The Afterlife Interview with my Abusive Mom

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! Today, I’m babysitting my grand daughter, Harper, from 6:30 AM until Kristina returns from work. I was a bit apprehensive because every time I had seen Harper in the past, she’d start to scream like she was face-to-face with a serial killer who was about to douse her in hot lava. So, I started to visit her and her nanny in hopes that she’s get used to me. Little by little, I won her over, so today should be fine. Kristina says it’s really weird because she only is fearful of grandparents. That brought me back to the time when I only had Kristina and Michelle, and together, they announced that old people smell like old cheese. Hmm. Maybe that’s it. Maybe I give off the lovely aroma of Limburger cheese. If that’s the case, I’d scream, too.

This weekend, I scrubbed all of my hardwood floors and sealed them with Quick Shine, “Shine in a Bottle.” They look great! Rune is in Norway to visit his father. He also is painting our little mountain cabin and mowing the roof. Yeah, I said mowing the roof. When he’s gone, I miss him so try to stay busy, but it’s also easier to do things like this when there aren’t many people to track over wet floors. 

Finished Product!

Enough of my boring workaday life. I want to remind you all of the upcoming CE event at my house in October. Click HERE to find out more. It’s going to be SO MUCH FUN!! To be clear, I do not make a single dime from these events. I just love you guys and want you to have a life-changing experience.

Another thing: In considering the Erik-Palooza event (probably Fall 2019) I would love to have a keynote speaker. Can you click on the poll to offer up suggestions?

Now for the YouTube session interviewing my mom, courtesy of medium, Michelle Gray. Check out her site. The transcript follows!

Elisa: Good Morning, or actually Good Afternoon Michelle, and Hello my love Erik

Michelle: Erik says Hello Momma, and I say Hello Elisa, how are you?

Elisa: Aw, I’m doing great! We are going to talk to my Mother, I forgot to give you the heads up, but Erik can you go get Big Momma for us?

Erik: Ok

Elisa: I got a bunch of questions from blog members, who have had similar situations, similar mothers.

Michelle: Mm hm

(pause)

Michelle: I’ve got her energy here

Elisa: What’s her energy feel like?

Michelle: It’s reserved, it feels reserved. Um it feels like and Erik is saying that she is asking Erik to take the lead, that she’s feeling, not that she isn’t able to speak but it’s almost as if there’s a nervous type feeling to her.

Elisa: Ok

Michelle: Um, and an quiet, a very quiet feeling to her.

Elisa: Oh! We not gonna be, we’re going to be gentle, but of course Erik can take the lead, it’s, Hi Mom, I love you by the way

Michelle: She says hello and I love you too

Elisa: Ok, ah,

Michelle: She also says thank you for the opportunity

Elisa: Sure, to set the record straight, for understanding, um, do you get along with Dad now over there on the other side?

Michelle: She says that it’s different, it’s not the same, that their energies do connect with each other and absolutely no animosity or anything but they don’t spend all of their time together

Elisa: Ok, what was it like for you when you crossed over? Were you shocked that there was an after life or?

Michelle: She says I was surprised, I was surprised, um it wasn’t, and it wasn’t what I expected. It’s not what I was taught, and she also says she wasn’t quite sure if I was in the right place or what was happening was actually happening.

Elisa: Yeah

Michelle: That there was a space of, Erik says time isn’t really the right way to describe it, as I was going to say there was a space in time but there was a period of time that it was almost like a white glow around her

Elisa: Ok

Michelle: So what she was seeing was all white, and that is all I can see is it looks like a dusty white colour and almost a feeling of nothingness but that she had a knowingness of something else being there, she knew she wasn’t by herself, that there was a period that she didn’t connect with any other beings

Elisa: Why was that, did you, were you an atheist. like Dad?

Michelle: She said that she had her own thoughts from time to time, that made her question it but she said there was so much, convincing, brainwashing

Elisa: Oh Yeah

Michelle: and that with that she said had hoped that there would be something, but she wasn’t expecting it and she said part of that was an integration process and Erik is just saying that there are spirits that go through that when there are different, such as people that are very ill, and say mentally ill or from a very, from an accident or if their belief systems aren’t set in stone, there can be an integration process to…it’s like he says to explain to not shock the system.

Elisa: Oh Yeah, of course, so Dad kind of brainwashed you, probably on many levels but all right who met you there, who was the first person you saw?

Michelle: She said her mother

Elisa: Oh, I had a funny feeling that, I just, all right, oh God, I bet that was awesome huh?

Michelle: Yes, she says it was, and she says it was very relieving although she just wants to point out as well, she says I didn’t ever feel fear, that when she crossed over there was never any sense of fear, it was a sense of I know, I’m ok, I’m not quite sure of what next to expect but she said it was like falling into loving arms, when she saw her mother.

