Chillaxin’ with Jesus and Mary, Part One

Tomorrow morning, we leave for Barcelona where I’ll meet my relatives (for a change.) We drive to Oslo starting around 4:30 AM, so I might be too travel weary to post something tomorrow. Quick announcement before we continue with today’s post. Since Kim and I are both out of town, we won’t have the radio show this Thursday, but we will on the following one. 

Robert: Can you see me?

Me: Yeah, it’s fine.

Robert: Okay.

Me: Hi there.

Robert: Hi.

Me: How are you doing?

Robert: I’m good! I’m a little bit nervous for some reason. Sometimes I get a little bit nervous, but I’m a little bit more so today for some reason.

Me: I think I know why!

He has no idea we’re going to bring in Jesus and Mary.

Robert: Why?

Me: Well, first of all, I want to say hi to Erik.

Erik: Hi, Mom.

Me: Hi, sweetie. We want to ask Jesus and his mommy, Mary, to come in for some clarification.

Robert: Okay.

Me: Erik, can you go get him?

Robert talks about how Dolores Cannon has been popping in a couple of times. He recognized the name but doesn’t know anything about her. I tell him she’s on the list to be interviewed.

Me: Erik, my sweetie, can you go get Jesus and Mary, or pull them in?

Erik: Sure, Mom.

Me: Work your magic!

Robert chuckles.

Robert: They’re here.

Me: Well, thank you for coming again, Jesus and Mary. I really appreciate it.

Jesus and Mary: It’s our honor.

Me: Really? Oh, I can’t believe that! But that’s so sweet of you to say! Aw shucks.

Robert: They think it’s funny that you would react that way.

Me: The reason I wanted to talk to you both together is that there are some discrepancies that need clarification. First of all, Jesus, when I talked to you, you said you were not born from a virgin birth, and I don’t know because she wasn’t that clear about it, but it seemed like Mary intimated that it was a virgin birth. Which is it? No judgment here. A birth is a birth. Bringing a new soul into this world is the same no matter how it happens.

Robert: It’s semantics. For some reason I can’t remember what that word means.

Me: It’s a matter of how you say it.

Robert: Okay. She said it was semantics.

Me: Okay, so go on.

Mary: For me, a virgin birth means that the child was ordained by God.

Me: Ah!

Mary: Human interaction is required for that, but the child was the result of God’s desire for him to be born to fulfill a certain purpose in life.

Me: Ah, I see. So, was Joseph the biological father?

Mary: No.

Me: Okay. Who was the biological father?

Mary: A Roman soldier.

Me: Oh, really? Was it consensual?

Mary: No.

Here comes the hate mail.

Me: Oh, no. Really? Aw. Well, uh, Arleen wants to come and say hi.

Comic relief in the way of a grandchild.

Me: We’re talking to Mary and Jesus. Do you want to say hi to Jesus?

Robert laughs.

Arleen: I can’t hear him.

Me: Say, “Hi, Jesus! Hi, Mary!” His mom is Mary. Do you want to say hi to them?

Arleen (perplexed): What?

Robert laughs again, and I repeat myself.

Me: She’s like, “Whaaaat??” WTF in a big way.

Don’t worry. She doesn’t know what that means.

Me: Do you want a message from him?

Arleen: Yeah! Yeah!

Me: Okay. Jesus, what have you got to say to my little grand daughter baby! (I get sappy and kiss her.)

(Long pause)

Me: Don’t pick your nose so much?

Arleen’s eyes widen.

Me: Just kidding! You don’t pick your nose.


Robert (hesitantly): Well, it’s kind of a big message for a little child. If she doesn’t understand, maybe you can put it in different words.

I share my earphones with her.

Robert: To paraphrase: “The world is a big and scary place. It can be seen that way sometimes, but you’re equipped to handle the life you’ve been born into.”

Me: So you are safe. That’s what he told you before, too.

Jesus: You are safe.

Arleen: Yay!

Me: Okay, say bye to everybody. They can’t see you!

I pull her toward me and kiss her like a maniac.

Robert: You’re going to be on the Internet!

Me: Go back to your homework.

Arleen: I’m done with my homework.

Me: Okay, good!

Arleen: Can I be here for the whole thing?

Me: Well, you can sit, but I have to ask some questions. So it was a rape?

Mary: Yes.

Me: Wow, that’s so weird. How can this whole thing with God ordaining this jive with it being a rape? I just can’t wrap my head around that.

Mary: It’s a lesson that something good can come from something traumatizing. Something beautiful can be born of that.

Me: And so it did. Wow. Gosh, that’s heavy.

Robert: She says it’s a metaphor for pain in some way.

Arleen (showing the dough she made): It’s dough.

Me (chuckling): And also, Mary sounded like she didn’t think Jesus died on the cross, but Jesus, you said you didn’t die on the cross. You said you lowered your pulse and breathing rate to make people think you were dead, and then you were rescued in the end and ended up moving to France and raising five children, two of whom died. So what’s the skinny on that one?

Arleen: I need to sit down.

Robert (laughing): Arleen.

Me: There’s no place to sit down.

Arleen: I’ll sit down right here on the edge.

Me: Okay.

Mary: Again, it’s semantics.

Arleen: Where’s Polly?

Polly is Robert’s dog. He brings her over to our place every other Friday.

Robert: She’s down here on her bed.

Mary: He did die on the cross. His body died on the cross. When you saw his body, it looked dead, but when you get into the specifics of it and the spiritual side of it and you start to understand the things that we did not understand at the time, then you realize that he did not die.

Me: What do you mean?

Mary: It was my perception at the time. When I saw my son, he was dead.

Was this a near death experience? Did he have a cardiac arrest and come back?

Me: Well, how did he end up moving to France? He said he lived in France.

Mary: Because my human side saw him as dead, so that’s what I understood.

Me: Oh. I understand. Okay, so what really happened?

Mary: He did not die, but it looked like he was dead.

Me: I see. Okay.

Mary: That’s from the human side of it. From the spiritual side, it’s true that a part of his human side died literally when he was hung on that cross. The part of him that was alive to fulfill that destiny died. Once that destiny was fulfilled, that part died.

Me: Ah!

Mary: Then a new life was started for him, which is why he was no longer known for what he was known as before as Jesus. He went and lived a life as an anonymous person.

Me: So, Mary, you went the rest of your days thinking he was physically dead?

Mary: Yes.

Damn, he could have sent her a text or email saying he was fine.

Me: Gosh, that’s awful. Okay, what was the purpose of your crucifixion? The person asking this question goes on to say that Mary considered it a sacrifice but Jesus did not. Who’s right?

Robert: They’re both right.

Of course.

Arleen: Oh, can you ask—

Me: No, I can’t pause.

Mary: For me, it was a sacrifice. I sacrificed my son and the ability to be a mother to that son.

Me (solemnly): I know how you feel, Mary.

Jesus: You know this intimately because of the sacrifices you have made.

Me: Yeah.

Jesus: From my perspective, it was not a sacrifice because it was what I came here to do. I knew this was what I was going to do. I was afraid.

Me: Sure. You were human.

Robert: Yes, exactly. The human side of him was afraid.

Jesus: But it was not a sacrifice. I wasn’t giving up anything.

I know how you feel, Mother Mary

I know how you feel, Mother Mary

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Elisa Medhus

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