Before we dive into the topic about why we tend to try to be right and never be wrong (Yeah, been there, done that myself!) I want to say it’s nice to be back with you. But even if we never made it to Norway, it was nice to have a little time off. Now, however, it’s time to get into the full swing of things again, and that includes the new Hour of Enlightenment radio show every Thursday. I’ve left Liveparanomal as the channel because there were too many glitches and problems. Instead, I bought a BlogTalk radio package of my own so if there are mistakes, I know they’re all mine! I’m a little nervous that things might not go smoothly since there’s a learning curve involved, so keep your fingers (and toes) crossed that it will. I will post instructions on the blog and on my social media both Wednesday and Thursday including the dial in number. The time will be the same as it was, 4 PM PT/5 PM MT/ 6 PM CT/7 PM ET.
Enjoy today’s YouTube, courtesy of Jennifer Doran. You can reach her by clicking HERE. Even if you prefer reading the transcript below, please let the video play for a bit so I can get ad revenue (however paltry) to offset some overhead. Thanks!!
Elisa: Hello, Miss Jennifer, how are you doing? And how’s my boy?
Jennifer: Hello, I’m good, he’s great, happy to be here.
Elisa: That is awesome! Hey, got to tell you.
Erik: Love you!
Elisa: Love you so much and you know that. I have to tell you guys, I posted it, it was so cute. Easton, my grandson, the other day, you know I asked him, what does your Mommy do for work? And you know she’s an emergency room nurse, and he says she goes bye-bye, so that’s her work, she goes bye-bye, it’s so cute. He’s going to be 3 at the end of March. Okay, well, we are going to talk about something if Erik wants to, the need to be right. You know there’s all these things in this cool book, the do it yourself, it’s backwards, no. Do It Yourself Guide to Conscious Living: Untangling Your Mindsets in 21 days, and one of those mindsets is the need to be right, now where does that come from Erik, evolutionarily speaking? I mean was its survival, like cave man days, you cave woman days, cave persons days whatever or what?
Erik: It’s not a necessary part anymore because it used to be that decision making was so crucial to survival, so it was like you had to make the right decision or you could very easily die. So, it does come from that, of course it doesn’t need to be that way anymore because for the most part most of our decisions are not life or death anymore, but way back it was, almost every decision was life or death.
Elisa: That’s true! And as we changed from being nomadic, like traveling around with our families and aggregated to become tribes, and so you needed to have somebody decide the rules and what is right and what is wrong, all of a sudden you had to argue with people, no I want be right, it’s my ego, it’s trying to have power, anyway tell me about that evolution, how did we evolve into the egoistic, compelling need to be right?
Erik: Okay. Actually, when we went as humans into groups again the being right was about survival because if you were right, you were kind of at the top of the pack, and so you were better protected, so it was that fighting to get place, in the tribe or in the pack because the higher up you were the better off you were, the better your life was, the better your family’s lives were so that’s where all that came, it’s like establishing alpha.
Elisa: Yeah. Like the silverback gorillas, you got to be that silver back.
Erik: Yeah, because otherwise if you are one of the weaker ones, even though you have more protection than you used to, you’re still one of the first to go if you’re low on the totem pole. Being right and you know having the instincts to make the right decisions on anything was definitely, definitely very, very important and again that is something that nowadays isn’t nearly as important as it used to be for survival.
Elisa: Yeah. So, why do some people have this strong need to be right? I used to when I was younger but having 5 kids and all the shit that happened to me has stripped the ego from my body, and my mind and my soul.
Jennifer: And he of course is just teasing.
Erik: Some people are just jerks!
Elisa: Oh! Thank You! (laughing) I used to be a jerk!
Erik: It really is about ego, and actually a lot of times people who have the need to be right, it can be an ignorance thing. It can be ignorance that forces them to go after the I need to be right, I need to be right, I need to be right because they don’t have enough information, they don’t have enough life experience to realize, hey even if I am right, I don’t have to be in your face about it. There is an immaturity that comes with that need to be right all the time. There are some people who truly are right most of the time, when they say something.
Elisa: That’s my husband, and it’s so aggravating.
Jennifer: Yes, and it is.
Erik: That’s kind of like the other side of the coin. The people who really are right most of the time, it’s like if this person said that, it’s probably right, you probably don’t even need to check on that. Even for them it’s ego that kind of gets in the way because they could just kind of say okay well you know, I know that that’s wrong but I don’t need to say anything or make the person feel embarrassed or something.
Elisa: I know, I know, but it’s that constant feedback, Wow I was right, and I’m right again, I’m right again. So, they feel justified but is there something in the way kids are raised or something external that makes them feel like they don’t want to give up their position of being right? Less they feel inferior.