Elisa: Did you seen Denise soon after?

Michelle: She did

Elisa: And how was that meeting?

Michelle: She said that it was wonderful

Elisa: Aw I bet aw, all right what was it like when you saw Erik, did you eventually meet Erik? I guess you did

Michelle: She’s actually saying that Erik was in the first group, that she met and she just wants to say to, and she kind of putting her hand gently on his shoulder and she’s just saying this boy, this boy, this boy right here and she says he just done wonderful and continues to do wonderful things and he had already had an understanding at that time to help integrate her into what was happening but she said there was a lot of joy, a lot of joy and a sense of timelessness to it

Elisa: Aw, that’s awesome, now I remember in your last day or so, you kept pointing to the ceiling, you were out of it, and you kept saying Gloria, Gloria, and I want to go there, what was that all about?

Michelle: She said that, and she showed me too, that there was an opening, so she could see a light or some sort of a portal and I feel like she was in a hospital because I feel a very cold structured feeling.

Elisa: Oh No, it was because, it was in, she was in a hospice setting, my parents apartment was really cold, black, white, stone and there was a bunch of medicine and stuff around

Michelle: Ok, because she saying the environment and how I feel is a very cold feeling and just not a comforting type place and above she said there was light that was beaming right down and her body was very attracted to it

Elisa: Mm Hm

Michelle: And she was already stepped out of the physical, she already had a portion of her that was already moving forward out of the physical so it was just basically like the actual um leaving of her body and Erik’s just saying too that that’s something that when a lot of people do pass that, um, he says why hospitals and different places that care (inaudible) so much energy is when people pass and their born there are portals and energetic openings , that do happen and that carries a lot of energy and a lot of emotional energy so he’s just saying that that’s very common, when somebody passes

Elisa: Oh ok. now everybody has demons, Mom, what were your demons and how did you tackle them the best way you could?

Michelle: Hm. Um, she’s bringing up alcohol

Elisa: Ok, yeah she liked to drink, like you know  my father kept a tight lid on it but she had a penchant for it

Michelle: Because the first thing she said is her love of alcohol, and that she would go through periods of almost thinking about it in a very obsessive way and it was very difficult for her to um go through and I want to say events or honestly, I feel like your father, there was things about the alcohol that helped her deal with certain things

Elisa: Ok, so you were self medicating to, to deal with, because Dad was really awful to you sometimes, I mean he was loving sometimes but sometimes he would like you know, I remember when you, ah, I don’t want to go through the stories, but he was just really awful to you sometimes and he was mad because you were eight years younger and he expected you to take care of him, in his old age but it was the opposite, and he resented that so

Michelle: Mm hm

Elisa: Well did you have?

Michelle: Self medicating yeah

Elisa: Ok, so did you have any other mental illness, borderline personality, bipolar disease, depression, um

Michelle: Um she makes me feel like um, it was, was it Borderline personality? She’s not saying Borderline but she’s saying that there were times in her life that depression and she says that Borderline personality um, like she’s showing me a graph, so I don’t know if there are certain times in one’s life

Elisa: Oh Ok, or maybe just on the spectrum of that, is that what your saying Mom?

Michelle: That there are, there were times where things like that would rear it’s ugly head

Elisa: Oh yeah, I can see that. Now you tried to kill yourself in 1973 I think it was, or 4 74 or 75 and you meant it because you took 70 barbiturate pills and had to be on the ventilator, why, why did you do that?

Michelle: First, she just, she showed me the pills um and she nodded her head and she just said that it was an overwhelming um multiplication of things that were happening at one time and did your father, cheat on her or?

Elisa: That is the suspicion and he admitted that when we interviewed him, yes

Michelle: Ok, because she giving me the feeling of not having trust, feeling of mistrust, feeling like she can’t get out of this, she can’t do anything about this, she just felt overwhelmed and she said that she’s glad that that didn’t happen because that would have changed everything for her and for the whole family and um, but, she just said that was just like a, and she’s showing me to just like blackness, she just couldn’t handle it, it was just absolute blackness

Elisa: Oh that’s awful, uh, I’ve been there before Mom, I know how you feel and now there were two sides to you, you were quite the dichotomy, now, on one side you’re the home town you know country girl very, um, simple and stuff but then there were times where you were kind if elitist, like I know on the cruises, you and my father went on, you would, insist that the crew take the dingy down and go get glacier ice for your martini, now what was that all about, dude?

Michelle: She says some of the things that she did, and that being one of them was her way of exercising a certain amount of power and control, that she felt that she didn’t have within herself

Elisa: Ah that makes sense

Michelle: she felt overcome and over powered and she said those types of things made her feel good because they’d do it, they’d do things for her

Elisa: Is that, is that, how did you develop dementia, on the spiritual level?

