Thanks everyone for rooting for my mother. She did very well, despite her age (82) undergoing a colectomy, a reversal of her colostomy with reanastamosis. I will spend much of the week in the hospital, so I hope you’re patient with the paucity of new transcriptions. Again, take the time to catch up or revisit past posts.
Today, I’d like to extend a heartfelt call to help a dear blog member, Chitra. (Ask Erik: Chitra’s Questions). I understand her torment, because I struggle with this longing, this pain, every day. I’m hoping some of you can offer her some comforting words and love.
Chitra’s Email
Dear Elisa,
I AM VERY SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY. HONESTLY I WENT OUT OF MY THOUGHTS AND SEVERAL ARGUMENTS WITH MY HEART AND LAVANYA, AND STILL NOT GETTING BACK FROM THOSE.
AND ALSO I AM WORRIED IF IT IS CORRECT TO SEND THIS BIG LETTER TO YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR WORKS AND TAKE YOUR VALUABLE TIME. BUT I WANT TO SHARE THESE THINGS TO YOU. GENERALY I AM ALWAYS ALONE AND THE LONELYNESS IS MY FRIEND FOR ALL THE TIME I AM NOT USED TO TALK WITH ANYBODY IN MY LIFE WHAT MY HEART SAYS AND OFCOURSE THERE IS NOBODY FOR ME (ONE PERSON TO WHOM I BELIEVED A LOT AS MY SOUL AND EXPECTED A LOT FOR THE HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE THROUGH MY DAUGHTER -MY DAUGHTER – SHE ALSO LEFT ME ALONE) AND THE DEATH OF MY DAUGHTER MADE ME TO SHUT MY MOUTH FOR EVER. THE ONE GOOD THING IS I GOT THE FRIENDSHIP OF NANCY -WHO HEARED MY CRIES ( AS SHE WAS ALSO LOST HIS ONLY ONE SON AND MORE OR LESS WE BOTH ARE SAILING IN THE SAME BOAT) AND HELPING/ ENCOURAGING ME WITH HER WORDS WHENEVER I GO DOWN.
AND NOW I FIND YOU, AS YOU ARE HELPING TO ALL EQUALLY IN THE SAME KIND AND WITHOUT ANY EXPECTATION, THIS IS VERY GREAT. YOUR ARE WITH VERY KIND HEART AND HELPING MIND. AND IT IS MY PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU AND I AM SENDING YOU THE BELOW MESSAGE HPOING THAT YOU DO NOT MIND ON SHARING THE BELOW MESSAGE WITH YOU, THANK YOU.
Dear Elisa,
Thank you very much again for you and Erik. I am still in surprise and several thoughts are blowing in my mind. The whole day I behaved as a mad with joy and cry. Elisa , no need to explain you as you are the mirror of the wounded hearts like me and I can see this because you spoke with Lavanya as she is your daughter with my real feel in you, I can say to you only thank you ……….
I read the messages of my daughter and heard each and every word as herself she is talking with me.
I enjoyed a lot from the beginning to end of it. The way Erik introduced her, and her speeches with you – as she mentioned the word “ WE” for all of you , and her request with you and your answers to her in a kind way like “ Sweetie”, and her kidding with me and my son for my question, it is a real one, I and my son laughed on that comment long time ( he got a change and support of his sister and repeat these words “ not take the advice “ to play with me for joking) O! it’s very amazing for me, I really felt that my daughter is standing in front of us and telling these all, after a long time we three got conversation as we did in the past – Elisa , these all because of you and Erik, I thank you again – and it is 100% true , because after her death I stunned on the results what I gained in my life and I almost standing at the end part ,so I have already gave this advice to my son – not to ask my advice for anything, because I am not capable of it as I failed in all the way what I did . My child told the truth only. And about his brother – focusing on money – yes, she is right – but I want to tell the real situation.
You know, the sudden death of my daughter made an another earth quake and t- tsunami , whatever you call ( one I had when my husband left me with these little kids – Lavanya at the age of Nine and my son at the age of seven -alone on the road ) and I became like mad with her thoughts , and my son left his job to be with me almost one and half years and when finally found a job in the company where my daughter was worked near to our town, he met with an severe road accident – he went under the huge -road roller machine – imagine it, – the one good thing is the incident was happened near to his office ( in the morning 9 a.m when he went to the office)– as he joined in that company – the owner and the staffs immediately took him to the hospital and gave first aid then informed me – I woke up again from my girl’s thoughts and ran behind my son – the kidney, the heart, shoulder, stomach and all over the body was injured. He could not breathe by himself. There is no tiny amount of money with me and nobody is with me – only tears, cry … after one month in I.C.U, he crossed the danger condition and after for two months treatment, we came to home. As my company owner and my daughter’s company owner – well knew about our situation and the sudden death of my daughter ,they wish to save this boy at least ,they give the amount in advance and I settled the bill. Now we are left with a big huge amount of debits on our head, we both do not know how long we have to be here to settle all the money back with our little salary (my son- after seven months – he recovered from all the injures ) This sudden big another tragedy after my daughter’s death I was totally out , but in order to do my duty – to save my son’s life – I am continuing this painful journey without any meaning. Now you tell me is it wrong if my son focus on money at this stage? Lavanya knows it well, but apart from that she wants him to be more specific with happiness than money, I know this is the true one – but what to do? If we wish or not we are in the need of money only to settle the debits and to get some peace of mind, that’s all.
