Transcribing the post about twin souls sent me into a bit of a tailspin yesterday. Not that I need to be reminded, but I do feel like a big part of me has been decimated, the part of me capable of feeling joy. As I plod through the day, I force my smiles and fight back the tears, constantly aware of what I no longer have. It does help to pretend that Erik is away on the other side of the world working with the Peace Corps or something and that one day he’ll come back to me. But not a day goes by that I don’t wish I were on the other side, too. And now, when I hear about some “unfortunate” bloke succumbing to some tragedy, I no longer shake my head and think, “Poor soul;” Instead, I think, “Lucky bastard.” Erik, I’m ready for another hug, my Sweetie. Sigh.
Not feeling up to spell checks and edits. If you find a mistake that’s particularly glaring, will y’all let me know?
Me: Alright, I’d like to get a little clarification on the concept of evil and demonic spirits. I’ve had some tell me there is no evil, that all is Love and all is good. So, are we dealing with semantics here? Are there evil or demonic spirits, and can they harm us?
Erik: Absolutely. Yes. There’s always polarity: light/dark, happy/sad, good/evil.
Veronica: So just as there is light and dark, there is good and evil. This is a battle that’s been going on from the beginning. They CAN harm if one allows them in, and they have already caused harm to the earth and people.
Erik: Where do you think serial killers and other beings that do horrible things throughout history—
Me: Is it some fabrication? I mean, I thought that God is really All There Is and that the Light is all there is. Of course we need the duality, so are evil and fear-based elements sort of fabricated as a tool so that, through contrast, we can become aware of who we are and so that God can experience Herself or Himself?
Veronica: It’s hard to explain. It’s one of those things you find out when you come over here to the other side. Now, Erik’s going to speak.
Erik: From my perspective, Mom, you know that I used to watch what went on in the world and around me. My way of thinking wasn’t like everyone else’s. So I saw a lot of contradictions. A lot of them.
Me: Yes, I know. You said the same thing through Kim and Jamie.
Erik: I saw a lot of sadness, but joy too. I saw kindness and cruelty. I just couldn’t live with all that bullshit. People would be nice one day then mean the next. They’d be pleasant to my face but say such shit behind my back. I felt off-balance all the time.
Me: I know, Baby. I know.
Erik: Not from you, but—
Me: No, I know. I totally understand, Sweetie. You were so kind to everyone and it was hard for you to grasp why people could be so cruel in return. I definitely saw that conflict within you.
Veronica: Back to what you said, you’re right. You’re right in that part of it was for us to come willingly to seek out love and kindness and joy.
Me: Yeah, but you can’t see it if it’s right in front of you without contrast. I guess we have to slog through the dark forest to get to the sunlit meadow.
Erik: And to answer your original question, Mom, everything is just a gradation of good or of Light. What you call evil or demonic is just at the lower end of the spectrum.
Me: That confirms what you said through Jamie.
Erik: Yeah, I know, but I’m still learning about all this. It’s pretty deep shit.
Erik and I laugh.
My father, one week shy of 90, is very ill with pneumonia. Would you all send him prayers and healing energy?