How Expectations can F#@*% Things Up

It’s so hard to keep from having expectations, isn’t it? And most of us have higher expectations compared to what actually comes to pass. My husband’s motto is this: “If you’re unhappy, lower you expectations!” I call that space between high expectations and reality The Misery Gap because when you’re caught in between, you can be miserable. Erik has a lot more to say about that, but first, let me tell you about tomorrow’s radio show:

 Erik’s Hour of Enlightenment radio show takes place tomorrow at 4:00 PM PT/6:00 PM CT/7:00 PM ET. Click on the “LISTEN” icon on the right sidebar of the blog or click on this link through

Tuesday night, Erik will discuss the concept of time as well as infinite dimensions and universe. After 20-30 minutes of discussion, Erik will answer questions from callers channeled by Denise Ramon.  THE CALL IN NUMBER HAS CHANGED. IT IS NOW: 646-716-9735. You can find out more about Denise and her awesomeness by visiting

We’re almost ready to film the “sizzle reel” that will be used to pitch the reality series. The person that will be doing the filming wants to do so in Houston, so I actually need families or individuals who either live in or around Houston or who are willing to fly in. If you are in one of those categories and want to be healed as an individual or a family, please email me your story and where you live. My email address is

Be sure to reserve your spot for the next CE event to be held at my home! Here’s the information:

June 28th-30th, 2019

Featuring Jamin Olivencia & Jennifer Doran

Finding Power in Anxiety.

Make Fear Your Ally.


Program Description

What purpose does your anxiety serve?

Have you tried talking to your fear? Or do you resist it and avoid it at all costs?

We all suffer from anxiety in some form: social anxiety, chronic worrying, OCD, angst about life’s circumstances, etc. Whatever the case, it’s time to let up the good fight (or flight) and transform how we relate to fear.

Together, we will look fear in the eye, embrace the message it brings, and come to peace with that part within ourselves, which only wants to serve our evolution.

In this workshop you will:

Receive channeled advice from Erik to help you through your specific fear.

Discover how your anxiety is here to help you, not inhibit you.

Enter into stillness by redefining your relationship with anxiety.

Understand how your anxiety is a reservoir of unclaimed potential & how you can access it with compassionate introspection.

Create a new perspective that serves the vision you have for yourself.

Anchor into self-trust & self-worth as building blocks of peace.

Learn from each other’s vulnerability and the collective wisdom of the Erik tribe.

Here’s what you’ll gain:

An inner toolbox you can rely on in moments of overwhelm.

The confidence to face difficult emotions & use fear productively as a source of insight.

Relief and a sense of direction for the challenges you face.

Greater ease & confidence in connecting truthfully with others.

The empowering knowledge that you made a positive step towards change & that YOU are leading the way to your own unfolding.

This our invitation to you, to smile at the shadows, listen to the voice of love, and walk into the unknown territory of your expansion.

Staying safe results in more of the same. Step through this open door to a new way of being.

~ Be bold. Be brash. Be daring. ~

~ You are on the brink of bringing your soul’s authority to life. ~

Your Facilitators of Change

Jennifer Doran

Jennifer is a natural born, psychic medium who will channel Erik and teach you how to access your intuitive abilities. As a veteran psychic, she understands the most effective ways to get clear guidance and overcome blocks to your psychic development.

Jamin Olivencia

Jamin is a self-development ally with a diverse background in professional wrestling, theatre, and motivational poetry. As someone who went from shy, bullied kid with a speech impediment to motivational speaker and performer, Jamin understands what it means to walk into the arena of vulnerability and emerge with a renewed sense of self. He will guide you to integrate Erik’s advice on a practical level and facilitate ways to unravel deep-rooted patterns of fear.

Program Itinerary

*Premium Admission includes a 30-minute private reading with Jennifer*

Friday (June 28th)

Meet and Greet*

6 pm – 9 pm

*Hors d’oeuvres and snacks included

Saturday (June 29th)


10 am – 12 pm


12 pm – 1 pm

Workshops (continued)

1 pm – 4 pm

Private Sessions

4:30 pm – 6 pm

Sunday (June 30th)

Closing Circle/Meditation

10 am – 10:30 am

Private Sessions (continued)

10:30 am – 2 pm

* Admission cost includes catered meals & refreshments

Location: Medhus Resistance (address will be emailed along with your ticket)

Purchase your ticket now!

