Kate Sitka channels Erik’s wisdom and wit yet again. Thanks, Kate!
I usually choose the titles last – for this title, Erik gives me a picture of his head on He-Man’s body, a cartoon from my childhood, called “Masters of the Universe”. He is, like, totally cut y’all.
I also have to say that when I talk to Erik, I start thinking in a Texas twang. The blend of Texas and Northern Ontario accents is akward and hilarious, in our complementary red-neck cultures.
“Oh, yay, eh y’all?”
Quite an adventure to get to this weekend’s entry. I’m logging on here on Saturday morning to give it a final go-over. On Tuesday, I kept trying to write with Erik, and he said he wanted to talk about Divine Timing. And then he told me it wasn’t time to write about it, and to come back later. (roll eyes.)
I worked on this piece on Thursday night for hours, WAY too long. I shut the computer when I was done and said, “Well, I don’t know if this is good, or if it sucks.” Erik replied, Well you were the one who insisted on working RIGHT NOW.
The following is the result of two sittings, Thursday night and Saturday morning.
Well Erik, where would you like to start?
So, the first thing is, you gotta stop being so fucking scared all the time. (Me personally?) Yeah, you’re getting better, in this case it’s the royal YOU, all y’all. (People reading, in this case he is also addressing the personality of the readers in the past, who are reading this and know they have moved beyond their fear – he is talking to their PAST selves, and actually helping them move through it faster and more completely. Very cool trick.)
I’m a mad magician! (Does a Houdini impression – but it’s a cooler version of Houdini – who was that guy who made elephants and houses disappear?) I’ll get back to you with the name, just stay on topic Kate.
(Ironic he’s telling ME to focus here, Mr. Tangent. Anyway!)
Fear – that’s why it was the first thing I addressed. Fear is going to keep you from doing anything with your life other than being a boring human being, and dying without understanding your (divine nature). Your potential, that magic. Your own fucking magic.
As much as fear will hold you back, for most people, fear is home. Fear is their mother worrying about them, and fear is their fathers glaring down boyfriends (also love and therefore safe.) Fear is their parent/teachers/whoever’s expectations of them, those fucking projections of their OWN fear on to you when you’re young and absorbent, like a sponge. And if you don’t live up to it, there’s this fear you will LOSE the love.
Fear can be this projection of yourself into a future that DOESN’T EXIST. Fear is creating this prison – before you can really progress (spiritually, follow your heart, find your purpose) whatever new-age bull-shit words you want to use, you know that feeling. It’s the “I want to be there, but I can’t.”
So the first thing to remember with Divine Timing is you gotta create space in your own life for it to work, because fear is going to trump divine timing, if it’s controlling you.
You need to work on your fear, release yourself from this prison (shows me a literal prison of holographic images projected around a person, creating this illusion for the person that s/he can’t step forward. But the images have no substance, the person is free, s/he just doesn’t believe it yet.)
Before you can begin to allow divine timing into your life, you gotta let go of your fear, or at least become friends with it. Like, talk to the fear like it’s a thing that’s separate from you, because it actually IS separate from you. It’s just something you’re experiencing, it’s not you.
I love how Zen you just got. Yeah, well I’m not wearing orange!
See, divine timing is going on all the time, every second around you. But if you’re walking around in this cloud of fear you’re just never going to see any of it, or if you see it, it’ll scare the fuck out of you and you run screaming! Sometimes, what you’re “meant to” be doing is the thing you’re avoiding.
Because you sense the change in your life around that situation?
Yeah, sometimes it’s the change, sometimes it’s just the frequency of the situation is different than your life right now, so it feels uncomfortable, because you have to adjust your own emotional/spiritual/physical vibration to match it before you’ll GET comfortable. It might not be that big of a change and probably isn’t a bad thing at all, it’s just different. If it WERE a bad thing, you’d know that in a second, with every (fiber in your soul – shows me a couple of job interviews I did where I *knew* by the end of it I wasn’t taking the job.) Bad vibes are totally repellant for a reason, they keep you safe!
Huh – that reminds me of a time in my life where I didn’t trust myself / my instincts to keep myself safe, particularly in choosing a partner.
