Loving Oneself

Good news everyone. Robert was moved to a regular room yesterday and should be discharged Wednesday or Thursday. He’s tired and gaunt but hopefully he’ll let me fatten him up some. And now for the first part of the February 18th channeling session:

Channeling Transcript

Me: Hey Jamie! Hey Erik!

Erik: Mom, you must have a timer or something.

Me: Huh? No.

Erik: I’m amazed how you’re always on time!

Me: I know, I know. It’s an OCD thing. Actually I’m one minute late today, because I have my grandbaby here so it might get a little interesting!

Jamie: Oh, yay!

Me: So, how are y’all doing? Everyone okay?

Jamie: Yeah, we’re all doing really good. Erik says hi.

Me (in a sickening gooey mommy voice that would have annoyed him in the past): Hi Baby. I love you, my sweetie.

Erik: Mom, this is just so special.

Me: Yeah, it’s awesome, Erik. We used to talk a lot, but now we talk even more than we used to!

Erik (chuckling): Yeah, you couldn’t corner me before, but now you can!

Me: Oh no, no, no. That’s right. Typical teenaged guy.

Erik: I’ve been so busy with the blog friends. I’m really loving this “fame status” but at the same time I’m expected to be obnoxious and mischievous.

Me: Yeah, I know it comes easily to you!

Erik and Jamie laugh.

Me: It’s so cute. Sense of humor is such a divine thing.

Erik: Yeah, you gotta keep it real! If you’re not laughing and if you’re not seeing the joke behind it all, you’re not keeping it real.

Me: Exactly. Exactly. Okay, here’s my first question. It’s for me. How can I get out of my body to visit you, Erik? I felt like I did that at one point. Like, my eyes were closed, but I could see everything in my room! I could see you and Aunt Denise. Denise was sitting on the corner of my bed at the foot on Rune’s side and you were jumping up and down from one side of the bed to the next like you used to as a kid, having all sorts of fun. Denise was smiling at you. Anyway, I was following you with my “eyes” and then you looked at me.


Me (to Jamie): Every year I used to take one kid at a time to a local hotel here in Houston like the Hyatt for a whole weekend. We used to jump on the beds and have pillow fights, order brownies a la mode for room service. Anyway, so Erik is jumping on the bed, then he looks over at me and seems shocked. He says, “Oh my god, Mom, you can see me!” Then he comes to me and we hug and I feel his face, I hug him, and I see a tear trickling down his cheek. All that time, my eyes were closed, but I know I was completely awake. So, you know, I wanna learn how to do that more, learn how to get out of my body and visit him.

Erik: Have you talked to Michelle about that, because she’s been doing it.

Me: Well, yeah, but she really has that gift. She’s never been very grounded to her body anyway.

Erik: The best thing—

(Long pause)

Jamie (to Erik): What was that? (pause) Okay. Just asking!

Jamie (to me): He wants you to fast.

Me: Oh, great.

Erik: You can have water and maybe like some fruit.

Me: Okay.

Erik: But just a little bit. So, fast for the whole day, and then sleep. Then the following morning, that’s when you should practice the out of body experience.

Me: Oh, okay.

Erik: And when you do it, you should lie down on your back, rock your hips, and you’ll feel your body moving.

Me: Okay.

Erik: After a little while, you’ll feel like there’s this second rhythm inside the physical body. It’ll kinda rock separately.

Me: Oh!

Erik: And when you feel that second rhythm, slow down the hips until the hips stop and stay focused on the internal rhythm. Make it bigger, make it bigger, then make it roll out.

Me: Oh, okay. Cool. I’ll try that.

(Pause as I look at my list of questions)

Me: Now, let’s talk about self-love.

Erik: Ew, Mama’s getting kinky!

Me (Laughing): Oh, Erik! Not that, silly goose. I’m wondering why there is so much self-loathing in the world.

