I really enjoyed this question and the answers Erik provided, because it speaks to so many of us, maybe all of us. I had to chuckle at Erik’s mock impatience since he waited on the sidelines while various guardian angels answered Kelli’s questions. Watch how he plays the neglected little boy! I was also amazed by his show of sensitivity in the choice of pronouns–something I failed to do, tactless lout that I am!
Ty’s Question
My life has been an emotional rollercoaster. Some days are good, others, not so good. I am transgender; I was born in a female body, but for my entire life I have felt like a boy/man. I currently just identify as a lesbian because it’s easier for people to understand, but really my outer female body is just that – an outer shell that does not reflect who I truly am. I have struggled with this for 31 years. I am reaching out because I am unsure just what in the hell I am supposed to be doing. I have contemplated suicide off and on throughout the years (although I am not currently suicidal). Did the therapy thing, did the meds thing – with some moderate success (with counseling, not meds). Anyway, I know plenty of transgender folks who go ahead and “transition” by taking hormones, but I have tentatively decided not to put myself and my loved ones through that stress. I am happily married to my wife of 2 years (6 years together), but I still feel like my life is drifting aimlessly. I am lacking in motivation, and I feel like I have no calling in life (except to just be queer in a non-queer friendly society…lol). Can you ask Erik if I am being punished for something I did in a previous life? I am a really good person, and to be honest with you, I think I have learned so much more about the human condition because I was born a queer black female in America (LOL). But anyway, what the hell do I really know. I’m just looking for any help I can get so that I can feel a little bit better about myself and this life. Last question, my great great Aunt Sue passed last April 18th (2009) and I miss her dearly. I just want to know that she is okay, and I want to apologize for not being there in the years leading up to her passing. She was like a parent to me, and I want her to know that. I also want to know if she is upset and or disappointed in me for anything
Thank you so much for your help and understanding Elisa and Erik.
My details:
Me: Ty, 32 years old, Atlanta, GA
My great great Auntie: Susie died in Houston at the age of 97.
Channeling Transcript
Me: Okay, this one is from Ty, a 32 year-old black female transgender living in Atlanta. I mean, she was born in a female body, but she’s always felt like she was a male. It’s been a grueling struggle for her for a long, long time. She’s happily married to her wife of 6 years, but she’s not sure what she’s meant to do in life. First of all, Erik, she wants to know if she’s being punished for something she did in a previous life. Of course I know what you’re going to say already, but…
Kim: Oh, and one more thing for Kelli. She will have the surgery, but it’s going to be in 2011, different doctor, different facility.
Me: Oh, okay.
Kim: Now, let’s see what Erik has to say to Ty.
Erik (teasing about the fact that guardian angels pulled rank on him to answer Kelli’s questions): Well, I knew you’d get to me sooner or later!
Me (chuckling): Aw, I’m sorry, Baby! The guardian angels got to the mike faster than you!
Kim: Hey Erik! It’s good to see you!
Me: Hi, Baby!
Erik: Hi Mom! Hi Kim! Yeah, there were lots of ‘em waiting, and they wanted to do the talking. That’s okay. That’s fine with me. Now, about Ty.
Me: Yeah?
Erik: Oh, I know all about him.
Me: Okay.
Erik: And Ty has not found his life’s work yet. His personal life is settled. Also, they’ll be children. They’re going to raise some children as a couple. But Ty is asking about his life’s work, so…
(pause as Kim listens to Erik)
Erik: Ty’s life’s work has to do with writing a book about someone standing up and being who they are regardless of getting other people’s permission, endorsement, or approval to be just that. That’s what so many people are working on there on the earthly plane.
Kim: Yes, I talk to people about that every day.
Erik: Not giving a rat’s ass what other people think about them, yeah. So Ty is supposed to be writing a book about that, not so much about being transgender or how much cooler it is to be a male, but about how different his life became once he decided, “God dammit, I don’t need or want anybody else’s permission or endorsement or approval to be who I am!”
Me: Right, exactly!
Erik: So this book will have a great impact on the earthly plane to help people come out of the closet in many, many different ways.
Me: Right, not just coming out of the closet as a bisexual, gay or transgender.
Erik: Nailed it, Mom. Now…
(pause)
Erik: The book will have the most meaning for others if it’s written from a spiritual viewpoint so people understand that spiritually speaking and emotionally speaking, those are the closets they need to come out of.
Me: Okay.
Erik: To really be who they are, to create a life that fulfills them on a soul level without needing or wanting other people’s permission or approval.
Me: Right, but obviously, he’s not being punished for anything, right, Erik?
Erik: Oh, of course not. It’s like someone who has to go through a terrible illness before they go on to become a great holistic healer.
Me: Ah! So he had to go through life as a black female transgender in order to be a better vehicle for communicating this message?
Erik: Well, um, yes, and there are two dynamics at work here in his case.
Me: Oh, okay.
Erik: First of all, Ty was hoping this would be his last lifetime, and there were a lot of issues he had to work through as a male and as a female. So when he was over here, he was wondering, “Now how can I do that in one lifetime? I know! I’ll be born a woman, but then I’ll spend the greater part of my life as a man!” So this would allow Ty to work through both male and female issues. And number two, it allows Ty, at the same time, to go through a group of difficult issues that allow him to move forward and get into his life’s work as a person others could relate to in that he did it! You know, you wanna learn how to climb Mount Everest, you read a book by someone who’s done it.
Me: Yeah, so they’d want to read the book if Ty wrote it from his perspective as a guy who’d been there, done that instead of one written by a so-called expert like a psychiatrist or psychologist.