Michelle: She said part of it was the dementia was her being able to she say separate herself from the life that she was having into a different experience it was also her not being able to have control over what was happening to her that she say I wasn’t able to say I’m going to be like this today, or I’m going to use this to control this, there was a completely different element to me that I really didn’t have any participation in so this was something that I had to deal with that eventually just became more and more and more until her death

Elisa: Well it’s amazing because she, you know, Dad must of had a lot of influence on you, because you are such a strong woman and amazing doctor, your patients adored you. That’s where you just shined, you know, so I’m just making the comment, it’s not really a question but so Dad really must of had an incredible influence on you. I don’t think, uh, my, your parents ever liked him.

Michelle: No, she’s just saying that she had her own demons of, and she saying that they weren’t these big horrible things that happened but she put everything into her work and she’s also saying that you and her share that passion for people

Elisa: YES!

Michelle: That care, that strength, and that drive and she just saying that you know the things that would squeak out of her, didn’t come out in her practice, didn’t come out with her, with her patients but that what she says, and what she says is that it is abuse that she went through with your father and she said there was a lot of verbal and emotional abuse.

Elisa: Oh gosh yes

Michelle: and that’s what she’s really focusing on, and she said that that really took a toll on her and brought out a lot of um, what she had within herself that was buried but she says I, I was a good doctor

Elisa: You were

Michelle: (inaudible) a really good doctor

Elisa: I’m so grateful for your influence on me, I really am, now Dad, really knows how to hurt people, I mean, I remember, whenever he was depressed Mom, and you’d, you were demented when all of this happened, he would say I should pull an Erik and blow my brains out, things like that or if Erik had lived with us he would still be alive and just terrible things, what do you think about what he did with the will, with his will?

Michelle: She says your father, um, played his part very well, meaning that he was a catalyst for other people’s path, she goes mine included. And she said that he had a sick sense of control, and part of that was in his decisions of what he wanted to do after he was gone. So I’m not sure exactly what he did, she’s not saying but she saying that he used control past the grave with his mind.

Elisa: Do you agree with that, with what he did?

Michelle: No, of course not

Elisa: Did you ever truly love him?

Michelle: She says Yes, yes and she said that not all times were this way, not all times were abusive, there were times, she says there was love that was there and she said that there were better times, but she says unfortunately over time and she said that your father was sick, he was a sick man, and over time that sickness took over the better parts of his personality

Elisa: That’s true, yeah, ah, what was your biggest success, I mean you had tons of them Mom, but what do you think your biggest success was?

Michelle: She says without a doubt my children

Elisa: Aw, that is what I feel too

Michelle: Yeah, you, you, she’s very proud of you

Elisa: Aw, thank you, what do you think your biggest failure; I mean we all have them, me included

Michelle: She said it was her, the inability that she wasn’t able to take the opportunity to stand up for herself and for her family, and she saying that in a sense of protection for her children that she said that she understands now the bigger perspective and what it has um meant to accomplish but she says I did have an opportunity to stand up and change my life and that of my children and she said I just couldn’t get behind that, I just couldn’t

Elisa: Yeah that’s, hindsight is 20/20, ya know, so what stopped you from stopping Dad with his beatings, what, were you are afraid that he would hurt you or I mean what was that all about or did you agree with him, um it was over silly things like a dishrag was in the silverware drawer or a piece of cheesecake was found under somebody’s bed and, you know he would beat us until somebody confess, or whatever

Michelle: She said, she, if she disagreed that would make things worse

Elisa: Oh.

Michelle: She said so it’s not that I agreed with it but she’s giving me the feeling um what she’s showing me is a countertop and it’s kind of got some slightly, very light pattern in it and she’s showing me a pair of hands on top of it and she said if she were to stop something from happening it was as if his anger would raise because nobody tells, nobody tells me what to do

Elisa: Oh, that’s true, yeah because he was almost like in another, in a trance, in a rage trance, were you ever abused as a child Mom?

Michelle: She said no

Elisa: Oh Good

Michelle: No

Elisa: Yeah you were very connected I think with your father, um, seems like you always wanted his approval or maybe I’m wrong

Michelle: She said that she wanted to please, she wanted to please them, she deeply felt, she was very connected with her parents and there is a stronger connection on the father side but she said it was more about the expectations that she set up for herself and what she thought they wanted from her and she was more afraid of creating disappointment.

Elisa: Oh okay

Michelle: She didn’t, she liked, she liked to succeed, and doing well made her feel really good and she wanted that success to affect her family she wanted that success to, to be their success for them to be proud

Elisa: Wow, I mean, that’s so, and you and I are so alike in so many ways. Did you ever feel, this is from a blog member, remorse or regret um for whenever you abused us, I mean you did some pretty mean hitting and things like that um, well, ah ok, did you ever feel regret or remorse?

