Chris: But I did all the drugs; I did anything I wanted to. I—was—gluttony. I was gluttony, and I wouldn’t take that back for anything in the world! My proudest moment—I’ve heard all your questions—you wanna know what my greatest accomplishment was?
Me: Yes, what was it?
Chris: That I COULD be so gluttonous and live through it.
Me: Wow.
Chris: That was it. Because of that, when people have deep pains, sometimes they become the funniest person ever.
Me: True.
Chris: It was that. It was.
Me: Was your transition peaceful? How did it go?
Chris: After it happened, I kinda thought, ‘About time.’ I didn’t think I could get any bigger; I didn’t think I could get any sadder; I didn’t think I could lose myself anymore than I had.
Me: Aw, Sweetie.
Chris: My only grounding—my family was good to me, but my only grounding was through the characters I played. I thought people could understand me through those characters. That’s what I thought.
Me: Can you describe your surroundings when you passed?
Chris: Heavenly, really. I think the word fits this time. The sad thing is, I remember looking at my body and thinking, ‘Okay, it’s not working anymore, and I can’t get back in it.’ I remember my brother being there.
Jamie: He calls him the “Loyal Dog.”
Me: Aw.
Chris: Kind of like the one who wouldn’t leave. He’d lie down for you. And he did. He was lying—
(Long pause as Jamie listens)
Jamie: Wow. That’s his little emotional piece. He’s pausing to gather himself.
Chris: I remember looking down and seeing my brother there, and just begging, begging—I don’t know who I was talking to. It was just out and out begging that if anyone got forgiveness and protection, let it be him. Let it be my brother.
Me: Aw, Chris. That must have been painful for you.
Chris: Yes, it was.
Me: Was it your destiny to die when and how you did?
Chris: You wouldn’t think that, if there was a God, that they’d be so cruel. I think we’re very much in control of our lives and of our own destinies. It’s not puppetry by someone greater and beyond. So, yes, I completely drove myself into that direction, and I got the results I was looking for. And that was my purpose.
Me: Why?
(Pause)
Jamie (somberly): Oh, Chris.
Chris: Who wants to live such a tortured life? Sometimes humor doesn’t sew up the wounds good enough.
Me: Yeah. I suppose so, Honey. So, did you accomplish what you were here to learn and teach?
Chris: Yes.
Me: And what was that?
Chris: I was here to teach laughter, but I was actually here to learn…(pause) You know—
Jamie: He kind of curls up his lips.
Chris: I was actually here to learn how to heal. Maybe I didn’t do that in the tradition or appropriate way, but I healed myself the best I could.
Me: I’m sure you did, Chris. I’m sure you did.
(Pause)
Me: What is your afterlife like now, and what do you do there? Do you have a special life’s work there? Hopefully you’re not the chief nutritionist for the angelic realm.
Jamie (laughing): Ah, he’s snapping his fingers, saying, “You’re good; you’re good. Mind if I write that down?”
Me (laughing): Yeah, go ahead; you can use my material. It’ll cost you, though.
Chris (chuckling mischievously): That’s all right. I’ll be by later tonight to pay you. Wink, wink!
Me: Oh God!
Chris: I know what you want!
Jamie and I all burst out laughing.
Jamie: Oh my god; I-am-crying! I forget what’s happening. What was going on?
Me: I was asking him to describe his afterlife and what he does there.
Chris: My life’s work was to make people laugh.
Me: No, I mean there in the afterlife.
Chris: Oh, yeah, I’m still on top of it. That’s my true self, but now I make people laugh without the wounds.
Me: Ah, good. That’s so nice to hear, Chris. What does your afterlife look like? Got a little bachelor’s pad over there?
Chris: Yeah, you know, it’s kinda funny; we got those buildings, we got grass, we got this amazing sense of travel. You can just do it all with thought.
Me: Yeah, that’s what Erik’s told us too.