Click Here

Or click on the event banner on the righthand sidebar of the blog

Suggested Hotel: Crowne Plaza Galleria Area

(Click the link below)

Click Here

Last, I need more votes for the poll before I consider it a decent representation. If you haven’t taken it, please do. It only takes two clicks!

And now for today’s YouTube expertly channeled by Jennifer Doran. If you have any suggestions for Facebook Live topics,  (although I do have a pretty long list) let me know! 

As I have annoyingly said before, please help me improve my social media numbers for the sake of the reality TV show. (Where do you think Erik gets his pestering prowess?)

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Elisa: Hi, Jennifer!

Jennifer:  Hello, how are you?

Elisa: Long time no see, no we just had another session.

Jennifer:  I know it’s been so long (laughs)

Elisa:  And I still love you Erik, I told you.

Erik:  Oh, yes, I love you too!

Elisa: So, we’re going to continue with the discussion on the mindsets in Laurie Givens book the Do-It-Yourself Guide to Conscious Living: Unravelling Your Mindsets in 21 Days. This is such a fascinating book; you’ve got to get a copy of it. Today, Jennifer wants to talk about the mindset of expectations because she really feels like that’s a super important one, so Erik, would you like to proceed?

Erik: Yes! As humans we just have expectations, we have expectations of how we will behave, we have expectations of how others will behave, we have expectations of how conversations are going to go, we have expectations of our career, of our life in general, we have so many expectations. Even if you are somebody who doesn’t necessarily have a dysfunctional relationship expectations, you all do it, you all have expectations. Expectations set you up to be disappointed.

Elisa: That’s true. My husband always says the gap between expectations and reality, that’s the misery gap, anyway.

Erik:  Yes!

Elisa: Why do we have, what’s the purpose of expectations? Why did human kind develop this penchant to have expectations?

Erik:  Expectations are directly connected to control, they’re directly connected, control and expectations. So, if you are somebody or know somebody who struggles with control issues, they are also somebody probably who has a lot of expectations of themselves and others. There’s a real connection between them. It’s just part of human nature, it’s part of survival, it is part of your survival, okay so you have to expect if you’re going to walk into the woods, there’s a chance that you’re going to be attacked and mauled by an animal so, it does link back to early, early days of you kind have to have this expectation, yes if I go into this area, this is where there might be enemies.

Elisa:  Yeah, you have to walk through life prepared, or you’re going to be eaten by a bear.

Erik: Yes, now for the most part humans don’t have to live like that, not completely because there are still some areas of the world that do have that kind of thing but if we’re talking about first world kind of countries we don’t need that as a survival skill anymore, but it’s hard-wired into the DNA.

Elisa: Well, are there good forms of expectations? Like not dysfunctional ones but functional ones?

Erik: Yes, yes, so if you have an expectation of how you are going to be treated in a relationship, those are good forms of expectation, if you have an expectation of how professionally, you behave in a work environment, others behave in a work environment, yes those are healthy, now you can’t control those and you may be disappointed by okay, I’m not being treated well but then you leave the situation, so those are healthy forms of expectations because they just kind of set you up for more functional behavior in life.

Elisa:  Okay, let’s talk about the polar opposite then, unhealthy expectations.

Erik: Yes.

Jennifer:  I’m smiling because I know somebody very close to me who I will not mention, Erik keeps flashing me the image of this person, who has expectations down to how events are going go, like get togethers for the holidays.

Elisa:  Oh, gosh!

Jennifer: But they don’t express what they’re expecting, they don’t express what they want and then they’re disappointed. So, this is very dysfunctional. So, if you’re somebody who says, Okay, well I am going here for Thanksgiving and this is what I’m expecting and this is how I’m wanting the day to go, but you don’t say anything about it, you’re going to be disappointed anytime you go anywhere.

Elisa: You have to express to whoever you’re going to be with, hey this is how I’m thinking it’s going to go down, and that person might say wait a minute, no I don’t want to go to that party in costumes, no.

Erik: Yes, and what happens for people who have these kinds of expectation, expectations of everything, is that they set a bar so high that their loved ones can never reach it. So, your children and your spouse will always feel as if no matter what they do they’re not going to please you.

Elisa: If you have too high of expectation of your own self, your going to be disappointed, that causes self-loathing, etc.

Erik: Yes, absolutely.