Yeah, that’s kind of a different thing than divine timing, but I can hear the girls go “Yeah!” so I’ll talk about boyfriends / girlfriends a bit: Romantic shit, that’s like, a whole other (blog entry) We’ll do that later, so I don’t want to get sucked into it too much right now (deep boy laugh like, “huh huh! )
The relevant part right now is, if you’re in a place where you’re AFRAID of picking someone who’s like, a duplicate of who you just split with, and you don’t TRUST yourself to pick a new partner – there’s no room in there for divine timing to really work, except to help you find reasons to still be in fear, if you’re so stuck on being afraid all the time. Sometimes it’s like, you gotta heal and then toughen up a bit, and go back out there without being so afraid of getting hurt. Most people get romantic skinned knees (shows me BMX bike trick, nice romantic symbolism dude. The parallel he’s drawing is not everyone needs to do “bike stunts” and increase the likelihood of injury.) You can ride around on a nice cruiser, you can find that place where you’re comfortable. If you don’t feel like doing bike stunts, if that scares you, that is FINE. But if you’re at home all the time because you’re afraid someone on a bike is going to ram into you, that’s your fear controlling your life. All you’ll ever be is afraid.
It’s like, you have to get sick of being afraid and bored with it. If you’re stuck inside afraid, you won’t ever get anywhere. You’re not eligible for the Divine Timing Prize because you won’t buy a ticket.
It really is about lettin’ go and really understanding that it is going to be alright. That’s where the trust comes in. Go to AA if you need to. Go bankrupt if you need to. Get divorced if you need to. Sell your damn house for a loss if you need to – you do what you gotta do to release yourself from your fear before anything else can happen.
Which brings me to my point – the second you just let go and let it all fall to shit, you’re going to start to see how we’re all pulling for you.
All of our friends on the other side, including you, eh Erik?
(laughs) – WTF am I talking to you for – EH? (does this buck-toothed Canadian impression, he’s wearing – OMG he’s seriously wearing a BEAVER skin cap with a beaver tail down the back – they don’t even make those dude, and on top of the beaver skin thing is a sideways baseball cap with a giant maple leaf, and he’s holding a Canadian beer in one hand and a joint in the other and he had these giant buck teeth for some reason – OH it’s for the Beaver. We all have beaver teeth, funny dude. He’s also wearing a red flannel logger’s shirt, big fly-fishing hip waders, and there’s a duck hunting shot gun slung on his pack. And he’s lugging this huge world-traveler back pack with another big Canadian flag patch sewn on it. Love it, man!)
Ha! (And just as I was about to move on, he’s pointing to his left finger, and there’s a wedding band there and he says – It’s because I’m Gay-Married!) He hee, nice to know the only thing keeping you straight is your nationality!
Okay, so you “let go and let God” as they say in AA, and you let it all fall to shit, if you need to let it fall to shit. I can say from a bit of personal experience that “letting it fall to shit” can be a much easier, more graceful process than trying to hold it all together.
Yeah, and you air out that desperate stench.
Yeah, I was so stressed out, I must’ve reeked of desperation.
And you didn’t get a lot of help, when you really fucking needed it – when you THOUGHT you needed it, right? Because people will hand money to a United Way but they won’t hand $10 to the bum on the corner because he reeks of desperation, among other things.
Well, yeah, and a lot of people think they want to make sure their $10 is going to feed his belly, not his addiction.
Yeah, and that’s exactly the point – Fear is begging for $10 when you really need to go to rehab. But that doesn’t change that you think someone’s helping you when you get $10 for beer. (We have a brief aside/debate about tough love.)
Tough love is not the point, it’s just the contrast between help that would could create actual change in someone’s life and help that is compassion, or pain-reduction, but not problem-solving help. Tough love is forcing it on someone, and (waves hands) The Uuuuniverse! Will never force you to get better.
You gotta check into spiritual rehab, sometimes. Sometimes you just gotta go! You show up, you check yourself in and you say “I gotta get straight. Please Help Me.”
You’re hearing me, girl, but are you *feelin* me?
It’s like you need to learn how to conceive of a life without fear.
(minister at the pulpit, in robes, raising hands upwards) Halleluiah! *Conceive* there is the greatest word in the English language! (grins because I indicated it’s obviously not his favourite word).
