This post addresses an issue I’ve been uncomfortable for a long time. You’ll see what I mean.

Me: The membership of the blog has gone up a lot, and I’m concerned that some of the blog members put you on a pedestal, Erik. It’s uncomfortable for me because always been so humble and down to earth. For me, I’m a pretty simple person and down to earth too. I just don’t want to create distance between the CE family and you and me.

Erik: Mom, no matter how much you fight it, they’re going to put you as the leader of the pack. That’s what you are. And when you’re the leader, they often want to look up to you, and they put you out of reach. It’s just this strange human—

Jamie: What?

Erik: Fucked up thing.

Jamie: He mumbled it.

Erik: You can fight all you want to not be the leader of the pack and stay im the same room, but it’s not going to be that way. They’re looking at you for solutions and answers and the think that sucks the most—and I’m trying feverishly—

Jamie (to Erik): You’ve never used that word! What are you trying feverishly to do?

Erik: To keep people at bay so that they don’t suck the life out of you.

Me: Well, I’m just the scribe here. What I really am asking is how you feel about them putting you in such a guru status.

Erik: For me—

Jamie (laughing): He’s fixing his hair, you know like licks his finger and wipes his hairline like he’s a big shot.

Erik: For me it’s easier to handle, because I don’t have to physically be in their presence, and if they need to call me a guru or a teacher or something like that so that they value the information that I say more—all I’m looking for is an end result—helping people with their grief and to move them beyond what pins them down in their lives. So for me, Mom, it’s easier. I don’t like it; I don’t feel like I’m that person. I’m just Erik, and I’ll do my best to keep reminding people of that and I’m definitely not going to stand up and claim any title!  Fuck that shit! I don’t want that! I’d rather go off in a corner and smoke a joint instead of being called a guru teacher man.

Jamie and I laugh.

Me: Erik, you’re so bad.

Erik: You know what I mean: That person at a party who sits off to the side and really connects to the person and the soul and has meaningful conversations and doesn’t need the applause.

Me: I know!

Erik (throwing his arms up in the air): We’re just so much alike. You know, just fuck it. We can’t let it get to us. We can’t change people’s minds once they’ve set themselves to it. We can only keep representing ourselves the way we are.

Me: Well maybe we can tell them how they feel. Maybe that would help.

Erik: Yeah, tell the about this conversation we’re having right now!

Me: Okay. Is there anything you’d like to say directly to them?

Erik: I’ve already said it. I’m just Erik and I’m not going to accept a bigger title than that. We can laugh and remind them that we’re just people.

Jamie (laughing): Even though he’s not “people” anymore.

Me: I know. I guess you don’t exactly put your pants on one leg at a time, do you?

Erik: Oh, pants???

Jamie and I laugh hard.

Me: I hope you brought them today!

Jamie: That was a great face! He like looked down at his crotch and said, “Pants?Was I supposed to wear them today?”

Me: Oh, Erik!

Jamie: I needed the laugh. That was awesome.