After I told my daughter, Michelle, about Erik’s visit to Mariana, she felt happy for yet another sign of his continued existence, but she also felt a little sad that he had not given her a sign in such a long time. After all, Michelle and Erik were very close. They did nearly everything together. Clearly, they are platonic soul mates

Eventually, when Michelle met her husband, Shane, and then had a baby girl, Erik was often the third wheel, constantly pleading to hang out with them and longing to be a big part of Michelle’s life as he was in the past.

On the way home from work today, Michelle said, “Damn it, Erik, you gave Mariana a sign. I miss you! Give me a sign now, please!” She extended an open hand toward the passenger seat, hoping to feel the grasp of his hand. Instead, the image of his face with that wide, sappy grin popped into her mind. She could hear him saying, “I’m already here!” while dipping his head and fluttering his eyelids in a flirtatious, lovey-dovey manner. This was a typical way for Erik to show affection through a safe veil of comedy. A sincere and solemn proclamation of love is rarely easy for most, especially a young man.

Then, Michelle felt her attention drawn to the radio, almost as if Erik was directing her to listen to whatever song was playing. When she heard the lyrics, she instantly knew the message was from him. Please enjoy the song, Several Ways to Die Trying, by one of my favorite bands, Dashboard Confessional. I’ve included the lyrics below the YouTube video, highlighting in bold those I find most meaningful in terms of Erik’s life before and after his death. Indeed, Erik had to die in order to live.

“Several Ways To Die Trying”

Pacific Sun, you should have warned us, it gets so cold here.
And the night can freeze, before you set it on fire.

And our flares go unnoticed.
Diminished, faded just as soon as they are fired.

We are, we are, intrigued. We are, we are, invisible.

Oh, how we’ve shouted, how we’ve screamed, take notice, take interest, take me with you.

But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

Tonight, they’re burning the roads they built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies,
while closing our caskets cold and tight. But I’m dying to live.

Pacific sun, you should have warned us, these heights are dizzying,
and the climb can kill you long before the fall.

And our trails go unmarked and unmapped and covered
just as soon as they are crossed.

We are, we are, intriguing. We are, we are, desirable.

Oh how we’ve shouted, how we’ve screamed,
take notice, take interest, take me with you.

But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

Tonight, they’re burning the roads they built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies,
while closing our caskets cold and tight. But I’m dying to live.