Sometimes we have family members with chronic illnesses that present a great deal of heartache and challenge. I had my fair share with my younger sister, Denise, who passed away several years ago after a life plagued by complications from Diabetes. It was heart-wrenching to witness her decline. The last several years, she lived with my family, because she simply couldn’t care for herself. She had to walk with a walker. She wore diapers. She couldn’t urinate, so I had to straight-cath her every eight hours. She was unable to eat, so we had to feed her through a J-Tube into her small intestines. She was a full time job, but it was a labor of love. Did I feel resentful at times? Heck yeah! It wasn’t easy caring for her, working full time and raising five youngsters. In cases like this, you are often left wondering: Could I have done more to ease the suffering? It’s human nature to feel guilt in such instances. But that guilt is only a product of fear, the fear that love was not enough. Of course, we all know it is.
Lidian’s story reminds me of my own. I learned a great deal about my own feelings by coming to an understanding of hers. I hope Erik and Lidian’s sister, Caity, offered what she needed to find comfort.
Lidian’s Question
Lidian – Pasadena, CA and my sister was Caity – Glendale, CA. At first I wanted to know about whether she left us on purpose. But I’m pretty sure that’s a moot point now. Just want to ask what it is like where she is? And if there are any messages she’d like me to pass on. And you know I use Lidian at work but Caity knows me best as Tenny. So it is Tenny – 57 – Pasadena, CA and Caity – 53 – Glendale, CA.
I notice that when you are getting questions answered for folks, they are giving you a back-story. I only gave you city and names. If I am on the list I would like to offer this for context:
My sister Caitlin died of some kind of an overdose at 53. She was suffering from depression, schizoaffective disorder, disassociation disorder, DID and chronic degenerative disc disease. So she was on a lot of meds. She lived alone on social security. Her ex-husband had died a year before and this seemed to cause a spiraling effect. She tried to tell me in so many ways that she had lived a hard life, hated her mental illness and was basically done but frightened of death and wanted to live at the same time for her 2 kids. I wouldn’t have any of it, and focused all my energies on getting her better. Her last year was a grueling one consisting of many hospitalizations many of them being back to the psych ward but also some for a worsening unspecified lung condition and body pain. They put her on massive steroids for the lungs which really seemed to contribute to her getting increasingly psychotic – she was less and less there, but I refused to see it.
Just at the end I was able to move her out of her depressing, dark, tiny apartment into a larger, lighter cleaner place. She had just gotten out of the hospital, seemed happy, had lost some weight, was excited about the possibilities of her new place and new neighbors. Her first night in the new place was the night she died sitting on the couch amongst all the boxes we hadn’t unpacked yet. All the coroner could tell me about the death was that she was on a lot of meds and had too high doses of Celexa and Lamictal in her system. The drugs I know she would have taken if she were planning suicide were all in normal range – Methadone, Soma, Seoul. Best I can guess is that she ran out of her sleeping pills and tried to make do with taking extra Lamictal but my therapist told me that an overdose of Lamictal would likely cause vomiting and there was none. Plus it’s an antiseizure (taken for her disassociation) and they felt she’d had a seizure at the end. The coroner wasn’t very helpful and said he wasn’t a pharmacist and didn’t have his drug book with him and basically had no answers that made any sense.
Was it her destiny to go when she did? Was it OK with her? Did she fulfill whatever the purpose was for living such a sad life? What perspective has she gained now that she’s there that she can share with us? Has she met Erik? I think she will like him and your work and may even want to take part in it?
I see there are a lot of others on the list with more devastating situations than mine, and I applaud and appreciate the healing that you and Erik are bringing about. It really helps me to be able to share this. The site has put things in a perspective that I can handle better than if I was on my own with this.
Lidian
Channeling Transcript
Me: Okay, let me see. Um, this one comes from Lidian. She’s from Pasadena, California, and her sister, Caity was in Glendale, California at the time of her death. Caity knew Lidian by the name, Tenny. That’s a nickname she used, I guess. She died of some sort of overdose at the age of 53. She had an array of mental illnesses like depression, schizoaffective disorder, and others. There’s a whole bunch of information, but let’s see what Erik can find out with just this. Lidian wants to know if it was Caity’s destiny to go when she did.
