I’m bummed. My husband left for Mexico to meet a client this morning. That client owns this very swanky hotel. I mean 6 star if that even existed. Plus his company sent him first class!  I always fly cattle class so… I want those little folded cloth napkins and crystal glasses filled with a mimosa, dammit. I want to be spoiled! Hopefully as he downs a tequila Jell-O shot, he’ll do one in my honor and remember that I’m vacuuming and mopping the hardwood floors. Don’t worry. I’ll have plenty of chores for him when he gets home.

On this post, I’m adding the all to familiar poem for reference. Enjoy.

Distrust is the root of uncertainty

Scarcity is the root of distrust

Hostility is the root of scarcity

Sorrow is the root of hostility

Attachment is the root of sorrow

Fear is the root of attachment

Chaos is the root of all

Harmony is the equal opposite of chaos

Me: It seems like self-esteem issues have something to do with distrust of oneself and others, but I want your take on it.

Erik: I love your take.

I talk about some personal issues first.

He pretends to do the backstroke like he’s telling us to back up to the original question.

Erik: When I look at the human experience, self-esteem is related to self-worth, how someone values themselves. For Americans, the fucked up thing is that value usually means dollar signs.

Me: Yeah, or power and status.

Erik: Yeah. Power and status. That really doesn’t translate into self-wroth so you’re already at a loss. You’re drowning before you’re even in the fucking pool.

I laugh.

Erik: So if we’re talking about what the value of oneself is, I would link it to the ability to have personal honesty and self-acceptance because once you accept yourself for your talents, for you greatness, for you challenges, then you’re able to see the best and worst of yourself, what you bring to the table: Your inspiration, your motivation, your agony and suffering, all of it is valuable. What doesn’t’ make it valuable is when you don’t accept it.

Me: So true!

Jamie: That was so well said, Erik! High five!

Me: Yeah, very powerful. Does he actually give you a high five?

Jamie: Yeah, he’ll reach out, but it doesn’t feel like anything to me.

Jamie laughs.

Me: Well, so much stems from a low-self-esteem: disempowerment, shame, fear, jealousy, resentment, isolation, depression, anxiety, narcissism, lack of trust in others, feeling stuck, problems expressing feelings, lack of abundance, wanting to be right and not wrong, relationship problems, just so much! It seem like that’s the root of so many things!

Erik: Yes. That’s the foundation. That’s the foundation for character, personality. Imagine self-worth is a hose that connects self-esteem in the awake state to the higher consciousness state. A hose.

Jamie: The image he gives me in my head is a stick figure. (She giggles.) He’s a great artist.

I note the sarcasm.

Jamie: And the word “self-esteem” is kind of written across the chest area. Then there’s this garden hose, and inside it is what’s called “self-worth,” and then there’s the big bright cloud with rays shining off of it. That could is the higher consciousness. The true self.

Me: Above the head?

Jamie: Yes.

Erik: So many people want to be there because that’s the way to enlightenment. That’s what—

(Pause)

Jamie: That didn’t make sense, Erik.

Erik: The higher consciousness—

Jamie: That’s just a lot of words! Okay. Here we go. Everything else is so simple, and then he gets into something that’s a little convoluted.

Erik: The higher self is the ideal inner voice that people want, but the inner voice that people are using in their conscious state is more like the story maker, the destroyer, the devil’s advocate. The higher consciousness voice that’s connected to the hose of self-worth actually boosts—

Jamie (laughing): I thought he said “roosts.”

I laugh, too.

Erik: It boosts the support in one’s self, the emotional honesty of oneself, and the support of the concept of ultimate unity.

Me: With all?

Erik: With “All That Is.” Your energy, your soul energy, energetic field, energetic body, energetic thoughts, energetic emotions are all tied to everyone else’s energetic “All That Is.” No need—

Jamie (giggling): He’d be so good if he had a gavel right now. He’d smack it down and make loud sounds.

I chuckle.

Erik: There’s no need for fucking competition!

Jamie: He gets all huffy!

Erik: But we don’t have that because we lack in how to understand and build self-esteem, build a relationship with self-esteem, and I throw that back to our parents and our culture and our overall marketing system.

Me: And our siblings, peers and teachers, anything in the external world can take you down that path to a poor self-esteem.

Erik: God, yes, because they go for the competition thing, a right and wrong, and these are not true to our natural state of being. It’s not what our natural energetic self wants to be. It makes you wonder why the fuck we incarnate.

I know this is short, but it breaks at just the right place for Part Two, more on the garden hose, coming to a blog near you.