As promised, here’s a longer post. It’s about how to handle suffering, advice from a young man whose constant companion was the pain that comes from it. From both his life and the insight he gained as a spirit guide, he’s well qualified to give us the guidance we need–probably all of us! And with that guidance comes hope. 

Me: So what’s the most rudimentary solution for suffering?

Erik: Damn. Good question.

(Pause)

Me: We’ll get that and follow it with “The End.” It can be a 10-page book! Could the solution be to accept things rather than resist them?

Erik: Well, people might think, “”How can I accept that? That was the most horrible thing.” The word, “acceptance” to a lot of people means they’re giving up something that they want to hold on to. I didn’t want to use the phrase, “knowing yourself holistically” again, but it’s really that. That’s when you can accept it in a way that isn’t about rolling over and surrendering without understanding why. When you start to know who you are without the shit—

Me: What’s “the shit?”

Erik: The “bad” things. Whatever you think the bad things are.

Me: Okay.

Erik: You got robbed, raped, abused; you’re not rich, whatever. Knowing yourself as a whole, not just from the bad stories, and being able to forgive if you weren’t in control—that’s a big theme in child abuse—or forgive if you could have been in control but chose not to be—that’s a good adult theme—and when you start this forgiveness…

(Pause as he tries to think of a better way to word what he’s about to say.)

Erik: Forgiveness is about loving that part that you couldn’t love in that moment because maybe something else like fear, lack of knowledge, lack of understanding, was in the way and then seeing that in every stage of a person’s life, there are different levels of knowledge. You know or perceive things differently now than you did in the past. There are also different stages and levels of what was handed to you. All of this plays a very rich and valuable part. Children come in with complete vulnerability, and it’s so awesome.

Me: Until their egos distort their realities.

Erik: Yeah, which usually happens at the hands of teachers, parents, peers and society. I think a lot of the fear of being vulnerable as an adult is based on how you were taken advantage of as a kid, but when that kid grows up, he has to realize that he has access to a whole new field of power and knowledge and understanding. He’s not that helpless toddler getting burned by cigarettes. As a grownup, he knows that kind of treatment is “wrong” and that he can kick some serious abuser ass. This new awareness and those new tools, mixed with vulnerability makes an incredibly strong and whole person. It makes life easier. We shouldn’t be robbed of our natural vulnerability. We should build upon it. Therapy and advice usually says, “If it’s not working for you, change it. If you want to be better, change it.”

(Pause)

Erik looks off.

Erik: What if the answer is, “If it’s not working, add to it.” That’s a form of change, but I think when people see change, they see someone in a red dress, and then they take that one off, and they put on a purple one, but we don’t acknowledge that it’s still a dress. You’re just adding a different color to the mix. Perception—

Me: Wait. I don’t understand the difference between adding and changing here.

Erik: Most people look at themselves as right or wrong, and, if it’s wrong, and (in an exasperated voice) — that word doesn’t exist, but I’m using it anyway–most people would want to ditch the whole thing. Say they’re making a cake, and they forgot to put in the butter.

Me: Mm hm.

Erik: And they’re mixing or maybe they don’t even have butter so the recipe is “wrong.” Well, you don’t have to get rid of the whole damn thing and start over.

Me: So you’re saying that the human concept of wrong is so horrible to us that we have to get rid of anything that we think is wrong.

Erik: Yes. It’s so ridiculous.

Me: I don’t even think they put butter in cake.

Erik: Yes, they do.

Me: Hmm. I’m not sure about that, but let’s not go down that rabbit hole!

Erik: You could substitute it for applesauce.

We’re not exactly talking to Betty Crocker, here. I should talk, though.

(Pause)

He starts messing with his hair.

Erik: The way you let go of the suffering that is your “story” is to recognize that experiences don’t happen to you; they happen for you. You can’t let the story take over your life. You need to let go of the story and recognize that the story was written for you. The story didn’t happen to you. You have to let go of the experiences that defined you so that you can then redefine yourself. That’s what the whole process of consciousness is. It’s constantly defining and redefining itself. It’s all about perception, and what we perceive changes as we grow, as we move from one experience to the next and from one stage in our life to the next. I mean, that’s what guides how we logically see the words in the description of whatever emotion or experience it is. It’s how far we allow our eyes to wrap around the situation and allow our knowledge to wrap around the situation. Perception is how far we allow our knowledge to wrap around the situation.

Me: I like that. That’s cool. All right, so I think perception is huge in all of this. For me, I think our true essence needs to have the perception we get from backing up and seeing that this other identity—call it the ego—is this little lost, sometimes angry, sometimes resentful, sometimes sad little child wrapped in this big bundle of thoughts and emotions from past events who then resists letting them go. The ego is not the true “us.”

Erik: Yes. You need to be aware of that separation between you and your ego. To do that, you need to discover who you really are. You need to discover your heart. I guess the solution, in one sentence, would be, “Discover your heart and change your inner world,” and the most important part of your inner world is your feelings, not your thoughts.

Me: I see another t-shirt in our future!

Erik gives an image of people walking around with huge bright lights shining from their chests, and that’s what makes the space around them shine so they can see it. They can see their inner world, change it, and see how it changes their outer world.

Erik: But I don’t want to sound woo-woo. (In a very girly, sappy voice) “Let the light within you shine!” I can’t do it. I can’t do it. Discover who you are. So I guess by discovering who you are, your real essence, rather than the ego, you can end your suffering.

Erik: Think about it, though. Why the fuck do we want to end the suffering? The suffering that you don’t want is the suffering that comes from stubbornly not letting it strip you of your pain. You need to know that wherever you put your feet down is where you need to be, and you need to own it. Not control the shit. Own it.

Me: Okay, let’s say you have somebody who has been abused as a child like me. They suffered a great deal. What are they supposed to do?

Erik: I don’t want them to do anything they don’t want to do. The ultimate goal for everyone, I don’t care what your example is, is to live in the present, live in the Now and make your choices based on who you are in the Now instead of who you were in the past and who you will be in the future just like that girl I talked about. If you can do that, you’ll still have those big ass lessons, but they won’t shred your energy apart. You can get to that neutral, balanced place because you’ve already approached it as being neutral by staying in the Now. Trust in the process, and let that process be the driver of the experience.

Wow. As I read this transcription to check for typos and grammar mistakes, my jaw dropped at it’s power. As Erik would say, “This is some heavy shit.”

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