Michelle: She said yes that she did, she also says that um there was so much chaos at times that it was difficult to separate situations but when she had an opportunity to think about something or to see something that she knew was a result of what she had said or done that, that did affect her and that was part of her, what she buried, and pushed away as well because she didn’t know how to get out of the cycle

Elisa: Oh yeah, I can imagine. Now one time Laura went to school, and you took her to school and she was just black and blue, I mean eyes, one eye swollen shut and all of that stuff because Dad you know beat her so badly, and the assistant principal handed her surreptitiously the number to the CPS, um but do you, when he asked Laura what happened to you, you, Laura says, I don’t know if it’s true, that you proudly said this is how WE discipline our children, is that true? Did you really say that?

Michelle: She’s just saying that it’s a slight tweak, that it’s slightly different than that, it was more or less um, she says she put it onto your father, it was more or less discipline is handled when the kids get out of line

Elisa: Ok

Michelle: it wasn’t, it wasn’t something that was said in such a way, it was less incriminating

Elisa: Oh yeah, ok, well ya know, what she got in trouble, y’all found her, she had a note saying that she was going to a KISS concert, so I don’t if that, condoned what

Michelle: That make sense though because what it was she said was being um talked about the authority, so the principal or whomever, almost, it was like a very oh okay I see and I feel like that principal may have thought that that was out of hand absolutely, but at that time too there was that wasn’t just happening in one location

Elisa: Oh yeah of course

Michelle: It was kind of…yup

Elisa: Now what were your views on parenting styles then and now?

Michelle: First thing she says is discipline, so when she was alive it was all about discipline and about being orderly, being organized those types of things and she’s says now she can clearly see how important communication is.

Elisa: Ah yeah, well do you condone spanking of any sort now?

Michelle: She says there’s no need to use force; it’s not necessary.

Elisa: Yeah, all right, do you have any messages for each of us, like just a real short message, like start with the eldest the queen bee, Teri.

Michelle: She talking about the help, um and she’s saying something about what Carrie is consuming

Elisa: Ok

Michelle: Carrie is consuming, is something that is not good for her, and I want to say that there is something in her food and she is going to Dairy

Elisa: You’re talking about Teri right,

Michelle: Teri, sorry, Teri,

Elisa: All right, so the dairy products are messing with her?

Michelle: Do you happen to know if she has some sort of stomach problem?

Elisa: I don’t know, she got all sorts of skeletal issues, broken bones that she’s had and things like that

Michelle: She says Teri needs to clean up her eating.

Elisa: Ok, well she eats a lot better than me so I’m in big trouble, all right any other messages for her?

Michelle: Increase her…increase her Potassium?

Elisa: Ok, spoken like a doctor, what about um, next in line, me, Elisa?

Michelle: Okay so she’s, first of she’s showing me your muscles and she’s talking about your sleep, and she’s talking about your sleep patterns and saying that you’re not getting enough solid sleep

Elisa: Oh, that’s true! I’ve checked it on an app, you’re absolutely right

Michelle: and yeah she says, your sleep, and if you can um look to ways to improve the quality of your sleep, that it’s a lot more about the quality not as much the quantity for you

Elisa: Ok, I have an idea of what to do that’s good, um, how about Laura?

Michelle: She ah, she’s saying for Laura to be careful with her driving or and I’m not saying with her specifically driving, but she’s saying to be extra cautious in traffic.

Elisa: Ok

Michelle: So and she’s making me feel like this is something big, but she’s just saying to, it’s more or less to be wary of others

Elisa: Ok, that could be a carjacking; that could be anything ok

Michelle: Mm hm, mm hm

Elisa: All right, What about well, Denise, you don’t have to give her anything, uh what about your grandkids, um let’s start out with Fiona, Teri’s daughter

Michelle: She saying to keep moving forward in the decisions that she’s made and the changes that she’s made or is about to make, um to keep moving forward with that, that this is a lot better for her than what she had originally planned on doing

Elisa: Oh, good! All right what about, Christina, my eldest?

Michelle: She’s showing me um ah you know when you go to an event and somebody’s carving stuff out of fruit?

Elisa: Oh yeah okay

Michelle: K, she’s showing me that and I’m not quite sure let me just see what she’s trying to tell me with that, (laughs) she says have fun at the event, so

Elisa: Ok

Michelle: Whatever that means

Elisa: All right! What about ah, Michelle, my second eldest?

Michelle: Um she’s showing me wiring and she’s says that whatever is going on with the electricity in the house, that it is not the wiring.

Elisa: What is it?

