Here’s an impossible to turn down offer from blog member and talented writer, E. Daniel:

To receive SIX FREE NOVELS as PDF EBOOKS, email me, E Daniel at eriknovels@q.com. You probably already know what a joker Erik is. He told Elisa how easy it was to download to me, although his language was somewhat more colorful. So these novels are a collaboration. Remember these novels are FICTION. If you have already read some of them, just request the ones you want. It’s best to read them in order 1-2-3-4-5-6 because there are recurring characters.

SECOND CHANCES: Life, Death, Near Death, And Places In Between

(Parts 1,2,3), Book 1

JUST SAYIN’, Book 2

THE TRUTH ISN’T OUT THERE, SO DON’T WAIT AROUND, Book 3

THE GREAT SCHEME OF THINGS, Book 4

REMAINS TO BE SEEN, Book 5

ONLY MAKE BELIEVE, Book 6

Thanks, E.! Here’s Part Two of  the post on self-esteem.

Me: Is there anything valuable in having self-esteem problems? Is there anything we can learn for it?

Erik: Let’s talk about it in three different ways. Let’s talk about the disconnect, the neutral pull of self-esteem and the over the top self-esteem.

Jamie: (chuckling) He was just complementing himself. “Damn I’m good.”

Erik: The disconnect of self-esteem or a low self-esteem plays a part in the victim role. It plays a part in the person who wants to stay in a weaker state of mind or being whether it’s a need to understand how to accept help or a need to understand how to manipulate. We have those who stay weak and manipulate through victimhood, and, in general, when we’re looking at this from an energetic viewpoint, these things aren’t necessary. They don’t have to be there, but if you’re coming in with this kind of lesson to learn how to accept help or be humble, being more connected to self-esteem helps you achieve that. Yes, you can still be neutral or have an overabundance of self-esteem and ask for help. I’m not saying it’s the only place you can be to ask for help. That’s bullshit. I’m just saying that those people who come in and have that needy, needy, needy, greedy, greedy, greedy, give it to me because I can’t do it for myself mindset—that’s a disconnect of self-esteem.

Me: When you say, “disconnect from self-esteem,” aren’t’ you supposed to have self-esteem? Why would you want to disconnect from that?

Erik: So that you can learn those other lessons.

Me: But I’m trying to figure out why. Are you talking about disconnecting from a bad self-esteem?

Erik: No, disconnecting from self-esteem in general. I wasn’t thinking of in in terms of levels of good or bad.

Me: Oh, I see.

Erik: I was just thinking of it as being this thing that all humans possess. What would you be without it; what would you be if it was neutral and what you’d be like if it was too much. If it’s neutral like, “Oh, it’s there, but I’m not really working on it, and it doesn’t need me to work on it.” Neutral is actually healthy. People think healthy is when you feed it and groom it and pay attention to it, and it’s wonderful and big and better, but it’s not. Healthy is when there’s a balance of, “You’re giving me enough attention. You’re not drawing things away from me, and I’m not drawing things away from you.” There’s equality. When a self-esteem is neutral, that’s the type of person who, when we look at, we say, “Wow, Everything just comes to you. You’re lucky. You’re surfing the wave. How do you get to do that? What’s special about you? It’s easy.” These are the terms that we label someone with when they understand how to coexist with energetic flow. They don’t let their ego build these stories, and those who do have to spend so much time building them that it takes away from living or they spend too much time destroying it. That also takes away from living.

Me: Stories meaning the past?

Erik: Yeah, the past, a great place to build stories, but even in the present like you’re talking to a friend, and they say, “God, you’ve just made a really big mistake in doing that. You really shouldn’t have done that.” They think they’re helping you, but when you hear it, you perceive it as a label. You’re making this story, “That person is a bitch. They have no right to step in.”

Me: So you’re telling the story of, “Oo, I made a mistake. I must not be a good person?”

Erik: Yep, but you have to trust that every time you open your mouth you’re the best version of yourself. This is where we go astray. We analyze ourselves outside of the moment, which makes for a great story but doesn’t fucking help you because the moment is over. When the moment’s over, you have to accept what you’ve done or said rather than, “I’m such a terrible person. Boo hoo.” And then when you look at the person who has an overabundance of self-esteem, that’s someone—

Jamie: He’s showing me that stick figure again and the hose is going up to your higher consciousness. The next image is the stick person walking around, grabbing everybody else’s hose and hooking them to himself.

Me: Oh my gosh!

Jamie: “Oh, let me take your self-esteem from you. It’s okay.”

Erik: So this is where you get the over-assertiveness narcissism. “I’m better than you. I’m the greatest thing there is, and I can destroy you without even knowing it because I’m so great.”