Elisa:  You want to expand on that a little bit?

Erik: Absolutely, because somebody may have, and this is the life plan, we all have plans for our lives, we all have ideas for what our life is going to be and it almost never happens the way that we think it’s going to, so if you have these expectations of okay, I’m going to graduate from college when I am 22, and by 28 I’m going to be partner in a law firm and anything less than that is not acceptable well you’re probably going to be disappointed. It is better to be fluid, life is fluid, like that (snaps) your life can change and so if you can roll with the punches so to speak, you may still be able to reach your goal, it may not look the same was as you had planned it, and that’s where it causes a real problem is that if you get derailed off of what you thought was going to happen, you might not be able to  see that there’s 10 other paths that you could take.

Elisa:  Oh my God, that’s true! Deepak Chopra talks about how valuable uncertainty is, if you have your mind set on a goal, then you’re not going to see all the cool opportunities that are available to you that maybe a lot better for you than what you imagined. When God closes a window, he opens a door or whatever I can’t remember how it goes, but yes, so.

Erik:  Yeah, yeah, this is kind falls in line with stubbornness too, the control and the stubbornness. If you’re somebody with a lot of expectation of yourself or others or whatever, it takes a lot of practice, you have to reach, and this book would probably be a wonderful thing to read but you have to re-train your thought patterns to get out of that, so that you can see other options, plenty of time people get derailed off their, off what they thought was their only path and they never pick it back up again. I didn’t pass the nursing license test the first time so I’m never going to take it again, when they would have passed it the second or third time.

Elisa: Awe, yeah, that’s a shame. So, is there a root behind, could be past lives or whatever it’s there, some root that causes people to be that way, to expect so much unrealistically, usually of others and themselves?

Erik: Yes, it can definitely come from past lives.

Jennifer:  One of the things he keeps showing me is that another way that this kind of manifests is from a lot of disappointment in childhood.

Elisa: Oh!

Jennifer:  So, if say you have a parent that doesn’t keep their promises, for some reason that can manifest the expectations and that directly ties in with control, to where it can take it to the extreme. So, childhood is very important and an unpredictable childhood can create this sort of issue.

Elisa:  And maybe childhood neglect?

Erik: Yes.

Elisa: Could it make the child grow up to be the opposite, where they don’t even try anything, they don’t even have any expectations for themselves or others?

Erik:  Yes. Absolutely. With anything, like if you’re raised by an alcoholic parent, there’s a good likelihood that either you’ll be an alcoholic or you won’t ever drink.

Elisa: Yeah.

Erik: With any kind of strong personality trait or characteristic, there’s the, especially with parents or the people who raise you, whomever, it’s not always the parents that are raising people, you have the ability and a lot of times what you will see is that they go to one extreme or the other.

Elisa: Yeah, it’s like if you were abused, you’re either going to be abusive to your kids, are you going to be like.

Erik: Way too lenient.

Elisa:  Yes. Way too lenient right, or at least try to give them a childhood, a fairy-tale childhood.

Erik: Yes.

Elisa: Okay, so, you know there’s this program SoulHappy, the SoulHappy technique, that’s really good, they use hypnosis and all sorts of other things to break up these negative thought bundles that might stimulate you to become too overly expecting of yourself and others so, you guys should check that out, S-O-U-L not S-O-L-E, which is the bottom of a shoe. Okay, so how can parents raise their children to not have such high expectations of themselves and others?

Erik: So, one of the things is as a parent, your reaction to something changing, oh we were planning to go here today but the car broke down so we can’t, your reaction in those moments is a very good way to kind of let children go with the flow a bit more, if you’re freaking out over every little change and everything throws you off, that is definitely a way to help create expectations, like okay I need things to go exactly this way or there’s going to be drama. There’s going to be an issue. Honestly, there is no way for everybody to raise but the people who want to, pay attention to your reaction when stuff doesn’t go the way you think it should.

Elisa: It’s so important! I mean if the car breaks down and you can’t go to the amusement park, say its okay kids, let’s go try look for tadpoles in the street gutters or.

Erik: Yes.

Elisa:  Or let’s try to build a fort out of popsicle sticks, I don’t know, give them something to see that you are agile in your needs and desires and expectations.