Once you can CONCEIVE of yourself living without fear, that’s where you start to step outside of (the holographic prison/ illusion of fears.) By conceiving of yourself, your life, in different ways, you literally start to create new options for yourself, you’re opening doors and windows to let the fresh air in, you’re plugging into Creation itself.
Sure, you’re going to go through periods of fear, where you get a whiff of it, but then you find that old sock under the bed and you wash it. It’s okay to have a bit of fear, so long as you don’t reek, your whole LIFE can reek of fear and no one will want to come near you.
So we let go, and then what?
So, let’s review. (Scholar’s robes, giant parchment scroll, and he’s reading it while wearing a monocle. He’s also affecting what he describes as a “snooty accent” that is vaguely British, but more pretentious. He looks like Moses meets the Monopoly guy.)
Firstly! You must relinquish-eth your fears, unburden your soul, so that you may journey unencumbered!
Secondly! You must seek-eth those who will assist you on your path!
He’s fancying-up the review of the last three entries, the same lessons, repeated here for a fourth time: Address and release fear, and ask for help.
(He’s normal Erik now, like a really young version of Erik, he looks 12, baby-faced, larger curly hair puffing out from under a too-large cap that is red and white. His voice is a boy’s voice.) When enough people do it, (he shows me the people freeing themselves up, releasing themselves so they can take care of each other.) That’s how the healing happens. You let go of your own injuries, and you find trust in yourself, you begin to trust in the good in other people. You begin to trust that the world can heal from everything that has happened. And you just let yourself believe that everything can feel okay again. Better than okay, because it won’t be like it used to be. It’ll be better.
(Now he’s late-teens Erik, sitting in a plastic school chair, huge unlaced sneakers, jean shorts that go to the knees, oversized t-shirt or jersey.) CONCEIVE, you get it? That’s why I keep harping on this shit, y’all. It’s really that fucking important. I am not kidding. You have GOT to do it. It DOES matter if one person does the work and lets go of their fear because (shows me that released person drawing in all the positive energy around them – this is manifested in money, a lot of it, but mostly love, and how this spreads around and this person is able to help so many others.)
It’s that ripple effect – all that time you’re wasting, wallowing in your fear, stuck where you’re at, that’s not where you’re meant to be. Every single person reading this is meant to be free – and yes I’m talking to those kids 10 years in the future! (Shows me teens reading a paper book in a school library that contains his words, these kids are just toddlers now and won’t see the blog in its original form.)
So, we’re getting to the end of the entry, Erik, and I haven’t heard you say much about divine timing.
That’s the beauty part, babe! It’s not about GETTING to a place where we (friends in heaven) are able to help you, or where you are ready to begin your training as a fellow Jedi Knight (huge grin) – it’s about dropping all that shit you carry so you can actually pick up something else. You CONCEIVE of yourself in a new light, in a new life. No matter now big your pain, it’s possible.
Like in, Autobiography of a Yogi, talking about the path to enlightenment is not about achieving something so much as stripping things away?
You can strip if- OMG I walked into that one.
You want to carry a cool-ass light saber? You gotta drop your fear. When you’re in pain, when you carry pain, there’s fear making you hang on to that experience. Do you want to be a pain in the ass Luke Skywalker, whining to Yoda about the pointlessness of training exercises? Why not just go, “Cool, I’m making a rock float!”
It ties into everything.
Thanks so much Erik, for your patience with me this week. The lesson enmeshed in the experience of writing this piece about Divine Timing is that if you’re trying to force something, there’s actually a fear under that. Like, I was trying to force this entry to get done sometime BEFORE Saturday morning, but it just wasn’t happening. There was actually a fear under that self-imposed deadline, too. Had I just laid back and trusted that there would be the flow, the right time, I probably could’ve knocked this thing out easily on Saturday morning. Instead I labored painfully over it for most of the week, my own damn fault!
What I, personally, take away from this week’s entry is that Diving Timing is something that not only requires trust and patience, it’s not something you can force just because you’re wanting to pay a bill or meet a deadline. It’ll happen when you let all that external stuff go, and create room in your life for it to work.
You’re a beauty! You too, Erik.