Erik: This need to be right can be by nature or by nurture. When it’s by nurture, it can come from if you get into a lot of trouble as a kid, actually you can fight your point too much. If you have very over bearing parents, that’s something that can cause that, because it’s like no I have to be right, I have to be right, I have to be right, I have to be good enough, the bar is set very, very high. Also, when there’s a lot of siblings, there’s usually one or two that have that because it’s back to that when we first got into packs and to groups there needs to be a hierarchy, so if you’ve got a lot of kids around, they’re trying to establish who’s the dominate one. There’ll usually be one or two that will have that.
Jennifer: And he just kind of smiles.
Elisa: I know because he’s thinking about his eldest, his big sister Christina because she just put out a video, different things that people assume about me and one of the things she admitted early one, she felt like she needed to be right and part of that comes from being the eldest sibling and in a very big chaotic family, she felt like a parentified child basically. That she has to be the other parent and that means she had to be right.
Erik: Yup. And it can be like control issues. When you have a chaotic upbringing or if you have parents that aren’t around much, this is a sense of security, a sense of control, like I know what’s right, I know what’s best and so that is another way that can show up. Sometimes people just have this by nature, when it’s like that, it’s probably something from a past life.
Elisa: Oh, really? Oh, I can imagine like my husband claims that he was second mate on some ship, and he told the captain to zig zag because the U-boats or whatever, and he told him and told him and told him and he was right and they got torpedoed and everybody died because nobody believe that he was right.
Erik: Yeah, military, politicians, a lot of times that could be past life stuff that would have them the need to feel right and to be in control. It is directly connected to control.
Elisa: Yeah and power, which I guess equates with control too. You know we’re obsessed also with the need to take sides, there’s one side that’s right, there’s one side that’s wrong, there’s never anything in between.
Jennifer: Yes.
Elisa: Can we talk about that?
Erik: Sometimes there are people who are adamant that they’re right about an opinion-based topic.
Elisa: Yes.
Erik: And that is the problem now, people have opinions, everybody has different opinions about stuff and they’re not right, wrong or indifferent, they’re just opinions but nowadays people really take their opinions and want them to be fact. They’re still just opinions, doesn’t matter how strongly you feel about them, they’re still just opinions. To put it simply if there’s somebody out there that’s very passionate about you know the color green, and it’s like oh this is the best color, you know this is absolutely the best color, there’s no better color and they might have a 100 reasons why it is, but it doesn’t make it so for everybody else, but they will fight it and believe it because for them that’s their reality.
Elisa: Oh, exactly! So, I mean Erik, you have many times said that there is no right or wrong there just is, but isn’t so hey today it’s cold outside, is that a fact or today it’s 37 degrees outside.
Erik: Oh yeah that would be a fact.
Elisa: Okay.
Erik: Fahrenheit but not Celsius, you know.
Elisa: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Erik: So, there are things that are facts but a lot of stuff is opinion.
Elisa: Right.
Erik: That’s a dog, that’s a cat, those are facts.
Elisa: Okay.
Erik: Now people want so badly to be heard and for people to understand their point of view about whatever it is, so that’s why there’s a lot of that need to be right, now.
Elisa: All right, so what is the difference between a person that feels compelled to be right versus one that say meh, I agree to disagree?
Erik: Temperament, for sure is a big thing. Just lessons, just learning, some people do not like conflict, this is the other end of it, there are people out there who do not like conflict so even if they know they’re right, they’re not saying anything about it because they don’t want the conflict. It has to do with personality, temperament, lessons that you may have already learned. You know you might have somebody who used to argue like that all the time about being right and then they got fired from their job and it might be like I was right though, and if they evolve and grow, they say well yeah, I was right but I was kind of a jerk about proving my point.
Elisa: And what did it do for you? Being right.
Erik: Exactly!
Elisa: It got you fired.
Erik: It’s not a bad thing, people who fight like this and want to be right all the time, it’s just a different kind of personality. You know we need all of that to learn from.
Elisa: It’s true.
Erik: You know we need all the differences to learn from.
Elisa: Yeah and lots of people they have to have the last word, or the last tweet, or the last text message.
Erik: Yes.
Elisa: Yes but, there’s always that kind of thing, is that same kind of person?
Erik: Yeah, it can be. There are people who even if they know that they are wrong, they can’t let it go. That’s more of an embarrassment, than anything else. That’s more feeling embarrassed and not wanting to admit that they were wrong.
Elisa: Aw.
Erik: For people who are like that, it’s a very stressful way to be and it is something to try to work on and try to release that energy and that cycle because really at the end of the day people really don’t care and you’re driving yourself, mad basically. People will hold onto stuff for years, well I was right about that situation, I was right. Well yeah, but all your friends don’t want to be friends with you anymore because the way you went about it, your kind of were mean or whatever and so you’ve got to look at a better balance for some people.
Elisa: Yeah.
Erik: Because they can cross over into being too mean.