I really wanted to know from her about his future life –that means – does he (the only person in our family) get a good life and could get married and get good wife and children and live here for long time happily? Because For me and for Lavanya there is no chance for that.
Even though I have learnt a big lesson that is “Do your duty, do not expect the benefits of it” which are the golden words advised by Lord Krishna In our Holy book “baghavat geeta” and also the true meanings of his ten moral advices to the human beings in this world, I am now totally out of those thoughts – which we thought – the money, prestige, try to live high standard life as others are the necessary in this world. (Now everything looks me a huge weight on my head – the little, little things even the four plastic ordinary chairs – which I bought with very eagerly to make sit those people who come with bridegroom to see my daughter before fixing the marriage. And I can say each stories like this – and all the necessary things which I gathered – only for my daughter – but now everything is here but she is not here. I want to quite from these all, I need one place where only calm and peace and true love, but my son is telling that “ how can you find a clean place as all the places are already full of mud here? You have to live here with all these “) But still as a mother I am worried about my son and about his future – what will happen? Who will take care of him as there is nobody except me in this world? And at the same time one part of my heart is not willing to think on these all and advice me let it all as it will happen, you cannot change anything. But still I wish at least he could live with happy here, that’s why I asked her this question. But she is very smart and answered he knows how to live and does not give specific answer .why?
And again about the lesson for me – I do not understand that if she is telling me good or bad. But I really very much worried on her words that she hurts with me, what I have to do to stop that? Elisa, do you have any idea for me to make my daughter to be happy there.
Ultimately I come to know that she is still with my thoughts as I am here and she is worried about me a lot , we both suffering a lot here and there ,there is no word to describe these all, why? Why?
And I am very much tired both in mind and heart thinking that my daughter is telling that, she will be happy there as long as I am happy – see, how she is – with pure love on me- am I capable of it? This love makes me more worst and weep on her. What does the god gets by punishing us like this? Does he bind?
I understand that eventhough we loss all, there is no end for our tragedy, it is keep on going for nothing.
And the home – where she died- nobody is willing to buy the home – I could not stay there with her thoughts – I am hiding in the dark in that home with full of her memories –recalling it – and making new imagine stories as my daughter is with me there and at last ending with huge cry.
Elisa, my friend, I took your long time. But I could not control myself and the fingers are not stopping, the words are coming out by tearing my heart to tell you all and weep with you.
Regards,
Chitra
My Response
Oh my dear Chitra, when I read this letter I feel physical pain in my heart. My tears flow like a tormented river. Oh, how I wish to help you so much. It seems like the people or company responsible should pay all of your son’s medical bills and give him money for pain, suffering, and lost income. Have you consulted a lawyer?
I am amazed that Lavanya said she only had one brother. I didn’t know that, so that makes me really believe the whole thing is true. She had a great attitude. She has a lot of spunk and fire, a great sense of humor.
Remember you are never alone. Lavanya is with you all the time. I and the rest of the Channeling Erik family have you in our hearts so we are with you too. I understand, now, why Lavanya thinks you need to move to another place. Her memories haunt you. She will follow you anywhere, so if you move, you will not lose her.
Is it okay if I post this letter? The Channeling Erik family may have very good suggestions or ways to help you, so I’d love their advice. What do you think?
Also, I would like you to keep my phone numbers with you always and if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.My home number is 713-461-6912 and my cell number is 713-806-9321. Everything will be fine. Don’t worry.
My love and prayers to you,
Elisa
Chitra’s Response
Elisa,
I was silent for some hours with full of tears (it is still) feeling a big mountain pressing my heart.
If I am near with you I would have been started with huge cry, holding you……………….
My heart and mind and eyes are very thirsty to seek the happiness along with my alive daughter ……but they are returning like a ball – hit on the wall and tired more and more and with a great war left with lot of questions – WHY these all happened with us? – Who is doing this for what? -What does it want from us? – How to behave to recover from this? – Does god helps for good people? If yes, then why he did not do it for us? – If everything happens as our destiny then what is the meaning of our sixth sense and for our attitude/enthusiasm/ hard work to success on our life and about the faith with god? What is the way to destroy myself for ever- neither in this world nor that world – nowhere- I want to ruin this Chita from bottom root for ever. Why I am still in this suffer as I already ready to give up all and quit away? To whom – I have to submit this project of my life, who is controlling on me and insisting me to do this all? Well, if he wants to me to learn to live with kind and love – why did not I find at least one person like that on my life journey – …………………………Elisa, do you feel if there is some meaning in these questions?