Me: I always thought a really over bloated self-esteem was rooted in a poor one like narcissists who try so hard to—

Erik: It is. I totally agree. When the pendulum is swinging high right or high left, you know—I don’t want to get stuck in saying one is better than the other—but if we’re looking at a more spiritual quality, they’re both off point.

Me: Yeah, it takes a lot of effort to hold that pendulum in pace in one extreme instead of letting it relax in the middle.

Erik: And how do you let it relax? You fucking let go of it. Stop hitting on it. Stop controlling it. Stop telling it what to do. Let go!

Me: Well, let’s take my specific case. My self-esteem is pretty good now, but in my childhood and adolescence it was bad because of my childhood.

Erik: It’s a little different when we talk about children because they don’t have 100% control of their environment, and when we look at a child in most cultures, we pretty much say, “They don’t know, and we’re going to teach them.” So we all come in with that energy. “You’re littler than me so I get to teach you.” That’s the wrong approach.

Me: So they’re a blank slate that people can sometimes write their own stories on.

Jamie: He showed me someone pissing their name in the snow. Thanks Erik.

Erik: So when we talk about a child, it’s really hard to talk about self-esteem because the child is programmed from the time they’re little by the culture that they know less, and they’re not in control. “I’m going to do it for you. I’m going to pick out your clothes for you. I’m going to buy your clothes. I’m going to tell you what to eat. I’m going to tell you how to behave. I’m going to tell you how to sit, how to be, how to do.” We don’t let children discover what to do and what to like and what to think by themselves. You didn’t have the best opportunity when you were little, Mom, because you were constantly told what you were doing wrong, and you were told you didn’t know better, and you didn’t have the right to figure it out for yourself. That right there is a punch to the self-esteem. That’s saying, “You are not good enough. You are not strong enough, loving enough, talented enough, smart enough to discover your own self-esteem. I’m going to tell you what it is.

Me: So it’s like you’re putting your self-esteem in someone else’s hands so you lose power.

Erik: That’s like someone yanking off your hose and hooking it jump to themselves. “You don’t get to have it right now because you’re little, and you don’t know better, and you’re bad.” So for a child like that, connecting to self-esteem through self-worth isn’t available. It’s like a dyslexic child trying to read. The disconnect is so huge that they can’t figure it out. They have to go the long way around and get to know and acknowledge their self-esteem in a makeshift way. So for the child with dyslexia, if she’s not taught how to read, then she’s going to have to discover her own way of doing it. So for you, Mom, that disconnect in self-esteem forced you to try to find ways to feel good about yourself. You started to change your behavior, and, unfortunately, in your case, no one behavior was perfect enough. You had to jump from island to island all the time. You jumped on the island of, “Okay, I’m going to please you today. I’m going to do everything that makes you happy, “ and then, “Oh, I have to be on the island of being quiet. I shouldn’t do anything. I shouldn’t move.” The, “Now I have to be on the island of being absent, just don’t even be around,” and then, “Now I have to be on the island of service.” This constant jumping was great because it gave you variety, but it didn’t give you any consistency except the consistency of constant change because you weren’t accepted for exactly who you were. But as soon as you moved away and grew up, that’s when you had to be faced with your own self-worth. That’s when the work began because you finally could do the work. You got your own hose back.

Me: Yeah, I could pick an island or two and stay there. Stay put, cultivate the land, grow the crops…

Erik: We can start a farm, Mom.

Me: And I know what you’d grow on it! So I did. I worked on it, and I think the thing that helped me the most was being of service, being humble, being a humanitarian. Being compassionate and doing what little I could to help others. So where do I stand now? I feel like my self-esteem is good.

Erik: You know your worth. You’re connected to the self-esteem in your body. Sometimes I watch and see that you’ve got a kink in the hose every now and then, and you feel like you can’t access your higher self. You feel like it’s on vacation. That’s what creates the ebbs and flows. Those kinks occur for many different reasons. You can have these triggers, and therapists would say that triggers make you start to behave unlike yourself. Sometimes you turn into a turtle. You pull in and hide. You look at those triggers and reactions and say, “Is this the best I can be for me?” You have to address it in the Now. That’s our biggest, biggest thing. We gotta start looking at ourselves right at the moment, not retrospectively. Those trigger are pulling the old stories into the present, but if you just sit and look at them in the Now, in the moment, most of the time you’d have a giggle with yourself.

Me: I totally accept my flaws and find them endearing. I think that’s a sign that I’m at least approaching that neutral spot.

Erik: Sometimes the pendulum will swing a little bit in one direction of another, but no very far, and it comes back pretty quickly. That’s a healthy sign.