Elisa: Yeah, and I think some people, maybe they’ve been criticized as a child a lot, by their parents, their peers, siblings, and so they’ve gotten real sensitive and have kind of a low self-esteem, so.
Erik: Yeah.
Elisa: Being right or having the last word makes them feel superior, I guess.
Erik: Yes, important. Yeah.
Elisa: Important. Valued. People want to feel valued.
Erik: Yes. Exactly and for some people that need is about a self-esteem issue, it can be a lower self-esteem issue, somebody like Dad, he’s just usually right, you know, so.
Elisa: Yeah.
Erik: It’s not his self-esteem, it’s just he’s usually right because he doesn’t usually speak about things unless he has knowledge of them.
Elisa: That’s true.
Erik: So, whereas, you know a lot of people will try to speak on subjects where they really don’t have all the information on.
Elisa: I know, but you know when he is wrong, he will say, yeah, I see your side and that’s another thing, I think that I would rather be valued not because I’m right but because I’m okay with being wrong and apologizing. Apology and admitting that you are wrong and apologizing is so powerful and Erik, you’ve gone through this whole thing about being vulnerable, it’s not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength, do you want to talk about that?
Erik: Absolutely! It is absolutely a sign of strength, so yes, if you’re somebody who really has a difficult time admitting you are wrong or you know you have this need to be right, that is something that needs to be worked on. That’s not necessarily an excellent quality, so if you can be vulnerable enough to say, you know what I really was wrong about that and I apologize, that is so much more strength than just, you know just power housing though and saying no, I’m right, I’m right, I’m right.
Elisa: I know.
Erik: Because eventually what happens is people around you just say yeah, you know you’re right and they just go about their business knowing that you weren’t right.
Elisa: Yeah. You’re right you jerk!
Erik: You’re not really fooling anybody, you just didn’t give up before they did. It’s much better to just say I’m sorry, I was wrong and move on from there because in that type of energy you learn.
Elisa: Yeah. Sometimes a good way to shut them up is to say you might be right. That’s it, you might be right.
Erik: Yup.
Elisa: It gives them a way to save face. But I remember, God, it was decades ago, I was driving a manual and I was on this steep embankment that lead to a train track, and I wasn’t very good at it, it was a real hard clutch anyway. I tried to put it in gear and it slipped back and tapped the bumper of this car behind me. It was very close and it didn’t do anything, okay, I mean nothing, it didn’t even take the dust off of his bumper, but boy he got out and he was so freaking pissed. Yelling at me and I just said, I was real sweet, I just said, I’m so sorry, I know you didn’t wake up this morning, wanting this to happen, and I know you don’t want to be late to work, blah, blah, blah, I’m so sorry, and he just, oh he changed. He became embarrassed and apologetic, so apologizing and admitting fault is extremely powerful.
Erik: Oh absolutely!
Elisa: Much more powerful than being right.
Erik: Yes, because had you gone the other way and started fighting with that man, who knows what could have happened.
Elisa: Oh, I’ve been in that situation to before, in my younger day, let me tell you.
Erik: Yes, yeah, so it’s okay to apologize, it’s okay to be wrong, we do not come here to be perfect, we do not come here to be right about everything.
Elisa: I know. All right, so, suppose you’re one of those people, that needs to be right, what can you tell them Erik, to help them change? Have 5 kids, that’ll do it!
Erik: Well, and that is actually something that can help. Sometimes people like that, there’s truly nothing unless something major happens in their life. They would need something drastic to happen. Really the first that people would need is to have the understanding that they have this tendency, a lot of times people who think they are right all the time don’t really understand that maybe sometimes they’re not right, because they think they’re right all the time, but you would need to have the understanding that that is your instinct, like you know, when you’re raising kids, if your first instinct is to say no to what they ask, can I do x,y,z, no. If that’s your first instinct.
Elisa: That’s Poppa, right Erik?
Erik: Yes, so it’s like that, you have to have the realization that okay, you know what my first instinct is to argue and try to be right all the time, if you can get there then you can change it because sometimes it just takes a breath or two before you respond to change what you were going to say but they’ve got to get to that point. It’s like debate, you know people who like to debate. They’re planning what they’re saying next and they’re not even really listening to what the person’s saying.
Elisa: Oh, true.
Erik: It has to do with quieting your mind down.
Elisa: Yeah, and like me, with that whole situation with car and the clutch, that was actually an experiment, I decided to do because I knew that I’ve had the tendency of wanting to be right and to get into arguments etc., because our family, oh my God, my parents and so I decided I want to try something different, let me see what happens with this situation and it really taught me a lot and that other person, probably. So, sometimes it’s okay to say wait a minute, I can get into this and you know stand on my deal that I’m right or let me try something different and see what happens, what changes in the relationship and the energy etc., so that’s probably a go way right?