Chris: Really, our life emanates what our memory pertains to of our earth life. That’s pretty much what you can rely on.
Me: What insights did you gain since you’ve been on the other side there?
Chris (sounding like Frankenstein): DRUGS BAD!
Me: Oh, that reminds me of the SNL skit with Phil Hartman where Frankenstein says, “Man good, fire bad!”
Chris (snapping his fingers): You DO know me.
Jamie: Was that one of his skits?
Me: Not him specifically. I think it was Phil Hartman, but I think it played when Chris was part of the cast.
Jamie: I’m going to have to see if I can find that.
Me: Yeah, it’s really funny. So, Chris, do you have any regrets?
Chris: Oh, yeah. I hurt so many of my friends, and it really upsets me that in the midst of my downfall, I couldn’t see how much they were suffering. And they were helping. They were grabbing me and talking to me, in my face, to try to help me, but I saw none of it.
Me: Yeah.
Chris: And that’s really my main regret.
Me: What past life most affected this last one?
(Long pause as Jamie listens)
Jamie (laughing): This is so wrong, Chris! You cross boundaries, man.
Me: Of course he does!
Chris: It had to be the one where I was Jesus Christ, and I had that day of violent diarrhea, and I couldn’t get away from my disciples.
We all laugh, especially Erik, since he’s young and still into the scatological humor.)
Me: Now that’s going to leave a mark. A skid mark, in this case.
Chris: Yeah, yeah, that’s good! I like to refer to it as The Day of Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Jamie (laughing to the point of tears): Just be serious a moment, Chris. I know you can be, because you were a while ago. What past life influenced you the most?
Chris: Okay, okay. I’m going to tell it for real. I’m not horsing around. The life I refer back to a lot was the one where I was a little girl, blond hair, blue eyes, just what you’d think the perfect German girl would look like. I lived to be about eleven, and I died from pneumonia. In the lungs, couldn’t breathe.
Me: Aw!
Chris: And the love of my parents and siblings was just wonderful. They had money; they had a farm; they enjoyed everything that they had in life. It’s the only life I can look back on and say, ‘Wasn’t it blessed; wasn’t it good; wasn’t it nice?’ It reminds you that you CAN obtain these things. Luckily for me, in that lifetime, it was taught to me and handed to me: integrity, respect and comfort.
Me: Yeah.
Chris: In our truest sense, in our truest power, we can create that in the life that we are in.
Me: Yeah. We can create Heaven here on earth.
Chris: Amen, sister!
Me: I knew you were going to say something like that, Chris!
Chris: Praise the Lord, and pass the Imodium AD.
Jamie is in pain, now, from laughing hysterically. Erik is rolling on her counter in stitches. It takes 10-15 seconds before I can ask my next question.
Me: I know you already mentioned what your proudest accomplishment was, but just to verify it, you brought laughter to the world. Is that right?
Chris: Yes. That’s it.
Me: Okay. Do you have any messages for anyone? Anything else you want to share with the world? Any last words, so to speak—although you always have an open mike in my book.
Chris: Thank you!
(Pause as Chris ponders the question)
Chris: The best laughter is the laughter that comes from within.
Me: So true. Now, Erik, do you want to ask anything?
Erik: No, Chris and I are going to hang out in a second.
Me: I know what your two are going to do; y’all are going to hunt down Jesus and ask him if he ever farted!
Jamie laughs.
Me: Well, am I right?
Erik (mischievously): Um, maybe.
Me: God, I hope the Pope doesn’t get a copy of this book. I’m going to get into enough trouble with this interview, Chris.
Chris laughs.
Me: Well, thank you so much, Chris. I love you.
Chris: Really? You love me?
Me (in a maternal voice): Yeah, of course I love you; I always have.
Chris: Thank you. You know what? I love you too.
Jamie (giggling): He’s giving out all these wet, outrageous kisses. Muaah, muaah, muaah!
Me: Bye, Chris.
Chris: Bye.