Michelle: (laughing) Erik’s laughing, and he says it’s us

Elisa: Uh oh! Oh, that’s funny, oh rascalies,

Michelle: Erik’s rubbing his hands together like this is going to be good

Elisa: Oh boy! (laughs)

Michelle: She says go ahead and take that big risk when it comes, even if it feel like it’s a little bit scary, she says you go ahead and take that big risk because you’re well supported

Elisa: How awesome, all right! Ah, what advice do you have for those still in the throes of feeling like a victim over past child abuse

Michelle: She says first make a stand with yourself, she says the first thing to do is to recognize that what has happened to you is not your fault, the things or choices that you’ve made um you can stop in the moment that you are in, and you can heal and you can progress with a life that is more of yourself but she’s just saying the most important thing to do is to stand and say I am not a victim because she says it’s the acceptance and understanding of that first yourself that halts the process because she said that abuse um from a child until a person stops and says I will not allow this to control my life anymore. Once that person can say that they can begin their healing process but she said until you get to the bottom of the understanding of what is happened to you then you can release it and let it go as something that happened to you, it is not you, you are not the abuse

Elisa: It is not a part of, you know, okay good. And just found, finding the value in it because, I’ve said so many times before that it taught me how to be assertive and compassionate, so what about women caught in the situation of domestic abuse, any advice for them?

Michelle: She says much of the same type of thing, only she said it’s extremely important that you remember the stand that you take especially if you have children, that the stand that you take yourself is not only changing your life but changing the life of your children and she’s saying that um, it’s very important, that you understand that there’s never a better time to leave a situation. There will never be a better time to get out of a situation, that if you are at the point of, and you know you’re abused and she says this goes for any type of abuse because she’s just saying that emotional abuse still leaves scars.

Elisa: Yeah

Michelle: Even though you know, it’s no different than the physical abuse, it’s still abuse and she’s saying that this again is about taking the understand and the acceptance that something is happening and knowing and she’s being very clear about this and knowing that you do have the power and control to change this

Elisa: Yup, it’s a lesson itself in empowerment, sometimes, do you get, and do you have any kind of work now over there

Michelle: She said that she does, um; she says she’s not quite a go-getter as Erik; she doesn’t quite do things to the level that Erik is right now

Elisa: Ok

Michelle: Um but she says that she has had the opportunity to counsel children and women um that have crossed over and are going into lives as, and that’s the first time I’ve heard that, that um ah going into a life where the contract is going to involve ah, abuse or something of that nature and that she says that she’s able to sit with the soul and to be able to help them understand and help the understand what it is they want from it

Elisa: Ok, so, do you feel this was all part of a contract, that you and I, and your other kids agree to, ok? Ah, now what message do you have for Erik, and what do you think of him, well what did you think of him then when he was alive and now?

Michelle: She said that she always just felt that Erik was special, that Erik was different

Elisa: Yeah I know you did, yup

Michelle: and that she had, and she just touching her heart, and that she always had a soft spot for Erik in her heart. And she said with the awareness that she has now, she says even if she were alive right now as a human being, knowing what Erik is capable of, she knows he is a special soul and he is doing exactly that she says he is a very special soul and she’s just saying too, that Erik is expanding, right now, that he is in an expansion so he’s um, and Erik is just saying to that it’s not so much of a, he doesn’t want people to think that it’s one level after another

Elisa: Yeah

Michelle: That it’s not like that he says it’s more of his energy just gets bigger and it’s what he’s able to do from a deeper capability

Elisa: Ok, you can visit me more

Michelle: so um, she just says, well and yes, and he is able to do more and this is part of his process and part of the greater plan that he has done too, but she is very proud of him

Elisa: Aw. I am too, Now when didn’t she try to help him more when he was alive, in fact, you really, you never really came to any of the births of your grandchildren ah, you were, lived 10-15 minutes away and really, rarely visited unless it was like, almost never, and then on birthdays not even a card, no gift, Christmas was the same thing, why, what, what was that all about? I have a feeling I know why or who

Michelle: Fear, fear, and it was her emotions, it was um, disconnection from her emotional state as well, but um, the more involved that she was she also wanted to keep the kids and to keep a distance between the households or the situation, she didn’t want there to be a deep investment with the kids, but she said it wasn’t, it was more about her, she says it was about her and she says I was not able to be the person that I wanted to be, so I’d rather sit back and just, look at what I had to be

Elisa: All right, so it didn’t really have to do with Dad brainwashing you not to get involved

Michelle: She said that’s part of it and that was part of keeping the kids away from it too

Elisa: Ok, okay let me see, here’s one person, had a very abusive mother, made you look like Mother Theresa apparently, and she sometimes when she parents she gets super angry just like her mother did so she asks, is there a deep seated anger that comes out in parenting, why and how can one overcome it? And how can, well, okay do that