Elisa, for your question – I have to explain this – As my son was joined in that company only twenty days before ( as I told you he left his job which was related to his study and to be with me as there is no another choice he was forced to join in this textile company – which is not related to his study )of that accident and it was happened on the way while he was going to the office in the morning time. And as we are working in private companies there are not such rules followed and more over these all, we two only left with blinded eyes in the world with huge pain of losing Lavanya and with ruined dreams of future and do not know what to do further, if we could go ahead or not…… this big another tragedy made us to keep silent for always and to be away from the outside world – ( you know on seeing the continuous tremendous tragedies which cannot compensate with whatever except our death – all the people – including the few relations (who are for the name only from the beginning) -stunned and hided themselves from our way . I also do not have any contact with anybody as always and it’s going as it is. But you know ,those who doubted that I will lose my son also in this game – but somehow – he is back again – and after these seven months – he is recovered well – now I can see the jealousy of the people – in the office and the neighbors – this is the human being nature. And I always against to this and struggling from the beginning with that along with my routine struggles – but I failed in the end).
Honestly, I am here only to settle the debits – as I do not want to bother my son for this. I will support him feeling that I am helping a person who is lonely in this world and as well as with the grief of my daughter on the other side. It is a very difficult role for me to act.
Yes, there is no doubt and Lavanya only can speak like that with me because these are not just a conversation between us but our feelings, our love spoke with each other. I 100% feels it, she was already with Erik – that means my child also seeking a way to let me know about her and her love with me. I am keeping the papers with my heart and kissing them as she is with me on those letters…………………….. And there is no need to say you, how much suffers I am going through without her, as are you well aware of that.
Elisa, Yes, I tried a lot to sell that home and to settle the debits and to move somewhere else, but as Lavanya died there, nobody is willing to buy that home and more over the neighbor is spoiling the customers mind that the house is not a good one . We are silent on seeing these all as we are tied up with too many loses in front of this world, we do not have any interest and energy to go behind with these nonsense.
I do not mind to post this letter. And now I know there are still some people with good heart in this world. But you know Elisa, I always wanted to live a gentle life and hence when my husband ( my marriage was fixed with my own uncle, got married at my age of sixteen , OF course he loved me a lot – but due to heavy losses in his business – one day he suddenly – left me alone with my kids and till date I do not know if he is alive and where he is ) left me, I aimed to make a good life for my children as I do not want to punish my children for his mistake and I should have to take care of my children in my own as they are mine. And for that how many difficulties I have faced… it is a long story, I struggled a lot to put my journey in the right path and began to run to catch the ordinary life as others, Of course, my kids also suffered a lot in the young age by transferring the schools often, living for two years in their grandma’s home – but I did the best of my level for them with the little money what I earned as working in an communication department in an office. I made the children to get a degree course – ( my daughter – in computer, my son – in electronic) and after Lavanya started to go to work, we had some more money and with that we bought a small home ( Lavanya only took all the steps for it and because of her only we made it – but at that time we do not know , the home will take her breathe!) only four years back and her marriage also fixed next to that, as I assumed it was a good alliance and Lavanya will be very happy for ever and I agreed to give what they asked ,even though it was really huge for my level , but I had the courage that I can manage, I did all very well , and all the people are stunned and appreciated me that it was really great and exclaimed on my growth – home, the children with good education and with good behavior , the marriage – a single woman did this all – I was very much happy at that time and thanked god ( I always believed with god and my daily prayer to god was – do not let me down, take care of we three and be with us until we go from this world, do not bring any bad thing ,even if there is no good things for us) very much , these all because of her blessings, and my true honest sincere hard work. But for my twenty years suffers – I had these little happy moments just only for ninety days – yes only for ninety days………………………
My daughter …………….., It’s very hard for me to share this tragedy, please.
I hate to stand as a sympathy creator in front of others, but whatever the things I, of course everybody, do not want to have in their life I had those all one by one without any gap to realize what and why they happened and they made my life as a fun or an episode with full of tragedy for time passing, and still I am like that , which I do not want, but now I lost all my energy to fight against it and let it all to go as it is.
Thank you very much on giving your phone numbers to me.
Elisa, This Friday we have a big great and grand festival in India. Here all are busy with shopping, making sweets, and programming for tours……. This is the third year for me to have this without Lavanya – I am full of those events of past festivals with Lavanya and with the spoiled dreams which we both planned to celebrate together with her and her kids……..
I do not where I should have to hide on these days and how to push them.
Elisa, I think I have started with you also as I am doing with Nancy. Sorry.
Regards,
Chitra
My Response
I think if we put your suffering out there to the Channeling Erik family, you will receive so much love and comforting advice. I also believe that there is someone responsible for your son’s accident. Who ran him over? What company did that person work for? They should pay your debts and more. Have you consulted an attorney/lawyer? Maybe you call it a barrister.
Love,
Elisa
