Channeling George Carlin, Part One

I’d like to ask if anyone here is having trouble with DISQUS. We were having a problem with the upgrade that came along with the WordPress upgrade, so we switched back to the previous version, but I’m still not getting any comments. Usually I gets tons! Has anyone posted comments that have not come through? If so, email me at Thanks!

Before we start with the ever-raunchy Mr. Carlin, please make sure your children are not peering over your shoulders. Better yet, make sure they’re in the other room. If you, personally, are faint of heart, step away from the computer and save yourself. This guy makes Erik look like a meadow full of frolicking puppies. Deep breath. Here he go.

Me: Erik, let’s go ahead and ask George Carlin some questions. Is he still there with you?

Erik: Uh, just give me three seconds. He must’ve wandered off.

Me: Okay. I’ll put the stopwatch on.

Jamie (giggling): One-two-three!

Erik returns with George Carlin

Jamie: Oh!

George: Hello, ladies!

Me: Hello, George!

Jamie: He’s got his hair—everything is shaved and cut short.

Me: Oh, okay! Well, thank you for coming!

Jamie (laughing): My heart is racing!

Me: Brace yourself, Jamie! This is gonna be wild!

Jamie: I know. Wow, it’s really racing.

Me (concerned): Why do you think that is?

George: It’s because she’s hot in the pants for me.

Jamie (laughing): No, George, that’s not it! What are you doing to me?

Me: Oh, how funny! Poor Jamie.

George: Don’t you wanna know how I died or how it was like with my death? Isn’t that what we’re here to talk about? I thought I’d show you.

Jamie (to George): No, I don’t want to know what that’s like! No, no, no, no, no! We’re just going to talk about it, and if you need to go to the other side of the room, you can!

Me: Hint, hint.

Jamie (obviously hurting): Aw, it’s such pain!

Me: Leave her alone, George. Just tell us what your transition was like. We’ll start with that one to get it over with.

George: Yeah, let’s just talk about it so we can get over this one.

Jamie: Oh, god, he died of a heart attack.

Me: Aw.

Jamie: Yeah.

George: It pretty much failed in every sense it could have. It kept teasing me; I had several heart attacks and heart failure. Eh, I could never seem to stop what was—

Jamie (sweetly): You have to slow down some, now.

George: I could never really stop the addictions that were creating the heart problems anyway, so I was very proud; I got to do what I wanted. I knew how I was going to die, and sure enough, I fulfilled my own premonition of my death—death by heart attack.

Me: Mm.

George: I lived a pretty long healthy life.

Me: So, it was a good trade off for you, then.

George: Yeah. I worked up until the day I died. I just continued working.

Me: And you loved that didn’t you?

George: Yeah, I did.

Jamie (giggling): Erik and George are deciding how many time we’re going to hear the word, “fuck” in this interview.

Me: We’re gonna give poor Jamie a ride for her money.

Jamie (breathing shallowly): He has GOT to let go of my chest. That’s the first thing that has to happen.

Me: Let go, George, or I’m going to put you in time out.

Jamie: God, the pain is up under my arm, running down my arm and wrapping around my ribs. It feels like it goes straight through on one side of my sternum all the way.

Me (very concerned): Erik, can you handle this? Can you get him to stop?


Erik: I’ll stand in front of you to block him.

Jamie: Aw, he’s just quickly going to be my hero. But now I really can’t see George. Erik is directly in front of me.

Me: Good!

Jamie (with a sigh of relief): Ah, that’s better.

Me: Okay, I guess it’s safe to proceed then. How was your actual passing, George?

George: Do you know if you take medicine—?

Jamie (laughing and stunned): Oh my god. (She clears her throat and composes herself.) Okay, I’m just going to set aside all of my little hang-ups.

Me: Oh, yeah. Just go ahead and drop those F-bombs. I don’t care. God knows I’ve heard it plenty of times from Erik.

Jamie: Nah, he’s talking about getting his d*@$# hard and all the blood going to his d*@$# and away from his heart, so of course his heart would fail, because his d@*$# was so big.

Jamie, Erik and I burst out laughing.

George: That’s what you get for being well hung.

Sigh. See what I mean.

Love this YouTube where George talks about his atheist views. Boy was he surprised. Wait until that part of the interview!

If you have any general questions for Erik, feel free to submits them, and please spread word of the blog do we get more members!

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Elisa Medhus

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