Michelle: She said um, what you’re experiencing is almost like a, like a projection of that parent’s um, a projection of that parent’s actions, that parent’s personality, and Erik is just jumping in here a little bit and saying that as a person grows and their developing, when a parent however they are nurturing that child or not nurturing that child that becomes part of them even though that child is not that way, so when, and so he’s relating this to PTSD, to this being the same type of energy that when a situation arises, it’s as if the body recognizes that fight or flight feeling and then mentally it goes to I feel  anxiety, I feel this, I feel overwhelmed and out it comes and he said most importantly if this is something that is happening um, that therapy is  very important that going through therapy and understanding because when that rabbit hole starts to be travelled down then you’ll start to see all the connections that have kind of lead to more than just that, because he said it won’t be just one thing with anger, there’ll be other things and he says you can’t fix what you’re not aware of.

Elisa: That’s true, I think EMDR is really good for PTSD, my sister turned me on to the this awesome book, and I can’t remember, it’s a really, Bissell Vandercout or some weird name like that, but it’s called the Body keeps score and ya know, it talks about um, how PTSD really is a physical disorder, on many levels, the brain, etc. So how can parents break the generational pattern, I mean kids that get abused, so many of them end up abusing their own children, or they do the opposite, their like, I know how not to be, you know

Michelle: So Erik is saying that first of all, one, like, if you’re living in polar opposite, so he said if you’re the parent whose doing no disciplining because you were disciplined too hard as a child, that’s not going to work for you, and he’s like if you’re going the other way it’s not going to work for you but he says the thing is, is that you can’t look at parenting as being one simple way, he says parenting style has to do with the whole as a family. It has to do with, because if you’ve got a partner that you’re parenting with it’s the coinciding with that partner and where that partner came from and their beliefs and everything so he says it’s not just one thing to do, he says but you first of all have to get clear what’s important, what are the values here, what is it that I want my kids to understand, what is it that I don’t want my kids to feel and why and he said this is a conversation that should be had between ah partners when they are going to have children

Elisa:  Yeah

Michelle: Bringing a child into the world, that the conversation of disciplining and the conversation of how we’re going to raise our children would be much better had in the beginning than as these things arise

Elisa: Yeah, and you’re right, every kid, it’s like I could not, I couldn’t raise, um, you know, parent Erik in the same way, I couldn’t use firm logical consequences with him because he was just too disabled, um, but ah, I’ve never, Mom, special but Dad, whenever we heard the garage door open we were so afraid of y’all when we were little kids, we would hide behind furniture, you know, y’all were scary

Michelle: Mm hm

Elisa: But, y’all made us have, this, remember the black chore book? All right, I remember when, I had to vacuum, Dad would put little pieces of paper all over the carpet just to see if I, I would just go around there and pick up every piece of paper, you know that, I was like ha ha I gotcha on that one

Michelle: She says you were always a smart girl

Elisa: Aw I know, I’m a crafty liar, okay let’s see um, here’s one from a blog member Mom, My mom abused me verbally many years of my life before her death when I was 30, I know her death was a turning point in my life and worked hard over the years to forgive her. It’s not an easy thing to do when you suffered so much on an emotional level, I have many questions, how could others love me, when my own mother could not or did not love me and she did not love herself. I was told my lesson in this lifetime was to find love where there is none, self love was paramount to healing, so what do you say to people who think, well my parents didn’t love me why should anybody else or why should I?

Michelle: She’s handing this to Erik as well, because Erik’s like me, me, me. And um, he’s just saying that we all have come into this life with our different things that we have had to adjust from, and he says yours was not being loved by your mother figure, by that, by not having that same nurturing um care that maybe some other people had or that you yearned for. And he said that you had to grow up watching other mothers or wishing that this other person was your mother, and he says yeah, that is hard but like anything else that we go through we have to stand and we have to say nobody else is going to do this for me I have to do this for myself and he said that it is very possible to love yourself and give yourself the kind of love that, he goes maybe it’s not coming from another person like a mother, but you can still love yourself and accept yourself the way you are and have a completely productive amazing life and he said, ya wanna know something, he said it’s a challenge for you but to remember, if you’re not loving yourself and your not accepting that most important part of yourself, nobody is going to love you the way you want to be

Elisa: Or and you can’t love, can’t give love effectively to other people, I remember Teri used to say Parents are the greyhound bus that gets us here. All right here’s ah, from a blog member, my questions below are for your Mom, they stem from my own experiences in this life. Did you have a contract with Elisa in this life? Ok, yeah, 2. Have you been abused in the past life as well? Well we’ll talk about past life in a minute, ah 3. What are you proudest of in regards to your own daughter, Elisa?

