This morning, when I opened my computer, a pop up from my iCal app announced Erik’s upcoming 28th birthday tomorrow. It was like a punch to the gut. I hate those days when I think of what could have been. I should be baking him a birthday cake, lighting candles and singing (or trying to sing) the Happy Birthday song to him, but no, that’s not meant to be. It makes me feel so sad. Even though those sad “Erik Days” are less frequent, they still occur and are intensely painful.
A couple of days ago, I was in between the sleep and wake state when I felt this weird confusion. I know that someone I loved had died, but couldn’t remember who. Denise? No. My parents? No. Oh yeah, Erik. He’s dead. My son is dead. How could I forget? I wish it was something I didn’t have to forget.
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And here’s the last in the All About Erik series. I was going to also post the latest radio show, but Rob, the producer, still hasn’t updated it. I think he’s really struggling over the loss of his dog, Rudy. Send him love and healing energy.
Veronica (moving hand in talking motion): He’s going like this with your mouth.
Me: I can talk.
Veronica: Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.
Erik: Don’t be surprised if you go bigger with this mouth. Bigger with the mouth, bigger platform, bigger venue. The electric current is transmission…Erik TV.
Me: Oh ok. There’s producer, Patricia Prepared, who wants to make an Erik show.
Veronica: Ummhmm. Erik TV.
Erik: It’s there, I see it.
Veronica (motioning with hands): He’s anointing you. He hits you with the wand.
Erik: Go for it. I approve, but hold out until you get it the way you know that we would want it to be.
Me: I’ll always check with Erik. I’ll always check with you Erik
Erik: Don’t let them bastardize the story.
Me: I’d rather not have one.
Erik: Exactly. This message is too important for your mouth to not get bigger and wider. Call it, Erik TV.
Me: Ok. So is Patricia Prepared going to make it happen or will it be someone else?
Erik: She’s a very integral piece of this process. She may not be the end-all and be-all, but she is the bridge. She’s the conduit and I don’t think that she will be the ultimate decision maker, but she is sewing all the pieces together. She may be the person that goes fishing for what could happen and then it could become that way. This is a regular gig. It’s a regular gig. That’s the electricity I see you around you.
Me: Is it reality TV or a drama?
Erik (laughing): Hell No! Don’t make it cheesy mom.
Me: I wouldn’t want to do that. So it would be dramatic story of his life and after life or whatever?
Erik: A dramatic story of my life and off of that piece, will come all of these tales of inspiration and exploring why it happened. It can really give comfort in a big, big way. Mom, it’s not going to be silver screen, but it’s going to be big enough to transmit.
Veronica: He’s telling me something like Netflix or Hulu may pick it up. It could be something like that.
Erik: You already have Erik TV because of YouTube, but it’s bigger.
Erik: I definitely see bigger. I’m ok with the energy of Patricia.
Erik: We will talk about that privately. I’m ok with her.
Me: Before I forget, because that’s where my mind is. There have been a couple of YouTubers, mediums; one – I won’t share her name – I saw this video where she is healing Erik and he has a very dark side because of his suicide. Almost like a demonic energy. She had a recent one where she awoke with a terrible smell from him and that cannot be angelic energy because an angel would not give off a terrible smell like that. Things like that. Another guy said that Erik dishonoured God source by taking his life, he has a dark side. What d you think?
Veronica (laughing): Do you really want me to say that?
Me: Go a head.
Erik: Fuck them!
Me: Oh good! I was thinking it was their human filters, but also their religious filters. This whole thing about suicide being taboo.
Veronica (still laughing): I can’t believe he’s just said to me, you‘ve gotta say it. So I hope it’s okay I said it.
Me: I’m totally used to his cursing.
Erik (hands in the air): Slow your role. Slow your role.
Me: To them or to me?
Erik: To them. What is the angel thing about? What does he mean, cause I ain’t no angel. I never was and never will be. I mean that in the most literal sense. Mom, c’mon. I don’t want you to absorb the toxicity of those people. Delete, delete, delete, delete.
Erik: Killing myself, that does not make me go to hell. It does not make God love me less. That’s bullshit. God doesn’t work like that.
Veronica: This upsets him. This is his second major platform. Okay. Not that he’s an advocate or proponent.
Erik: Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the way to go.
Me: He’s made that clear.