(poor audio 11:43)

Erik:  So, it’s like yeah, you know what, it stinks that the car broke down and that we’re not going to be able to do what we wanted today but we’ll eventually do it but this is what we will do today instead, not that it’s like you know a fairy-tale, it’s perfectly fine, this is wonderful, you know there’s got to be the balance of emotion there. There are some personality traits that you can have as humans that just are a little heavier energy and they do set us up more for unhappiness and this is one of them. This truly is a very low vibration personality trait.

Elisa: Is it one of the Indogram personality types that Dr. Hann talks about? You guys can look that up, look up Indogram on the search bar of the channel.

Erik:  It does fit in there some how, yes it does fit in there. But it sets you up for so much disappointment and sadness in your life to where you can fall into a depression. It’s a very low vibration personality characteristic.

Elisa: Well I think also if the car breaks down and you can’t go to whatever, Disneyland or then it would be cool to train your child, I don’t like the word train but teach your child how to also be flexible and agile in their expectations by having them choose, hey what do you want to do instead? Nothing, I hate you!

Erik: Yes. Yea and that may be what happens but you still put the energy out there, you know you could be absolutely perfect, in this regard and still end up with raising a child who has too much expectation because if it’s in the soul chart, it doesn’t really matter what you do to try to counteract it, it might just be part of the lesson that soul needs.

Elisa: That’s true. So, I remember this story, I ‘ve probably told it already but my kids, I used to take them to Astro World, that’s an amusement park, usually in the summer, so it’s so hot and it’s a long walk from the parking lot, so I never liked to go but I promised them, but they were having a real problem fighting in the back seat of the car and so I set them up for failure. I said okay, let’s go to Astro World, everybody gets in the car back out of the driveway, and I said but wait, if there’s any bickering, I’m going to turn around and go home, oh please bicker, please bicker, please bicker and so of course they would, that’s it go home, learn consequences. So, they have to learn how to deal with disappointment and that means like Erik and you say to be more fluid with your and forgiving with your expectations, I don’t know more fluid in life.

Erik: Yes, yes. You can have expectations and it not be dysfunctional as long as if your expectations aren’t met, you’re able to re-adjust yourself.

Elisa: There we go!

Erik: You can as long as it doesn’t shatter your world.

Elisa: Yeah, all right so what happens when a parent puts way too high expectations on a child?

Erik: For the child it can cause anxiety, it can cause a number of physical issues, stomach issues, panic attacks, it can cause a child who just gives up, just says I’m not even going to try because it’s never going to be good enough.  There’s not really a whole lot of good that comes out ultimately of a parent expecting too much from their children, there’s really just not any good that can really come out of it.

Elisa: Yeah, I think its society, society’s expectations on people, you know their idea of success and wealth and oh you’re not doing well unless you’re earning 6 figure incomes and things like that and that makes the parent, or maybe is that true?

Erik: Oh yeah. A lot of times when parents have so many expectations on their children, they need to look at themselves and see how much they care about what others think about them. 

Elisa: And they probably do, the children are like trophies to them.

Erik:  A reflection, it’s a reflection of their success and who they are so that is a big thing for the parents who do this, look at how much you care about what other people think about you. When you care a lot about what other people think about you there is an unrealistic self-worth or self-importance there. Really for the most part people don’t give a shit what anybody else is doing.

Elisa: Exactly!

Erik:  Unless it affects them. People don’t really care.

Elisa: Well that’s true so you need to look into your heart and why are you making such demands on your child, is it for the child or is it for you? And are you aware of the negative repercussions that will come out of that, you’ve got to pay for years of therapy, is all I’m saying.

Erik: Yeah and another thing sometimes parents do this because if you have a parent that really struggled in school, intellectually, they might have really unrealistic expectations of their child because they don’t want their child to suffer that same struggle, but you can’t prevent that and all you’re doing is creating another challenging situation. You know if you’re having a child struggling in school and you’re constantly on them the even if it’s because you don’t want to see them struggle, well they’re still going to struggle and they’re going to have your unrealistic expectations.

Elisa: Oh gosh, that’s really, really hard because you know I had difficulty with this too but it’s hard to watch your children struggle but sometimes you just have to let them because that’s probably their spiritual contract that’s probably the life they signed up for so you got to be real careful of robbing them of the experiences they designed for this incarnation.

Erik:  Yes. Absolutely.

