hard on digesting. That ‘s very hard on your body.

Elisa:  I can imagine! So, tell me anything else about the walls, what kind of walls do humans put up? Figuratively and literally.

Erik: Figuratively, how you do that, you go by how society says you’re supposed to be.

Elisa: Oh, I see. Yeah.

Erik:  And you sit there and think this is how we’re supposed to be and so we’re trying to fit into these spots, these squares, Mom, you know you don’t fit into one square.

Elisa:  No.

Erik: You do a very good job about stretching your legs and arms, not sitting in one little spot, you’ve done very well about not caring about what other people think what you’re doing or not doing.

Denise: And that’s the thing, we get too involved thinking that we should be a certain way or not doing a certain way and if we don’t look a certain way, and then we set ourselves up for disappointment.

Elisa:  Yeah because we’re building walls for ourselves.

Denise: Yeah.

Elisa:  Under the excuse this is how society wants me to be in this little bird cage, so I’m going to start plucking out my feathers.

Erik:  That’s a good analogy.

Elisa:  We’re birds in a cage, Wow.

Erik:  Yes, that’s a good analogy, just like people think they have to have their house spotless, or they have to have the biggest and the best of something, or they have to have the newest outfit, none of that really matters.

Elisa:  I don’t care, I mean I like things picked up, in the house at least toward the end of the day, it was hard when we had a bunch of little kids running around so, I dropped my standards. My husband says if you want to be happy, lower your expectations, but I didn’t care about the insides of the drawers, I’ve got a lot of these junk drawers that have like a stray lifesaver or you know you never know what’s in those drawers, so okay what are the solutions for breaking old habits, what can we do?

Erik:  There’s this saying.

Denise: He’s telling it takes 21 days, and I said I thought it was 7.

Erik: No, it’s 21 days to break an old habit, but you’ve got to want to break it.

Elisa: Oh yeah, yeah.

Denise: And I’m asking him is that like with smoking too?

Erik: Yes.

Denise: Because I think stopping cigarette smoking is like one of the hardest things.

Elisa: Oh, it’s harder than.

Denise: To me I think it’s like crack cocaine and I could really identify to someone who was addicted to crack because all it took at time that I smoke, a dollar to go buy a pack of cigarettes for me to feel better.

Elisa: Oh wow!

Erik:  You know you just have to want to not do that anymore.

Elisa:  Well it’s hard to want to not do it anymore because you like the feeling that the habit gives you. You’re addicted to those neurochemicals whether it’s dopamine, or endorphins.

Denise:  Yes.

Elisa:  Or serotonin, or whatever, you’re addicted to those, so you’re like ugh, I don’t want to give that up.

Denise: Right.

Erik: So, you have to, it’s almost like you have to write a letter about this or something to make peace. It’s almost like writing a good-bye letter, and being at peace with letting go of it. Hold a ceremony or something to let go of it, you can do something for 21 days but if you have in the back of your mind I hate this, I really like doing this or whatever, that 21 days isn’t going to change anything and that’s why hypnosis doesn’t work, that’s why doing something for 21 days doesn’t work or anything.

Elisa:  Unless you really want to. So, how do you want to?

Erik: It all goes back to loving yourself.

Elisa: Oh yeah. I love myself enough to not continue this destructive habit.

Erik: If you don’t want to stop smoking or you don’t want to stop eating Hagen-Daz ice cream or whatever it is, be okay with it. Be okay, with I want to do this, a lot of people will think they’re okay with it but in the back of their mind.

Denise: Because I feel like their higher self is talking to them saying, you know it’s time to start looking at you from within and start healing yourself from within.

Erik: You’ve got it Denise, that’s exactly what’s going on. That’s exactly it. Good, good.

Elisa:  Good girl! Yay! Any other solutions or anything to make us stronger and maybe we need to cut the TV, mute the TV during the commercials you know things like that, that would be easy to do.

Erik:  Make more friends. There’s so many different healing modalities that you can do also to help you with this kind of stuff.

Elisa: Really?

Denise:  Yeah.

Erik: When you’re talking about releasing endorphins and stuff like that you know acupuncture helps with that, so you can start feeling good, so you start feeling the goodness.

Elisa:  Yeah because that will release endorphins.

Denise:  Yeah.

Elisa: That can be semi-painful.

Erik: Usually it’s painful when it hits hot spots on you.

Elisa: Oh okay.

Erik: Massages are good or people who are wanting to do weight loss, it’s like go around, walk around and look at pretty things, not so much as clothes per se, but look at pretty things because we all get attracted to pretty things.

Elisa:  Yeah. Flowers and.

Erik: Yes, go look at those type of things. Friends, a lot of you.

Elisa:  Well you need a system of support, maybe I mean, if you’re going to go on a diet, it’s good to sort of let everyone know, guys I’m on a diet, help me stick to it and then you know they know, so you’re not going to bring that nutrageous bar to the office.