Michelle: She said they’re two things, obviously your intellect and how smart you are

Elisa: Aw, I get that from my Mom

Michelle: She says you passed that to your children too, she says your children are all very smart, um but she also says that you have a spark to you, um kind of like you don’t take anyone’s shit.

Elisa: Oh yeah

Michelle: and she said that that is very honourable because you know, when it’s almost, she said that when there’s a broken heart and she’s showing me a birdie with a little broken wing, and she says when you see a birdie with a broken wing she says your protect that birdie whether it’s yours or not

Elisa: Oh yeah,

Michelle: and she just said your spark and your standing up for truth, she say is very commendable

Elisa: Aw

Michelle: She loves that about you

Elisa: Aw, okay great, thank you for that. What did Elisa learn from all the pain she experienced in her lifetime, not just my childhood I’m sure but also other tragedies, that have befallen me

Michelle: Well one of the biggest things would be the trust within yourself, um and she also said the ability to love and to be loved. To overcome, she said to overcome was one of the biggest ones, to overcome many different situations that presented themselves on you to overcome and to make something and she’s saying the example right here of what you’re doing, you’re overcoming no matter what has happened in your life that this is very cathartic, and this is part of the healing process for you and that you’ve been able to take that a hold of that, and Erik says like horns of a bull

Elisa: Oh yeah, grab the bull by the horns, that’s right. All right, that’s awesome, now I just have the usual generic ah questions, Mom; first what was your spiritual mission this lifetime

Michelle: She said what her spiritual mission was, was perseverance and determination, survival I

Elisa: Ok, what were you hear to teach?

Michelle: Love through obstacle

Elisa: Mm, wow that’s powerful, sends shivers, do you feel like you accomplished what you set out to do this life?

Michelle: She said despite some of the things that she spoke of earlier, she just wants to say that there’s a fine example standing before us and yes she did, Gosh she’s so proud of you

Elisa: Aw, that’s so sweet, thank you. Can you share a life, another life you had that most influenced this last one?

Michelle: So she shows me a small boy in Spain, I’m just asking her to give me a timeframe right now, and I’ve got early 1800’s,

Elisa: It’s so weird because when you actually got demented, you started talking about Spanish with everybody, a waiter would come (starts talking Spanish), where you from, ya know things like that, so that must be.

Michelle: She said Spain is like um, she showing me a heart connection to Spain and that she’s had more than one life there, in Spain

Elisa: Is that why you married Dad because he was from Spain? Or, why did you marry him?

Michelle: She said that was very endearing, was a very endearing attraction, I don’t know if he spoke Spanish to her but um, she’s showing me, like a coming out of her, these like um you know when somebody’s putting a spell on someone? It was like his Spanish, his accent or his speaking Spanish to her was like making her a little bit woozy.

Elisa: Oh, that’s so funny, why did you marry him beside that?

Michelle: She said he was smart, he was articulate, um he showed strength and she said she also says too that at the time, when they got married his strength and control was not out of control, it didn’t, she didn’t see that side of him

Elisa: I see, yeah,

Michelle: And she just says what she did see was not enough for her to turn her back and ever want to walk away.

Elisa: Ok, all right back to the life sorry I interrupted, tell me about the life as a boy in Spain

Michelle: Oh ok, so she’s showing me um like a not a delivery boy, um you know when a kid would, she’s showing me a little boy with a hat on and he’s running and yelling things and he’s got a stack of papers that has print on it, but they look like they could be wet because he’s got newsprint all over his fingers, and she’s, she, he in this life, he’s handing these papers out, and she’s just saying that she was a small boy from a small family and she said a middle class or what would be considered a middle class family. She had a I don’t feel like she had, she had a love of pets, so I don’t feel like she had pets, in her life, did she have animals or anything

Elisa: She had, oh she had Penny, when she was little, a ah, um cocker spaniel I think and then they got a German Shepard, but mostly for a guard dog wasn’t really treated very well

Michelle: She said that she had an absolute love of animals as this child, and she shows me like dogs and they feel like their not with anybody, that their following and that she had a communication with the animals and she said that there was a love of animals that was carried into this life as well that was never fulfilled

Elisa: Ah yeah, my Dad didn’t let you have any animals?

Michelle: No he didn’t want any animals, she said he just wasn’t interested in that and um, she’s making me feel that it was dirty

Elisa:  to him yeah

Michelle: yeah it was like gross, like we don’t need that in the house

Elisa: Oh, um was Dad upset that he never had any sons?

