Sometimes it’s so hard to look inside and ask yourself, “Am I really being honest with myself?” I know I have that problem. Sometimes it’s because I’m afraid I won’t like what I find out about myself. Sometimes it’s about whether I’m being honest with others. Sometimes it’s about trying to get out of doing what needs to be done, and oh, so much more. But if we look at ourselves with our eyes and heart wide open. It frees you. It allows you to live life with your heart rather than your logical mind. It’s enables you to embrace that vulnerability that Erik discusses so often (ad nauseam at times.)
Erik: There are a lot of ways you can do that will help you maintain constant self-awareness. First, you have to recognize what your intent is. Are you even connected to how you’re feeling in the moment? Are your emotions just based on the energy around you? Are you completely unaware that you’re allowing that? If so, you’re on autopilot. So first you gotta seethat that shit’s happening. Then ask yourself, “Am I feeling what I’m feeling?” “What are my motivations for feeling that?” After you answer those questions, reset your intent. That’s very easy. In fact, you don’t even have to go through the steps I just mentioned if resetting your intent is successful.(see the previous posts about emotional honesty.) What is your motivation for how you want to feel in this moment? Do you want to feel like shit because you want to punish yourself? It boils down to whether you want to feel good or whether you want to feel like shit.
Me: It seems like it takes a lot of effort to constantly be aware and reflect inwardly.
Erik: Yes, and it takes courage, too, but it becomes easier with practice, and then you see that you feel better and less like shit. Being emotionally dishonest with ourselves is based in part on our expectations to be perfect. That’s completely unreasonable. That’s all bullshit. Mistakes are the seeds for our evolution. Don’t be afraid to see yourself through clear glasses. You’re perfect just the way you are.
Me: Exactly.
Erik: Here’s another thing about emotional honesty in general. You have to be emotionally honest with yourself to know that you’re going to be okay and to know how to be emotionally honest with others. Being emotionally honest with ourselves and with others is intertwined.
Me: It’s amazing that we’re not taught how to be honest with ourselves when we’re kids.
Erik: Right. Mom, we don’t have anything in our culture that teaches us how to be emotionally honest with ourselves. We’re not taught how to analyze our choices openly and honestly. We’re not taught to be vulnerable with ourselves. Instead, we’re taught to avoid facing those parts that we don’t like about ourselves by sticking our head in the sand like some fucking ostrich. Most of our schools don’t teach kids how to communicate with themselves or with others, but we don’t have to wait until we’re adults with this fucked up issue to be able to find what we define as our truest self. We don’t have to get to the point where we need some life coach or therapist to sift through the bullshit versions of ourselves that we’ve collected while we’ve had those blinders on. Look at our physical health. We’re taught to go to the doctor only when we’re broken when really we should be going to them when we’re healthy. It is possible to learn how to remain emotionally honest with yourself before you develop emotionally dishonesty. Again, this takes inner awareness and asking hard questions like, “Am I making excuses for myself?” “Am I rationalizing things?” “Am I blaming someone else for the shit that’s all mine?”
Me: So the bottom line is—
Erik: You reflect inwardly to understand your feelings and your intent, and that takes a conscious effort.
Me: Anything else?
Erik: Well there’s another thing I’d like to say is for people whose intent is too rooted in negativity. They have to move that ship in another direction. That’s where affirmations can be helpful. Every day, say two or three things that you’re thankful for about yourself. Change it up every day. That can slowly change your brain so that you can set your intent in a positive way. When you realize there’s good inside, you’re not so fucking scared to look at yourself.
Me: You know, when I’m emotionally honest with myself and with others, I get this enormous sense of relief.
Erik: Hell, yeah because you’re accepting. Think of acceptance as a key to a prison. Once you accept who you are and what you’re feeling and what your circumstances are, which is also rooted in feelings, you open the door and let it out. Your emotions are free.
Me: All right. Anything else?
Erik: I’m good.
He gives the image of a palm tree, and he’s underneath drinking a girlie drink with an umbrella in it.
I chuckle.