Erik: Oh absolutely, absolutely because if you can do that and get into the habit of that especially if you’re somebody who finds you are often arguing with other people or having debates or having discussions or getting irritated with others.
Elisa: Yeah.
Erik: Try an experiment like that and take a couple of breaths before you respond and see if maybe your instinct response, if you could tweak that a little bit and respond a different way, if you get a different result. That’s an excellent, excellent way.
Elisa: The safe way that doesn’t make you so vulnerable, if you’re not ready to do that yet, is to do that, well you might be right.
Erik: Yes,
Elisa: That’s it, bam done!
Erik: Yes, exactly!
Elisa: Okay, so, what about apologies, I think that that is really hard for a lot of people, for everybody probably, you know but that’s another thing that could be an experiment, like okay I know I really fucked up and I just called this person a whatever and I really should apologize. Most of us of are like ah, I’m going to let it go, he’ll forget about it but, can you talk to us about apologies?
Erik: Yeah, most of the time, not all of the time, but most of the time when an apology is owed both people know it. If you have done something that you feel deserves an apology, it probably does and the other person is probably well aware that you owe an apology to them.
Elisa: Ah, true!
Erik: It doesn’t matter if you think, oh you know I’ll just let it go, they’ll forget about it. They probably won’t.
Elisa: It’s the elephant in the room.
Erik: And you might be able to move on and never say anything but that really is not a great habit to get into because it leaves unfinished business, is the problem. Often times for people who don’t ever apologize, when the cross over that leaves a lot of unfinished business, a lot of Karmic debt that they have left here.
Elisa: Yeah and I’m sure it strains the relationship.
Erik: Yeah.
Elisa: Even if it’s just a little bit.
Erik: Apologizing is really quite good for your soul, it’s very quick, all you have to do is, it will take about 3 seconds to actually give a sincere apology and then it’s done and it clears out the energy. It lifts the energy because otherwise it can be very, very dense. It’s very healing.
Elisa: Oh, yeah.
Erik: Apologizing is very healing for both people, more so for the person who apologizes than the person who get apologized to.
Elisa: I bet and it makes the other person feel valued, you know.
Erik: Yes.
Elisa: Important, so it’s like when you get your kids to apologize because they just had a fight, all right apologize! Sorry. Sorry.
Erik: Yes. That’s actually really, really good because when you’re a child and something happens where you own an apology, you know your parent’s upset with you or whoever, they’re upset with you. So, you feel uncomfortable but then when you make the apology, you know most of the time whoever it is says you know I accept your apology or I forgive you, and then they feel better.
Elisa: Yeah but you can’t force kids to apologize to one another, it probably will lead them to be reticent to apologizing as adults.
Erik: It’s a very fine line because when an apology is owed you have to teach children, like hey you did this and you hurt them and if it was an accident you still have to apologize.
Elisa: Yeah. Here’s a better way to me, I tried this on my kids, I did all sorts of experiments on my kids. But I remember Lukas got into a big fight with his older sister, they were both real little though. Michelle, and oh, he was upset, she was so upset they were in separate rooms and I had Lukas come out and said I want you to do an experiment, let’s do this. I want you to see what happens if you say sorry to Michelle. Oh he did not want to, but I said this is going to be cool, I promise you it’s going to be a fun experiment, you know, so you know it like power over my sister, so he did and oh my God, she threw her arms around him even though she had as much reason to apologize and so it was super good. So, how do you handle on the other side, somebody that you have a relationship with, friend whatever that wants to always be right, what do you do on the other side? How do you handle them?
Erik: Flat out sometimes if it is so dysfunctional you have to just walk away from the relationship because it may just be too toxic of a relationship. You can approach the person but it’s probably going to be a little bit of a fight, it may be something that they go and resonates with them later but probably initially it’s going to be a bit combative. If it’s somebody that you truly, truly care about, it’s definitely worth mentioning, bringing it up.
Elisa: Okay.
Erik: And that’s really all you can do, point it out and hope that they see it too.
Elisa: And not fall into the trap of continuing the debate.
Erik: Yes.
Elisa: And perhaps saying, ah you might be right.
Erik: Exactly, yup, just okay, yup, sure. Especially if you want to continue the relationship and you truly love the person, it’s like yup, absolutely, you’re probably right and then just move on from it.
Elisa: Okay, you’re probably right, jerk! All right, anything else you want to share, before we end this session and go on to another one?
Jennifer: No, no.
Erik: Just that I love you.
Elisa: I love you too, and Jennifer would you like to share anything including your website?
Jennifer: Oh sure, my website is www.psychicmediumjenniferdoran.com.
Elisa: And I will put that here! All right, see you guys, love you guys, until later.
Jennifer: Love you.
Elisa: Bye.
Jennifer: Bye.
Featured image courtesy of quotemasters.org.
