My vision is slowly improving. Please forgive me if I haven’t attended to your comments and emails as I usually do. It’s still very difficult to read them. Next week, I’m having the surgery on my other eye, so both will be going through that blurry period at the same time, and my current glasses, which at least now corrects my left eye, will be rendered useless. That means I’ll be even more visually impaired, so if you could keep emails, Facebook messages and comment questions directed to me at a minimum, I’d appreciate it. Patrick will be posting on the day of my surgery (Tuesday), and I’ll hopefully take over from Wednesday on.
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Me: All right. We went backwards there. What were some of the adjustments you had to make when crossed over? What were some of the most, uh, I won’t say difficult. The most interesting. The most intense.
Erik: How to move.
Me: How to move! Yeah. “I cain’t feel my laigs!’
Jamie: He’s laughing.
Me: That’s from the movie, “Major Payne.” “That’s cuz they ain’t there!”
Jamie (laughing): I have no idea what you’re talking about, but he’s almost on the floor!
Me: Cuz we watched it all the time. It was with one of the Waylon brothers. It’s so funny. Erik loved it.
Jamie is still laughing.
Erik: Similar to that, but it’s just interesting. I’d say that’s the most urgent one that you come across.
Me: Mm hm.
Erik: You know, how to get from here to there. And it’s weird, because you keep moving and traveling, yet you can’t explain to yourself how you’re doing it. It’s like, “What’s happening. Oh shit, it’s happening!” You don’t know how.
Me: Was it scary?
Erik (chuckling): No. No, I wasn’t afraid, but I definitely wasn’t getting all the answers I needed ASAP, so that was weird.
Me: Was there some sort of guide who was there for you during your death, your life review or afterwards? Wasn’t there anybody to help you?
Erik (laughing): If there was, that dick must have been hiding behind the curtain, because I didn’t see anyone!
Me: Oh my god! That’s awful. How come? Was it because you didn’t ask for help?
Erik: Oh, I didn’t ask for help.
Typical guy. They won’t ask for directions.
Erik: And I think I just wanted to be alone.
Me: Do you think if you asked for help somebody would come?
Erik: Oh, yeah, with bells a‘ringing.
Me: Why did you want to be alone?
Erik: Cuz I wanted rest.
Me: Was part of it shame? Did you think you’d get in trouble for doing what you did?
Erik: Wow. That’s interesting.
(Pause)
Me: Like, “Uh oh. I’m busted. Don’t take me to Hell!”
Erik: No.
Me: Okay. That’s good.
Erik (amazed): Nah, I never felt like that! How cool is that?
Me: That’s awesome. So, you couldn’t move. Tell me about the whole learning experience of learning how to move.
Erik: Well, it’s like I consciously couldn’t make myself go, but if I thought about being somewhere, I’d end up there. It kept happening, but I couldn’t figure out how exactly it was happening.
Me: Could you see your arms and legs?
(Pause)
Me: Or were you just consciousness? Could you see your spirit body?
Erik: Yeah. That’s mostly what you see. You don’t see yourself like you were as a human.
Me: So, it wasn’t like you were seeing only your environment like you were just an awareness of self without a body?
Erik: Yeah, without a human body. I had an energetic shape, you know, as light, and I felt like myself. I knew my whereabouts. I know what happened. It’s not like I was thrown into some strange world without a map. I felt like I belonged and I was safe. I was never afraid, but it was just the smallest things like that that would fuck you in the head a little bit.
Me: But when you looked down, you could see your legs and your feet and all that? It wasn’t a human body, but you weren’t just like a ball of light?
Erik: Correct. Yeah, right. I had an energetic shape like my human body.
Me: And you could move? You could look at your hand and make a fist, move your legs and things like that?
Erik: Oh, yeah!
Me: So, it was more about moving from one place to another.
Erik: Yeah.
Me: So, you learned how to think of a place and be there?
Erik: Yeah.
Me: What were some other adjustments that you had to make when you crossed over?
Erik: Well, I was used to kind of arguing to myself in my head or having contradicting thoughts and emotions, but that shit just doesn’t happen. That was weird.
Me: Hm. What happens instead?
Erik (slightly frustrated): I don’t really know how to explain it. You just don’t have them. You couldn’t be angry and happy.
Me: So, more peace? No more conflict in your head?
Erik: Yes.
Me: How old were you when you had no conflict in your head?
Erik: I had moments of it, but never consistently.
Me: Well, I don’t think anybody has it consistently.
Erik: Really?
Me: Where they’re always, always, always at peace with no conflict in their head? Of course not.
Erik: C’mon. There’s gotta be people. Isn’t that what being happy is?
Me: One hundred percent of the time?
Jamie (to Erik): Yeah, Erik. There’s—
Me: C’mon! What if someone is super constipated, and they’re sitting there on the toilet, and they can’t pinch one off? That is NOT a happy situation!
Erik (chuckling): Yeah, but that’s a physical conflict.
Me: It doesn’t make any difference. It’s going to create some emotional conflict. Nobody is totally at peace all the time unless they’re the Dalai Lama.
Erik: You must have an issue with shit, Mom.
Me: Look at you and your scatological humor! I wouldn’t talk! Okay. Let’s move on. What are some other adjustments you had to make? Any others?
Erik: Those two are the main ones.
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Be sure to sign up for Jamie’s phone reading next week on the 12th!
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Dear Reader,
The journey on which you’re about to embark will take you through stories that are deeply personal and involves a relationship between a mother and her son.
As a physician raised by two atheists, I had no personal belief system about life after death. In a word, I was a confirmed skeptic. As my journey progressed, my mind opened. It is my sincerest hope that yours will open as well and that you will have a greater understanding of your own life and what’s to come ahead.
Although Erik sometimes paints a rosy picture of the afterlife, time and time again he stresses that suicide is not the answer to one’s problems. If you struggle, please understand that the information in my blog and my book is no substitute for professional help. Please click here for a list of resources for help when you find yourself considering taking your own life. Know that they are readily available when you feel that hopelessness and despair that many of us feel from time to time in our lives.
I refuse all donations and ad revenue on the blog. It is my dream to one day establish a nonprofit organization that delivers a variety of spiritual services for those who have lost loved ones to suicide and cannot afford that assistance on their own. It’s a mission of love, sacrifice, and dedication.
Love and light,
Elisa