Michelle: She said that he never really said that, he didn’t really express that although he could be kind of mean, in the sense that he would lean toward that line of thought once in awhile like a house full of girls,

Elisa: Oh yeah ok

Michelle: That type of thing but that he never um, she said that wasn’t something that um, oh ok, that’s interesting, she says that, that wouldn’t be something that he would want to have a power struggle with, it made him feel

Elisa: Oh my God, my husband says if he had had any sons, that son would have beat the crap out of him

Michelle: Yup, mm hm, she says that he knew that, um he was able to take more control over the fact that he felt more powerful than women in general

Elisa: Oh I see, ok, um, what was I going to say, oh yeah, you lost a child just like I did, was it a boy or a girl?

Michelle: Boy, she said it was a boy

Elisa: Oh goodness, what happened?

Michelle:  She’s saying it was very early on

Elisa: Ok, yeah Ok

Michelle: and she says it was, it just wasn’t meant to be, she said it was a miscarriage, that it was so early on, she also say if she had not had the education that she did that she might have even missed it being a miscarriage, though I feel that it was quite early on

Elisa: Ok, yeah it was, it was, Can you share anything um about yourself that we just don’t know, I mean for example, Madame Currie kept a little teddy bear sewn inside her skirt. Something little like that, it could be silly or profound, it doesn’t make any difference

Michelle: She said that she had always wanted to be an artist

Elisa: Oh really?

Michelle: Mm hm, that she had always really um something sparked in her when she would see that free spirit, from an artist and she just didn’t ever think that she, she just felt to left brained, too left brained and it was just something that she would never be able to do but she had this secret little daydream inside of her that she could be this wild artist, wild and free artist

Elisa: Yeah because I think you always felt you had shackles on, whether it was self imposed or imposed by people like my father

Michelle: and she’s agreeing with you too, that’s so interesting, because she says yes and she goes and that is exactly right Elisa she said um that represented the freedom that she felt that she lacked in her life as well so that part of an escape for her mind, which she became very good at

Elisa: But you were a wonderful dancer, in fact, you taught some famous boxer how to dance because his coach or whatever, told him he needed to, this big old guy, remember that?

Michelle: Isn’t that funny, um, she said that she taught twinkle toes, how to do twinkle toes is what she’s saying

Elisa: That’s funny, what is that?

Michelle: What she’s showing me is, she’s showing me, um, I’m seeing it in black and white, and I’m seeing two feet up on the toes and then the partner in front which looks like the man’s feet up on the toes and it’s kind of like a step back and forth

Elisa: Oh ok

Michelle: and she said that that was very much like um with boxing she said that he would hold his hands up in front of him and do the movements from side to side and she said it was about balance, it was about agility, and she said it was about helping them. Because she says a lot of boxers are actually pretty good dancers

Elisa: Yeah, the footwork is important I guess. All right, so any final messages to or advice or anything to the world to any one particular person, to your family, to anybody

Michelle: She says um, and I’ll just tell ya too, the energy that I felt when we first started, was so anxious and reserved, and it’s completely released now

Elisa: Oh good

Michelle: I can breathe clearer now, and um, she saying thank you very much and she’s saying that this was an absolute lovely opportunity for her to have this time not only with everyone but really this time with you. And to be able to say these things to you, just means an awful lot to her as well, and she says that with this opportunity, she just wants to say again that she wants to remind everybody that the power that you have is all within you, it is not held in the hands, your power is not held in the hands of anyone else, and she said and that, there’s God within you she said and she saying that almost like a I understand that now, I understand the importance of that and she’s just saying to take your power back, to absolutely take your power back

Elisa: Yup don’t give it away, don’t give it away, have you met Jesus or God or any interesting figures?

Michelle: She says that she’s, and I am, we are all part of God, and I am, but yes, she said that she’s had all of the major mystical and magical people that you can imagine that she’s been able to cross paths with, she has and she’s also sighting Erik too, that Erik is very much a gatherer, he gathers, he gathers people too

Elisa: Oh

Michelle: So um, so she is saying that Erik has had a lot to do with the influence of where she has gone on her next phase of her own journey

Elisa: Do you have any favourite people that you’ve over the magical and mystical?

Michelle: She actually says Elvis Presley

Elisa: Oh my God! How cool, that’s awesome, well thank you Mom I love you and I do forgive you, ok, I know it was really hard to be your real loving authentic self, when you were under the clutches and under the shadow of a person who is mentally ill like Dad was

Michelle: She says thank you, very much, and she say that that means such a great deal and she says thank you very much for understand and accepting that

Elisa: And Erik thanks so being her wing man, and bringing her here ok

Michelle: He says no problem, Mom, anytime, anytime

Elisa: All right, you guys can get in touch with Michelle at

Michelle: thehealingh-art.com and also Facebook groups forward slash the healing h-art, and also WordPress.com the Healing H-art

Elisa: Sounds good, and I will put that all up here guys and thank you Michelle love you all, love you Erik. Bye!

Erik: Love you, Bye!

Elisa: Bye Michelle

Michelle: Bye

 

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Elisa Medhus


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