Reality Check

Wow guys, I can’t believe I’ve been guest blogging on for FOUR MONTHS now!  Time sure flies when you’re having fun.  Since so much time has passed, let’s circle back around to the very first post Erik & I did together:

Now, how are you all doing with this little homework assignment?  Here, my friends, is where you determine your level of participation.  Erik says Are you reading this as passive entertainment, or do you want to level up?

In this moment as Erik says “level up” we have a brief flash to the entry ascended masturbators, because I personally take umbrage to terms like “evolve” “ascend” etc.  We are all perfect, no one is superior.  Erik waves his hand in a “whatever” gesture, because to him, my nitpicking / political correctness about this is slowing down the conversation, and he says, Just pretend for a minute that this is useful information, will you Kate?  He says it with a half-smile like “stop being a pain in the ass!”

Okay, I’m giving the floor to Erik here:

So what I’m doing here is a fuckin’ REALITY CHECK.  Check your reality, (shows me the arch of time between this first entry and the one you’re reading now – the reality you experience now is in part a result of the choices you made in the past four months.)

I hate to be harsh here, (actually that’s bullshit, he loves to be brutally honest in a way that creates a push) but if you are in exactly the same place you were four months ago, it’s time to (he uses an expression here I haven’t heard of and it isn’t translating… something like “pay the piper” the meaning is own up to it.)  YEAH, own up to it, right here, right now, for this one moment in your whole fucking life, sit and know in your body that everything around you is something YOU brought into your life. 

(We have a brief exchange and he reminds me I’d zip it for a few more minutes.)

Okay, I’m not trying to tell you that life is fair.  It’s fucking unfair and painful and brutal.    I’m not trying to (why am I seeing this???  Erik is showing me a guy with someone frosting his butt like it’s a birthday cake, with the meaning “if it’s shit, I’m not trying to convince you its icing.)

The thing I’m trying to show you guys is that “shit grows beautiful flowers”.  (He’s quoting a conversation I had with a friend two weeks ago.)  And if you’re just walking through life from shit-bomb to shit-bomb, and in between all you’re doing is thinking how awful it was when that shit fell on you that one time, you’re never going to garden.THAT IS WHAT YOUR JOB IS.  It’s to make a garden out of all the shit life gives you. 

If right now, you’re standing in the same place you were four months ago, it’s because you’re not gardening.  You’re just staring at the shit, and talking about shit, and thinking about shit – so ALL YOU WILL EVER HAVE IS SHIT!

You gotta compost that shit!  Grow a fucking garden, create some life in that dessert.  If shit never falls from the sky to land on your life, your gardening options would be very limited.  I love this fuckin’ metaphor!  (He’s pleased with himself.)

How you know you’re staring at shit is (shows me a guy staring into a toilet bowl, with #1, you’re actually staring at shit.) 

#2. You’re stuck in shit.  (flashes me a scene from my own life when I actually fell into a mountain of horse manure as it started to spontaneously combust on a hot day – that’s another story.) 

If you’re stuck in shit, you’re surrounded by shit – you reek of shit and no one wants to be your friend, you have some heavy lifting to do – I’m not gonna lie.  You got to move that shit around, and you can’t be afraid to touch it.  Also, there’s no point in judging the shit.  (Shows me a woman shaking her finger at a pile of crap shouting “Why do you stink!?)  It’s useless to waste your energy on that.  SHIT STINKS.  Nothing changes that but work and gardening.

If this is where you are, if you can honestly say to yourself yeah, all I see is shit – it’s time to figure out what you’re going to do about it.  I’m asking you to start thinking about that, cause you guys KNOW I keep an eye on everyone who reads this (blog) and I CARE when you’re stuck in shit.  I WANT you to fucking move forward with your life, help you wade out of it, get through it, move move move move!!! 

AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT’S NOT JUST ME CHEERING YOU ON!  Can you believe that for just one second?!  There are people who give a shit about you and what you’re going through!

People actually DO care if you’re living in squalor (shows me hoarding, and the woman inside feeling deep shame and feeling powerless for so many years as the piles of collectables and garbage and clutter around her grow higher and thicker.) 

But if you’re waiting for someone else to take all that fear away from you, sweetheart, it ain’t gonna happen that way.  NO ONE can take you away from your shit, you have to leave it behind.  (Shows me a reality TV show swooping in and “cleaning” this woman’s apartment, which causes great stress to her.  A year later she has re-created this living situation.)

 No, it has to be her.  (Shows me the woman waking up one day and making a decision.  She leaves her house and rents a room in a – it looks like not a roommate situation, but like a boarding house where there is an older landlady who is “in charge” of the house, so the hording woman feels safe knowing she’s not going to hoard in someone else’s house.  In this house the woman feels she can gain control of her hoarding tendencies.  She asks for help.)

You see the difference there?  You can’t fix someone else’s life, you worry about your OWN shit, you garden your own shit, and you help other people if you can, when they ask.  (Shows me this woman bringing food to an old man who is living in a hording situation so bad, he can’t cook at home.)

Lemme tell you something:  If you are trying to fix someone else’s life, there is something fucked up in your own life that you are AVOIDING, and it’s probably the very thing you’re trying to fix in someone ELSE’s life.  Chew on THAT.

GARDEN YOUR OWN SHIT.  Leave other people’s shit alone!  If you take their shit away from them, how the fuck are THEY gonna garden?  No, they just live in this dessert where shit falls on them, and then they sit there and wait until someone else takes that shit away from them.  They never learn to garden, and see what they can nurture/create/grow in this life. 

I show Erik someone giving a man a flower to plant.  What if they don’t have a concept of gardening?  What if they don’t know what they can do?  How will they ever know what a garden even is?

Erik says:  That’s what kindness is for.  (Shows this person giving the flower, explaining how to take care of it, then letting the person just do it.)  Maybe that dude kills a bunch of flowers before he figures it out, but at least it gives him something to do other than stare at the shit, right?

Shows me a massive mountain of shit, zooms in, and there’s a little Johnny jump up growing out the side of shit mountain. 

Erik says:  you can see the shit mountain, you can focus on the flower.  Does it matter?  Does it change things?  Try it and see. 

(toilet flushing sound – that’s the end!)

Kate Sitka is a spirit medium and animal communicator located in Tofino, BC.  To learn more about her and her work, please visit her professional website: and her personal blog:

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