Erik: Religion is toxic, but if it brings you comfort and you want to say it to yourself, go be it somewhere but don’t bring it near me.
Veronica: He’s not religious. Did he do religion?
Veronica: Yeah. Erik, this upsets him.
Me: I was raised, for a little bit, Catholic and my great uncle was Cardinal of Spain for the love of God. That’s so funny. I was told by Erik, from a sprit perspective, suicide is just another way to die.
Me: The human side is quite different. It is taboo, it’s upsetting.
Erik: There’s no law. There’s no rule. There’s none of that. If you want to get “religious” about it and you want to talk about Jesus Christ and the son of God and the incarnation, everyone of us that are born, are the incarnation of the Christ energy because we all come from the same freakin’ father.
Me: That’s true. We are all whole and part of God, like a hologram.
Veronica: Totally like he said in the beginning. We are all a hologram. We all have our egg basket.
Veronica (putting eggs in a basket) to Erik: Yes, I’m showing her the little egg basket.
Veronica: We are going around collecting our eggs.
Erik: It’s just a belief that you can only affect change because you have a human body. That’s just a belief and it’s not even something that’s true. Because here I am with these billion people following me and I’m affecting it. I’m a teacher from here.
Veronica: I happen to be a teacher from here, you’re a teacher from here.
Erik: End of story, that’s it.
Me: There’s no dark side to you?
Erik: My dark side was my personal health.
Me: That was when he was alive.
Me: He had a big dark side.
Erik: The dark side over took me. We know there were reasons for that, points to his head, but no, there is not dark. But now to clarify, you must always have an opposite. Everything has an opposite. If there is good or light, there must be dark, but it’s something that must be dabbled in and practiced. It doesn’t just take you over. You cannot call it on yourself. If you constantly have dark thoughts. If you constantly do evil things. If you are living in the dirt. If I go out and I live in the dirt and I play in the dirt or the dark, I’m going to be the dirt or the dark. Yes there are dark people.
Me: Are you saying there’s dark side to you? You dabble in the dark, Erik?
Erik: No, absolutely not.
Me: That’s a human thing?
Erik: Yeah. That’s a human thing. Absolutely, a human thing.
Veronica: He wants to protect you and isolate you form that stuff.
Erik: People who hurt other people, are so wounded and so broken. People that make comments that are unfavourable, are people that need our love and on their way.
Me: Oh yeah. Send them love. This girl who thinks she is healing Erik. What is her M.O. and the same one who said he cannot be…
Erik (rubbing fingers together)
Erik: It’s about money.
Me: Does she look down on Erik? Does she look down on you?
Erik: She’s riding my coattails. There are going to be people that are going to buy her, literally and figuratively. They are going to buy her and then there are going to be people that are going to be into what you are doing over here. Notice mom that I didn’t ‘say buy you, because you are not about being bought.
Me: I don`t take any money for anything I do.
Erik: But the dark over here that`s the true dark.
Me: Well Erik, you could not possible have a dark side and be doing all the good you are doing to save people, literally and figuratively.
Erik: You see the world, the way you are.
Erik: You see the world through your own lenses and when someone chooses to see the dark…
Veronica (becoming emotional): I almost want to cry. He’s really adamant about this.
Erik: I’m not a dark person. I don`t have dark energy around me. People need to know who have lost people to this way, that they are good people who just made a choice.
Erik: I am a loving, sweet, fine, happy soul.
Me: He is. A mother, knows her kids energy.
Erik: I found my sneaker!
Me: Aww you found your sneaker. Hopefully, it smells better than the ones in your closet.
Veronica: What an amazing human being. What a beautiful energy.
Me: Anything else you want to share? You of course or Erik?
Veronica: He’s tired. He said we are going to talk. We have a lot in common.
Erik: I have so much more to share. I love that you are doing this. I want to talk about past lives at some point with you. I know you’ve done some things.
Me: We can always do more.
Erik: Go deeper. Go deeper with it. I’d be happy to share what I know. I’ll be the tour guide.
Me: The afterlife with gun and camera, sounds good. Alright girl, well you guys I will put on this YouTube, her website and how to get in touch with her and I will call you right back.
Veronica: Thank you.
Me: Bye. I love you Erik.
Erik: I love you mom.
Thanks, again, to Cassandra B. for transcribing this! Check out medium, Veronica Drake, HERE.