Erik: Right, really what you’ve got to do is write yourself a letter as to why you want to go on this diet. The purpose of you wanting to do this.

Elisa: Or break a habit.

Erik:  Yes, write yourself a letter, so you can re-read it to remind yourself. Ask yourself why you’re wanting to do this, are you wanting to do this because they say your hands look ugly because you bite your finger nails or are you doing it because this is something that you really want to do?

Denise:  You know for me, I know that I stopped biting my nails at 14 because I wanted to paint my nails with red fingernail polish.

Elisa: You saucy woman!

Denise: So, that’s why I stopped biting my fingernails, you know.

Erik: Find something, why you want to do it not just because society says you shouldn’t be doing this or whatever. You’re the ones that make up the rules and regulations for things.

Elisa: It’s our life, our personal life, society shouldn’t tell us what to do.

Erik: They really shouldn’t.

Elisa: (inaudible 21:46) if they’re going to tell us what to do, that’s my principal and I’m sticking to it.

Denise:  Yeah.

Erik:  If you want to eat a hot dog and tater tots every single day and you are 100% okay with that, then that’s what you should do.

Elisa: You know I’m wondering if it wouldn’t harm you then, I mean.

Erik: It wouldn’t.

Elisa: Then if you think eating hot dogs and tater tots every single day isn’t going to damage you then it might not because that’s Law of Attraction, right?

Erik: Yes, a lot it’s on your thoughts and how you are okay with it.

Denise: He’s telling me (inaudible 22:31) something on this but something about you know you have to be 100% okay with it.

Erik:  And some people can be, there are people that are okay with this, just like people interview people who live to be 100 years old and they say they smoked non-filtered cigarettes and drank a shot of whiskey every night.

Elisa:  I know, I’ve had patients that smoke like chimneys and they lived until they were in their 90’s or whatever and didn’t die from anything related to smoking maybe because they think it’s not going to hurt me, but if you have this fear oh smoking, I hope I don’t get lung cancer or emphysema, then you’re going to attract that to you. My sister, one of my sister’s the only one that smokes, you know I always wanted her to stop smoking and she just says, I don’t care if it knocks 5-10 years of my life, those are the crappy years anyway. (laughing)

Erik:  There is something to be said about that.

Denise:  And when he’s saying that, you know I won’t go in the salt water, that fear in me is of sharks.

Elisa: Oh yeah.

Denise: Because I feel like I’m going to attract them there.

Elisa: Yeah.

Denise:  But I will definitely go in the salt water because I love the salt water, but when I don’t have that fear and why that fear comes in sometimes and sometimes it doesn’t, I have no idea but I just pay attention to that you know and I just don’t go in the water.

Erik: It all has to do with, like you said the Law of Attraction.

Elisa: Bite your nails without fear, eat the Hagen-Daz with out fear.

Erik:  Yes.

Elisa: Eat the calories and think it’s not going to make me gain weight but if you say Oh God, I need to cut my calories down because I’m going to gain weight, you know then it will happen.

Erik: The worst thing you can do is tell yourself, I’m so fat, those words are so damaging to you, that you have no idea what it does to your whole being.

Denise:  And he’s showing me how it affects every cell in our body.

Elisa:  Oh, I can imagine. You have to look at yourself as I am young and beautiful, all right anything else before we close?

Denise: Erik is taking a shot, and he has a cigarette but Erik doesn’t smoke, does he?

Elisa: Oh yes, he did! And he’d roll his own too, and his fingers were just yellow.

Denise:  Because I just don’t picture him smoking.

Elisa: Oh God, he loved cigarettes.

Denise:  That’s so weird because I don’t see him like that, but he’s got a cigarette and he’s taking shots but he’s being silly with that right now.

Elisa:  Oh yeah.

Denise: He’s being silly right now.

Elisa:  You can smoke anytime you want now dude.

Erik:  It’s true but it’s not as much fun anymore.

Elisa: I know. All right I love you both and you guys check Denis out at deniseramon.com. Denise do you want to add anything before we close?

Denise: No, I’m taking into consideration when he’s saying being okay with doing whatever it is, I’m doing, you know and just getting okay with that.

Elisa: Yeah.

Denise: I like that.

Elisa:  Yeah, it’s like he’s given us a free pass! Yay!

Denise:  I know.

Elisa:  You’ve got to love yourself people and don’t listen to commercials, love yourself, don’t listen to commercials and be okay with whatever you decide on those bad habits.

Denise:  Yes, yes.

Elisa: Adios, Capitan.

Erik: Bye Mom. I love you.

Elisa: Bye love you. Bye Denise.

Denise: Bye, take care.

Elisa:  You too.

Featured image courtesy of Go Into the Story: The Black List

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