Erik: Exactly, exactly! And he’s certainly in a position to talk about not giving a rat’s ass about seeking others, you know, permission, endorsement, approval to be who one is. So the book isn’t about being transgender; it’s about coming out of the spiritual and emotional closet.
Me: Totally makes sense. And what perfect timing for a book like that!
Kim: I remember going through this when I first hung out my shingle as a channel. I had a lot of people poking fun and lost friends who really weren’t true friends anyway, but…So we all, all have closets to come out of to be who we are and not care about what other people think.
Erik: Look, he’s going to piss and moan when you tell him he’s supposed to write, but he just needs to sit down and start, and it’ll be channeled to him. Tell him I said to butch up. He’ll laugh.
Me: Hmm. Are you sure?
Erik: Oh, yeah. Ty’s got a good sense of humor.
Me (still messing up royally in the pronoun department): Okay, but I know about the writing thing, because I feel like that every time I even think about sitting down to write. It takes so much energy sometimes, and my mood has to be just right. Ugh. Now, she also wants to ask about her Aunt Sue who died in Houston at the ripe old age of 97. She really misses her and wants to know if she’s okay. She also wants to apologize for not being there in the years leading to her death. (Geez, so many messed up pronouns in such a short paragraph! Sorry Ty!!!)
Erik: Sue is still definitely here in Heaven and hasn’t gone back to the earthly plane for a physical lifetime. Ty can speak to her any time he wants!
(pause)
Erik (laughing): It’s interesting! Sue is an amazing spirit. She has no…she’s completely neutral about whatever gender Ty wants to be. She’s talking about how on the earthly plane, whether you’re male or female, you act in a male or female way. We all have feminine and masculine qualities. She says she’s totally supportive of Ty and wants her to be happy. Oh, and she’ll help with the book!
Me: Good!
Erik: She says she’s someone, she’s proud to say, who didn’t give a crap about seeking the approval of other people. So, she’d be a perfect person to…they’re platonic soulmates, actually!
Me: I figured as much!
Erik:Susie’s a real character. Very ballsy. She also wants Ty to know he’s going to have a long lifetime and that he has a very secure personal relationship. This is gonna allow Ty to work on the book and provide years and years and years of happiness. And Sue will be here waiting for Ty when he crosses over.
Ty’s Response
Good Morning Elisa,
Happy Friday to you! I hope your day is going swell so far…
You would not believe how surprised and happy I was to see this email. Thank you – and thank you Erik – for all of your hard work and dedication. You don’t owe me, or anyone else, anything and yet you give of yourself every day. You are truly a wonderful person.
Regarding the information that came out of the session, it is really great to hear I haven’t started my life’s work yet, because I am not really happy about where I am right now. I guess I just need to be patient – perhaps that’s one of the traits/characteristics I am to improve upon in this lifetime. When it comes to writing, I have a love/hate relationship. While I feel I communicate more effectively via the written word as opposed to verbal interactions, my laziness or lack of motivation prevents me from fully embracing and enjoying writing. I am my own worst enemy. Anyway before I start coming down on myself, I will definitely ponder the wisdom gleaned from Erik and the Universe and reassess my hesitance towards writing.
Thanks for the update on my dear Aunt Sue – rarely a day passes where she is not on my mind in some way. I know she is happy where she is, and that this is a hell of a lot better than the reality of being on the Earthly plane in her last days, unable to do the things she once did. I know I will see her again someday, and that is comforting to know.
Again, thank you for all that you do – chat with you soon!
Peace and Love,
Ty
Ty’s Response After Reading the Transcript
Good Morning Elisa!
I was blown away by the transcript of the session. There are several points that really stood out for me:
1. He nailed the description of Aunt Sue – Ballsy, unapologetically independent, never needing to seek validation or approval from others to be who she is. These are awesome traits that I thank her for, as some of her wisdom and ballsy-ness has rubbed off on me. I noticed at the end he referred to her as Susie (when I don’t see in the transcript were you used Susie when speaking to Erik & Kim). That’s very interesting as no one ever called her “Sue”, it was always Susie 🙂
2. Erik says we will raise children – I mean, that’s very interesting because my wife and I have toyed with the idea of adoption, but then I talk us out of it (the costs involved, stuff like that). However, I secretly have my doubts as to just how effective of a parent I would be. I’m not perfect (yeah, no one is) but I just want to be sure I’m in a stable place mentally before even seriously considering adding another member to our family. Lately I have felt like the time will never be right – so I was starting to just let the idea go altogether.
3. Writing: Like I mentioned to you in an early email, sometimes I enjoy writing, and sometimes (ok, a lot of the times) I don’t. Erik was SPOT ON when he said I would “piss and moan” about writing. LMAO – It’s like he was reading my mind and remembers the last paper I had to write for classes last semester. That was the hardest paper I had ever written (Graduate Level Financial Analysis class), and I pissed and moaned the entire time, to the point where my wife just wanted to kick me out of the house. But I finished and received an A, so yeah I just need to sit down and DO IT – no excuses. And the part where he says, “Butch up” – Yeah, that’s funny on some many different levels – I tell myself that all the time.
Thanks again Elisa – and Thank you Erik – for all of your help.
Ty
P.S. Elisa, the usage of pronouns can be a tricky subject with some Trans folks. I am very fluid an easy going about the whole thing. Because I “present” myself in everyday life as a female, I usually go by “she and her”. However as previously stated, I have a very masculine energy, so to me in my mind I am always “he, him, or that dude over there”…LOL. Erik nailed it.
I feel in my heart that Ty, like so many of you in our new family, is meant to do great things to bring humankind out of darkness and into the light of infinite potential. Thank you in advance, Ty!
On a totally separate subject, Steve reminded me with his friendship request: Please friend me on Facebook!
