I fell in love with John Wayne’s movies ever since watching True Grit and The Green Berets. Both made me cry, and I like movies that have that effect on me. I sob every time I watch Bambi’s mother die. Recently I was wondering why. All of my life I’ve felt emotionally numb. In other words, it’s hard for me to feel anything deeply. Then I realized that because of my terrible childhood, I couldn’t express emotions without some sort of repercussion. That fear made me hide myself from feeling anything. Then, I realized that happiness throughout my life has always been short lived so I came to the subconscious conclusion that it was safest not to feel at all. But movies that make me cry, like the ones starring John Wayne’s, breaks through that numbness a little bit. They’re so cathartic.
Me: Erik, do you think you can round up John Wayne for us? He’s one of Aunt Laura and Uncle Jim’s favorite movie stars.
Erik: See ya.
Jamie and I chit chat until Erik returns.
Jamie: John’s here with Erik.
Me: Oh. You know, we should install a red carpet in your office, Jamie. Maybe a couple of nice velvet ropes, some bodyguards.
John Wayne laughs.
John (teasing): I could see how I’d need bodyguards here.
Me: Oh, right!
John (to Jamie): You look really dangerous.
Jamie and I laugh hard.
John (to Jamie): Are you packing a gun?
Jamie (standing up and showing him): No, just my yoga pants.
Me: John, I don’t think you have to worry about little Jamie. Hello, Mr. Wayne!
Jamie: Oh my god, he’s funny! He just jumps right in like he’s been a part of this forever.
Me: Mr. Wayne, my sister and brother-in-law adore you. I think they have every one of your movies.
John: Thank you so much. I really had a wonderful career.
Me: Yes, you did. And you were a good-looking man! You probably still are!
Jamie: He is. I’m sorry, but he really is.
Me: What does he look like—what age and such? Does he look like the younger John Wayne or the older one?
Jamie: No, he’s really not coming across as really, really young. He’s probably—I would say late 40s. Younger than he was when he passed away, I guess.
John: I was an old fart when I died.
Jamie giggles.
Me: Well, we’re hopefully all going to be old farts when we die, John. That’s my wish, anyway. So, my first question for the interview is this: What was your spiritual mission while you were here on the Earth?
John: To pretend to be everything I wasn’t.
Me: Well, that goes with the territory of being an actor, I guess!
Jamie (laughing): He’s playfully teasing.
John: Yes, as an actor, I got every opportunity. As a spiritual mission, it was mostly for myself—looking for peace and contentment.
Me: And did you find that?
John: I did, and I found it more than once.
Jamie: He’s holding his hands in front of him like something is slipping through his hands.
John: I kept letting go of it.
Me: Okay. Can you elaborate?
Erik: Yeah, what are you linking that to?
John: To my wives.
Jamie: Wives, plural.
Me: Okay.
Erik: You make it sound like a harem!
Jamie: Oh, Erik!
John: No, but I was married more than once. More than twice. I saw more solace with my wives than I did within myself. I just couldn’t sustain it. That, I know, is part of my lesson, and I was not able to learn that—how to sustain it.
Me: So, that was what you were here to learn—to sustain inner peace and solace?
John: Yes.
Me: Okay. Were you here to teach anything?
(Long pause)
John: Well, I would like to think I was here to teach having a good time, to enjoy whatever and wherever you are. I didn’t have a platform for it, and I definitely did many inappropriate things in my life.
Erik: Name one.
Jamie laughs.
Me: Okay, yeah!
Jamie: He’s talking about skipping school and going to go surf.
Me: To surf?
Jamie: Yeah, like in the ocean. But then there were repercussions to it. Either something happened that he didn’t return on time, or—
Me: Oh, yeah.
John: It was just inappropriate because it wasn’t honest, and it wasn’t loyal. It wasn’t until my mid 30’s that I understood what loyalty was.
Me: Okay. Now, do you think you accomplished all that you came here to do, other than what you were here to learn?
John: I did everything I could, but again, the one thing I couldn’t accomplish was holding onto or sustaining that inner love, inner peace.
Me: Okay. Can you describe another life that most influenced your one as John Wayne?
(Long pause)
Jamie: Um, he’s talking about being a black male. He was a slave in the United States.
John: I was on the boat as a man, not a child. I was pulled from my country and put on a boat. I was told what to do, directed, and it was most humbling to be a grown man and recognize that I couldn’t stand on my own two feet without somebody else telling you how to stand.
Me: How terrible.
John: I decided then that if I were ever to have the chance to come back into a different life, into a different world, I would not allow others to be mistreated, that I would not let myself succumb to what other people told me to do. I’m not against authority. There’s a certain strength in authority when it takes care of the people they’re directing. It’s when they no longer choose to take care of people through their directing that it goes wrong. That’s why I was wildly, wildly interested in war, like the technical plans of war. It was why I felt like I fit so well into the cowboy era. I had a beautiful chance to be represented as the cowboy that I never was in a time when there were no real cowboys. It was all for the justice of those who were taken advantage of.
Me: Mm hm. Fascinating. Now, are you incarnated on the Earth now in terms of linear time here?
John: No.
Me: Well, I don’t blame you! Do you have any messages for us, for humanity? Any advice?
John: Yes. What you don’t know will hurt you.
Me: Ah! That one rings true.
John: I encourage every age to get up and learn what’s going on.
Me: Yeah. People don’t do that anymore, you know?
John: Yes, and we are stepping into a dangerous time where ignorance can create bliss despite the suffering. And if we don’t rally around and give out honest information, this country will be torn apart.
Me: What dangers lurk?
Jamie (clearly touched): He’s so serious now. So different than how he first came in.
John: The dangers that we’re in now consist of a broken system—a broken government system.
Me: Yes. I already see it happening.
John: And an IRS that’s not only seizing (or thieving?) but lying, and masses of people who are obeying instead of saying no.
Me: Exactly. Yep.
John: And it’s going to come to an end soon.
Me: Well, maybe that’s what needs to happen—to be destroyed and built back up properly. So, Erik, you always loved dressing up like a cowboy and horses. We still have your cowboy hat and rope hanging up on the wall in your room. Do you have any questions for Mr. Wayne?
Erik: Were you really that good of a shot?
Jamie laughs.
Me: Good one, Erik.
John: Yessir, yes I was, and that came with practice.
Me: Yeah. (Solemn pause) I almost said you were a pretty good shot yourself, Erik, but that didn’t seem very appropriate. Actually, you were very good with target practice. A very, very good shot.
(Pause)
Me: Well, thank you so much, sir.
John: You’re welcome. Take care. Keep fighting.
Jamie (laughing): He just did one of those, um, he went to walk past me, and he did one of those, uh, I don’t know-that surprise where you step back and show your hands like “Whoa, is she about to get me?”
Me: How funny!
Jamie (still laughing): Oh my god, no!
Me: Aw, that’s so cute! He’s funnier than I thought he would be!
Jamie: Ditto! I’ve always seen him in the cowboy mode.
Me: Yeah, the serious cowboy movies.
Reflecting on Erik’s love of all things cowboy reminded me of something. Until the age of 3 or 4, he pretty much walked around naked. One evening we were sitting outside with some relatives from Norway who came for a visit, and Erik was roaming around us with not a stitch of clothing on. Rune told him to go back in an get dressed (which was weird because he was only two or two and a half at the time). He went back inside and returned with only his little red cowboy boots on. I guess that’s as dressed as he wanted to get.