Erik: Loving yourself is the same as knowing that you are part of the divine and that means you’re part of everyone else, the collective, both the whole and the part. It’s the key to dissolving the separation illusion. It’s also the key to loving others and to moving forward in life. People who don’t truly love themselves can’t truly love others to the fullest extent possible, and they can’t progress. They can’t move forward.

Me: Wow. Well, it seems like you struggled in your life with self-love, but—

Erik: No, no. I really didn’t. What I had a problem with was why people like my friends and classmates and stuff talked one way and acted another. They talk from one side of their mouth like the cared about me or other people, but then there were the unanswered calls, the talking behind my back, and just all that cruelty. I loved who I was on a deep level, but the world around me contradicted all that and kinda weakened my beliefs. It made me feel really, really alone. It made that separation illusion stronger and stronger. I just couldn’t figure out the contradictions. It made no sense how people could be such pricks even though I cared about them a lot.

Me: Aw, my poor little boy. I’m so sorry. And I know I could learn a lot about how to love myself, too. Compliments and credit and attention make me really uncomfortable.

Erik: Yeah, but that has nothing to do with self-hate with you, Mom. You do love yourself. How the fuck do you think you could have accomplished as much as you have if you didn’t love yourself?

Me: Yeah, but—

Erik: Hang on a sec. The reason you feel uncomfortable with shit like that is cuz you don’t want all the attention to take focus off the message, um, that being about Love. Even when you write about how sad you are and stuff, you really don’t want people to feel sorry for you. You just wanna connect, like you want them to know they’re not alone when they miss someone. And I’ll say another thing, Mom. You have a huge capacity for loving others. That’s just not possible if you don’t love yourself.

Me: I guess that does ring true on a deep level. Okay, so what can others do to start to love themselves?

Erik: Hmm. On an abstract level, they need to tell themselves that they are a part and the whole of God, of Source, whatever you wanna call it. If they hate themselves, it’s kind of a bitch slap to everyone else and to God. You can’t deny your own divine nature without denying it for everyone else. So in a way, hating yourself is kinda selfish—just the opposite of what you’d think. Self-love is selfless.

Me: Yeah, but I don’t know how practical that is.

Erik: There are many paths to self-love, and each person has to find that path on their own, so it’s kind of a hard question for me to answer. If there’s someone a person admires, they can practice consciously being aware that they are one and the same with that person on the level of the divine. That helps build those connections with the collective. Meditating can help people explore their connection to Source too. Uh, I guess the easiest way is to practice loving others on a very deep level. Just try to feel the love. That builds those same connections. Practice visualizing connections with others and with Source. You can even feel that connection with strangers you pass in the mall or in a parking lot. It’s an electrifying feeling when you connect, and you don’t even have to talk to ‘em or make any kind of physical contact. It can just take a soul to soul reach or touch. You can just feel it.

Me: Wow, you make it seem so easy.

Erik: Mom, that’s because it is. It IS easy. People make up their own minds to make it hard. It’s just as easy as a thought.

Me: Yeah, like Lincoln said something that has really affected me all my life. I’m not sure of the exact wording, but it’s like people are just as happy as they’ve made up their minds to be. So true.

Erik: Yeah, right. Exactly. Plus, look, a lot of people who don’t have that self-love tend to isolate themselves from other people and that’s the opposite of what they should do. They should get out and connect with others in loving ways so they can start to be aware of their connection to other people and to Source.

Me: Any other ways to help people find love within?

(Long pause)

Erik: Some people, when they do past life regression, might find out why they carry the whole self-loathing baggage with them, and when they do, it just, uh, becomes irrelevant to their present life. That can help a lot.

Me: Yeah, absolutely. Now, I’ve been more of a recluse since you died, so—

Erik: Yeah, but yours is more about avoiding triggers for your grief, and just protecting yourself until you build your emotional resilience back up. You’re like in cave mode healing. It’s like quarantine, but too much for too long can be bad too.

Me: Yeah. I get it. I’m trying to find that balance, but I think it might take a while.


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Elisa Medhus