Here is a comment from a new reader that I found especially inspiring. It gave me such hope that I would like to share it with others who have lost loved ones. Obviously she has amazing psychic gifts. May her encounter with her deceased father bring you peace and comfort too.
My biggest regrets, the ones in which I know I must reconcile-all revolve around the three most important men in my life and their subsequent deaths. My brother died 20 years ago and he was only 29 when it happened. I sensed that night, before he left for California (we were in NY) the next morning…I sensed he was faded, like he was kind of transparent. How do I explain. I recall noticing a detachment of sorts, it’s hard to articulate. I remember thinking that maybe he should not go to LA, maybe he should stay with me for a little while. On the other hand, I remember thinking “fine, just fucking go already…do what you need to do.”He asked me if I had any sleeping pills for the trip, I didn’t so I called a friend next door and he gave me a Halcion. Remember in 1989, there was that Halcion recall/scare – well, my brother died because of that stupid pill. He never took drugs like that, he was strictly a pot smoker. My brother was a writer for Walt Disney, bright and succesful…gone in a blink of an eye. Could I have stopped it? Maybe, I simply did not listen. I was seven months pregnant with my first child, when he died-it was truly a horror for me not to mention my parents, you understand. I feel somewhat responsible because I had a choice and I made the wrong one. My brother came to me for about seven months, in dreams. Sometimes in that semi-awake state that you’ve mentioned. And yes, I could never really see him straight on, only peripherally. In a very lucid dream he came to see Chloe, my daughter and to hold her…only after I made him promise that he didn’t look dead or ghoulie like. He told me that he was visiting with all his friends, he missed his friends. On Passover night, it was only then that I realized that I had been holding him hostage somewhat, with my grief-it was that night that I let him go. For some reason, he had not gone to where your son is…which I still don’t get. Anyway, on that night he finally did. I had to make him leave, at least that’s what I thought I had done. It was a very strange night and there were strange people in my room, again I was in that semi awake place. They were doing things around me, it was really strange.
My children’s father who I had grown up with, died two years ago..unexpectedly. Richie was one of my oldest friends, even though we had been divorced – we still remained friends. He had come to Vermont to our daughter’s HS graduation and unfortunately he was really stoned on Xanax and whatever else-I was really pissed off. I remember seeing him and again I had that same sensation, that hes fading…I felt ill, when I looked at him-I was chilled. I remember being so angry at him at the graduation but he just ignored me. Afterwards he kissed my cheek and said “I love you, Tash” We went back to the house and he had left for NY..he was too stoned to drive, I watched from the kitchen window. My boyfriend was disgusted with his behavior and of course, I was simply trying to keep everything under control.
I stood there as all these thoughts ran through my head. I had a choice-I could stop him and make him stay, one of us could’ve driven him down but I wanted to keep the peace….I remember thinking “just leave, whatever” -bad choice, because when I finally said that -I knew it would be the last time I would ever see him. The worst part is that if it were me, he would of never let me go anywhere…regardless of keeping the peace. I can’t really talk about how he died, but it was horrific and he suffered terribly. I was so mad that he left..at his funeral, I remember telling him in my mind that he had a responsibility to his children and he better be there for them. Oh my goodness, the stories from the last two years would fascinate you -too many to describe here. I have a feeling that by the nature of his death it may have been some kind of kharmic thing in nature..not sure. The third person is my father who died one month ago. I know it was the time, unexpected but it wasn’t untimely. Six moths ago, I again sensed that “fading” feeling that I seem to get when someone is about to leave…I always get ill when that feeling comes around. It’s the feeling of death, I can sense it. My father was truly my best friend, he was my protector…I’m not kidding….and he loved me so. After he died, I knew that he was very much okay. I sensed he was perfectly fine and yes he was around us constantly. For a few days, My dog Aeres would bark and growl hysterically at nothing. I knew she could she him but, she couldn’t understand why he was different. I think she has gotten used to him now…it’s so funny, I can tell now when she sees him because even though she doesn’t bark anymore, she still looks up at nothing and sniffs.
Here’s the part that will give you hope that you can indeed hug your son, once again….in this life.
About a week or so after he died, I was laying on the couch waiting for my son to finish getting ready for school. He has to be at school at the ungodly hour of 7:30 am…ugggh. Anyway, my dad when he was alive would come over every morning at 7am to take Ian to school, so that I could get more sleep. I’m laying there and I just closed my eyes for one second and opened them again and there before my eyes, my father walked in the kitchen door as he had for many months. My eyes shot open and I yelled “DAD?!” and he stopped suddenly and stared at me..I yelled again “DAD?!”I thought to myself, is this real, what’s going on. I was very aware of what time it was and that I was very much awake. Grinning, he made the slightest gesture…like, “you can see me?”The only word that could come out of my mouth was “Dad? or DAD!” He then sauntered, not as a 77 year old..he moved much faster, differently…younger, lighter. He sprawled on the other couch, his face was about a foot away from mine. He very slowly reached out to touch me. In my mind I remember saying/asking “can you feel me?” When I felt his hand on my arm, I started to sob uncontrollably…not from sadness, I was so overjoyed. His grin became this huge smile and he grabbed and hugged me so tightly. I cannot even tell you how overwhelmed I was to feel him-it was such a gift. I opened my eyes and he was gone or I just couldn’t see him anymore. My son was staring at me as I grabbed my chest taking this huge breath. I immediately asked him “what happened?” and Ian said “Mom, I thought you were having a heart attack, you were breathing really hard and fast and you weren’t moving…for a long time” It had only really been about 10 minutes or so, I think. My father was incredibly strong willed sometimes to his own detriment. I believe he had the strength to be able to do what he needed to do in order to make contact with me.
That experience has trumped every great thing in my life…it was huge.
I realize now that I am receptive to their energy, I just don’t know how to use it or how to channel that energy. Now, I could not prevent his death, it was certainly the time – what I didn’t do is stop doing what I was doing when he came over to talk to me -three times…I was simply way to self absorbed in some stupid research I was doing. I can forgive myself for that one, not the other two though.
I have no idea what is in store, I just know that there is a purpose to everything. I am really exhausted and my mind is in this weird fog. I love being alive, I’m just really,really tired.
This blog of yours is wonderful. My father’s girlfriend sent me this link and I am so happy that she did.
This is just one of many encounters I’ve read about that give credence to the fact that our loved ones will always be with us. Maybe they’re living in a parallel dimension that’s right on top of us. Sometimes the veil between those dimensions is lifted just enough to give us a glorious peek.