Erik: Yes. Yes. And Hell yes!
(pause)
Me: Okay. Can you elaborate, Sweetie?
Erik: Caitlin is right here. She says she took all the medicines that were prescribed to her just like she was supposed to. She didn’t overdose, like it wasn’t on purpose; she wasn’t trying to knock herself off or anything.
Me: ‘Kay.
Erik: But she knows now, uh, she took those medicines for a long, long time, Mom. Basically they interacted with each other and caused other side effects in her body.
Jamie: Seizures happen in the brain, right? That’s a brain function, isn’t it?
Me: Um hm.
Jamie: Okay.
Me: Why was it her destiny, Erik?
Erik (laughing): Caitlin, Caitlin—she’s a full-figured woman, to put it mildly. But it’s almost like she’s full-figured because of bloating, you know like the body isn’t happy, not because she’s eating too much. She wants Tenny to know that.
Me: Okay.
Erik: But she said she begged for death all the time. She really wanted it, but she was afraid to die, and she says God just answered her prayers.
Me: Oh, okay. And was the purpose to teach or learn something,or was it her time because she already accomplished what she was here to do?
Erik: She already accomplished what she was meant to do. This death was for relief. She says it’s like putting an old dog down. She’s got a funny sense of humor, Mom!
Me (chuckling): Yeah, just like you, Baby.
Erik: Yeah!
Me: So I guess her death was okay with her. What was her purpose in this life?
Erik: She says she knows her purpose was for the children—to bring them to light. It was to play the negative role in their family’s life so that they’d be steered away from it.
Me: Oh! Good! Okay, does she have any messages for Tenny?
Erik (laughing): Please tell her she’s having a good time haunting her! She’s happy to be done with that life and that she accomplished what she was meant to do. She loves Tenny and wants to thank her so much for putting up with all her crap and being there for her. She was a handful, Mom, just like Aunt Neecy was toward the end.
Me: Oof! Say hi to Neecy for me.
Erik: ‘Course.
Lidian’s Response
Oh man. Elisa and Erik,
This makes me cry – from a very deep happy place. I didn’t realize I would be this emotional. This is so, so real that I’m sort of in shock. Elisa, you must be in this place a lot with the work you have taken on!!!!!
That you guys found her is simply the most joyous thing. I knew she’d made it over but didn’t know if Erik could find her…silly me. Well this clinches it as far as our being a spiritual family ~ forever you guys~ How nice of Erik to call her a full figured woman – the autopsy report used “obese” instead. And she had been on those meds for years and years. Not really sure why she was so heavy cause she didn’t eat that poorly – and she didn’t drink alcohol often – but the psychiatric meds are known to put on the weight…maybe that was it – interesting that he’d pick that up. As for the adverse reaction – sounds as if it was medication related – they really had her on too much – but that was OK with her. Maybe someday I’ll find a good forensic investigator who can help me put 2 + 2 together. I can’t decide if I should blame the doctors or not…probably she wouldn’t want me to.
She did talk about death a lot in the last year – a lot – but I wouldn’t hear of it. And she did also tell me she was terrified of it. I found her a book called guide to the afterlife and told her to read it hoping it would take some of the fear away. Then I felt guilty for doing it after she went and died.
She did bring her children to the light. I can bear testimony to that. Because of her they really are wary of drugs and much more compassionate about mental illness than they would have been otherwise.
I’m glad that she feels her prayers were answered and to know that in her heart she was happy to go. I have been very worried about that. I’ve been feeling that it was my fault for not being there for her enough.
And she is having fun haunting me. Yesterday I was going through my bookshelf trying to purge a lot of junk. Pictures fell on the ground and there was the picture of her that we blew up for her wake under my foot. At that moment I found a couple of her old books – an old Pooh book and Alice in Wonderland and was planning to add to them to the “donate” pile. But when I looked down at the picture I got the strongest sense that I should put those books back on the shelf and leave them alone. Of course I did.
And yes, she did have an excellent sense of humor – glad that he got that too!!
You have both just totally blown my mind – in a good way…
