I forgot to tell you guys that right before I (crawled) out of bed on Mother’s Day morning, I someone tussled my hair roughly. I’m sure it was Erik wishing me a good one. No breakfast in bed, but I’ll take it. Actually–and I hope my kids don’t read this–the whole “breakfast in bed” thing is highly over-rated. My kids always served me the same thing: A cold hotdog, no bun, some cold scrambled eggs and a slice of burnt toast. The worst was the lukewarm coffee. Yuck. But it was all made in love.
Here, Jillian picks up where she left off.
Me: What are the best ways to help our children and other loved ones to visit or contact us?
Jillian: One of them is through dreams. That’s probably the easiest. A lot of humans talk about having these dream visitations. The mechanism of the ego, what you might label as ego, which protects us physically and emotionally but sometimes even hurts us and makes us hold in things, when you sleep, that layer is relaxed. It’s like a muscle that’s relaxed. Everything relaxes when you’re asleep. So in a sense, your guard is down to a certain degree. That makes it easier for us to get through to you.
Jillian: So dreams are one of the most common ways. When a person is—and especially right after they pass away, and this happened with you and Erik—they can sometimes make their presence known through physical manifestation.
How well I remember that beautiful moment when I saw him jumping back and forth at the foot of my bed.
Jillian: Also like turning lights on, things like that, because we’re trying to make you aware of our presence to give you comfort. Now, over time, these don’t always continue because if they keep doing it, it can make you hold on to something that doesn’t exist, physically, anymore. Sometimes we have to back away.
Me: Well I promise I won’t! Do it anyway! It’s like writing a letter or popping in to say “hello” or something once in a while.
I start crying again.
Jillian: I can relate to that because I’ve had thousands of children over my lifetimes. That is so common when it comes to a bond in general. Children never call their mothers or their fathers enough.
Me (sternly): Yeah, Erik.
Erik: Mom, I’m always there, and you know it! I don’t have to always give you a physical sensation or a physical manifestation. You can sense me there.
Me: Yeah, but still…
Erik: Can’t that be good enough?
Erik: Well, let me put it this way. I’m teaching you that it is good enough.
Me: I know it should be good enough, but other visits would be like icing on the cake. It’s like you’re off to college, and I know you’re doing fine but still want a phone call. And you can always come home to do your laundry.
Erik: Here’s the great thing about the way we work—and you know this to be true—it’s when you drop the expectation of that happening, and you shift your focus on losing me, you go about your life. Then all of a sudden you get a sign.
Me: But I do that. There are days and days that I don’t expect anything, and I still get nothing. Even with my guard down.
The tears start again.
Erik: You’ll get more of them, Mom. I promise you.
Erik: And the other thing is that a lot of people want the whole, “Dance, Monkey Boy. Dance!” You can’t order a spirit to perform in a way that you want them to perform rather than the way that we want to do it.
Me: Well, sure. That’d be an expectation. But, like I said, there are long periods of time when I don’t have any expectations. I do constantly have your death in the forefront of my mind since I post on the blog daily, though. Maybe that has something to do with it.
Erik: I really wish I could heal that for you, Mom. I so fucking wish I could do that. You know how much I love you.
Me (crying): I know. So then what is your advice to those who’ve lost someone, child or otherwise?
Erik: Drop the expectation.
Me: Yeah, that’s a dense energy, I guess.
Erik: It’s so fucking dense, and it’s rooted in control.
Me: Control is a dense energy, too, I guess.
Erik: Yeah, and the other thing is that when you have expectation, in the case of wanting to hear from your loved ones is rooted in not accepting what’s happened. They’re not physically here anymore. It’s not possible for us to come back to you in the physical world. You can’t control it. You can’t let expectations get in the way. The other thing is this. The last thing we want is for our family members to be stuck in that misery and pain and agony because they have many reasons for doing that. They might feel like they’re dishonoring the memory of their loved ones or that they’ll forget us. That’s not what we want for you. We want you to go on and live a happy life and know that we’re completely at peace. We’re happy, and we’re always with you. That’s never going to change, but it takes time, especially in your case, Mom. Not only was there this constant struggle when I was there but the way I passed away left a big fucking wound in your heart.
Me (crying again): I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it. I’ll always be broken.
Erik: It’s a miracle how much you’ve healed over the last few years, but there’s still a lot of work to go.
Me (choking back tears): Oh yeah. And again, doing the blog every day is healing in one way, but it tears me apart in another way since it’s a constant reminder that you’re gone, physically, and I can’t hug you anymore. It just reminds me, “Erik’s dead, Erik’s dead, Erik’s dead” all the time.
Erik: I know. Mom, can you do me a favor?
Erik: We talked earlier about how it’s all about perspective, and I know right now that your focus is on I’m dead; I’m dead. You have to focus on the fact that I just don’t have that physical body to animate anymore.
Me: But I still want that person to hug.
Erik: I know, but now I can give you a hug from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. I couldn’t do that with a human body.
Me: That’s true.
Erik: I’m the energy that is you. I’m the energy that I was when I was in your, before I was born. Instead of saying, “He’s dead,” say, “He’s more alive.” That perspective will help you. I’m more alive than I ever was in “life.”
Me: Yeah, I guess that’s a good perspective to have. So the control thing reminds me of when, sometimes, a child crawls into your lap and stays there until you put your arms around her. Then they squirm to get down.
Just a reminder for those peeps living in and around Houston: We’re getting together for lunch at 2:00 PM on Saturday, May 3oth. Where will depend on how many plan to come. Be sure you contact me if you are! firstname.lastname@example.org.