I think Erik pranked me yesterday. I opened my makeup drawer to grab my mascara so that I could feign the existence of the eyelashes that have thinned with age only to find that it wasn’t in the specific compartment I keep it in. My first thought was, ‘Annika has been marauding my makeup’ because that’s what she does. She paws through everything (even though I use drugstore makeup and she buys higher end products from places like Sephora.) But no, she had already left for college. I couldn’t blame Lukas because the only time he has worn makeup was when his older sisters tied him to a chair and turned him into a girlie boy when he was little. The only other creatures in the house are my cats and dogs, and they have no opposable thumbs so they’re not on my list of suspects. Rune, of course, is Mr. Manly, so he avoids my makeup drawer as if, when opened, it’d emit a series of lightening bolts. Puzzled, I looked in all of the drawers in the bathroom, even Rune’s. Nothing. I emptied out my makeup drawer and put each item back in one by one. No mascara. After heaving a sigh, I scribbled it in on my grocery list and set about the day with bald eyelids. This morning, however, I found the mascara in the place I usually keep it. I guess Erik was dolling himself up for a hot date. 

Enjoy this Best of Erik, and tomorrow, I’ll post Part Two of the Third Eye series.

Me: Erik? How’s Erik doing?

Jamie: He’s good. He’s already been messing with my calls from the prior conversation. It was a Channeling Erik person. He said she was really cute. He really wanted to help out and I was telling him, you know, “Don’t, don’t, go, go!”

I laugh in amusement.

Me: So, Erik, what have you been doing for fun, lately? I forget to ask you about your life!

Erik: What, Mom? What we’re doing’s not fun? This is what I base my fun on!

Me: I know, but have you been hanging around with your friends, have you been haunting somebody else, have you been snowboarding, have you been—what have you been doing beside this?

Erik laughs.

Erik: I like to snowboard, go to the beach—

Jamie (to Erik): No you don’t!

Jamie (giggling): He says that he likes to go to the mountains and mess with the Tibetan monks. Apparently it’s a bit of a prank and a bit of fun, but nobody’s hurt, he says.

Me: Oh my god! I guess no corner of the world is safe! Nothing’s Erik-proof.

Erik: I guess when you get the freedom to travel and it doesn’t cost anything, you’d do some pretty weird stuff, too.

Me: I bet so. So, for now I’ll have to just save up my frequent flyer miles.

Erik: For now, yes.

Me: Okay, Erik, one person wants to know how the Shift will affect us physically. I know there has been some anxiety and things like that, but they kind of want to know so they can compare notes with their own bodies. Can you list some of the symptoms and signs they can expect?

I know I’ve recently (and uncharacteristically) had daily headaches and nausea.

Erik: It’s going to be a little bit different for everyone so these are very general blanket statements. Let me break it down for men and women. Blanket for women:

Jamie (giggle hard, to Erik): Are you for real? Let’s not say that, Erik! Just use a different word. Come on, man. Yes.

Erik: Okay, okay! More strength.

Jamie: No! God, Erik!

Erik (to Jamie): Don’t weed me, Jamie! Don’t weed me!

I chuckle.

Jamie: He’s saying that women will have more rage. He doesn’t mean flaking out, pulling out your hair screaming, but it’s balancing the masculine and feminine energies so the women that have been more been more passive and submissive are going to have a sense of power where they have control. Where the confusion happens are in the women who are not used to that kind of struggle or desire to have that, so they’ll let it out in terms of rage.

Me: Oh, I see.

Jamie (to Erik): Much better when we explain it than just say “rage,” Erik.

Me: Yeah, really.

Jamie: Cuz he was just going to do bullet points and just leave it alone.

Me: Oh, no! We can’t have that!

Erik: Of course for men, there’s going to be heavier emotions—the happiness and the sad ones—they’re going to be heavier. They’re going to be more in touch with how they feel and with the expression of their emotions.

Me: Good!

Erik: Yeah, that’ll be nice.

Me: It will be!

Erik: For both sexes, we’re going to have difficulties in sleeping, so that means our sleeping patterns are going to change. Some of us are going to find we only need a short amount of time—four hours, whereas for a short amount of time you may find you need a longer amount of time, say ten hours. So, pay attention to the rest, like resting rhythms of the body. Give it what it’s asking for.

Me: When you say six months of ten hours, are you talking about any six months or are you talking about the next six months?

Erik: No, no. Everybody’s going to pick up on the vibrations a little bit differently, so you’ll have these changes where you’ll be completely energized and you can’t really rest so you’ll have these short sleeps and it’s fine for you and then you’ll find after then you’ll get into heavier long sleeps, even up to ten hours. So, pay attention to what your body needs. Even though you go into that heavier long sleep, that’s not going to stay with you the rest of your life. You’ll balance back out and hit that previous marker of wherever you were.

Me: Okay.

Erik: That’s some of the changes. And there’ll be random aches and pains. Headaches, discomforts, nausea, and that’s just because of the energy of Earth changing. That’s where all of the anxiety is—all of the little emotions and differences. When the Earth’s energy settles down, the bulk of the human’s will settle down. Of course not everybody marches to the same song. The bulk that calms down will have a sense of peace, love and confidence that wasn’t in abundance before. Now it will be the “abundant” feeling.

Me: I like the sound of that.

Erik: We can look at America right now and say, “Ah, yeah, the abundant feeling there is competition, voyeurism, and materialism. That’s the bulk of what our country in unison is going through. But after the Shift we’ll be looking around saying “Wow! We have a sense of healthy confidence we didn’t have before that doesn’t ruin other people!”

Me: Good!

Erik: You know, it’s a unity confidence, not one that ruins people.

Jamie (laughing): Unitarian confidence! He’s making jokes about opening churches.

Me: Oh, no! Unitarian churches are pretty awesome, though.

Jamie: I have to digress for a second. I was in the car the other day and I went by this church and just lost my mind. It was the Church of the Good Cloth which was what it was called. And I laughed and I said, ‘Oh, god, Erik would just eat that up!’ And so we had like this five minute throw down of how to name a church, and I think that’s why he’s bringing that up right now—just so you know it’s not so random on my behalf.

Me (chuckling): That’s funny.

Jamie: We named churches like Blanket of Baby Jesus, Come and Be Covered. It was just stupid.

We all laugh.

Jamie composes herself.

Erik: Okay, so they’ll be this confidence. This sense of peace is going to relate to that level of love that we have for our neighbor and especially the peace and love inside a business structure or inside a contract, because that element of competition is not going to be there. So, the way that we handle our society is less focused on right and wrong and more focused on being present.

Me: Wonderful.

Erik: But it always sucks being in the middle of the change. It hurts. It fucks us up. But when we come out of it, we’ll realize there’s no way in hell we could have had this peace if we hadn’t have had this war.

Me: Yeah. No pain, no gain.

Erik: For the human, unfortunately, that’s true.

(Ugh, why did we pick this time to reincarnate? Must have missed the memo.)