Elisa: It’s hard though, I remember when I had a couple of kids that were going through so much trouble and I would hate it when one of the neighbors would say Oh so and so got into Cornel and so and so go into, I’m like Oh my God, I hope mine stays out of prison, you know that sort of thing, it’s like ugh. So, I know that feeling, all right just two more real quick things. Now, a good kind of expectation could that be something that could be used in the Law of Attraction, you know, manifesting sort of like, well no, if you expect something then you don’t have it right? You’re expecting it in the future so the Universe is always going to keep it in the future.

Erik:  Yes, with the manifesting it’s like you already have it.

Elisa:  Right.

Erik:  I understand what you’re thinking because they’re very closely together, like I’m expecting to be a millionaire, while I am trying to manifest it and people get those confused because they feel very similar in this situation. So, if you are somebody working on manifesting, pay very close attention to this part here, are you expecting it? Or do you feel as though you’ve already got it?

Elisa: Yeah, very important. One last question, expectations, everything is in energy, emotions, thoughts, this pen, matter, Einstein would call frozen light, so everything is energy right, we agree to that. So, an expectation is a very dense energy, right? Really hard to get through, so if you’re trying to communicate with a loved one, expectations are really going to get in your way, or if you have a big expectation, like Erik is going to prank or visit you, that’s going to be so hard because that energy is whoa dense, and their energy is so high, such a high vibration that they really have to work or so hard, don’t make them work so hard.

Erik:  Yes, and the thing in this instance when you’re talking about connecting to the other side the biggest, one of the biggest issues with that is that if you’re sitting for a reading and you’re expecting this particular loved on to come in and say this particular word or phrase.

Elisa: Oh God, yes.

Erik: You may not even notice the other stuff that comes through. So, you may miss the other signs if you have, if you’re expecting this specific thing you may miss all the other signs and evidence that comes through.

Elisa:  Well is it hard as a medium if you have a sitter that has huge expectations about something in the reading, is it hard for that reading to come through clearly because it’s hit a big wall?

Jennifer: Yeah it can be and I have personally myself sat in readings before where I had to just say, I’m sorry because I will literally feel like the energy is just closed off. Oh, it can definitely inhibit a reading.

Elisa:  So, how do you go in with an open mind? I mean it’s like don’t think about a white elephant you know or pink elephant sorry. So, how do you stop from having these expectations, sometimes it’s like it’s involuntary. Uh-oh frozen.

Jennifer: Yeah, I lost you a bit. If you’re somebody whose going to get a reading, just go in there being open to whatever comes through, you know you can ask questions, which may direct the energy in that area but if you go in looking to connect to one specific person and for whatever reason they don’t come through, doesn’t mean that they’re not there it just means maybe that day they weren’t available but the less expectation you can have of the information you are going  to hear the better, and if you’re going into a reading saying I really want to hear x,y,z or won’t believe it, then don’t do it.

Elisa: Yeah really. That’s not easy to work though. Well what about just saying, I’m here at the is reading I am open to whatever spirit thinks I need to know.

Erik:  Yes.

Elisa: And this will help me evolve and heal or whatever.

Jennifer:  Yes, absolutely.

Elisa: All right that sounds good, thank you, anything else you want to say Erik?

Erik: Just I love you.

Elisa:  I love you too. Thank you, Jennifer.

Jennifer: Thank you.

Elisa: You can check her out at and is the event in the last week of June, is it up on your website at all?

Jennifer: I’ll be very honest with, it feels as though we’ve dropped the ball a little bit on it so far, I don’t know where it is other than I know it’s at, like the event I know you can get it at ticketbud.

Elisa: Well, Lukas will take care of that.

Jennifer:  Yeah, I will get it up on my website and Jamin will get it up on his and it’s the last weekend of June.

Elisa: Okay, and when I get the embed code, I’ll put it on my right-hand side bar but if you need to connect with Lukas, I think he’s concentrating on this May event then after that’s over he’s going to be.

Jennifer: Yes, it will be there, it will be great and we’ll have a really good time.

Elisa: You’ll go in balls to the wall, you know that means, guys it’s not what you think. In the airplanes in World War 2 or whatever the little balls on the throttles of the twin engines crank it all the way to the dashboard, I guess.

Jennifer: Huh!

Elisa:  So now you know. You guys have dirty minds. All right see you guys, love you Erik, love Jennifer.

Jennifer: Bye, love you.

Elisa: Bye-Bye!

Featured image courtesy of Pinterest.

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